Here it comes....again

Peeps, it's that time of the year again. The day I have dreaded so often, every year.
There are reasons why I dread it, yet, probably something different than what you might think. It's very uncommon.

My mother started it by being loathe to celebrate my birthday. She would start 2 weeks prior. She would tell me that I wasn't worth baking a cake for. 
That was the general theme from her. 
The ex huzz further twisted the knife. He would tell me that adults don't need their birthdays celebrated. Yet, if his was not celebrated as he liked it, he would pout, freeze me out for sometimes as long as a week.
As the father treats his wife, he teaches his children how to treat their mother.

My children have made some really wonderful efforts, so, I must give credit where credit is due. One year, their father was gone, they put together the best family party for me that they could. One year, all 4 were going to converge in North Carolina. Flying in, driving in. We would be together on my birthday, sorta. When my youngest asked me what I wanted. My request was something that speaks to my heart.
She had been driving for a couple years at this point.

All I wanted was to spend the day at the beach with her. Simple. It was a bit of a drive to Wrightsville Beach. It was wonderful!

My youngest daughter, my super smart, kind hearted & uproariously funny daughter. She is an engineer, yep. Got her degree in Mechanical Engineering & landed a fantastic spot right out of college! She is one amazing person.
She gave a Birthday party for me, in 2011, that was so much work, such a smash success, all by herself. What a girl she is!

Last year, I was in a Birthday funk, did not know that a truly wonderful guy I was acquainted with, had passed on! When I found out about it, I took some of the blame upon myself. If I had not been so selfish, in my birthday funk, I might have seen the warning signs. 
Coulda
Woulda
Shoulda

Last year, I decided that I would make some serious effort to be less of a selfish big baby about my birthday.

When is it? 
Bastille Day! 
It's like July 4th in the US is, except, it's July 14 in France.
Did that make sense?

This time of year is the time when I am closest to suicidal. 
The time leading up to my birthday on July 14. 
The time when my mother, every year, would start telling me how worthless I was. It still affects me, as hard as I try to shake it.

The Birthday dread has nothing to do with being one year older.

I still, STILL feel like a 25 yr old. If he's still in good health at age 35 - 45, I'd still take him. JUST KIDDING! maybe

I still have a high energy level, no meds required, am in a great health. Am in an all around good place in my life. Financially secure. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, psychologically. Yep, yep, yepperz.

My bff Texas, Anita, has helped me a bit further along to healing this part of life for me. She really treated me like a queen on my Birthday & the days before & after, for the past few years.
There's that "giving credit where credit is due!" thaaang.
It has helped a lot!

There are a few things I'm going to try, this year, to get a bit further on in the healing process. 

It might work!

Stay tuned!

What do you say?

When you tell someone you love them or you miss them, here is something to consider.
Bearing in mind the universal truth that actions speak more truth than words, also something to consider.

When was the last time you:
~Told someone you love them
~Told someone you miss them
~Told someone you will pray for them.
~Told someone you thought of them
~Told someone you are thinking of them.
~Told someone you would like to spend time together.
~Told someone you would like to visit them
~Told someone you would like them to visit you.

When was the last time?

Do these questions make you think?

It's a hope that these questions do make you think.

For time is all we have
All any mortal can do
Is to speak words of love
If they are speaking true
Time marches on each hour
With the next moment unknown
Who will remain among us
Who will be called back home
Hold your loved ones close to you
Cherish them in your heart
Send gifts of love to them
While you two are apart
Time flies swiftly forward
As swiftly as songbirds
Your actions have more impact
Than any of your words

Actions speak louder than words.

When was the last time you:

Gave a gift to a loved one?
Treated them to a meal at your home, theirs or a restaurant?
Called them on the phone?
(Texting, online messaging don't count)
Sent a card or letter?
(Online memes & videos don't count)
Took the time to visit them?
Sent flowers?

If you think it's difficult now, it will be impossible after your loved one has passed on. 

Having experienced the passing of siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, acquaintances. I can tell you I have experienced their passing while experiencing no regret. Following the counsel to show these loved ones my caring, my love for them.

Actions have more impact than words.

Reach out

Back your words up with actions

DO IT!

Feel the happiness

You're welcome

Letter to My Children

With those first stirrings of you in my womb
My love for you began to grow in its power 
The changes in my body in my motherly soul
Began as you, a little bud beginning to flower

The aches with the pains of great expectations
Were only a foreshadow of that yet to be
As your little fingers and toes formed
With the many changes you wrought in me

When the time came for you to be born
As the date approached when birth was due
Excitement filled the very air I breathed
I loved you long before I ever met you

First pains first push first sounds first ever
Were all about you my miracle my own
To finally hold you kiss your dear little face
To finally take you to a happy little home

Now the journey was only beginning, my love
Separate yet forever in the heart of me
Oh little one what will you do with your life
My precious baby, oh what will you be