It rhymes with "Skin"

Here I go............again.

The last time I did this was, I really cannot, in truth, say. Yes, it's been that long.

From experience, I can tell you that my girlie-bits are going to be sore, only for 2 - 3 weeks, that's all! It's said by those who love this & do it regularly that it takes that long for the nether region to toughen up.
Query
Is a girl supposed to be tough? You know, down there?

The ends justify the means. Afterward, every time, I know I will be sore, drenched in sweat, totally exhilarated, happy. Also, I know that the more I do it, the more I will love it. Even my girlie-bits will get used to it.
It might be that a sea salt soak is needed. So be it.

Here I go, back to SPIN CLASS!

What did you think this was about? Spin class. Of Course.

Laterz, baby.

I Don't Pray - Read before judging s'il vous plait

I don't pray for my loved ones once or thrice after I wake

I hold a prayer for them in my heart for my loved ones' sake

I don't read the scriptures throughout the day as I was told to do

For I have read them six times in my life all the way through

I don't call on the powers of heaven when I get myself into a tussle

I use the gifts given me to strengthen my weak spiritual muscle

I don't argue with others about religion making both of us irate

I would rather spread loving understanding than I ever would hate

I'm humanly weak as all of us are so I get up after I fall

Try to do better to glorify my father who is  Lord of all

Your Face

Looking into your face I see the one I love looking back at me
The eyes that smile are the eyes I saw in the one you used to be

The face may have changed with wrinkles with its creases
Yet the loving expression I see in you still never ceases

The hair on your head may be gray or even mostly gone
Still I see the dear one which to me it's still on

The voice still bears the tones I remember from the years gone by
The ears of a linguist will hear it with a tearfully laden sigh

I see your face which is you yet is only one small part
The face of a friend seen with loving vision of the heart

Last Years of My Life

According to the life expectancy in the USA for a woman, I have around 30 to 40 years left to live. Maybe more, maybe less.

Some people fear death, I fear it less than I fear how I will die.

At present, I am extremely active, healthy, strong, fit, mostly happy, independent, secure. A free spirit, if you will.

When my body dies, I will be a free spirit, set free.

With all of the upheaval in the world, part of me will be happy to leave it behind. Still, there is so much for me to do whilst I'm here.

So many beautiful needlework designs to discover, to complete. I'm working on that. Finishing those that I started a minute ago. Starting then finishing smaller designs to give me a bit of a lift, a feeling of accomplishment.
Working on a beautiful design for a dear man, a friend from my past. He likes this a lot! I'm happy to stitch it for him.

Most of my designs are stitched on 32 Belfast linen. They are very detailed, some are delicate, incorporating beads, silk, sparkling fibers, little charms of silver. So beautiful!
Some designs are stitched on 28 Lugana to make the finished work of art a bit bigger, to make more of an artful impact.
Exquisite needlework is my stab at immortality!

Couture has played a large part in my life. It has been the most constant presence in my life for 90% of my time on earth. Many people can say that of their families, their children.

To my great sorrow, I can't stake a claim to my children being very physically present in my life.
Their father taught them by his example that I was of little value, by their fathers lack of respect for me, he taught them that I was not to be respected. 

As adults they have partly moved past this, it's still there somewhat without them realizing it.

My youngest and I speak on the phone every Sunday. I cherish conversations with her. Until I can wrap my arms around her, embrace her in a long hug, phone calls are what we have. She is a very busy professional, still takes time to connect with me. She is an Engineer, super smart, married to a wonderful man who I love! The wonderful man she married is so kind, so considerate. She has learned much from him, I could learn so much from him, his ways of kindness.

Having not seen 3 of the 4 in more than 2 years, it leaves a void in my life that can only be filled by them. 
My oldest is married to a man who doesn't like me, hampers her attempts to keep in touch. To my knowledge, she doesn't put up much resistance. It's very sad. 

She claims this to be false. However, his actions say otherwise.

I barely know her 4 children. They don't know me. It's been over 3 years since I have seen them. If I saw them in a room full of children, I would not be able to ID them.

It's akin to a person being told that they have a fabulous, beautiful home that was built for them. They can only look at pictures of it, are not allowed to visit it or live in it.

My daughter doesn't understand this. She talks about my reluctance to let myself get attached to her children as a fear of growing older. That's her oh so convenient to her, explanation. 

The truth is that I won't get too attached so I won't feel the pain from longing to see them, while I'm not allowed to visit.
Her husband once gave counsel to my youngest ones husband as to how to treat his father in law.
It seems so hypocritical. Her hubbs could benefit greatly from a long course from my kinder son in law on how to treat his mother in law with courtesy & respect.

The other 2 of my children are living their lives. One of them keeps in touch with text & FB messages. Wherever he is in the world! I will enjoy that as it's what I have. A text message can't be hugged or anything that warms a mothers heart. I make sure he knows I am always here for him. I don't know his wife very well, however, I am always here for her, too.

I never thought that it would be like this, barely seeing my children only every 2 - 4 years, once they were adults. Had I known back then what I know, now, I would not have poured so much of myself into them.
Maybe it's better that I didn't know, it seems so very unbalanced.

Not knowing if I will ever see any of them, in person, ever again, it's something I think about whilst trying not to think about it.

For the last years of my life, Needlework will be a constant. Living in a healthy way, steering mostly clear of processed foods, over sugared, over salted, over processed cancer causing garbage.

The work that I do, while it's very lucrative, is very wearing on me. I love doing it so that it feels less like work, more like mental stimulation. Still, after those long 12 - 18 hour stretches, I feel as if I want to put running shoes on and run! Run as fast & far away as I can run. 
Just the exhilaration of the act of escaping the sedentary hours feels GREAT!

With a lack of desire to be hampered with much responsibility to or for anyone or anything, maybe, I will get to live my dream!
It's simple.
Move to a beautiful tropical place far enough from the ocean to be reasonably safe from storms. Close enough to be able to easily go to the beach every day as I wished.
A house, a horse, a Doberman.

BOOM!

That is my most desired wish.

I'm working to make it happen.

Sweet Spots & Silver Linings

Keeping it positive whilst keeping it real. In a world where nearly everything can be faked, often is faked. Keeping it real is best. Sometimes the truth is ugly, often it really will set one free!

When a person is in a long marriage or a long relationship, the world that's still single changes around them. Ideas, trends, attitudes plus more. When said person finds themselves single once more, it can be a shock to the system.

Personally, I thought, if someone likes me, they won't care that my pictures are a few (15 - 20) years ago. It's still me, still a blonde with green eyes, kind heart, wicked funny sense of humor. 
Still me.
I was not engaging in deception. I didn't know of the drastic change in attitudes or that it would matter.
Simply put, men had become more shallow whereby looks were the #1 criteria. For what the guys wanted, for a night or 2, looks were all that mattered to them. Nothing else. F that S.

It had changed so drastically. No one cared if I was intelligent. No one seemed to care that I have a kind heart. A positive attitude. The guys weren't looking for Miss Right. 
They wanted Miss Right Now!

They wanted super skinny T & A.

It was so sad, frightening, depressing, frustrating, saddening.

I went through it, heartbreak after heartbreak again & again. 
Finally, after an abyss of pain in 2012, I was cured. 
I was so deeply emotionally hurt, I stopped dating at all. My desire for a mate was murdered by a callous individual who was selfish in nature, arrogant in attitude.
Cruel in practice. 
In 2012, I acknowledged that I was doing it to myself. Once I internalized this realization, I made a conscious choice to stop.

I took my power back, was not going to keep tormenting myself.

✨ The silver lining? ✨

A new attitude toward life. As time went on, I was free from the disappointments, the sex pig attitudes, the fake a future manipulations, the lies. The frustration of a guy who would seem decent, caring, a gentleman, turn out to be a lying married cheater.
The frustration of someone who seemed like a knight in shining armor turn out to be a jerk wrapped in tin foil.

I freed myself from the desire to find someone genuine.

                                           ✨ The sweet spot? ✨

The absence of disappointment made life a bit sweeter. The time I would spend to get ready for a first date was now spent at the gym or working on an art project at home. More fulfilling, for sure.
In essence, I was more productive.

Traveling more often to visit a friend or a relative was fun. I didn't have to think about someone else missing me, being lonely or cheating on me while I was gone for 8 days.

I began to awaken from the brain fog of wanting someone to love who would love me in return. It was no longer a priority.

This may sound odd as I know that human beings are hard wired to couple up. Propelled by a powerful instinct to share their life with a romantic love shared with their person.

I know this.

I felt it at one time. The feeling had softly, quietly gone away. Like a stray animal that stops visiting when there is no more food for them. Gone.

The silver lining of having my heart broken dozens of times was that having a "person" in my life was low priority to no priority.

The sweet spot was the other women that I could help. If they wanted someone to love that would love them, yet, it was not happening, I could share with them how that desire left me.

No bitterness, only peace.
No sadness, only focusing on what works.
No fear of being alone, learning to enjoy my own company.
No deep loneliness, more like a sense of being whole.

When I hear the anguish from my single friends, I try to explain this to them. I know that it's hard to grasp.

Many people out there in the world never let themselves heal from one marriage or relationship before jumping into the next. Within 1 month - 4 years after one relationship ends, they are so scared to be alone, they jump into another one. It keeps food on the table for divorce attorneys.
There are many life situations much worse than being alone.

Never stopping to get to know who they are again, never stopping to figure out what they like, again.

Just, drop one, pick up someone different. *POOF*

The Sweet Spot?

Learning who you are, again, what you like, again, will let you bring a better you into the next coupling. 
It may happen or maybe it won't. 
Either way, you will still have you.

That's a VERY sweet spot to be in!

Born or Made?

Would you self describe as a shy person? A weak person? A strong person? A kind person? A personage of integrity? A combination?
Also, are people born as a shy one or made to be that way?

People have said of me that I have a "strong personality."

What does this mean?

Could it mean that I'm an asshole? A nasty bitch? A difficult person? Possibly that person is intimidated so they foist the responsibility for their insecurities onto someone they perceive as having a strong personality.

It does seem to sound that way.

Perception can mean everything to the one perceiving.

It could be that a person is born with somewhat of a tendency to have a strong personality. This can be magnified with time from being catered to as to becoming a self important spoiled brat. 

Developing a strong personality can also sometimes happen as a necessity in dealing with difficult situations in life. The situations can be brought on by the person, themselves or situations foisted upon the person or at times, a combination of both in any combination of proportions.

As a child in single digits, I felt very timid, scared of other people, afraid of being bullied at school, beaten by my father, rejected by my mother.

All of these were part of my childhood.

People sometimes keep their coiffure long so as to pull the hair over their face when others try to draw them out of their shell or dip their head to try to self protect, even when it's only momentarily, could have possibly started life as a shy person. 
That was me.

Think of Princess Diana. She verbalized that she had to learn to swim. Her description was about her life more, whereas, less about water. 

When a person has these experiences, it's important for them to learn to self protect to facilitate sinking, swimming or rising above.

I swam to the position of rising above.

Military training can drag even the most timid person out of their own head to be imbued with self confidence, boldness, even a hint of arrogance at times. Whatever it takes to accomplish the mission.

My military career was one of self discovery, awakening, also several occasions of sexual abuse as is shown by my professionally diagnosed PTSD/MST.

While people who are looking from the outside, see a confident woman with a strong personality, there is much that is unseen. 

Would it be titillating for me to reveal all that occurred to take a painfully shy little girl to being one with a strong personality?

Maybe.

It would be redundant, too telling as well as a bit too long & intimate. This, I do, for the sake of brevity.

The gift of using your imagination is given to you, here.

Welcome to my Seychelles readers!

Hellooo dear blog readers.

Especially my newest from the Seychelles. 

Noted as being one of the most beautiful places on earth.

Also noted as being a quite costly place to vacation or to live as a primary residence.

WHAT A GRAND TRADE UP!

Thank you, kindly to you, my Seychelles readers. 💙

Having talked with people who live in the Seychelles as well as those who've vacationed there, it sounds so grand!

Long stretches of warm, beautiful sugar sand beaches, crystalline waters, abundant tropical fruits, seafood, lots of smiling faces. Oh, it's to be certain that the people who call the Seychelles home have their share of problems as is true of anyone's life, anywhere. 

Someday, I hope to visit there. It would be heavenly to romp, to play, to experience the beauty of the Seychelles first hand. Far from requesting that someone take me there, pay my way or invite me. As with most of the activities in my life, it's a preference to get there of my own power. To say, I did this for myself, of my own means.

If it happens naturally, borne out of a REAL connection with a REAL person (NOT a fake-a-future scammer or a cheaters invitation) it would be lovely. 

I strive to keep it real in life as I do to keep it real, online.

It's lovely to dream, even more lovely when dreams come true. 

Are you lonely?

The human condition is such that people feel no shame in telling others that they have been diagnosed with cancer. Many people will talk openly about becoming infected with an STD. Even AIDS is something people will talk openly about.

There's also the obesity epidemic, people who are eating for pleasure, to comfort themselves, sometimes to relieve boredom. In the USA, food is so plentiful, people sometimes bond over food. Whether outright giving food to someone or taking someone out to a restaurant as a treat. Smiling whilst complaining about how much weight they have gained as well as how much more they are piling on. Gluttony is something people laugh & joke about.

It's all a part of modern life.

In the USA, food is everywhere, most of it is full of empty calories with scant nutrition.

Most people won't outright tell others they are hungry. The exception is the occasional person begging at the freeway exit ramp or street corner.

They might or might not feel shame in doing this.

No judgment from me.

I used to keep granola bars & bottled water in my car to hand to some of these people. I would have a bit of a guilty conscience if I didn't do something to help a fellow human. 

People have to do what it takes to survive.

There is another epidemic in the world that is more pervasive than AIDS, an STD, obesity or even poverty.

There seems to be such a stigma attached to admitting that you feel very alone or are very lonely. It's as if you might as well take a sharpie then draw a big "L" on your forehead, for LOSER!

Social Media could possibly be contributing to the loneliness epidemic. 
The same people who will concentrate so fervently on their social media accounts for 3 - 5 hours every day, will ignore people right in front of them to concentrate on their phone.

For fear of rejection, being pitied or seen as a loser, most people won't admit to feeling very alone in the world, to feeling lonely.

I'll say it.

Often I feel very alone in the world & yes, lonely.

I'm single & celibate by choice. Instead of burdening others with the loneliness I experience, I tend to self isolate. Working it out, on my own. 

Oh yeah, there's the solution! Ya think?

Other people seem to be just too busy with their families, work, church, kids, pets, etc.
Working from home, I tend to work a lot. Sometimes 14 - 16 hours straight in the day. I find that filling up the days & nights with work projects, hobbies, working out, while isolating myself, it gives a sense of gratification.
Sometimes it can feel good to just sleep for long periods of time.

Sleeping around.

On the left side of the bed, on the right, in the center, sleeping around and around, all over my bed!

Even those are only temporary fixes.

In a more kind, more gentle world, there would still be a bit of loneliness yet less pervasive than the current status quo.  

Just an FYI, I know I self isolate, have had many opportunities to couple up. Those guys, I'm sure, were decent men, simply not a good fit for me. 
There are very few guys I'm attracted to & no I never switch "teams".
It's only a certain type of guy I feel attracted to. It has nothing to do with money, his height, his length 🙂, his looks. The guys I'm attracted to tend to be younger than me. Usually it's because they have the confidence that older ones lack, to approach me. 

It's better to remain single while being reasonably content than it is to be with someone who eventually would be a source of misery.

I wouldn't say that I'm a very picky person, however, very few men attract me. 

The other person should have someone who truly cares about them, unless I could do that, I'll just say, "Nah, I'm good."

If you, yourself get bit by the lonely bug, please remember that it's okay to feel that way. There are many people who also feel as you do. It's hard wired into people to be with other people. 

It takes a strong person to fly solo.

Be strong, friends, we really are in this together.