When You Fly Solo

Having seen so many people suffering, searching, asking me how I can be so happy as a single woman. There are many skills that had to be developed so that living without a man in my life became easier.

Bug Killer - There are all sorts of critters that find their way into my home. Just 2 days ago, I was settled into my bed, hadn't turned the light off, yet. In my peripheral vision, a big black beetle climbing up the wall across from my bed. This would have made me freak out, scream, lose it a few times. The thought of that thing crawling into my bed as I slept was terrifying.

Not today, Satan Bug, not today.

I threw one of my house slippers at it to make it fall onto the floor. These beetles can move fast, I was ready. Holding both slippers in my hands, I used one to corral it, the other to kill it.

Mission accomplished.

Still shaking from the rush of fear, I laid in my bed, had to calm myself before falling asleep.

Registering my car - When I was married, the one I was married to had always registered the vehicles, didn't involve me in the process.

As silly as it may seem, I had thought that it was a one & done per car. Quite blissfully clueless about this. Thanks to the VA Officer in Graham, TX, he showed me how to use my Military Veteran status to only pay $10. to register my car. Suh-weet.

Cooking for one - This took me too long to master this. Sadly, food waste happened too often. Trial plus so many errors. It took time to learn. The temptation to just hit a drive thru was very strong. Perseverance was needed. Now, I will only buy berries that I will eat within 2 days. My coconut yogurt & berries is a go-to.

Fielding rude questions asked by strangers - How is it that you're single or why aren't you married? I stopped replying to this. A reply only produces more questions.

Do you mind if I ask your age? (actually, I do). Such a rude question.

Scammers - Many people will fall into a funk after a long relationship ends. It leaves them sad, lonely, vulnerable. Although I was lonely though not really sad as he had killed any love or respect, I ever had felt for him, 2 years prior to filing.

When I was done with his BS, I was done. I financed the divorce, I would say it was the best money I ever spent. Actually, the best was when I paid cash for my car. Then, the price paid for my Doberman.

So, financing the divorce was the third best money I ever spent.

Allowing myself to adjust to being single & living on my own was crucial to being happy. It seems that once I had done the self-help, had mostly healed, things would be great until I let a man into my life. He would have a wee all over what I had worked so diligently to build.

The last time I allowed myself to have my heart broken in 2012, is the last time I will allow it. Admitting I allowed it, I stopped.

Scammers were hitting their peak.

What the slimy romance scammers didn't know is that I was happy in my life. With another person or without, I was happy either way. Scammers could regurgitate their flowery words from their scripts. There was nothing they could offer me in their fake way that I would ever want or need. They did try. 

Both in real life as well as online. Thinking they could squeeze cash out of me.

Umm, nope.

The last time was when a guy said to me:

I want to make you happy.

My reply:

Dude, you have low goals, I'm already happy.

So, it has gone. Having spurned every scammer, I started helping others that the slimeball scammers had tried to deceive.

Being past all of that, it's so ridiculous being on the outside, peering in.

The most important part of resisting scammers is to resist panic or fear or any excessive emotion a scammer can evoke from a target.

Being a target is a matter of chance, being successfully scammed is a matter of choice.

A person can slow to impulse, keep calm, shut the scammer down.

Time is on my side - An important aspect of remaining single & celibate is to fill my time as needed. Just short of the hustle culture, the aim is less about filling the time as it is filling it as needed.

Holidays & Birthdays - One deeply painful aspect was that the holidays stopped existing for me. Whereas I used to get 15 - 20 Christmas cards, now, I get 3, sometimes even 4! There are 2 people, dear to my heart, who remember me on nearly every occasion. Gifts, cards. Some are personally wrapped (love those). Some are a thoughtful item sent from Amazon. Still very thoughtful.

Some would consider me as a night owl. The preference is for being considered a Lady Hawke.