When it hits close to the heart


My favorite cousin, Matthew, is a wonderful man. His brother, Paul, just as wonderful. Not perfect, still, wonderful men.

Paul served in the US Air Force, Matthew served in the US Navy, but it wasn't held against him. *smile*.

Two men who learned early on to stick to their convictions, go after whatever it is that they want, never settle. They learned this from a truly great man, their father.

My Uncle Leonard (Matthew & Paul's father) was married to my mothers sister, Patricia, for 61 years. Divorce is very uncommon in my family. There are far more lifelong happy marriages than there are in most families. Uncle Leonard embodied a role model for any man who wants to live happily married. Aunt Patricia was the love of his life. He was very open about telling the world how much he adored her. He was a devoted husband, father and so much more. 

I just learned of his passing on February 22. 
It hit me hard. 
Oh I'm pretty sure he wasn't extremely fond of me, he always told me I was a rebel & a scoundrel. I was, pretty much as he described me. Still am. I still loved, admired, respected him. 

The conversation we had on the way to the DMV to take my first drivers test stuck with me since then.  He shared so much wisdom with me. I was only 17, to me, he was almost a God. He had served his country in the US Navy. He had worked for NASA. He was there, in the control room, during the first moon landing. When I didn't pass the written test for my drivers license, he consoled me, helped me study so that I would pass it the next time. I was afraid of failing the test again, so, I waited until the last minute to re-take the test. When I passed the written and the driving portion, Uncle Leonard was the first person I thought of.  I called him right after I arrived back at home to tell him I passed the test, just a day before leaving for USAF basic training in Texas.
He and his family lived in Florida, they visited the rest of the family in Michigan occasionally, so, it endeared him to me that he took the time to take me for a drivers test while on vacation. Calling long distance was a rare & special occasion, so, I was happy when my mother let me call him in Florida to tell him I passed. He had a great sense of humor! When I told him my news, he replied, 
"That's great, kiddo, now where's my 15 bucks?"
I never really knew quite how to take his sense of humor, I only knew I liked it when he made off the wall comments.

Uncle Leonard was just 2.5 months past his 87th birthday, he really packed a lot of loving and living into those years. A light in the world has gone out, he will be dearly missed by everyone who knew him. I have not cried in a long time. 

Tonight, I cried.

I know I will miss him.

La Music for La Mood

That's not French language. In French language it would loosely be something like ~

La Musique pour La Mood

Are you sensitive to music? Whether it's angry, energetic, melancholy, emotional, uplifting, boner bliss, nostalgic.

Okay, so, I will admit, am very sensitive. Very affected by music. I listen to a lot of upbeat, energetic, positively sweet music. When getting going in the morning, I start the music playing to keep me moving, to get out the door to wherever. Usually, the gym. Sometimes appointments or work. Never developed a coffee habit. Morning tonic of choice is water. 8 oz of cold water, then, 1 whole lemon, juiced, then warm lemon water. Mmmm, tasty!

Quite often, accessing You Tube on the smart TV, finding a long play list of the the top newest recent songs. The play list is usually a 4 - 6 hour list of music, then, automatically going to the next and the next. Anything that's new, within 5 months. I used to be stuck in the past, too nostalgic, that is no more. :)

I see a lot of people who aren't as happy in their current life as they would like to be. There are elements missing for them that they never thought would ever go missing. They seem to dwell on the past, a happier time that they re-live over & over in their minds. They listen to the music of that era, watch movies from back then, dwell on it. I know, I used to be like that.
Finding the path to get onto that would ground me in the present, keep pulling me gently forward into the future - MUSIC!

Music is the way. 
It may be frightening for some people, to move forward, into an unknown future. It was a bit anxiety producing for me at first, then, I knew I needed to embrace it, to move ever forward.

Other sources are; new tech, new movies, new ways of doing things. Taking a trip to somewhere I have never been. It's fun!

But.........the music!

Music of today is definitely different, yet, with elements of other eras in music.

Having lived in many different parts of the world as well as the USA, my taste in music is very diverse. As long as it's positive, uplifting, I will probably like it. Fair to say that the "Bitches & hoes" crap won't fit into that category. Some rap is cool, most is just vulgar, degrading to everyone. No bueno! I tend to mix some of the old with the new.

Religious music is not a favorite, either. It drags me down.

What I DO like is, for example:

Country:

King George!
Taylor Swift
Brad Paisley
Keith Urban
More!

From Hawai'i:

Na Leo Pilimehana
Keali'i Reichel
Nohelani Cypriano
Brother Noland
Jack Johnson

Pop & Rock:

Drake
Robin Thicke
Alicia Keys
Ariana Grande
Selena Gomez
Ellie Goulding
One Direction

Soul, Rhythm & Blues:

Luther Vandross
John Legend
d'Angelo
Frank Ocean
PJ

Each of these types of music can make me feel a different type of mood.

Ellie Gouldings music can put me in a nostalgic mood, soft, sweet, positive energy!

John Legend! Awww Johnny! Your music can put me into a sweet sexy mood quicker than anything. He has so much talent, so much ability! Luther Vandross, Marvin Gaye & Nat King Cole all present in his music style. He's a frkn genius!

Sometimes, I'll be at the 30 minute mark, on the elliptical. I'll be ready to quit. Motivating, talking myself into keeping it going in my head while the body is hurting, getting tired, stinking of sweat!
As soon as Mariah Careys - Make it Happen comes at me through ear buds from my mp3 player, oh yeah! The music gives me a burst of powerful energetic motivation! I may replay the song over a few times to keep the motivation flowing strong!

At the end of my one hour on the elliptical, when 
Steven Wrabel - Ten Feet Tall starts to play ~ oh yeah! I know I'm home free, all the way to the 7 mile mark at the hours end!

I love classical, too! ~ 

Sergei Rachmaninoff concerto 1 & 2 as well as All Night Vigil, Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini
Handel ~ Messiah is so inspiring!
Mozart ~ The all time synonym for classical music

When I'm leaving my home for a long day, knowing I'll be out of the home for 6 - 12 hours. I set my smart TV to continuously play classical, it greets me along with an ocean scent L.E.D. candle turned on right before leaving. The candle & sweet music greet me when the day has come to a close. The house may be empty, yet, is still filled with music, fragrance, love!!! It's a wonderful welcome home!

Music, sweet music feeds the soul
Can take a broken hearted one
Help them to again become whole
The world is a more friendly place
Softens the roughest of days
When music puts a smile on a face
Every creature can sing its' own song
Before it's realized something changed
It's happy feeling has us humming along
Sing your song if you only sing in your heart
It will brighten the world for everyone
With so much loving joy that you impart
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Play your music, peeps, let it lift your mood, keep you feeling how much happiness you have in your life. 
Right here.
Live in the NOW!


L8ers ~ baby! 
:)

Le Feet!

Yes, I confess, right here, right now.

I love my feet!

Almost as much as I love my girls. :P

My feet serve me well, they take me where I need to go, plus a few places I probably should not go. Mm hm.

Maybe it's because I'm a detail oriented person. I like to treat my feet with loving care. Whereas an indulgence used to be going out for ice cream, now, it's a professional pedicure. I love my hands as much as I love my feet, so, a manicure, too. It's the ultimate indulgence for me. From the warm soak in lavender water, to the "final reveal" after the massage, smoothing, trimming, filing, it makes walking on my feet almost....almost a sensual pleasure. :)
Add a manicure to that ~ it's heavenly!
I don't usually have colored polish on my fingers & toes unless it's for a special occasion. I do, prefer to be mostly natural. Besides, if there is only a clear polish on my toes, I can extend the beautiful effects of the mani-pedi for up to a month by re-applying the clear polish.

The ultimate enjoyment of indulging my sweet lil piggies is when I either lead a yoga or pilates or sans barre or attend one. FYI ~ These classes are done in bare feet. 
Many people who don't pay much attention to their feet can be very reluctant to remove shoes, even more reluctant to remove socks.
Glancing very subtly, I can see people try not to look around the room when others reveal their bare feet. 
Most seem even more self conscious as to whether others are looking as they slowly take off their own shoes & socks.

I don't have this hindrance ~ I just whip em off!!!  :D

Standing there, in just a sport bra, yoga pants ~ and a smile, I love taking my shoes & socks off, then seeing how pretty my toes are. Especially during the tendu, pointing my toe, extending my leg in a graceful, sweeping movement. Ahhh, yeah!

There are many things anyone can do to keep their feet well groomed.
Yes! Guys, you can do this, too!
It doesn't cost much, yet the reward of how your feet feel, can make a difference in how a person feels about themselves. 

Even if you're walking around in ~ 
combat boots
western boots
gym shoes
leather dress shoes

It's amazing how different it feels to have well cared for feet.

Quite often, at the end of the day, when it's time to relax, wind down, I'll shower off, wash, etc. Then, at the end I'll run the water as hot as I can stand it, close the drain, let the tub fill up. I keep essential oils for just such a wonderful escape. Sinking down to soak in the warmth of the water all around me is so delicious!
Warm, sweet paradise in my bath.
A favorite is lavender oil, sometimes a few drops of lavender with 1 or 2 drops of jasmine.
Am less a fan of bubble bath, more of a fan of scented oils.
After soaking for a few minutes, poking my toes up out of the water, I'll reach for the pedi stone to smooth the skin on my feet until I can tell, the new skin has emerged in a soft pink. After this, immediately after stepping out of my personal paradise, I have virgin, organic coconut oil & fresh, clean socks ready. Coconut oil has been one of my favorites long before it became so popular.
I get a small spoonful of coconut oil, it melts very quickly. I rub it he into my toes, the arches, working around to the tops then rubbing the excess onto my lower legs, knees. Putting clean, cotton socks on, then house shoes, my feet feel fantastic! 
Again, in the mornings, before leaving for the gym, massaging coconut oil onto my feet keeps them soft, healthy, beautiful.

For many years, I was too busy to take care of my feet. It was embarrassing. I took care of every ones needs while only doing the bare minimum for myself. Scaly, dry feet. Cracked heels. Ingrown toe nails.

YUCK!

There was an occasional mani pedi, maybe 2 - 3 times yearly.

As the love I felt, for ex huzz, slowly died, I began to direct all of the loving, caring little things I had been doing for him, toward doing those loving, sweet things for my kiddos, for myself. He complained, I didn't care. This was time for me. It was overdue.

This recipe is MAGIC! It's my go to, to keep my feet pretty.

4 cups Listerine Mouthwash (or generic equivalent)
4 cups white vinegar
8 cups hot water

(Put a foot scrubber, pumice stone or whatever will work for you, within reach. Have 2 large bath towels, coconut oil, socks & house shoes or slippers within reach.)

Mix together in a dishpan big enough to fit both of your feet in comfortably. Put a movie on, let your feet soak for 20 -30 minutes. Use the scrubber to help the dead skin come off. A lot of it will just fall right off of your feet. After soaking & scrubbing, lightly pat your feet with the towel, one at a time. Massage the coconut oil or lotion in between your toes, onto the bottoms, sides, onto your legs.
Put the socks & house shoes or slippers on. You can dump the foot soak mixture out if you wish. As long as you are the only one using it, it is just as effective when used 2 more times. Don't say ew!  :)

This sounds time consuming, I'm aware of that. It is, however, something that will make your feet more healthy. I gave this treatment to a few of my Alpha male guy friends. They loved it!

Take care of your tootsies, they will be a pleasure to walk on.

You're worth it.

L8ers!

Anatomy of a Loner

What is it that makes a person a loner? 

Are they made into a loner by events in life?

Are they born as loners?

Maybe born with the tendency, circumstances cause it to develop?

What of those who are born with the trait yet remain non loners?

Curious events, George! :)

I believe I am of the 4th variation on this list. Born as an unwanted pregnancy to a woman who was a heavy smoker with many emotional & psychological problems. It was a turbulent time in her life. She had married a man who did not want to marry her, waited until she was 7 months pregnant with my older brother to marry. He was in a low paying labor intense job. Shortly after my birth he was in a horrible accident which nearly crippled him.

It didn't cripple his sex drive or lower his sperm count. LOL! My mother had 3 more children after me until, finally against my fathers protest, she surgically prevented any more children. He was quite angry that she did this. He seemed to think that she was supposed to magically conjure up birth control with the use of her will. After all, she got herself pregnant 6 times, she must be able to prevent it at will as easily as she, herself had caused it to happen.

Archaic thinking from a male with a 3rd grade education. Sad.

Needless to say, as each new baby was brought home, I became a "big sister" quickly, had to do quite a lot for myself at a very early age. It doesn't sound like much, however, being responsible to watch an infant, to make sure they don't roll off of a bed onto the hard wood floor. When you, yourself, are only 4 years old, it was scary. On the few occasions when I became distracted, my mother would berate me, telling me how bad I was as well as other intimidating insults. As my mother would calm the screaming baby, I would retreat to my bed to cry over what a bad girl I was.

For whatever genetics I carried, I was a sensitive, timid child from day one. It seems that the actions of both parents only magnified this in me. I had learned to comfort myself with a myriad of different means. Use your imagination! Ha ha!

The insults flew at me from many sources during that time. From parents, siblings, extended family, other students at school, even the teachers. Sometimes at church, too. I was so sensitive to the smallest slight.

Through it all, I was quiet. Oh, I'm sure it showed on my face. It usually does, with me. Unfortunately, I'm honest to a fault. Being what is known as, "An opened book". With a tender heart, no less.

My maternal grandfather was a respite from all this. He was very kind, tender hearted. He cried or at least teared up easily, laughed just as much. He could be somewhat stern, if he was stern, he was stern in a gentle, very loving way. Careful. Always full of caring.

One thing I am certain of ~

He adored me.

One of only 2 males in my life who treated me well.

Grandfather taught me from a very young age to be honest. Mostly, I was. For a brief period I strayed from that mode of operandi. I returned to it, now, it's sticking. A much better way to live, for me.

When my beloved Grandfather passed on, I saw no reason to stay in Michigan. I started looking for a way out. That's when I enlisted in the United States Air Force.

Before the military, self isolation through shyness made me a loner.

When going through military training, there is no place for a shy person. I had to adjust. I came out of my shell, kicking and yelling!

The new found confidence, assertiveness was not nearly at the level of the other trainees, yet, it was my level. Like a tiger cub starts with a cute meow. I was learning, practicing until I could roar!

Once I was through with the first phase of military training, I could feel the difference. Before the military, I was a timid little mouse. After phase 1 training, I was moving toward the polar opposite!

Laying in bed, in my dorm room at my first duty station, the shift was almost palpable. The sexual harrassment from the males I worked closely with, gave me nightmares & still does. Their cruely caused me to build a shell around myself for protection. That feeling came back to me right after leaving the abusive ex huzz. Equal parts of fear, joy, amazement, confidence. I knew I had done this once, had escaped from an unhappy life which held me back from personal progression, I could do it again!

It was a simple feat of clarifying the task at hand, then, tackling it! I was growing forward, picking up speed as I progressed. Just as I had gone through the process of breaking out of a shell of shyness.

Now, as a butterfly, emerging from a cocoon. Shedding the weight I had piled on in the misery of an abusive marriage, turning back into who I really am. Once again, the confidence returned.

Many of the trials encountered would have crushed some women. They may have turned to alcohol, drugs, unsafe sex with multiple partners, even suicide. I admit, those options did cross my mind.

Nope - nope.

Escaping misery, I was determined to break free into happiness. Many girls leave an abuser only to either go on to other abusers or to turn into something so unattractive ~ a man hater.

Nope - nope

Gender hate makes very little sense to me. I love men. 

Yup - yup!   (smile)

As much as I love guys, I do recognise that the predator part of a guys personality can be more dominant when a girl is easy prey.

I decided, I would not be easy prey.

Like the screaming wounded bunny, wolves have natural instinct to be able to recognise by sight, by smell, by testing boundaries, the easy prey. Guys have this same instinct. It's part of what it is to be a guy. Some guys learn to curb this primal urge. In my life experience, most guys can keep it at bay, yet never fully lose it. It's a tough, difficult balance. Maybe I just defined how it feels to be a guy who has to deal with having testosterone. If that's the case ~

STAY WILD! Ha ha!

Just realize that some girls have learned to steer clear of that.

That scenario is part of what makes me a loner. I have learned, fully, how to steer clear of predatory males.

I have learned how to conquer the "urge to merge". Very few girls have learned how to identify, then steer away from predatory guys or guys who have shifted into predatory mode. Even fewer have learned how to be single while finding their happiness in other things, focusing elsewhere. There are so many other rewarding pursuits in life. When other girls have asked me how I can be so happy, being single, I try to explain it to them.

It doesn't make sense to them.  That's okay. It makes sense to me.

Many guys have even tried to wrap their heads around how it could be possible that I am, truly, 100% single. That I have been single for 10 years. That I choose to be single. They don't understand.

These differing mindsets that I have are very foreign to girls as well as to guys. The lack of understanding isolates me from others.

I'm fine with that, too.

Another isolating factor. O, darn. :)

Immediately after the divorce, I did not have this mindset. Yet, still, because I had the strength & courage to walk away from a bad life, it was a bit intimidating to many people. 

Many women (guys, too) will stay in an abusive or hopelessly unhealthy marriage out of fear of the unknown or a fear of the loss of a relationship or a loss of financial security.

At first I did have hope of coupling up, again. Every time I arrived at a secure mindset, I would meet a guy, thinking he might actually be a decent human who would treat me well. Time would reveal who and what he truly was.

Nope.

Wasn't going to go from one abuser to another abuser.

Not this chick!

My emotions got scrambled, poisoned, knocked off kilter many times, until, I finally arrived at this point of having singular desires in a happy life. 

This seems to be a curiosity to many people.

The truth is, making a conscious decision to stay single while I still believe there are good, decent males in the world, is better. Better than turning into a feminazi man- hater.UGH!!! Double UGH!!!!!!

This stance is a mysterious wonder to other people who live their lives very differently than I live mine.

The life of a loner.

The anatomy of a female loner.

BOOM!

CURVE BALL!!!

These BLOG posts reveal a lot about moi. Personality, life, struggles, triumphs, experiences, thoughts.

Yup. You got the gist.

Cool.  :)

Today, it may surprise you to know about one of my lifelong passions. It's been with me for most of my life. Stress relief, beauty, meditation, creativity. Very fulfilling in multiple levels. This obsession or hobby or whatever, just does wonderful things for me. It was counter - productive to being fit, healthy in body. It contributed to weight gain, living very sedentary, while feeding my spirit. It also fulfilled my driving creativity, a desire to create beauty while crafting beautiful gifts for loved ones as well as making pleasing decor in the home I was enjoying so much.

A quintessential domestic goddess! Hah! So cliche'!

In life, today, I feel 1/2 of my peace through Yoga & cardio.

The other half is through doing intricate needlework. Not the needlework you might think, though. Today's needlework designers are multi million dollar entrepreneurs who have trillions of fans & followers world wide. If someone lets themselves get carried away, it can become very pricey. There are fine linens from Germany, France, Italy & Japan. Many savvy needleworkers have begun to buy these fabrics that are $75. - $200. per yard, then custom dye & custom paint the fabrics, turn around & sell them in smaller pieces for $45. - $100. per piece. This would make a yard of custom fabric profit to the tune of $500. and up! As a pairing, many entrepreneurial women are buying embroidery threads, flosses, silk fibers in their natural state for, let's say around $20. for a 50 yard length. They hand paint these beautiful fibers of linen, cotton or silk, give them enticing names such as, Tahitian Sunset, Lavender Bliss, Spruce, Rose Petal, Silver sunset. The fibers are absolutely gorgeous - and expensive! The silks sell for more, the cotton and linen fibers sell for $3.- $6. per 2 yard increment. 

It drives needleworkers into a fever when they see or hear about a gorgeous needlework design that they absolutely must have!!!!!!

Guess what? There are guys & girls enraptured in this, world wide!

There are stitching cruises, conventions, exclusive designs ONLY offered to those who go on the cruise or at the convention.

There are needlework shops that are considered a Mecca for needleworkers, such as Shepherds Bush in Ogden, Utah. I have been extremely fortunate to have gone there 4 times! The first time, I was in there for 8 hours. The second time, 9 hours. There are millions of intricate needlework designs, small & simple ones, many out of print designs, needlework kits with everything included except the frame & the time. It's ideal to take on a trip by plane or by car or really, just ideal as it has everything needed! 

There is so much more.

Many designers chart their designs incorporating tiny beads, silk ribbon, hand painted charms, sometimes glass charms made exclusively for the design as well as for the designer. They will sell the design for, usually $23. including what is called the "embellishment pack." That is, the correct number of beads, ribbon, silk, cotton, linen or metallic fibers needed to complete the design.

Metallic fibers?

That's a whole 'nother vat of fabric dye. :)

There are metallic fibers in as many colors, thicknesses, textures, varying brightness as one could ever imagine. After all, when a designer charts a masterpiece of a mermaid or merman, what could be more beautiful? I'll tell ya what! A beautiful shimmering blue, aqua or even purple or maroon mer-tail that actually sparkles. 

Even more?

A mer-person surrounded by beautiful teeny tiny sparkling beaded bubbles, treasures from a shipwreck in the form of silver, gold or painted charms to add dimension. White pearl sparkling fine metallic thread blended with fine white silk to create the beauty of a bridal veil the mermaid found herself enchanted by, wrapping herself in it, dreaming of the handsome ships captain.

See?

Doesn't this just sound so exquisite?

I once, spent almost 2 years, stitching just such a beautiful mermaid for a loved one. It still hangs in her bedroom, directly across from her headboard of her bed. It's the first thing she sees every morning.

Needlework was my passion, my obsession for many years. When living in Hawai'i, I found beautiful designs of island flowers, majestic scenery of landmarks, mountains & monuments.

In Germany, the birthplace of Berlin Woolwork, the German magazines on stands in the grocers stores were filled with beautiful needlework patterns that had been around for centuries. Also, many newer ones. Kaiserslautern had a needlework shop where I was on a first name basis with the shop owner. That is HUGE, as German people are more formal about friendship & how they address each other.

In France, I found beautiful French needlework patterns in magazines at grocery stores. When I took my 2 daughters, then, age 9 and 12, to Paris for a long weekend, we were in Reims, France on a stopover. My intuition is quite sharp. I swear, I could almost smell the sweet scent of needlework fabric, patterns & fiber in the air! I followed the intuition. FOUND IT! I was in heaven! I only bought 1 pattern book & some really pleasing silk emb. floss.

It was a dream come true, for me. A long weekend in Paris, France, with my 2 darling daughters. Watching their reactions as we strolled through the Louvre, eating French cuisine in a 200 year old wine cellar converted into a restaurant, only lit by candle light. Hearing the excitement & wonder, when they came back to me after going to the top of the Tour d'Eiffel. Eiffel Tower. LOL! Greeting them with chocolates I had bought, earlier, to further cement the extraordinary adventure in their sweet memory of it.

The icing on the cake for moi ~ finding a french needlework shop just around the corner from the Reims Cathedral. 

Speaking fluent French as well as fluent German helped a lot!

There is a very beautiful needlework technique known as Hardanger embroidery. Let me tell ya....it looks intimidating! It definitely intimidated me, game on! I couldn't find anyone who knew how to do it, who would teach me. As a theme throughout life, for moi, I had to teach myself. 

I bought a German magazine for 3 DM ($1. 72) with diagrams as well as words, showing how to work the fibers with the linen to create the intricate design. One evening, the kiddos were occupied enough that I could sit on my bed with the door open, to try to teach myself Hardanger embroidery. I sat there for 4 hours, making mistakes, correcting the mistakes, re-doing stitches, ripping those out, re-doing what I had re-done 4 times or more. It was time for jammies, prayer & bedtime stories for the kiddos. Had to stop.

It took 3 more of these sessions, if you will, to learn this wonderful needlework technique! My first project was a small Christmas ornament, as the season was approaching. It was a start. Ex huzz hated my needlework. He hated my enthusiasm at learning a new technique, even more. His biting criticism would not steal my joy!

Upon moving to Howard AFB, Republic of Panama, I found needlework magazines with patterns equally beautiful to the European ones, with a different flavor. They were also much lower in price! I was absolutely enchanted with every new discovery!

Speaking Spanish, fluently helped a lot! The Panamanians were so surprised to see a green eyed, blond gringa speaking perfect Spanish! Oh, what fun it was to walk around, hearing them talk about me, in Spanish, understanding every word, they never knew!

With the internet, where so many needlework supplies can be ordered so easily. Specialized sites that have so many patterns which can be printed for free or a nominal fee, it's a wonderful time to be a needleworker!

Tonight, I will treat myself to an evening of indulging in my secondary passion. A gift, for a dear friend whose birthday is happening soon.

What is your passion?

You can have more than one!

I probably have over 100!

Having indulged in a 3 hour workout, I'll enjoy some needlework.

So, again, what is your passion?

Life is meant to be enriching & enjoyable.

Find your passion.

GO!

Encouragement!!!

Do you need it?

Yes, I need it. Am humble enough to say, yes, encouragement in attaining my goals is very motivating. It makes me keep the UMPH to keep going when the every day struggles I face weigh me down.

Pre-workout supplements are cool, they are very useful. Useful for helping me to dig deep when needed. Also, awesome on road trips, all nighters, etc. Down, boy!  :)

Mostly, I go as natural as possible, yet, once in awhile, I hit a low pocket, that's when I reach for the pre-workout supplements. The fave ATM is EMERGE from MaxMuscle.com. I wrote an entry about that earlier.

I would guesstimate, I use a pre- workout supp once or twice per month. 

Read prior warning of fitness talk, it's my fave subject to talk or write about. There is still so much information, so much I don't know. There's also new information, supps & techniques always!

I let my body clock wake me up, straight into yoga pants & T Shirt, morning routine (SHH! it's a secret!), out the door to the gym. That's the ideal, anyway. It works like that usually. The morning energy after a good night of sleep is awesome sauce! Makes for a driving, pushing, sweat drenching workout.

Lately, it's been the 45 minute Sans Barre, then the 30 minute Yoga Burn & Firm with resistance bands for strength training. Sometimes 30 minutes to an hour of cardio first, sometimes after. 
Am very in tune with my body. The body is the boss, I listen to it.

Love it! 

YES!

Love it.....a lot!  :)

I wonder if it's a good thing that people say, "You're always here, at the gym, every day for a few hours."

Almost makes it sound like I don't have a life.

I have a life ~ FYI.  :)

A life where I have made being happy, drama free, healthy, fit, strong with constant improvement as the ultimate goal. Still, like many people, encouragement is useful when given.

I'll accept it, embrace it, pass the warm fuzzies to others in return.

Although being driven, focused in the gym - a beastie! - am always aware of the sights, sounds, music, words of others.

Today, doing my 100 chest presses (the girls like it), there were 2 people training together. A girl and a PT. My Mp3 player had died half way through the 100, I kept going. I heard the girl say something like, "Wow! She's still here." the PT said, "Oh, yeah, that's Brenda (me). She trains hard." The girl replied, "I see her in here, she always has a smile on her face,like she enjoys it." PT - "That's because she really does enjoy working out."

WOW!

As subtle as it was, it gave me some encouragement. Working out is a very personal practice. Just for me. I'm the only one who sees me naked. I work out to feel strong, healthy, happy. The looks when I walk by as well as the encouraging remarks overheard, today, really help more than people realize.

I like encouragement, too. Just a little can go a long way. In fact, living very simple as I do, I only need a little bit of everything. When a person is secure, happy, grounded, material things cease to matter. This is why I constantly give away or sell. When I have arrived at the comfortable minimum of possessions, the reward will be that I get to move further south, closer to the ocean.

For peace

For ocean lust

For the rest of my life

Makeup

Yes, you will still retain your man-cards if you read this.

You'll probably even like it!

For some reason, most of those reading my BLOG are guys. Maybe I know the reason....maybe I don't. idk
As some of my guy buds have said many times, 

"You're still single because you're too dam smart, it's scary to us."

No, I'm single because I want to be. If I had to dumb myself down just for a guys comfort. HAH! Eff that! Accept me as I am or buh-bye!
If I had to dumb myself down just to retain a female friendship, I'd miss her at first, yet, we'd both be better off parting company.

When you love someone, you love them as they are.

Which is something I've noticed about girls who wear a lot of makeup. They seem to have it in their head that they have to put all that stuff on their eyes, their face, their lips, just to be accepted. Girls who wear a lot of makeup all the time are the ones who are deeply insecure. They are so scared of not being pretty enough, to be accepted by others. Not just guys, but other girls, too.

In that dept, I'm a bit of a rebel. I don't wear much makeup. I keep things as natural as possible. I haven't used soap on my face in many years. Several months ago, a friend told me about using raw organic honey to wash her face. It seemed a bit odd at first, yet, when I tried it, it felt fantastic! Honey softens, nourishes and replenishes skin. I rinse with warm water, then I use a quarter size dollop of honey. I rub it all over my face, neck & chest, then the backs of my hands, leave it there for 30 minutes, then, rinse it off. Then, a dime size amount of organic coconut oil, again, all over face, neck, chest & backs of hands.
All the expensive cosmetics out there are not as effective as this.
When a woman has beautiful, healthy skin, she doesn't have the need for so much makeup.
Her beauty in her heart, in her mind, shines bright. The clear happiness in her eyes is more beautiful than makeup. 
The sweet, soft, feminine feeling around her is obvious.

To guys, I would say that if a girl needs tons of make up, she's too insecure, best to steer clear.

A girl who lets her natural beauty shine through will be a better companion in the long run.

Right now, me & my buddy, RJ, are gonna go get some dinner.

L8ers, baby!

Tonight....

Watching Selena Gomez videos, sipping on something yummy ;)

I hear the rhythm, I feel the rhythm. It resonates in my body, in my spirit. It awakens primal instincts in me.
I burned a CD of my signature hula song over the weekend. I'm almost hesitant to go to the gym to practice my hula moves.
What if someone sees me? What if a GUY sees me? 
Haole people don't understand that hula is more about culture, story telling, than it is about anything. Yes, it may look sexy, it is very primal.I admit.
It's still more about history, culture, story telling than it is anything.

Shhh!

I do, feel very sexy, very sensual, when moving to the rhythms.

Yet, it's more about the afore mentioned than it ever is about sex.

Maybe, tomorrow night, I will have worked up the confidence, the courage to go to the gym, with my boom-box & CD to practice.
Having had 4 stalkers, I am very wary of doing anything to encourage that sort of thing.

Still, I'm being prompted to go practice.

I Miss You, My Hawai'i
by Na Leo Pilimehana aka Na Leo

I hear the wind trav'ling down the Ko'olaus
It touches my skin and makes me think of how
Much I miss you
My Hawai'i

I breathe the fragrance of a yellow ginger lei
I look inside myself to find the words to say
How much I miss you, my Hawai'i

Every time I stop to watch the moon
Dance across the early evening sky
Every time I hear a country tune
I can see the shores of Waianae
Every time I listen to my heart
Telling me it longs to go back home
And it makes me want to
Because I miss you
My love......

**************************************

I can type the words, I can feel them in my heart. To really get the feeling, you have to listen to these girls sing the beauty of the song which is in my heart. Which stays with me always, where ever I go!
(eh, brah! try copy den pastum, da link fo u tube doen dea!)

Aloha


https://youtu.be/JTwDO29O0j0

The Heart

The phone rang in his ring tone

Tripped over myself to answer

A Saturday night being alone

O, my heart

His sexy voice with sweet sound

Saying everything so very right

Made my thoughts spin around

O, my heart

Pounding in my heaving chest

Such oh so sweet self torture

This feeling was much sweeter than the rest

O, my heart

He told me he was falling in love with me

Was this a dream or was it in fact real?

Could this in fact in reality be?

O, my thundering heart!

Torture with pleasure was just what I felt

He was not free to love only me

It still caused my whole being to melt

O, my aching heart

Now he has moved on with such ease

I die a little remembering him sometimes

Every day that passes I know that he's

Forever in my heart

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

If you think this is about you, it probably is

Yes, I wrote this.

Remembering, always remembering.

Peace

Prompting

What exactly IS a prompting?

Do you know?

Do you feel them?

Do you follow them?

I feel them, now. Though I didn't for a few years.

It's a still small voice whispering to me as to what I should do, could do. Although I'm not very religious, it feels like a holy presence walking with me, guiding me, telling me what I should do or should not do.

Very similar to a muscle, when it is exercised, it becomes stronger. When it's ignored, it begins to weaken. For a long time I basically thumbed my nose at this voice. I ignored it. Didn't do what it told me, didn't listen when it warned me. OMGoodness, it led to a great deal of misery, very nearly destroyed me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Becoming so good at ignoring it, I brought a great deal of unnecessary misery, suffering, pain, sleepless nights upon myself that could have been averted had I listened & acted.

Having had the gift of 4 near death experiences, I knew to listen to the holy promptings. With the death of my beloved, Michael, the hardship that followed, I was angry with a God I had ceased to believe in. I still struggle with that.

Having experienced the horrible treatment of males who claimed to be Christians. Seeing the hypocrisy of girls and guys who also wore crosses around their necks or not, still claiming to be christian. They lied, cheated, abused others, fornicated, committed adultery just as anyone would, christian or not. They did this freely without remorse. I turned from anything that had anything to do with identifying itself or themselves as "christian." Music, churches, celebrations, classes, people. I struggle with that, too.

Although, the OSB Singles are some of the best people I have met in a long time. They are imperfect, as we all are. Still, I sense that these people have their broken-ness, yet, are working hard to live as Christians, to strive to do better. I sense this from all of them. It really is so beautiful. It's helping me to regain my faith.

The promptings are growing stronger, again, within my heart, within my soul, my spirit feels it, it responds to the messages.

As I follow these promptings, do as they direct me to do, they are coming to me more frequently, stronger. Almost as strong as before.

Case in point:

A friend who I became very close to in Colorado Springs just needs a bit of encouragement from time to time. Flowers grow, bud, then bloom with tending. A little rain, a little sunshine. a prompting came to me to send positive print outs to her whenever I found them. I wrote small phrases of encouragement on them. I followed the prompting. She told me it made a sweet difference for her.

There have been many more, since then, which I followed.

Sweet differences. Creating love & kindness in the world.

Lately?

These promptings have turned my heart back to something I love. As a child, I had a wealthy relative who convinced my mother that I had natural grace. That, if honed, with time, practice, training, I could develop into a dancer. She paid for classes. Classes that I grew to loathe! Ballet. UGH! Plies, ton-dus, releve'......UGH! I hated it! Finally, I was allowed to quit. It was a mistake.

As a child in single digits, it was a relief. I should have been made to continue. Maybe, maybe not. Coulda', shoulda', woulda'. Ha ha.

I started looking around the classes at my gym. There was a 

Sans Barre class.

Hmm.

I tried it, it was difficult. I love a challenge!

It's a 45 minute class. It brought back the feelings of being trapped into dance classes, at first.

Then, as I continued, the movements felt like something swan-like, grace, balance, still a challenge. 

A challenge to be accepted, to be conquered. to use muscles I don't normally use. To strengthen abs, glutes, hammies, quads.

On Friday, Feb 5, I went through the grueling 45 minute class 2 times. One, right after the other. it was tough, yet, rewarding.

For a couple years, I was a part of a Halau. A Hawai'ian dance group. I really enjoyed it. My 2 older daughters are far better than I could ever be. They have hula in their hearts.

WTh do I know, with Ha'ole hips.

Lately, I've been prompted to start practicing Hula, again. To burn a CD of songs that I know the hula movements, to, then, practice my hula at the gym. I have been prompted to do this late at night when few people are there.

Many people misunderstand hula. They see it as something sexual. It may be sexual at times. However, it's more about culture than sex. It's interpretive dance where the dancer is a story teller with hip movement, hand movement, placement of the feet.

Hula is the heartbeat of Hawai'i.

It's a language unto itself. A gift that belongs as much to the giver as it does to the viewers & recipients when given as a gift.

With my new laptop, I'll burn the CD, take it to the gym late at night when no one will disturb me. 

I will re-acquaint with hula.

Maybe ballet, too.

I give my love to you, the reader of this BLOG.

Love, love, always, love.

 DDP!

Hawai'i, everything to do with Hawai'i fascinated me from the time I was a child, living on a large acreage in Michigan. During the summer I would go out into the fields & gather straw to make grass skirts for my Barbie dolls. Then, I would find flowers that were small enough to make small flower leis to put around their necks as well as crowns for their heads. I'd get a strip of fabric, from moms sewing scraps, to tie around their chests to cover up their boobies.

Family members would tease me about it.

"Ha ha! Brenda thinks she's going to Hawai'i someday! Ha ha!"

"I don't want to go there, I want to live there!" I would retort.

"When I grow up, I'm going to move to Hawai'i and leave all a y'all behind!!!"

(Daddy was from West Virginia, I had a slight southern lilt)

O yeah, they laughed at me, they weren't laughing when I actually did it. That seems to be one of the ribbons that weaves it's way through my life. Part of my own personal tapestry, if you will.

When I entered into the US Air Force, I filled out a form commonly called a dream sheet, telling the assignment office where you would like to go for your first assignment. There were no guarantees, yet, I like to think they took it into consideration.

There are seven spaces for writing seven choices. I put seven different assignments in Hawai'i for my preferences.

So......my first assignment was Hickam AFB, Honolulu, Hawai'i!!!!

All the dreams, hopes, longing, desires, wishes I'd had. They all came true! I sure wish I could have seen all of the looks on the faces of the people who taunted me, told me it wouldn't happen!

Kinda like when I was 12 years old and wanted to have my ears pierced, so I could wear earrings for pierced ears, not the clunky clip ons that my grandmother gave me. The earrings for pierced ears were lighter, more delicate, prettier. They stayed in even if I was running. I was an active, skinny, country girl. I was ALWAYS running everywhere I went. I was constantly losing the earrings. I had a lot of energy, could never sit still. I still have that high energy, have learned how to use it!

There were a few girls at school, that had talked about piercing their own ears, I sat quietly, soaking up information. I had been asking my mother & grandmother to take me to get my ears pierced for over a year. They always told me that if I kept my bedroom clean for 3 months straight, one of them would take me to the doctor to get my ears pierced. I shared a tiny, cramped bedroom with my 2 sisters. Even if I did my part, there was no guarantee that they would do theirs. Besides, how many 12 year olds keep their bedroom clean for even a month?

Mm Hm.

ZERO!

They were setting me up to fail.

Eff that noise!

So, I made a plan.

First I "procured" a pair of earrings for pierced ears.

Second, I dug around in my mothers sewing box for a needle to use. 

Third, I confiscated some cotton puffs & a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Hiding these, so that when I had the courage, I could go for it!

It was a Friday evening, after school. Daddy had gotten paid extra for the overtime he had worked. Mom had done the grocery shopping, we had a good dinner that evening. Everyone was in a good mood. Some of my relatives came over to visit, mom was sufficiently distracted. 

Retrieving the items to pierce my ears from their hiding place, I had to pass through the kitchen to the 1/2 bathroom where I was going to go, to pierce my ears. 

It must have showed on my face that I was nervous, excited, about to do something. I wear my feelings on my face, have always been that way. Mom saw me. She said~

"Brenda, you look like the cat that ate the canary, what are you up to?"

I knew I had to tell her the truth. 

"Aw, nothing, really, mom. I'm just gonna go pierce my ears."

My aunt stopped what she was doing, my mother stopped what she was doing, the dog started cowering. Shit was about to hit the fan!

She laughed, my aunt laughed, the dog ran to the back of the house!

Then, mom, very flippantly said,

"Okay, have fun. If it floats your boat. If it feels good, do it!"

WOW! 

I went into the bathroom, locked the door. I tried numbing my ears with ice, once before, it didn't do any good. This time, no ice. I positioned the needle in what seemed to be the right spot. Then, I began twiddling it with my fingers. 
DAM! 
It hurt, I was going to do this!

Finally, the needle was all the way through. I washed it and my ear lobe, with the cotton puff & alcohol. Then, I pierced the other ear. I did it!!!! Hah! I knew I was going to have to keep cleaning my ear lobes with alcohol so that they didn't get infected. I didn't want any "I told you so" from anyone.
Keep your room clean for 3 months, my ass! 

After being in the bathroom for 30 minutes, I came out. My mom & aunt looked at me. Then mom said,

"What were you doing in there for a half hour?"

I had to tell her!

"Oh, nothing. I just pierced my ears."

FULL STOP!

Mom, my aunt, a couple siblings, all were looking at me! In my defense, I cried,

"I told you what I was going to do!"

My aunt looked at me, then, at my mom. She came to my defense.

"That's right, Diane! (my mom) She told you what she was going to do and you said it was okay. You should know how Brenda is, by now! I hope to hell she's had a tetanus shot."

So....that's another theme for me, it seems. I'm a very tenacious person. When I really want to do something, I set my mind to it and there is just about no stopping me. It takes a lot if something does stop me. 

It's what drove me to teach myself to tie my shoes at 2 years old.

It's what gave me the ability to pierce my own ears.

It's what made me find a way to move to Hawai'i at 18 yrs of age

There have been many things I have done by driving myself, pushing myself, being so determined to do something.

It's this determination that drove me to lose over 150 lbs naturally with changing eating habits & grueling workouts. 
Sure, being so DDP gets me into trouble, sometimes. It's a part of who I am.

Drive

Determination

Perseverance

It's the babe life!

Suh-weet!

Sweetness in life, it's what makes every day worth contribution!

Things that make my sweet life, worth living!

Helping others!

The burn after cardio

Music!

Seeing progress in my fitness goals!

The mystery of tomorrow

Watching a hot guy work out

The warm Texas weather

Deep sleep 

Silky clothing against my skin

The wonderful support from friends

Heated blanket & mattress pad

Intricate designs

Proving to myself I can do this!

Selling off stuff I don't need

Looking back to see how far I have progressed!! (Mind, body, spirit!)

********************************************************

There is more. The list is long!

The point is to share with others the way to greater happiness!

Find as much as possible to be happy about, acknowledge the positivity, 

Look for the silver lining in everything!

Yes, negative activity is going to happen. Focus on the positive !

We all have to deal with negativity, all tend to go negative at times When

 this happens, reach within yourself to grasp positive, then, apply. It makes 

subtle differences, at first. Then, you will begin to see the shift, 

if you practice thinking positive consistently. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

Give thanks for every positive occurrence during that day when you lay

down to sleep for the evening. This practice is a good start!

Try it, 

You're worth it!

GO!