For Comfort

The color of the typing used in this entry is different from what has been in the past.

Did you notice?

It's brown.

Brown is a woodsy, earthy tone. 

Found in nature, also found in poop. You can choose. 

When I think of nature, it makes me think of raspberries from a briar patch. It makes me think of the bark on trees. Especially more mature trees. Trees that could tell of many events if they could speak in human terms. 

When professionals who study, deal with trees on a regular basis, speak of them. People will listen to agricultural terms.

Some people will listen to agri-woo-woo terms, most, will turn away.

Being somewhere midway on that, I'm an everything girl.

Today, life has given me a little bump in the road. My trusty steed has gone on strike. It clicked, tried to start. Just fell short of kicking in.

It seems like it would be something minor such as worn or weakened spark plug, here's hoping for that. A girl can hope & dream.

While it's a bit unsettling, it's manageable.

From my food storage, my basic needs are met. Food, food for my fur baby (PJ), toity paper, water. Of course there are other items for different types of pressing emergencies. Must have Wiley Wallaby soft black licorice, a 1001 clean jokes book, 25 MREs. The MREs may have a bland taste, they would sustain until the crises passes.

Yeah, that sort of comfort in that sort of emotional, mental sort.

While being at a 4 on a scale of 1 - 10, my comfort, today is coming from a few different sources.

Along with comfort food, I have PJ. He seems to sense that things are different, right now. I have AC on a hot day, beautiful needlework projects to complete. A smart TV with unlimited entertainment. My new laptop so I can get some work done in the interim. Focusing on what I have vs a car that hiccups instead of starting.

So much to be grateful for, focusing on that feels empowering.

What about mental comfort?

What about emotional comfort?

What about spiritual comfort?

What about financial comfort?

Having all four of these covered, all I have to do is wait for Monday.

Today is Saturday. Of course, the trusty steed would pooh out on a Saturday. As I look deeper, go for my interior when the exterior of life throws a curve ball, seeing it as a small life lesson. It makes more sense, is more acceptable than a poor me or victim of circumstances attitude.

The attitude of choice can make such a difference.

Actions taken can also make a big difference.

Using the extended time in the present, carless can also make a difference.

Positive thoughts -> Happy feelings -> Smiling when I feel like crying -> Lower cortisol level -> Choosing a healthy comfort food ->

Everything will brie all right.

The life I have in a world that I view isn't a glass that is full. It's a glass overflowing with infinite clear, unadulterated, cool water. It's overflowing as the life decisions I have made have given a good life. Far from perfect. Closer to perfect, a 7 on a 1 - 10 scale. 

As one who lives as a lady hawk, learned to live as a free spirit, learned to depend mostly on my own sheer will. Only within personal thoughts, independent attitude, strength of willing it to be so. While other people have sought to use me in exchange for giving very scant. Other people who call on me for help while leaving me somewhat unsettled, even a scant depleted for me to replenish on my own. 

I am all I have.

There are only a very few who give back to me. Some of the users are the ones I have had to eliminate or diminish contact with them.

How does one survive, even strive in this?

When the choices are to give up, wallow in all that is making me feel hopeless or get moving, choose the positive, such as ~

Exercise

Play with PJ

Get going on a project

Take a long walk

(Hopefully it will be on a long plank to match)

Indulge in creativity

Write the feelings down

(Instead of eating the feels)

Sit outside in the back yard & just listen to the birds

Start a small organizing project

When pondering on the world, the cultures of the different countries I have experienced first-hand. Then ponder on the people I have known from those cultures. Again, to ponder on the culture mixture of all the people in my own country, the USA.

People who say that people are simple are so self-misled.

Even more people who say the male gender is simple are more 

self-misled.

People who are realistic thinkers, who act in more truthful ways, who speak from truth while still being kind are simpler. In a world that tells us to tell the truth, be who you are. Then, finding out early in life that telling the truth & being who you truly are can deliver 

a 1 - 2 punch of trouble. 

Worldliness can be a bitch with 22 puppies.

Most of the comfort in life, for me, is benevolently gotten by needlework, growing things, meditation that calms the mind while elevating my spirit. Some needleworkers I have known have certain subjects they love, some that they avoid.

Band Samplers are a favorite for me. Every time a band is completed, it feels like a mini finish. Line upon line, precept on precept, prose & poetry with flowers & lace.

Beautiful children & adult people doing interesting things. Less static, more of an in-motion feel.

Flowers of all sorts. Often, it's roses or a flower with petals with a contrast center such as Gerber Daisies, Sunflowers. Stitching roses creates such easily recognized beauty though it can feel mundane.

Poetry, whether historic or original can cause intimate introspection.

That was the sweet. Here is the other.

Bugs. 

Having a strong reaction to venom in insects, especially bees makes me mostly averse to stitching bees. Though I do it sometimes if the bee is cute or more styled than realistic. Any other insects such as beetles, spiders, creepy crawly inching type bugs. Yuck.

Rodents, specifically mice. If you have had to deal with three separate rodent infestations, as I have. It might be easy to see.

The real-life mice, rats, various others that can contaminate my food storage, make nests in my hat boxes, chew a favorite book to pieces.

Those pesky rodents are neither harmless or cute.

Outside of those 2 categories, most needlework subjects are delightful ways to pass the time, to comfort in grief, to amuse.

When You Fly Solo

Having seen so many people suffering, searching, asking me how I can be so happy as a single woman. There are many skills that had to be developed so that living without a man in my life became easier.

Prefacing this by saying I will always love men, I will always need a man. What I can't handle is being lied to, emotionally manipulated, being told I'm in the wrong when I'm clearly right. 

Investing in a relationship that is a dead end or him forgetting to tell me a little detail about being married with children.

It's been said that men are simple.

Men would be simple if they were truthful, compassionate, unafraid of commitment, could man up, show up, be who they say they are instead of just saying who they are. It's scary to be authentic, I get it.

I love guys, just not the BS that so many dish yet can't take it when it's dished to them. 

So, yeah, I will always need guys in my life.

Bug Killer - There are all sorts of critters that find their way into my home. Just 2 days ago, I was settled into my bed, hadn't turned the light off, yet. In my peripheral vision, a big black beetle climbing up the wall across from my bed. This would have made me freak out, scream, lose it a few times. The thought of that thing crawling into my bed as I slept was terrifying.

Not today, Satan Bug, not today.

I threw one of my house slippers at it to make it fall onto the floor. These beetles can move fast, I was ready. Holding both slippers in my hands, I used one to corral it, the other to kill it.

Mission accomplished.

Still shaking from the rush of fear, I laid in my bed, had to calm myself before falling asleep.

Registering my car - When I was married, the one I was married to had always registered the vehicles, didn't involve me in the process.

As silly as it may seem, I had thought that it was a one & done per car. Quite blissfully clueless about this. Thanks to the VA Officer in Graham, TX, he showed me how to use my Military Veteran status to only pay $10. to register my car. Suh-weet.

Cooking for one - This took me too long to master this. Sadly, food waste happened too often. Trial plus so many errors. It took time to learn. The temptation to just hit a drive thru was very strong. Perseverance was needed. Now, I will only buy berries that I will eat within 2 days. My coconut yogurt & berries is a go-to.

Fielding rude questions asked by strangers - How is it that you're single or why aren't you married? I stopped replying to this. A reply only produces more questions.

Do you mind if I ask your age? (actually, I do). Such a rude question.

Scammers - Many people will fall into a funk after a long relationship ends. It leaves them sad, lonely, vulnerable. Although I was lonely though not really sad as he had killed any love or respect, I ever had felt for him, 2 years prior to filing.

When I was done with his BS, I was done. I financed the divorce, I would say it was the best money I ever spent. Actually, the best was when I paid cash for my car. Then, the price paid for my Doberman.

So, financing the divorce was the third best money I ever spent.

Allowing myself to adjust to being single & living on my own was crucial to being happy. It seems that once I had done the self-help, had mostly healed, things would be great until I let a man into my life. He would have a wee all over what I had worked so diligently to build.

The last time I allowed myself to have my heart broken in 2012, is the last time I will allow it. Admitting I allowed it, I stopped.

Scammers were hitting their peak.

What the slimy romance scammers didn't know is that I was happy in my life. With another person or without, I was happy either way. Scammers could regurgitate their flowery words from their scripts. There was nothing they could offer me in their fake way that I would ever want or need. They did try. 

Both in real life as well as online. Thinking they could squeeze cash out of me.

Umm, nope.

The last time was when a guy said to me:

I want to make you happy.

My reply:

Dude, you have low goals, I'm already happy.

So, it has gone. Having spurned every scammer, I started helping others that the slimeball scammers had tried to deceive.

Being past all of that, it's so ridiculous being on the outside, peering in.

The most important part of resisting scammers is to resist panic or fear or any excessive emotion a scammer can evoke from a target.

Being a target is a matter of chance, being successfully scammed is a matter of choice.

A person can slow to impulse, keep calm, shut the scammer down.

Time is on my side - An important aspect of remaining single & celibate is to fill my time as needed. Just short of the hustle culture, the aim is less about filling the time as it is filling it as needed.

Holidays & Birthdays - One deeply painful aspect was that the holidays stopped existing for me. Whereas I used to get 15 - 20 Christmas cards, now, I get 3, sometimes even 4! There are 2 people, dear to my heart, who remember me on nearly every occasion. Gifts, cards. Some are personally wrapped (love those). Some are a thoughtful item sent from Amazon. Still very thoughtful.

Some would consider me as a night owl. The preference is for being considered a Lady Hawke.