Is Sexuality So Bad?

Really?

Don't confuse being raunchy or tasteless with a playful attitude of sexuality. The French have a word for girls who have a healthy, playful attitude with a sweet smooth veneer of feminine charms that draw men to them, in fascination.

Coquette

The French word for a rooster with the bright plumage, except it's the female version. Picture a flamboyant little female bird, flitting about, sweetly teasing the male birds with her feathers.

Coquette

Think of the cartoon Disney movie of Beauty and The Beast. The cartoon character of the feather duster with her sweet French accent, her soft playful voice. She lured the candle holder, Lumiere, in. Once he attempted to get her to follow through, she protested sweetly, so sweetly, he obliged her.

Coquette

Perhaps, the male version of this would be a Player?
Ladies Man
Casanova
Lothario
Womanizer

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Isn't it odd that the male terms are regarded as slightly more toward derogatory whereas, coquette sounds harmless or cute?

A possible explanation could be that (bear with me, this may sound a bit sexist)  women are most often wired to be a bit more emotional. Most men are wired to be a bit more physical.

Whereas a coquette is engaging in light flirting which tends to delight as well as compliment guys. The actions of a "Player", playing with a girl, toying with her emotions, can be quite damaging to her. A girl who is still unsure as to how to "play the game" can become very distraught at the actions of a "Player".

I digress.

People watching is a fascinating pass time activity. Although the coquettish actions as well as those of a player are more overt than covert in todays world. It's still fun to observe !!!!!

People who subtly slide their toe over the line in what is seen as over-kill, sexuality, are heavily criticized.

What?
You don't believe me?

* Prince - Cream, Darling Nicki, Little Red Corvette
* Michael Jackson - Crotch grab!
* Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake - Wardrobe malfunction

Though these are fairly recent within 10 years, they created quite a conundrum right out in a public world view.

Oh NO! A nipple showed, whatever shall we do?
There he goes, grabbing his crotch, cover little Susie's eyes!
The music of Prince was the very reason parental advisory warnings were created.

There's also the outcry of male voices stating that when a girl is raped, she was "asking for it". Most often, rape victims are the ones dressed the least provocatively, those don't make the news.

Sexuality is simply a slightly stronger force emanating from some people more than others. We feel it deeper, it overflows to the outside, containing it can be tricky!  ;)
Whether male or female, those of us with a more pleasing pheromone level, maybe higher testosterone, tend to act in a certain way that can be construed as sexual. It's often in the way a person walks.
The sound of their voice.
Their mannerisms.
Ever heard, when you got "IT", you've got it.
When you're hot, you're hot.

It's something very natural, very subconscious that many people do that draws others to them. This je ne sais quoi that some people have. It makes them easy to remember, very very unforgettable. It cannot be duplicated by another with the same effect. It must be original to the one with the je ne sais pas.

A few examples:

Marilyn Monroe impersonators - Not even close!
Elvis Presley impersonators - There was only one King!
Ronald Reagan - Greatest POTUS. None as good, since.

So, this quality, so endearing, so undefinable, so incredibly charismatic yet unique to each individual often leaves an impression on a friend, a lover, a classmate, long after the physical association has ended.
Hence, the high number of former lovers, former classmates, former co-workers, even former acquaintances, who re-connect through social media to re-kindle what has remained with both.

This is fairly common with many people, from what I have gathered, from conversations. Guys, who I knew when I was a teen ager on up into as recent as 2 years ago, have tracked me down, attempted to re-connect with me. It's complementary, it's surprising, usually quite delightful. I'll leave it at that!  :)

When the guys come back, they will say things such as:

* I missed the sound of your voice
* You made me feel like I was the only guy in the world for you
* Other girls never understood me like you did
* The positive way you look at life made an impact on me
* Always loved the scent of your hair & skin, never could forget

This is not to say that I'm the only girl who ever created these good memories for them or that I create this for everyone.
Unfortunately, I never ate butterflies or farted rainbows.

What I know, though, is that I have higher testosterone than most of my female peers. Higher "T" levels, means a higher sex drive. It causes me to move a certain way, to, maybe even be a bit of a coquette. Although I have not even had a romantic kiss from a guy nor anything more than a "just friends" hug, since, 2012, no sexual contact whatsoever, either. My outlet of excessive energy is poured into my workouts.
I work out ..........a lot!  *smile*

Still, I have had to rein in my coquettishness, my natural, playfulness. It seems to make other people uncomfortable when I don't tone it down. Just as some people have to sometimes learn to loosen up a bit, to learn to flirt a little. It worked in the opposite way, for me. I had to tone it down.

Sexuality has it's place.
Reining the sexuality in, has it's place.

Learning when to hold it, when to fold it is an acquired skill.

In the words of the immortal goddess ~

Hold a good thought for me!

Coming up! June 26 - Happy Birthday!

This time of year is bittersweet for me. Sunday would have been Michaels 36th Birthday.

*heavy sigh*

What would our lives have been like if he had lived? If he were still here, with me. Most likely we would be celebrating a wedding anniversary, living in Georgia near his family. We would have been living in a custom built home, maybe 2 children & a dog or two.

Can you feel the heaviness of my heart?

Add to this, my own Birthday is coming up on July 14. Birthdays are difficult for me, yet, not for the reasons that they are difficult for many people. Hashing over it is irrelevant. I'll just say, it's a wound from my childhood compounded by a selfish ex huzz.

I'm a bit melancholy at this time of year. Just like any day that's supposed to be happy, a celebration, my Birthday usually amounts to a flat nothing.

What I have wanted, all I have ever wanted was friends who care around me, a cake & the Birthday song. A gift or 2 is not necessary, yet, it would be nice. What IS important to me is to have a celebration ON THE DAY. Not the Saturday before although it would be better than the Saturday after,

Having a celebration the Saturday before is better as it's leading up to the day.

Having a celebration the Saturday after is kinda like a crappy little plastic gumball machine ring instead of a real gold & diamond ring.

The day has passed, it's over. Most people wouldn't wait a week after Christmas to celebrate it.
Having even a small luncheon or a small dinner right on the day is better than doing it after. The celebration kinda loses it's glitter, for me. Yeah - Yeah, I know. It's personal, it's how I feel. My Birthday, my feelings about  it. :P

This time of year, I think of June 26 and July 14.

Oh what a difference the absence of a loved one makes.

If your Birthday is June 26 ~ Happy Birthday!

If your Birthday is July 14 ~
Happy Birthday & Happy Bastille Day!

Bon soir.

Being a Man Part II

(In the USA)

Hello out there! Hoping this finds y'all happy, healthy, fulfilled in your life. Truly caring about everyone is an integral part of my nature, it has also been a slight downfall at times.

In the USA, the feminization of males, stifling the very nature of what it is to be male, is obvious to me. It's rather sad. Females are protected now, more than ever, yet, at what cost?

The cost is the dumbing down of America, the confusion in boys as to what they should do, how to act. It sends mixed signals. BE A MAN....yet, not too much of a man. BE STRONG, DON'T CRY.....yet, also be nurturing, kind, sweet!

Eff that noise!

It can be very challenging for a male of 12 - 18, just coming into manhood. Especially if he has an absent father. No role model to show him the way to be a man, true to his nature without getting into trouble with the law or the feminazis.

See????

I told you, I truly do understand. Makes me glad I'm a girl!

When socializing in singles groups, I hear talk from guys which is so disturbing. Disturbing, because it's so far off base, so incorrect, it's sad. There is no point in arguing with them.

I'm a lover, not a fighter!

These single guys have been misled to believe the 50/50 duping product of public schools combined with media hype. Throw in all the psychiatric babble, it creates such a mess of confusion.

Males have lost the treasure of knowledge that with a good woman at his side, she can inspire him to reach toward his full potential not only as a person, yet, also as a man.

These wonderful guys have been misled to label the inspiration of a good woman as controlling him. This is so far from true.

Hearing them say that they had to achieve whatever they achieve all on their own with their own ideas, their own motivation is a media babble construct. This attitude only prevents them from achieving their life goals.

Here's a newsflash!

Men need women.
Women need men.

A simple concept that has been trampled upon, denied, put down, it causes gender hate for sure. It seems to produce resentment from males toward females. Females toward males.
It's all part of an evil force to destroy families.
This same evil force tells guys to go out there, spread your sperm. Do as many hit it, quit its as you can. Say whatever you think will get you into her panties. Mix lies with truth so she's so confused, she has no idea who you are or what to believe.

Pretty slick, hmm?

The other assorted lies that are perpetuated with males are telling the guys, even if you marry a woman? You can still get out there tom-catting around as if you were single. It's okay!
Have an "open marriage" or "open relationship". It's cool!

These married or committed males create man haters out of girls who really believed in love & good men initially. Then, the sad, damaging truth was proved to them by the man-sluts that 99% of guys married or single are little more than a penis with a pulse. A basic sperm spreader, emotionally immature, insecure, deeply selfish with only one thing on his mind. Sex.

Females have come to lowering themselves by the duping of the media that they have "sexual needs." Love is equated with sex, sex is one of the "gotta have it" or they are incomplete women.

In psychological terms, women are not hard wired to seek out sex, sexual partners or regular sexual acts outside of a relationship. Sexual acts outside of a committed relationship puts her at risk in a multitude of ways. It's also very damaging, emotionally, for her to engage in sexual activity with a high number of males throughout her life or even all at once. Yet, after the duping of the media, of the casual sex culture, she goes out there, having sex like a male would, against her nature.

The sperm spreader mindset of the males goes to high alert status. OH BOY! THIS IS GREAT! He tells himself.
It's a lie.
A very effective one, yet, still a self damaging lie.

Using females over and over and over, blurs his attitude toward them. It dims his vision of the man he is simultaneously dims his vision of the man he could be, the man he was meant to be.

This also dims his vision of women, of them as fellow human beings, as someone, who, by having her in his life, could aid him in becoming so much more.

Women are, by nature, nurturers. They give birth, then, they have the capability to feed their child with sustenance from their breasts for several months.

Males are, by nature, protectors, providers. It might sound naïve of me, yet, so be it.
Males know, by instinct, that females are to be pursued, then protected, provided for, loved, cherished. The whole casual sex plus infidelity culture goes against his instinct. It threatens families, it threatens the very survival of the human species.

What? You don't think guys are supposed to pursue?
B.S.
Do you ever see human females eggs hopping out of their
hoo-hoo, in search of sperm. They don't naturally do this.

It's the sperm, catapulting out, searching for an egg!

Basic biological order of humans is that sperm chases the egg.

No one can argue this, it's a basic fact!

With all the confusing verbiage out there, it's no wonder that many guys in todays world (USA) are confused about their role in life. Are being allowed to switch or choose gender as young as 5 years of age. UGH!

Maybe it's the alpha female which I am, that makes me feel sad for how tough things are for guys to be true to their masculine nature. A weak male won't cut it with me. I have stayed single by choice instead of settling for a Beta male or even Charlie!

Prince Charlie! Ha ha ha ha ha!

A guy who can navigate his way through the feminization in childhood, the gender role confusion in the media while adhering to laws, is a very smart guy! Alpha male! Yumm!

Myself, I opted out of dating. I saw myself falling into the gender hate that many females around me were falling into.
NOT THIS CHIK! HELL NO!

Disengaging myself from the dating world, I became more of who I truly am, again.
A woman who loves men.
Not just any man.
There are males by gender, born with male genitals.
A man, one who is true to himself, he's secure, confident, he has self respect first, respect for others, second. He knows his position as a man in the world. He knows that women are people who he must protect, provide for his own, show her his loving sensitive side, yet only her, as the woman at his side, in his life.

The world can be a dismal place. Life can be very bland without the one you love in your life, at your side.

These views are my own. You might agree or disagree.

I love men! Be true to yourself, as a man,be true to your instinct, let it guide you, as a man in the world. Let the intelligent mind between your ears be your ruler.

Peace

Being a man

If you hang around a group of girls long enough, you'll hear it.

*Where are the good men?*
*There are no good men, anymore.*
*All the good men are taken.*

blah
blah
blah
boring

If you look in any mens room there are men, there, even some men in the womens rooms too ~ ick!

When I ask a group of girls having a "I wish I had a boyfriend" fest, sometimes I will ask them.
"What makes a man a good man?"
"Where do you suppose the good men are?"
"If you want to find a good man, are you a good woman?"

Usually, this is greeted with one of 2 reactions.

1. Deer in the headlights look.
2. A flutter of verbal protests.

In todays world, mainly in the USA, it is tough to be a "good man". Doing what happens naturally for a man is either socially unacceptable, illegal or will be met with extreme disgust by girls as well as many feminized guys.
What is a guy supposed to do?
The feminazi  movement started out with honest intent to protect women in the workplace from sexual predators. Also, to ask for a shoring up of the extreme pay gap.

Somewhere along the line, the feminazis crossed a line. In todays world they over protect women, while seeking to severely stifle guys. This starts very early to indoctrinate boys in kindergarden.
Yep, it starts earlier in some venues, yet is most noticeable when a boy starts his formal education.

Boys, for the most part, have an over abundance of physical energy. They typically run everywhere they go, they push each other in play, they throw things hard & enjoy making as much noise as possible. Personally? I love this! It's adorable to me! It's what sets them apart from an early age, born to be a man someday.

Maybe it's understandable and admired by me as I loved the stark difference in my son after having 2 daughters. He was all boy from the very start, ran everywhere he went, everything could be instantly transformed into a gun in his all boy mind. *smile*

Beginning in Kindergarden, the children have to sit still, have to listen. Much easier for most girls, more challenging for most boys.

Then, starting in 1st Grade, they must sit still all day with very little time to run, jump, MOVE AROUND!
Yet, they had better not make noise or push each other, even in play, that's a big no-no!
Recesses to go outside to expend excess energy used to be 3 per day. Morning recess, lunch recess, afternoon recess right before going home.
Now?
One recess per day is the standard.
Although P.E. (Physical Education) has been added, it's so structured, it benefits mostly girls. The boys have to cope with their excess energy the best they can or face consequences. So sad.
This is only the beginning of the feminization of boys.

I could go on and on through to High School graduation on the many ways guys are very subtly feminized.

A 2 week trip to Scotland, UK was such an eye opener. Yes, the Scottish men may wear kilts, which many do so in commando with great pride. There is a whole range in formality of kilts. Just as there is a whole range of casual & formal trousers. Many Scottish men will wear a more casual kilt which is sometimes worn with a TShirt as a pair of jeans are worn. Maybe commando or not as I found. Scottish men are happy to lift their kilt for a "looky see." I will simply tell you I found this out first hand, the proud Scots who enjoyed shocking me were also, ummm, ....au natural. Uncut.  ;)

Scottish men, from my observation, were very masculine. They had not been feminized so they were very unapologetically MEN! It was refreshing to see this. When arriving back in the USA, it drove home to me the stark difference in the way Scottish men were unfeminized, so, had much more appeal, most also had much more confidence.
When sitting, they also did a much more stretched out man spread.

Maybe another reason I can understand guys a bit better than most women is because I have always had higher natural testosterone than most women do.
It's part of my personality. Makes me a higher energy person.

In todays world, guys who have higher testosterone often have difficulty controlling their aggression. They may go to prison for crimes they commit. Many also go into the military. Hence, the abundance of Alpha males in the military.
Even within a more forgiving, more action oriented setting with structure, high-T guys can get into trouble.

Q: Where are all the good men?
A: Everywhere.

Q: There are no good men anymore?
A: There are many good men, struggling to adjust while still being true to themselves.

Q: All the good men are taken?
A: Not all. So are many of the undesirable men.

The best thing women, who are looking, can do is to be a good woman. Focus on yourself. Self improvement, what is supposed to happen will always find a way.

Me?
Not looking!
I have Gym, he's the best!

Untitled


It will continue to happen although I always find
It turns out to be much better when I leave it behind
Each one is different yet not in the way each one claims
The only difference as it turns out is their addresses and names
Having experienced every possible lie each one could tell
A thousand different versions with each variation as well
Been through hell and back with each one playing his part
To turn something tender and gentle into a mistrusting heart
When it seemed safe at last to open up to one in good faith
Deception was all it was as with the painful kisses of death
Like the lioness the lady hawk the she wolf the vixen and me
We have all learned that happiness is found being solo being free

Things that make me happy are not material things at all

Can't be bought with money and the best of all earthly finds
Are in all the good men's hearts are in all the good men's minds

Chemistry & Connection!

Have you ever felt this?

Do you feel it now?

With anyone?

Danger there, bear!!!!

If you have ever felt the connection with another person, you will most likely identify with what I write here.
From the heart.
From the spirit.
For realz.

When 2 people truly connect, when there is chemistry, it's a connection that is never severed. My apologies, no poetry, today.
Maybe tomorrow or soon. I'm smiling!

If you have ever truly connected with someone, days can pass, weeks, months, even years. When you see that person again, the connection will feel as if you just saw them yesterday or a few hours ago.
Once you have experienced this connection, you will know exactly what is being referenced, here.
Being an intuitive girl, I have felt this connection many times with many different people. It's not all about sexual chemistry, yet, it can be.
Being 100% straight heterosexual, I have experienced this connection with female friends as well as males. A female friend who I was very close to in 10th grade, lost contact for 10 years. When we saw each other again, it was as if we had just saw each other yesterday.

Many people marvel at this level of connection.

Keep being surprised & delighted by it!

Surprise & delight are the cherry on top of the banana split!

For those of you who don't know what it feels like, here is what it feels like for me. It may be different for you.

It feels like ~

Surprises - good ones!
A quickening of the pulse when in the other ones presence
Delight at their life perspectives
Their flaws are perceived as charming quirks
Nearly every faux pas is forgivable
Time passes far too quickly when spent with them

It's almost like infatuation, yet, not quite. Friends who wish to stay in touch with me, demonstrate that quite clearly. These are the ones I stay in touch with. When someone demonstrates with their actions that they no longer wish to stay in contact, I leave them be.

When people truly care, they show it with their actions. Words are meaningless, without actions to back them up.
Like plastic fruit.
Oh, it looks pretty, yet has no real substance.

Connection can be felt with a favorite pet, parent to child, spirit to spirit, heart to heart. Age has zero bearing on connection. In my personal experience, there is zero bearing on the chemistry & connection factor. When it's there, it's there.

Having felt this delicious phenomenon, it has its' danger zone. When connection has been felt by both people, when one person departs, it leaves a blank space in the being of both people, permanently. This blank space can only be occupied or re-occupied by the person whose place it was or is. Hence, the colloquialisms ~ A special place in my heart. aka A hole in my heart for you. It's there, love.
Just my musings.
Bear with me. *smile*

From personal perspective, it seems to me, that this is why, when the 2 reconnect again, it's like they saw each other yesterday. Whether it was chronologically yesterday or many years. That blank space is there with the essence of the other, remaining, only to be filled by the certain person, by their own unique essence.

When the other comes back, their presence fills that essence, it feels warm, sweet, comforting, familiar, exciting.......even a tad dangerous!  :)

Another twist on this?

Going back to places of happy memories generate the same feelings.

I remember when I took my kiddos back to Michigan. The home I had lived in from 4 yrs of age to 18 had been sold. The buyers were renovating it, yet, the basic structure was the same.
I took my youngest daughter with me to the dirt road neighborhood where I had lived. To the home my siblings, parents and I had lived in. The doors were left unlocked, one was even standing opened. I knocked, no response.

Hmm, I could swear I heard my mom say, "Come IN!"  ;)

Taking my daughter in with me, I showed her what used to be the bedroom I had shared with my two sisters. The tiny eat-in kitchen where 8 - 12 people used to fit around a dinner table.
Somehow, the music in my cell phone was turned on. The song by Miranda Lambert ~ The House That Built Me
began to play. I smiled, misty eyed, let the song play as she and I walked, wading through my childhood with my sweet daughter.
That song still holds great feeling for me.

When you feel that connection, you will know.

Follow the connection with your heart, take your brain with you!!

Get out there & connect!!!!

Peace

Drastically Good Changes

Can you feel it? I can feel it.
Change is in the air, I can almost taste it. BIG changes are long overdue.
Maybe it's the wanderlust that entered my bloodstream while serving in the USAF. Then, as a military wife, the excitement of embracing each residential move from country to country. It was scary, rather unsettling at first.
Then ~~
Beginning to embrace change was the start. I remember exactly when the shift occurred for me. It was one month before my fourth child was born. Usually most women are doing the "nesting thing" at that time when expecting a child to be born.
To be succinct?
Being far, far from the usual is part of my personality.
It's just how I'm wired. Throwing curve balls when unexpected. :)

So, here I was, 8 months with child. He's ex-huzz, now, but, huzz came home all excited about moving to Turkey or Italy or Germany! He paused, waiting for my reaction. I smiled great big!
"Ummmmm, go to Italy! But, if Germany comes up first, grab it! When do we need to leave?"
Another pause, but it was him, this time.
Him ~ "In 6 months?"
Pause
I smiled. "The babys picture on the passport will be so cute!"
He busted up laughing!

We got a month of delay, the baby was 6 months old when we left.

So, with 4 children, under 9 years old, we moved to Germany. Ramstein Air Base area in Kaiserslautern, Deutschland.

It was a huge step.
Having lived in the same small town in Michigan from 4 yrs - 18, I still had the same small town mindset. I was scared, yet, in changing my mindset from fear to excitement of new adventures, it was exciting!
My language skills were going to be put to good use!
Living in the village of Rodenbach, we were the only Americans there, at the time, so, I started speaking German or Deutsche everywhere I went.
From honing my language skills, I got to know my neighbor, Anne Marie, who had been married for 56 years before her husband had passed on just 6 months before. She was a sweet, sweet lady!
It required a mindshift, yet it was also very intellectually challenging, stimulating. At times, the cultural differences were funny. Another time for that one. Ha Ha!!!

After moving residence 2 times in country, the end of our time in Germany was coming up. The USAF offered a free trip home to the huzz - home of record which was Hawai'i. We had to agree to accept another assignment outside the USA. Hellz yeah!
Howard AFB in the Republic of Panama was our next destination. With 4 residential moves in country, it was still kinda fun. It was still a bit challenging, still just as exciting, yet, the kiddos were starting to complain. They needed more stability than moving every few months, years, etc.

So, with 18 residential moves in 22 years, yeah, I got the wanderlust in my blood. Picking up and moving seemed normal. Many people like living in Colorado. I hated it. Everything about it. Had some of the worst experiences of my life living there.

When it seemed like a good idea to move to Texas, I took it. Many people were surprised. My health was not good, yet, that was a temporary situation. I wanted OUT of horrible Coldorado and all of the bad memories it held for me. It was a relief to get out of there!

Now that my health is perfect, I have been in this small town for 3 years. I'm getting the urge to move again.
Part of me wants to pitch everything I own, get in my car and leave! Of course, I would tell my Landlord well in advance. He and his wife have been very good to me, I would do right by them.

I thought, what if I pitch everything except for what I really want and take off in my car? Life would be so much more simple. Home is what is carried in the heart. Being a non-materialistic person, I think I could do this!
Of course, it would take planning. Better to plan than wish you had.

I'm giving this some serious thought.

WANDERLUST!

What do you really want?

How much do you want it?

What are you doing to get it?

What would you do to get it?


Exploring the great indoors is often beneficial. Exploring your own mind by asking yourself questions, then contemplating on it, ruminating, if you will.
Sometimes even writing it down, old school, pen to paper will give you surprising results.
People think they know what they want, yet, do they truly know. Humans are funny creatures. Most do as they wish when they truly want to do something. When they don't want to do something, they will make excuses to themselves, to others.
By pin-pointing what you truly desire, you can break it down, figure out the steps you have to take to get it.

Have you found that you're not so willing to do this?

What's your excuse?

AHA! Maybe it would just be nice to have the object of your desire, yet, putting out the effort to have what you think you want, seems like too much work, not worth it after all.

So, then, you realize, you don't want it as much as you thought you did. All the hoping. All the wishing. All the daydreams.
For something you realize you want,  less than you thought.

When reading or hearing someone say,
"I wish I could find a woman who knows what she wants."

translation:

"I wish I could find a woman who knows what she wants as long as what she wants is the same thing I want, the way I want it, whenever I want it, just exactly the same way I like it."

It makes me laugh.

Try the exercise, suggested. Old school, pen & paper.

GO!

A New Day

Hello readers! Hoping this finds y'all all happy & well, I really do, sincerely wish this for you as an individual precious person.

Today had that **NEW** feel to it, that, I feel so alive, sexy, strong! As I would hope that everyone has those days of
awesome-sauce!
There's nothing that I can attribute to this, although, if I went all over analytical, ah just betcha I could figure out why I feel so good.

Not to drag on and on or brag, yet, I am, mostly, a very upbeat, positive person. In sadness, I look for a silver lining. In happy events, I revel in it, savor it, catalogue it in my mind to fully enjoy living in that moment, to remember just how the extreme bliss felt.

Ya know? I can actually FEEL serotonin uptake in my brain during these blissful times. Yes, I know it sounds impossible, yet, I have felt it, so, I know exactly what it feels like.

In addition to having a burning curiosity about everything, being willing to experiment with ideas that sound far off course from the norm, this has gotten me into some very cool places & situations. Yeah-Yeah
It's also gotten me into trouble, yet, I was glad I risked the situation as I would never know the outcome if I hadn't investigated.
There are stupid risks that earn a Darwin Award, then, there are the calculated risks that leave me enriched as a person for having tried.

I believe in doing one thing every day that scares me.

It keeps me feeling alive!

Nothing illegal, nothing immoral (mostly), yet, it definitely makes my pulse quicken, makes my heart beat faster, a good head rush!

There is a method to strengthen a persons mind, to expand their thinking capability that I learned how to do awhile back. This exercise works better than medicinal herb, better than alcohol, Prozac, Zoloft or any other substance that can be named. It costs nothing, it has no side effects, anyone can do this. It may affect others differently, yet, it has been a great tool for me. The first time, I was a mind exercise virgin. LOL. Yet, from my deep curiosity, I tried it. The first time? I went into a deep trance, I saw a kaleidoscope of colors, I learned how to increase my serotonin uptake. Sounds too good to be true? Maybe. I always reserve the right to be wrong at any time. It works for me, that's all I know.

Before I moved to Texas, I had an experience with a guy who had such a profound effect on me. When using my method, combined  with his presence in my life, my serotonin uptake was off the charts! I could employ my method while talking with him on the phone, it felt, at times like my serotonin uptake tripled.
There was a series of events right before moving to Texas which affected my memory. I don't remember much about him, yet, I remember the feeling of happiness, of wonder, of feeling so good.

Michael was the only person besides him who ever made me feel like that. Haven't since then, hopefully I will again, in time.

So.......back to today!

It was mega busy, selling items online while translating documents, while trying to focus on meeting my deadline. I did it! With one hour to spare! I did it! Had to say ~ DAYUM! I'm good at this!

I got to the gym in early evening. Have been cheating on the elliptical with the Stair Master. After going through 1 Stair Master cycle, I climbed 70 stories in one cycle. Felt the burn from my belly button down to my ankles. The Stair Master is brutal! That's why I love it!

I went to the back of the gym to stretch out. After stretching, I went into down dog, then, raising left leg high then bringing left knee to left elbow 14 reps. Same thing on the right.

It shouldn't be a shock, yet, I felt new muscle in my abs. I did my knee to elbow move in front of a mirror.

YUP!

There it was.
Oh, congratulations, Ms., it's a brand new baby muscle! I was so thrilled! This one move is doing great things for abs & glutes.

There it was.

I felt it!!!!

The light sensation of serotonin uptake!

This is what keeps me going back for more!

Feel better, look better!

Baby oh Baby!

Here is a hope for you, that you feel this way after a really challenging sweat sesh!

Peace

Funny Shizz

~ A guy gets older, decides to grow a beard, thinking it will say "distinguished gent". What it really says?
I'm old, retired, on a fixed income needing a senior discount!

~ At what age is it okay to tell a dog they're adopted?

~ If God is always watching, we can at least be entertaining!

~ Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

~ When you have a headache, take 2 tablets & keep away from children, just like the directions say.

~ People don't suffer while insane, they enjoy every minute!!

~ Why did the snowman smile? The snowblower was approaching.

~ Avoiding going to the gym is not resistance training.

~ I don't like political jokes, too many get elected.

~ According to statistics 4,153,237 people marry every year. Hmmm, shouldn't that be an even number?

~ Being a child is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did and said except you.

~ By the time a guy realizes his father was right, he has a son telling him he's wrong about everything.

BADDUM- CHING!!

Dogs or cats?

Ever visited a home where there are numerous cats, dogs, even birds & reptiles?
Because I'm single, live alone, people try to get me to get a dog or a cat or even a bird. I have a bamboo plant that I've had for 3 years. Keeping a plant alive that long is more complex than it appears to be! I love it! I water it every Monday morning, stroke it, sing to it.

People still try to tell me that as a single woman who is independent, free spirited, active, that I need to get a cat or a dog.
WHAT?

I have never understood why so many women love cats. Cats are very independent, they don't listen. Cat's rarely respond when called unless they are going to be fed. They like to run around at night. When they are at home they like to be left alone and they sleep a lot.
In other words, many of the same qualities women complain about in men, are the qualities they love in a cat! It's true. Confusing girls.

I guess Moses, in the Bible set a precedent for men, he wandered in the desert for 40 years, he didn't ask for directions, either. Now, our military guys are being sent to the desert with compasses & GPS.

To give equal protestation, about getting a dog. Am reticent about that, as well. I have fostered a couple dogs, one of which would escape just to chase cars. Seems to me that men chase women they have no intention of marrying for the same reason dogs chase cars they have no chance of ever driving. :P

Loving my freedom, can do as I wish, whenever I wish, with whoever I wish, for as long as I want to do it. No worries!

To be clear, I LOVE LOVE LOVE dogs, cats, birds, even hamsters, yet, my life is such right now that I couldn't give attention to a pet. My bamboo plant is enough. There are many wonderful guys out there in the world, love men!

Some observations about guys ~

One big difference between girls & guys is what comes to mind when a "facial" is mentioned.

Only a widow knows exactly where her husband is all the time.

Guys think unmarried sex is great until their daughter is born.

Which guy would be the most popular at a nudist colony? One who can carry a cold drink in each hand and a dozen donuts!
Think-think

The reason guys invented a ladies first rule was to check the view.

Just some fun thoughts today. *smile*

Sex, Romance, Art, Dance, Song & Poetry

Do you enjoy any of these or all of these?

I enjoy all of these, if enjoyed all at the same time, what would that be like? Sensory overload? Maybe it would or maybe not.
Just maybe, it would be incredible nirvana or as close as a person can get in corporeal form. Maybe while still in corporeal during REM sleep, enjoying a beautiful dream.

Romance is an art form. Some people think they know the true meaning of romance, while, in reality, their version of romance is more about being a panty dropper. That's sex, not romance.
Romance is the art of doing something exceptional for an object of love or affection with no end game goal or expectation.
Giving someone a gift, just because. No occasion, no reason.

Sex .......have to keep this G-Rated. Sex is everywhere, anyway, it's flaunted, displayed, talked about, sang about. Over exposed.

Art is subject to personal taste. My idea of art may not be someone else's idea or taste in the expression of creativity.

Song? See art, above, ha ha!
While my taste in music is very diverse, I tend to shy away from what I refer to as "bitches & hoes"productions. I can't even bring myself to call it music.It makes my ears bleed.UGH!
Love some good rock, yes ~ country!, classical, some R & B, some soul music. Love listening to a long playlist of piano. I do many things very well, singing isn't one of them.

Dancing? Yes, please! My favorite dance is more of a slow sway. In the arms of a man who looks good, smells clean, just standing, arms around each other, sway slowly to the music
or no music, the clothes stay on. Pure bliss. Have not enjoyed that in a long time, I'd be lying if I said I don't miss it.

Poetry - Ahhhhh, poetry. L'amour toujours. Love writing poetry, reading poetry. It's dessert for my soul.

When I write poetry it isn't necessarily about someone I know or about any one person although........
Sometimes it is. Ha ha, a bit of mystery is always fun!
When writing poetry, it's my soul spilling out in feeling, in love, in emotion flowing out because it wants to be expressed. It's  sometimes a yearning for what was or what never was or what will be or what will never be.
Am I blowing your mind?
Good, some minds need to be blown.
(Stay out of the dirty thoughts, you!)

Just some thoughts in my mind, today, about creativity.

Peace.

Success!!!!!!!!!

Or at minimum

MINOR VICTORY!!!!!

Or, Umm

IMPROVEMENT!

There, I said it.

I Google my name & personal details, reverse image search photos of myself from time to time. From what I know about internet security, it's less secure than most people believe. From having 4 stalkers, being a tad more vigilant of what's out there is wise. For these reasons plus a few more, I don't allow people to snap photos of me, I put very few out there in public view. Have to self protect. I'm alone in the world. Am all that I have. There is no one who will help me if things go wrong. Just me.

There's also not going to be a call to 911 if someone breaks into my home, so, no one will arrive to save them from me. :)

Yeah, I get protests & complaints from people who try, I say, try, to snap a pic of me. There's the declarations of:

- This is just for me, no one else will see it
- You're so beautiful you should let people take your pic
- I promise I won't post it on the internet, FaceBook, etc.
- I just want to have a pic to remember you by
- A beautiful girl like you should let people take pics of her

So, you see, I have heard many reasons.
The answer is still - Nnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo!

Recently, I did a Google search only to find that people who swore they would not post photos of me, online, without my permission, had done it. Just because you might be reading this, you were very courteous about asking me if you could post pics of us at Wildcatter, I appreciate you!
You know who you are!
So, while Googling, I found some photos posted that I had been assured would be kept private, not posted on the internet.
Yupp.

This tells me that people are less principled than they represent.

There are 2 lessons learned from this.
#1 Don't ever let someone take your photo for any reason unless you want it plastered all over social media, they will.
#2 I was a lot more porkie than I thought I was in 2012.

Yupp.

From working to get into better physical condition, starting in 2004, I thought I had made phenomenal strides in progress by January 2012.
Welllllllllllll..........
Nope.

When I saw these photos from January 2012, I crumbled inward and cried. I also had no appetite for 3 days after that. It hurt like hell!
Going into detail isn't necessary, seems like you understand.

Seeing the photos spurred me into hitting my workouts, training harder, eating more clean than ever before. Since the unfortunate event.
People who know me, have known me since then have reassured me with -

-You had been through a lot of trauma
-You look so much better, now!
- You're trying, that's what matters.

What matters?

What matters to me is that I have progressed so much, made so many great strides, overcome numerous obstacles. Yet, seeing those photos felt like none of my hard work matters.
Temporarily, at least.

Like Rocky, who was beaten, yet bounces back, I get back to it again. Just for my own desire for health. Well being.

I know I have made great progress since January  2012. Had to give up a favorite pair of jeans twice when they became too baggy on my bum. Since 2004, have had to find a smaller favorite pair of jeans 8 times. It's a happy, willing sacrifice!

Today, before starting my workout, another girl who is also a regular, stopped to talk to me, gave me some encouragement to keep going.

Staying humble is good. Still, encouragement is appreciated.

She asked me if I had kept a record of my progress. Truthfully, I have kept a mental record. Noticing how clothes fit my body shows progress. Have not kept a fitness log or anything.
She was kind enough to point out the changes she noticed. Pointing out that:

- Legs are much smaller (especially thighs)
- Abs are smaller, flatter
- Arms have more muscle
- Tush - she said she can tell I take my squats seriously
- Ankles are more slender


Yayyyyyyy! Go, me! Go, me!

I gave her encouragement in turn, telling her the changes I noticed from her consistent workouts.

Her encouragement meant more than she realizes! Let alone the fact that I wore a dress to church on Sunday, that didn't fit me 4 years ago. It was way too small, too tight.
Now? It fits perfect with room to spare.

This led me to the thought that many people who are said to lie about what they look like online, may not be purposely misleading others. Maybe they have a different self image than reality.
Maybe.
I know that, I, myself would not intentionally try to visually deceive others, yet, when finding the 1/2012 photos, I didn't realize how I appeared.
When showing these disgusting photos to someone who is an acquaintance, so, would be honest, yet neutral in their assessment. The person said, -
"NO! Those don't even look like you, now, so, no worries!"

A bit of consolation there. Coming home, I have a "goal dress".
AKA - A dress I have from when I was 20 years of age, before marriage & babies. I tried it on. Ya know? I could almost zip it up. Almost. A year ago, I could not get the dress up over my hips. Now? I can pull it up over my hips, arms through sleeves, zip up almost to the top.
More work to do!

In time, in time.

In time, even grass turns into milk.

Moved

Music affects me deeply. Maybe I'm just so sensitive that it penetrates the wall I have around me, knowing it will only lull me safely into a sweet semi trance. The forces in the world that will steal my peace only hit a wall when coming at me.

The sweet - sweet music that wafts into my ears, sweetly softening my spirit as I go about my day. Tuning into You Tube on my smart TV, I find a 4 - 8 hour romantic piano vid. It gives my home a, well, duhh, romantic, dreamy feel. In my home, I like it to look good, smell good, feel good, sound good, the same way I like men to be. Yeah - Yeah. TMi.

Music does affect me. Especially while on the elliptical, the tread or stairmaster. Often, the music in Yoga class is so disarming, it feels as if I'm merging with the sounds. The sounds that conjure many thoughts, memories, people in the past. People in present day. Fondly sweet feelings in my day.

Example?

You want an example?

Well, do ya?

Okay. Do you listen to the words of the music playing wherever you are? Being as interested in languages as I am, words, tones, context, innuendo, all matter to me. If there is a phrase in a song in a language I don't understand, I do a little research. Usually, the phrase has a dirty meaning, if said in English, it might be banned.

I like any current music, it keeps life fresh, exciting, feeling new.

Although it's not very new, the song by
Ellie Goulding ~ Love Me Like You Do
It touches me deep. Makes me happy, a little aroused, a feeling of softness from the romantic meanings of the way she describes the deep connection with.........him.
Maybe it's because I enjoyed the 50 Shades of Grey books & movie so much. Ellie Gouldings song was highlighting a very innocent while exciting scene in the movie. No, I'm not into the BDSM lifestyle. The books & movie only caught my attention because everyone was talking about them. The constant talk drew my attention to the books. It was a titillating temporary escape. That's all. Sorry to disappoint. *smile*

Have you ever listened to
 the words? Get ready. Ha ha!

You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

That's so deep, to feel that someone is the color of her blood, red, heat, passion, fervor. Packs a wallop right there! Means so much.

You're the fear, I don't care
Cause I've never been so high
Follow me to the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life

Saying, you're everything to me. You make me feel so high just by your presence, everything and anything is okay. OOOO! Is this about an affair with a narcissist? Not to be a DebDowner, yet, having been there, the feeling of being high is real.

So, love me like you do, love me like you do
Love me like you do, love me like you do
Touch me like you do, touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

GF has it bad, really bad for this feeling of all consuming passion, all consuming feeling of wanting. A description of this could be deliciously scary! It's wonderful, causes sweat, tingles all over, yet, letting yourself yield to this level of excitement is bound to have a "crash to Earth" eventually. Been there, too, extreme pain.

Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise
Every inch of your skin is the holy grail I've got to find
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire
Yeah, I'll let you set the pace
Cause I'm not thinking straight
My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more
What are you waiting for?

Beautiful? N'est ce pas?

I could have written this, having experienced this, I'm a bit jealous that someone else wrote this before I did.
After reading these words, are you tempted to go into You Tube or whatever medium you can, to listen to this song? I hope so. Go ahead, grab some ear buds or head phones, listen to every breathing sound, every nuance of this passion song. It's somewhat of a love song, yet, to me, it seems to be an expression of passion.

Listen to the song, let the music carry you to another plain of thought, of living. Just as it carries me away, every time.

Peace, BAMFs!