Desired Conveyance

This is simply about something I wish I could give to every single girl in the world. As in, all girls who are single.

Yes, that sounds a bit biased & maybe it is. 

However, I'm on Team Girl and I don't switch teams. :).  Plus, having a deeper understanding of what it's like to go through what other girls go through, I would wish to give this to them.

Guys, love ya! Love ya bunches & bunches. 

Hearing the anguish over and over from single girls who JUST WANT A MAN IN HER LIFE!!! WHERE IS HEEEEEEEEEE!

This hurts my heart, just a little. While I don't feel the same as they do, I remember a time when I did.

Many dating experts, counselors, psychologists say that:

Girls are hard wired to want to be in a relationship with a guy

Guys are hard wired to seek out sex, sex, more sex! Gimme!

So, I hear from these girls:

No man will ever love me

I'm not pretty enough to attract a guy

I'm not skinny enough ...to...attract....a guy.

It's as if they feel they must be dam near perfect to deserve to be loved. These girls believe they must be deficient and defective in some way since they don't have a guy in their lives.

Well, guys with the sperm spreader mentality give this message to girls a lot. Not all guys, not all the time. Yet, a lot.

That is, the guys who are only out to get laid will do the "disqualifying" of the girl to avoid getting involved with her.

Guess what?

The guys aren't exactly premium stud flesh, either, yet, many of these girls would accept them, warts & all just as the guy is. 

Remembering back to my mindset right after divorcing. I felt & thought the way these girls, do. The only difference is that I have more self confidence, liked myself more than most girls do. Also, Having been married, having had children, my bio clock was switched off.

Also, I was the one who didn't want to be married any longer due to the extreme verbal abuse & emotional abuse from ex spouse. It was my choice to become single again. That made a difference.

Still, after becoming single & free once again, I was out there dating constantly, just as I had before marrying.

Dating was rather unpleasant.

It had changed since I had been single, for the worse! LOL!

Even with my self confidence, it rattled me a bit, at times made me feel unworthy of love. Unworthy of the love of a man.

If the man in my life had not died, he and I would probably be married with 1 or 2 adorable little cookie crunchers.

It turned out differently than I had anticipated. 

FYI ~ I didn't know his feelings for me until a month after my divorce was final. I left the marriage for my own sanity.

After taking time to recover, I got back out on the dating scene.

UGH!

One characteristic of my personality is that if something is not working or is more trouble than it's worth, I abandon whatever it is. Sticking to what works for me, what is bringing me fulfillment, success, happiness is my MO.

I had gotten my heart badly broken a few times, yet, I would pick myself up, get back out there.

In 2012, I experienced the most devastating of heartbreak.

That was it for me.

While I still loved guys, while I still believed in love, romance, still believed there are good guys in the world. 

I stopped dating.

Oh, there is the occasional date, yet, it's rare, by my own choosing.

What have I found?

By focusing on myself, my needs wants, desires, it's a much happier, more tranquil existence. 

Sex drive?

Still there, yet, channeled into working out at the gym, and baby? I work out nearly every single day. I work out hard, until I don't look cute or smell good anymore. 

It's a constructive use of the force!

Have to admit, as my body becomes more lean, more toned, my self confidence is up there! 

Especially, lately!

All the sweat fests of working myself into a hot mess are starting to show more. 

People are commenting on how slender or "skinny" I'm becoming.

No worries, I eat. However, I am eating cleaner than I ever have before. I don't worry as much if a friend offers me the occasional ice cream or cookie. I know it won't impede my progress much.

There's still meat on my bones, there's also more muscle!

The feeling I have now, vs while I was still out there, dating is one of more peace, more peace of mind, more security in who I am.

No need to mess that up.

Have always been easy to please along with being mostly happy!

The guy who hurt me so badly in 2012 did me a huge favor! He took away the desire to have a man in my life. He showed me just how miserably sad, hurt, depressed being hurt could feel.

Just like sticking a limb in a bonfire or surviving an auto crash going 100+ mph. A smart person will take the attitude that they don't want to do that ever again. Yeah, that's how it made me feel.

It's not that I don't ever want a guy in my life again. It's simply a different feeling of not minding either way. With a guy or without.

Would you like a glock or a ruger? meh. Either one is fine.

Yeah, like that.

While I would hope that other girls wouldn't have to experience the pain which I did, to get to this calmed happy state of being, maybe, they actually do have to go through it. That's sad.

If I could bottle my meh then give it to them, I would. Just like muscle gain or a college degree, everyone must do it themselves.

For now?

I am happy most of the time even though I'm going through some very difficult things right now.

Still smiling!

Still happy!

Still have the feeling of security that all will be well, in time.

Here's hoping you, my reader will find your way to this happy, secure place, as I have.

L8ers, baby!