Flying Solo

The new Star Trek series, ST: Picard, yes, already at the end of season one. 10 episodes, I hope there will be more.

There has been a relatively new line of merch which includes action figures, yet, a most delightful item is the line of wines from Chateau Picard Vinyards. 
What's next?
Romulan Ale?
Klingon Blood Wine?

The wine is a high end purchase. I would love to whip to deliciousness, some Coq Au Vin with it! Or some Beef Bourguinon.

ST: Picard has its fandom, its FB pages, it's own discusssions where mostly the guys go gaga over the actresses as if they have never seen a woman before.

Another aspect is that there is such strong pity for Picard that he never married, never had children nor even a steady girlfriend. He did get around, like so many military males. Random sex with a few different girls from time to time.

Picard remaind unmarried with not even a shack up honey.

People in the group express such sadness that Captain Picard lived his private life mostly alone. Many seem to view it as tragic.

Tragic?

Hardly. 
In his life, he was correct in stating that he never had time for a wife & family. In truth, one must make the time for this. Picard also stated that the life of a Star Fleet Captain is typically solitary.

With these statements of a fictitious figure in a VERY beloved installation of this series plus many more plus movies...….

Well, daaaaaang.

In my most personal experience, I can verify Captain Picard's pov with a bit of variation. After so much BS in the dating world, it caused a realization that I was the one participating. By participating, I played my part by allowing the cruelty of the liars & cheaters which left me crying, heartbroken, losing faith in humanity.   

Whatever a person allows will continue.

The remedy?

Stop allowing it, choose to turn toward happiness, excitement, peace, adventure!

Knowing I am so much better off remaining single as well as celibate by choice. Living alone by choice. Life is more peaceful, happier, more BS free by remaining single & celibate by personal choice. Would I have liked to have found someone who was *SINGLE*, caring, fun, trustworthy, honest, intelligent, to share my time, talents, life, adventures etc with? Mutual chemistry?
Absoluteamently.
It didn't happen. In time I realized it was 95% frustration, 5% joy.
My tolerance for being treated badly is very low. It's a delight to treat those I care about, well. The same, in return is healthy.

Possibly, Captain Picard figured that out for himself early on.

I can live without someone telling me how to spend my money, my time, plus what to do with the hair on my head while he's expecting me to prep his meals & wash his socks & underwear. In truth, I would have wanted to share my life with a man. It didn't happen.

I love love love guys, wishing to do without one in my life is okay.

It doesn't make me a man hater, sad & to be pitied, a lesbian, overly lonely, having something missing in my life, etc., etc.,

It makes me happily single. As simple as that.

Secrets

Everyone has secrets.

Oh! Please realize that even you have secrets you will hold close to your heart like you would a losing hand of cards.

I have secrets. Secrets I have kept to myself. Secrets that might destroy other people. Secrets.
Yupp, ha ha.

Military secrets
Personal Secrets
Other peoples secrets

Oh, I have floated my hair over a lovers face in my dreams. Oh, I have had a strong person sobbing on my shoulder saying secrets. Have also listened intently, with fascination, as secrets were spilled at me, then worked afterward to forget.
A method I use is almost impossible to explain, that's for a different future blog entry. Peeps!!! it's a lotta detail.

In my serious human conscience, having been somewhat loose lipped, so long ago, the pain filled lessons, indeed, taught me.
SO MUCH.
It's been a very long time since learning that lesson.
The life lesson is remembered, the pain of the lesson has been lulled into a dull ache, still there, to remind me to be more tight lipped, to exercise more caution combined with human compassion, for as long as I live, plus, maybe beyond.


If you are reading this, if you are still under voting age, please, heed my advice, keep your secrets.
When a human being has more to be proud of as well as less to regret, life is easier, more peaceful, less wracked with regret.

Love, peace, happiness to you.

Much love.

Hunger For Your Touch

Never did I tell you that I love you near enough
As I sit here whilst reminiscing of times back then
So hard to believe what I did or didn't do for you
Hard to believe it all as well as how long it's been

Having known you as I have it gave me awakening
Meeting you at a time when I was at the end of my rope
You showed me how a dangerous man looks how he feels
You gave me the valuable gifts of true hope

Remembering oh remembering all that has transpired
You would want me to move on although I have tried
Through the cruelty of the males in the world out there
With all the anguished nights of the tears I've cried

Your I love you's with warm breath into my hair
Your gentle ways with your impatient sighs
You're a one in a million man of great worth
Only now I fear do I come to realize

A touch a kiss a glance across a dimly lit room
I would give all for any of it once again from you
So rare so precious so life altering to meet
A man among fakes who kept himself so true

The spot on my cheek that you loved to caress
The place in my mind is yours alone it's your part
The memories which you gave are mine alone
Locked tightly inside my forever changed heart

Are you judging, being judged?

This is how I feel

Often, people will believe that their judgment of me is the truth. It is their truth. It is their intrinsic belief of me. Of whom they believe me to be. In their mind, it is truth, it is absolute in every way.

Although I mostly love living in this small town, the cliquish, clannish nature of the social climate is a bit sad as well as a bit socially isolating. Many people believe the gossip they hear about me. They believe because it's their habit to believe.

They believe that I pursue younger males as young as 16. That's completely false. Believing that I am a predatory female somehow seems to comfort these persons. 
Deciding to remain celibate & single since 2012, that lifestyle would preclude that practice. Plus? Pedophilia is revolting.

With so much of the world operating with ageist attitudes, I'm somewhat of an anomaly. People who are my peers are mostly too busy to give me any of their time. Not all, however, most. They are kept busy as well as having their social needs met by their families. They have no use for me. It's their loss.

There has also been a rumor circulated that I'm a weed smoking lesbian. Also false. I don't smoke weed, I'm 100% straight.

The truth is....

The total anti-thesis of age-ism is something I deeply, very deeply believe in.

In truth?

I believe I can be friends with any person of any age. From age one as well as beyond.

There is NOTHING sexual involved.

Simply.

Being friends across a broad age range is something I enjoy.

I seek friendship. Only this. Perhaps, enjoying shared ideas.

Will you share your 2020 ideas with me??? 

Matthew 6, 14 -15

Most likely, you will see this happen, hear of it or even participate in it, yourself.
Holding a grudge.
Holding onto hurt feelings, holding back forgiveness.
Some one may have said something or done something you didn't like or it could be much worse.

What you do afterward can define your character.

This excludes the practice of ejecting someone from your life because the person is toxic to you, wants to be in your life while continuing to be verbally as well as physically abusive to you. The person could be sexually abusive toward you or you know of them being like this with other people, even little children.
That's so wrong, so unacceptable.

When they don't get caught or called out, they will continue.

The toxic or abusive person will sometimes just ignore you, give you the silent treatment for hours, days, weeks or even months. Then?
When it's convenient for them, they come back like they saw you just a minute ago. Expecting you to be happy to see them.

Whatever you allow will continue.

Only lay down when you enjoy being walked on, stomped on, then discarded when their silent treatment resumes.

Again, whatever you allow, will continue.


Many people will allow themselves to be offended, it is a choice, instead of sitting down, having a conversation they will see that person less or even disappear all together. Sadly, this practice is so common, there is even a term for it.
Ghosting.
Also, semi-ghosting.

Often, I will hear the pain in someone's voice in the aftermath of the confusion as to what they did or might have done or what the other person perceived they did. Not knowing is the worst.

Something odd. People who voice this pain to me, turn around, then, do the same thing to someone else. Causing the same pain.

What?

Yupp, ha ha, they do. 

Somehow, I have always known this (see meme above) so that I will try my hardest to sit down & have a conversation with someone when it's possible. More often, the other person cares more about their pride, avoids confrontation at any cost. The cost? 

Human pain, human suffering. A very high cost. 

They will ghost or semi ghost the other person, in the place of sitting down for a conversation.

Just like the beat goes on, the pain goes on. 

On and on, on and on, on and on!

These 2 "Parties" could be casual friends, close friends, spouses, lovers, relatives, co-workers, neighbors, fellow church members.

They could be any combo, really.

The one aspect in common is being prideful, leaving the other person with no closure, lots of questions, a dull ache in their heart.

For all of that which I just wrote, whether it's right or wrong. If someone who has hurt me wants that truth filled conversation of knowing they hurt me, then feeling penitent. Also, if I hurt them, leaving them with the ache caused by holding a grudge, I will hear them out. I will sit down to have a truthful conversation like all Christians should, yet, rarely do. 

I will put my big girl knickers on, then sit down to be an adult, to have that conversation.

It takes so little, maybe lasts a few minutes, while the effects last a lifetime. I don't know who needed to read this, today.....

Will we do this

Will you let me hear your voice
Will you let me see your face
Will we still connect
As when our first meet took place

Will you put your phone down
Will you look at me not your device
Having a tech free dinner or lunch
Would be oh so nice

Will you let down your careful guard
Will you let your heart go tender
Will you let yourself feel loved
By the vulnerable message sender

Will you allow the memories you have
Contained in pieces like confetti
Your gender might determine this
Men are like waffles women are like spaghetti

Will you take this simple risk my friend
When there is so much for you to gain
Let someone impart to you from their heart
Dear one it's safe to come in from the rain

Temptation?

Having been one to write since I was a cookie cruncher in single digits of age, it's more than just an income source for me.

Miraculously, the notebooks of creative writing as well as original poetry that I wrote, starting at age six, are still with me.
You know?
Pencil or pen and paper?
Having my penmanship or handwriting or wordworking described as floral. Distinctly feminine. Very artful.

Hmm.

Peeps!

I just write, it happens automatically. The focus is more on the ideas & the word choice than forming the letters.

With allllllllllll of that said, it's important for me, personally, to be mindful of the subject chosen to write about.
Too personal?
Could damage my privacy or that of someone else.
Too racy, suggestive or sexual?
That's just rude & in very poor taste.
Too negative?
Sounding like a crybaby is very unattractive.

On that last note, something that I noticed from journals that I wrote in, in my teens & early 20s is that I used to turn to my journals, mainly when I was very sad. Also, when I was extremely angry.
Whoops!

On the same subject, it's necessary to guard myself from being negative, from whining about a vexation, whilst blogging.
There's the temptation.

It's better to be upbeat, more positive, more creative. Better, still, to explore ideas, possibilities, creative pursuits. There's enough misery in the world.
It's better to use my blog as a creative tool to be humorous, positive, uplifting!
A regular Little Mary Sunshine!

There is temptation, though.

When I have written about painful subjects, I did so with great care while still staying true to the idea of, well, being truthful.
It's a fine line to walk, also to write about. 

A woman who I knew & admired said something to me, in a personal letter,  that made an impression on me. She was and is a very kind person, also very experienced in life. She's also a very talented artist & musician.

She wrote: 
"In your journey through the world and life be careful. Full of care in all that you do. A wise woman once said this to me, it sure has come in handy."

Indeed.