Spoiler: This is raw

Never would I have ever believed that time would bring to be, that which it is in present day. 

That my children would go off on their own, seemingly forgetting all of my time, work, sacrifice for them. 

The father of my 4 children taught them that I was of little value, unworthy of respect by the way he treated me. Most likely my children don't even realize that their father taught them this, it's so obvious to me as well as a few other people.

That I would have my dream career fall into my lap. It felt so surreal as I began to realize a dream career, coming true.

That I would have more freedom, money, adventures than ever! The 1000 mile+ solo road trips give me such a feeling of freedom.

That I would become so successful, so fulfilled beyond what I had ever thought was possible.

As I drove to Ohio from Texas, then, up to Michigan, I felt so free!

As someone who believes in being mostly a good, kind, compassionate person, I know I'm not an angel. I do keep in my mind to do the right thing as much as possible. Sometimes doing the right thing is to teach other people a lesson when they either treat me badly, causing me deep emotional pain or if they try to. In the past, if a man was playing with a woman's emotions, her male kinfolk would deal with the one who was hurting her so much. In today's world, sometimes they still do, though the penalty they may face is far harsher. The players will keep on playing, not being held accountable for their wrongful actions.

People can be wonderful, kind, exciting, caring, creative, humorous, adventurous.

People can, as well as often are, unkind, selfish, racist, not caring if their actions hurt you. 

At the least, caring very little if their actions hurt you as long as they are getting what they want.

When I was in the dating world, after being deeply wounded by the actions of others, I started to retaliate. It was legal, nonlife - threatening.

When someone hurt me, usually a guy, I started dealing an equivalent of pain to them that they had callously, selfishly, dealt to me.

Did it feel good?

Hell, yes!

Was it right? 

That depends on your personal definition of what is right.

Was it legal?

Absolutely.

Was it painful to the one who had purposely hurt me?

Yeppers!

Did I feel any guilt?

Very little & much later on if at all.

There are phrases that apply to this ~

Karma

Just deserves.

What goes around comes around.

What you deal to others will be dealt to you.

If I had continued, hoping to meet just one decent single guy whom I could have a meaningful connection with, I would most likely still be going through the same stuff. SSDD.

Also, had I refrained from retaliating, the same ones would still flit into my life then ghosting when they got their jollies. 

For the ones that I refrained from, I learned a neural technique which gave me the gift of wiping them from my memories.

When the realization became a mighty presence in my heart & mind, I realized that my time & energy would be best when it was used in other ways besides dating.

Therefore, I stopped.

So, where did the energy I had been putting toward dating go? 

What energy was that?

The energy, time, thought I put into dating was to perfect my hair do from a hair don't. Not just the hair on my head, not just eyebrows & eyelashes. 

If you guessed that it included pits, legs & pubes, BINGO! It was all for me to feel good, feel prepared, put together. I knew it wasn't going to be seen by anyone else, it was purely for me. Guys who would ask me to just go out for a drink or a cup of whatever, instantly got a "no thanks". I could feed myself, so it wasn't about money, or someone else paying my way. It was more about the preparations I would put into getting ready for a date.

Putting the prep time into getting ready ~ for just a drink?

Nope.

I was fine with paying for my own, maybe his, too.

Where did the energy go?

The laws of physics state that when one substance goes out, another will come in to replace it. When water is poured into a glass, it replaces the air that it pushes out. Simple. It's physics.

Peeps, my energy level that I have now, I have always had. It was said to me that I should enjoy my off the charts energy level while I could.

That it would diminish with time. 

Let me check on that aka hold my lemonade! (not beer).

Yupp, ha ha! Still there, still going strong.

The energy I had put toward dating went into traveling, it went into working out, it went into finishing projects I had started so long ago.

Also, I began going to bed earlier, to get more sleep & truthfully practice lucid dreaming. That's a whole different blog topic.

The crux of the situation is, I began living for me. Life became better slowly. I could say it became better instantly, or overnight. That would be exaggeration, almost misleading. 

Life did become better, though. I became much more at peace, much happier. 

The fulfillment of finishing projects was exhilarating! The possibility of even entering a few in a state fair is exciting. 

Becoming more fit with time was also a big benefit. Unfortunately, when faux-vid19 hit, I gained a bit of weight, it's a challenge to take it off. 

Challenge accepted; I'm winning!

For any of you ladies out there, who are struggling with dating. The losers, liars, cheaters, narcissistic creeps, ghosters out there are a waste of your time, your energy. The little pieces of your life that are frittered away will add up.

Live for you.

Take care of you.

Allow yourself to shine.

Allow yourself to adjust to being single & celibate. Stop fighting this adjustment, you will find a peace in your life that you may have imagined was possible. Maybe even felt at some point before. When you (male or female) allow this adjustment, you will no longer need another person to be happy. 

You will become a person who is healthier, happier, stronger in spirit than you have ever been.

I know what I bring to the table, am fine with eating solo.

If someone else is there, fine. If it's me, by myself, fine.

Either way, I'm happy. You will become happy, too.

If you are already happy, it will magnify.

'Tis The Season to Hack Your Life

Parmesan cheese lids fit canning jars

 

When you need AA batteries & you only have AAA. Metal foil to the rescue!

Put a packet of silica in your salt shaker or any spices if you live in an area with high humidity. It keeps it from clumping.

Make a black & white or sepia tone memory jar from your favorite photos or use as a table decoration at a wedding reception or anniversary party. Can also be a great friendship gift.

Or use a color photo, just as personal & way cool.

Shoe caddies can also store other things. In the pantry.

To corral childrens toys for an easier way to store toys.

Barbies - Barbies - Kens - Kens

Laundry room storage hang on the inside. Close the door. *poof*

For those of you who enjoy cooking, try this to somewhat minimize cleaning up afterward. Having done this, I can tell you it works.

For my BLT loving readers!

Today, I hope at least one of these made your life a bit easier.

Are you dealing with depression?

In today's world of the hustle culture, people constantly brag about how busy they are. They are so busy - busy - busy.

So busy, they are human doings.

They have forgotten how to be human beings.

There are shameless serial cheating people who love things while using other people. Dealing with depression is a sad part of life for so many people. Possibly it's a direct result of these delightful aspects of the times we live in. 

What is your experience with depression?

Here is mine.

To me, depression is a foul smelling, slimy, ugly beast that waits by my bedside for me, to deal discouragement, self-loathing, along with a cocktail of sadness, regret, motivation crushing. It's served up on a bed of something I REALLY hate.  Eggplant parm. Ick!

Depression, when served on anything would still rate as ick.

Many people struggle with depression with or without meds to cope. Having used the meds at one time, my experience of feeling like a robot or non-brain eating zombie is something I choose to do without. Coping in other ways is a personal preference.

Sometimes I use sleep as way to escape when it's possible. Feeding myself happy suggestions as I drift into sandman territory, it gives such pleasant dreams with a renewed sense of hope when I awaken.

It used to be so astonishing to people who would phone me at 1500 or sometimes 1900, hearing me answer with a quality of sleepiness in my voice. 

When the cares of life become overly heavy to bear. Sometimes when the sadness of an event or even having terrible menstrual cramps gets too painful, preparing for a night of rest helps no matter how early in the day.

There is a healing property in ocean water. The benefit has been touted for a millennium or longer. Obviously, due to the geography of where I currently call home, going to the ocean to prep for beddy bye to escape depression or soothe the baby maker is an impractical option. As an alternative, a soak in warm water in a bathtub with a generous amount of sea salt is the next best.

After soaking for 20 minutes or so, a cool rinse feels good. Stepping out of the tub, slipping on comfy nightclothes, twisting my blonde hair up into a loose top knot, secured with one large pin. Oh, the benefit of having finely textured tresses. 

All it takes to hold my locks up is one large pin. It keeps stray strands from finding their way to snake themselves down my throat as I sleep.

When going to bed very early is impractical, working on a needlework project helps though it's second best. A bare minimum of one hour does it, 2 -3 hours is better. With needle, fabric, thread in my hands, time goes by so fast. Watching the beautiful design developing is so rewarding. TAKE THAT! Depression.

There are other ways that the sadness can creep in with the absence of a reason. It's been an important part of personal growth for me to find ways to keep the dang dragon away. Methods I use might help others or they might give others inspiration to find their own way.

Traveling is one of the pleasures in life that I love. Domestic or international, I love to travel. Being a polyglot helps with international travel. The enrichment of seeing new sights, meeting different people, breathing different air, it's a thrill! 

Something that I love to do while on a road trip is to do 1 - 4 RAKs for people who seem to need it. It can be something very simple, can involve lucre or something similar. It seems to add elements of meaning & purpose to my travels.

Upon returning from a trip, it seems, it's when I'm most vulnerable to depression.

Yes - Yes it's nice to be home, even comforting to sleep in my own bed. Even if I have music playing or a long flik, the ring of silence in the air is still there. It just hangs there like a layer of fog.

After my recent solo road trip to Ohio, Michigan, meeting my sister in Mackinaw City, then going to Mackinac Island together on the ferry, it was so magical. We went to the Somewhere in Time weekend at The Grand Hotel. It was a dream fulfilled, for me. Having my sister with me made it even better.

This is a Mackinac Island taxi. No cars are allowed on the island. The Grand Hotel is in the background.

Having beautiful flowers delivered shortly after returning was lovely. The cost of sending an arrangement to myself or to others is similar in price to ordering tuberose leis from the Hawaiian Lei Company. The scent is so uplifting, intoxicating. 

Something I started doing was to order flowers to be delivered within 2 days of returning. If ordering flowers delivered is infeasible, a $5 - $10 bouquet from your local grocers will do.

Just having the flowers in the house is such a pleasure. The scent of tuberose wafting in the air, the life infused scent of greenery. It's so refreshing, so comforting to my soul.

Another remedy for depression is to take a daily walk if you can. It's such a simple thing which does so much. Take a walk on different routes every day. A long walk or a short walk. A minimum of 30 minutes seems to work best for most people.

Another simple solution that has helped me is to read. Yes, actual paper & ink books. Foregoing the electronic sorts is better. As so many people are less interested in actual paper & ink pages, the books are being donated to thrift stores, sold for .10 in yard sales by the boxfuls. Entire generations will miss the scent of aging paper in books right along with learning to write in cursive.

Cutting down on clutter, I borrow books from the library, now. Sometimes, I will buy a book if it's newly authored, one I will enjoy.

Have you ever walked by a bakery or even baked a loaf or four of bread in your home? The aroma is so unique. It's possible to buy a candle or room spray or some such form of fragrance. You can.

Ain't nothing like the real thing.

Smelling that aroma is wonderful, I give the bread to others so that I get the scintillating whiff in my home, others get the calories.

Yes, depression is such a heavy condition to live with. Having stopped going to conventional doctors, long ago. the shaman I trust to help me when I encounter the rare health issue, made a very helpful tea from what he grows in his green house. He developed it for me, personally, after some bloodwork. 

All ingredients are legal in every state, just so you know. It does relieve the symptoms of depression as long as I use it sparingly. Using it more than thrice weekly, my system will adapt, it's effect weakens.

As a history buff, I find Queen Marie Antoinette fascinating. She was very sheltered, sent off to France from Austria at the tender age of 14, married soon after that to someone who was still such a boy in a good way! Neither of them knew about sex or what to expect or what they were expected to do or how babies are made.

Marie Antoinette was a bit spoiled, catered to. A parfum was created for her by the house of Lubin. It was named The Queens Garden in the nose nod to La Petit Trianon at Versailles. The parfum was brought back recently, the house of Lubin is still making perfume. The name of it is Black Jade & yes, I was able to procure some.

There are also combinations of herbs to create the tea that Marie Antoinette loved. It's very unique, delicately flavored. I have it.

It's so nice to have friends in French places.

Here's hoping that these suggestions might help. Be willing to do research, find what works for you.

Hold

On

Pain

Ends