Sweetie Pie

When I take road trips it's always there, a gift from my second daughter. A holder for my cellie, voice navigation. Such a useful modern invention. My second daughter gave the cellie holder to me, even installed it on my dash for me. Every time I see it, I think of her.

When my daughter was very small, she was very shy. She would burrow her face into my chest to avoid attention from strangers. It was so sweet. She was born with straight brown hair. As she grew, her hair naturally curled into beautiful little ringlets around her sweet face. Soft red streaks began to emerge in her hair. My mother had the same curly hair, curly, beautiful bright red.

As time went on, my daughter showed signs of being very intelligent while also being a sensitive little soul. 

My little apple, close to my tree.

Constantly, I worked hard on myself to be kind, to be mindful of my sensitive little sweetie pie. Because I had a childhood where my boundaries & my feelings were constantly breeched, I had to be so mindful of her feelings though I know I failed a few times. 

I was not a perfect mother, though I tried so hard to be. To give my children warm fuzzies even as their dad undermined my efforts.

As my sweetie pie grew, she struggled with sensitivity, self-esteem, confidence. I did whatever I could think of to help her. When I received a large amount of money, I gave it up so she could go to a special camp, dedicated to showing love & care to teenagers.

She loved it! Came home just glowing, happy, it was worth the money, to me. Expensive, $1200. Worth it, to me. To see her glow.

There was a song I had heard on a streaming service. 

"She Don't Know She's Beautiful"

To help my sweetie pie feel loved, I bought the CD. When she came home from anywhere, I'd put that song on, dance her around the kitchen & living room. It made her smile & laugh.

Now, when I'm in my car or out in public, when that song plays, I try to stop the bittersweet tears. I fail every time.

When my sweetie pie was turning 3 (?) we were on an airplane. She fell asleep, I decorated her seat. Tried to wake her up in time to hear the captain leading the whole plane in the "Happy Birthday" song. It took some work on my part. I don't know if she remembers it or not.

When she was about to be 11, we were a USAF military family living in Kaiserslautern, Germany. She had loved lambs since before she was born. She did summersaults in my womb whenever a sound of a lamb played. Although, our house was all packed up, prepping for a move to Howard AFB, Canal Zone, Republic de Panama.

I borrowed some lamb; personal size cake pans. Borrowed a baby bathtub for a "treasure" dig. Borrowed a lamb, yes, a real lamb for the day. I couldn't give her a lamb as a pet as we were military, constantly moving. I could give her a lamb birthday party, including the lamb. 

I went to a German store to buy 4 lbs of viola seeds, aka johnny jump ups. Portioning them out, each party guest had a turn walking the lamb & scattering flower seeds through the forest. People who have gone to that spot have told me that it looks like a little fairy land. That the little flowers line the path through the forest behind the place where we had lived at the time. It's a legacy of my sweetie pie & my love for her.

When she was close to her 16th birthday, I wanted to give her a celebration. She & her older sister had gone to hula class to learn the beautiful art of hula. Hawai'ian Dance.

One of our neighbors let us use her huge backyard. We invited every one of her friends from school, everyone in the neighborhood, everyone from church & the hula group. 

My eldest created really nice invitations to pass out.

I counted over 300 people at the birthday party.

We had 100 lbs BBQ ribs, 100 lbs BBQ chicken, 15 sliced pineapples, 40 cups of cooked rice, 35 loaves of homemade bread. Sams biggest cake wasn't big enough, so, I bought 2. Plus 6 gallons of ice cream. My eldest & my sweetie pie put on a beautiful show, dancing for the crowd. It was so much work; it was so worth it! Afterward, I was exhausted, got a really nasty case of flu. 

I would still do it all again, to me, it's the fun part of being a mother.

When my sweetie pie left to go into the USAF, I cried so hard. Her father put all of her stuffed animals in the trash. I picked them out, saved them for her. Those stuffed animals were treasured momentos of her childhood. Treasured memories from those who loved her.

Now, my sensitive sweetie pie is all grown up. She has accomplished so much, I get a feeling that she is just getting started.