Romance

There is always time for romance!

Ahhhhhhh! L'amor!

I had a roller coaster day, today. Lows, highs, more lows then thrice the number of highs. A great workout, 2 surprise phone calls, money in the mailbox, found money. I believe there is so much good ahead of me.

Romance ~ I keep romance in my life. Whether it's buying one of those thick wedding magazines, then, sitting in a casual restaurant to indulge in the beautiful flowers, the flowing satin & organza dresses. The handsome guys in suits & ties. Then, there are the love stories with actual photos of the couples wedding. Beautiful, sweet........romantic!

It doesn't have to be flowing dresses, flowers, jewels. It can be as simple as sipping a grapefruit cooler while gazing at the moon in it's beautiful fullness. The moon is beautiful, tonight!

I have 3 vanilla scented LCD candles with, yes, a remote control! I can lay in my bed, watching the faint flickering, then, switch them off with the remote control right before drifting off to blissful sleep.

Romance

sweet

Romance

Music

Such a powerful yet invisible force
Can break me or build me in its way
It enters through my ears into my my soul
Triggers the emotions of a bygone day

Music can hurt me or comfort me always
Often within the very same song
Carrying me adrift in forgotten currents
Yet willingly I follow along

The joy, the sadness, the sweet memories
The lovers, the children, the lifetime friends
The endless memories triggered
The list could go on and on it never ends

Dancing on the dance floor 
Hunting sand dollars and seashells on the beach
When the memories fade then the certain song plays
Suddenly it's all back within reach

Dark Day

So.....

I barely slept last night. My stomach is hurting.

hurting

hurting

My second oldest daughter has always been rough on me. Not wanting to dwell on all that has gone on. She was a difficult child. A fierce little spirit. Soft and shy as a baby, then.........kablamm!

At 18 she was asked to leave the family home. Refused to show respect or adhere to family rules. She was so rude, so disrespectful to everyone in the family.

She was fierce, alright. Now, she would be free to be as fierce as she felt like being. She moved in with her boyfriends family, worked hard to survive, then went into the USAF, barely 18.

At 19, she was living in Florida, at Tyndall AFB when she married a guy none of the family knew much about. She kept the marriage a secret from the family for 6 months.

Sharp intuition is one of my gifts. I could tell something had changed. Daughter dear has had difficulty with telling the truth ever since she could talk. I worked on the verbiage to use so she would only be able to tell the truth.
In a phone conversation I asked her, point blank.

"Either you are legally married or you are not, Which is it?"

UGH!

She fessed up, of course, expressed remorse. Remorse at being exposed.
No remorse for the hurtful deception.

That marriage lasted 3 years, it started in deception, was fraught with deception, ended in deception.

On July 14, my birthday, daughter called me from Japan, We had not spoken since July 2013. We spoke for 3 hours, she told me about a really wonderful guy she had been dating. Told me they had talked about getting married. She reassured me over & over that she would make sure she told me well in advance if and when they were going to get married. She apologized that I was not there the first time. Promised, vehemently, that, if and when she married again, she would want me to be there, would make every effort for me to be there. I WANTED to believe her. Wanted to believe that she was being sincere. I was such a fool to believe her.

Had to find out from an email from a friend, then, a social media post that she married mr wonderful.

So much for declarations, so much for promises.  Pffft.

She had to have gotten this from her father. I'm serious.

Over the course of the time, being married to him, he lied to me constantly.

She clams to be a "Daddy's girl". Yup. Seems to be true. Just as much of a liar as her father.

When I make a promise or declaration, my words are backed up with actions. I say what I mean, mean what I say. My kiddos had a nick name for me.

"The Queen of Follow Through"

Yep, it's accurate.

I'm so sad, right now, I'm fighting the tears at work.

HATE DRAMA!!!

Have to get through this day at work, put up a happy facade as I represent the company at a business lunch. Get my work done, don't cry, don't cry. Tears are threatening to spill out of my eyes, one just rolled down my face.

Have to be strong, put some peaceful, calming music on. I'm devastated, heartbroken.

Being single is working just fine for me. I have been single for 8 years by choice. A couple guys asked me to get married,  then 3 different guys wanting me to shack up, am not a shack up kinda girl.

Today.........oh, today, it would be a deep, sweet comfort to have someone take me into his arms and squeeze, hold, kiss the sadness away, hold, soothe. Repeat.

Just today, just today, it would be wonderful to have someone who cares about me. I can dream.

It won't happen, have to be strong.

Story of my life ~ soml.

Have to be strong, no other choice.

I'll get through this.

No other choice.

Namaste

Belonging

Where do you belong?

If someone asked me that question when I was a child, I would say I belong in my Grandfathers wood shop, learning from him, enjoying his patient teaching & the attention he lavished on me. With such a large original as well as extended family, I would say I belonged in the small town where all of us lived.

When my Grandfather passed into non-physical, as his spirit still lives on in the hearts of those of us whose hearts, minds, our whole lives were influenced by him, there was no longer a desire for me to stay in Michigan. Indeed, it was time for this birdie to fly. Taking a trip to Florida gave me time to think about what direction to move in to propel me into adulthood.
A close family friend was a US Army Colonel. He sternly told me, "Do not go into the Army!"
ok
The United States Air Force! A great way of life!
ok
This was my ticket out into the world.
Now, I belonged to the US Government. Legally, physically. They really did own me!
But........I belonged.

After marrying, then separating completely from the USAF (I was 3 ranks above him which really bugged him), After a total of 8 years of belonging to the USAF, now, I belonged to a man, then eventually as a mother to my sweet babies, all 4 of them. I was part of the support system for him, his squadron as well as our church family. Over time, the geographic distance cut me off from my brothers, sisters, as well as my extended family.
Yet, I belonged. Loved being a lover, housewife, mother. Loved it. A domestic Goddess! :)
Made love to him at every opportunity anywhere, any time we could!
Kept the home immaculately clean even with 4 growing children.
Made meals from scratch, no chemicalized mixes.Home made bread, fresh fruit & veggies always!
Learned to cook, to sew, made clothes for the kiddos, even custom made their back packs for school!
Domestic Goddess Power!
I belonged.

When he became increasingly abusive, the marriage, through so many stresses, crumbled around us. Teenagers playing us against each other, his harsh control issues, my rebellion by over spending, which caused him to become more abusive, freezing me out for 1 - 2 weeks at a time until he became so horny he couldn't stand it any longer, had to clean the pipes. :(
I moved out to save my children the trauma of seeing their father escorted out by a sheriff as he said he would put up a fight, would not move out.
I paid for the divorce, we filed together, I paid for it, alright. I should have used an attorney. He screwed me out of in excess of $200K.

Having the freedom I desired was a deep relief. Where did I belong, now, though? I was living alone for the very first time in my life. Harsh anxiety attacks, depression, sleeplessness, nightmares, panic!
The adjustment was uber rough on me.
Because it WAS so foreign!
Moving through time, the man I loved, who loved me, who was planning a life with me, starting with a small beautiful wedding that I'd never had.
He died doing what he loved. Piloting an A-10 to defend American freedom.
Let me be crystal clear. I had no clue of the depth of his feelings for me until weeks after the divorce was final. Divorcing an abusive male was an act to save my sanity. For personal peace & happiness.
Am a faithful woman to the man I love who treats me with love, understanding, respect.
When the message was delivered that my beloved was gone, I was deeply devastated.

I had the business I was building, then, the economy where I was living began to tank, so, I sold my catering service. More devastation.
I felt so lost.

Many people love Colorado, it's not a bad place to be, yet it was a horrible place for me. It never felt like home to me, as hard as I tried to love it. I hiked, went horseback riding, went camping, fishing, joined a few social groups. Wondered when it would start to feel good as so many people had said.
Never happened.
After the devastation of 2011, I knew it was the icing on the shit cake. Had to leave.
Definitely belonged elsewhere!

Moving to Texas was a good decision. Fresh start, new place, time to make new memories. The friendliness of Texans, the southern hospitality, made me feel more like I belonged.

It was a time to heal.

I moved 4 times from May 2012 - February 2013. Shedding possessions from the past as I went. Rid myself of 1/2 of all I owned when I loaded up the 17' UHaul truck, dollied my car behind it, put my 2 Yorkies, Jake & Jefferson on the passenger seat then drove on down!

During the 4 times I moved, the first 3 places did not feel like I belonged. The 4th place felt like home. A 3 BD/1 BA home, new remodel with a great Landlord & a huge yard. It felt like home immediately. All wood floors, granite counter kitchen, Italian tiled bathroom. Everything was new.

Belonging in a place to live is good. More belonging is better. A work place, a social group. More.

Continuing to rid myself of the past via past possessions is healing. Freeing. Gives peace. Gives me more of a sense of belonging as I constantly re-invent my mind. Re shape my body with weight training, cardio & increasingly healthy nutrition. Reform my spirit into a feeling of peace, well being all over. Yoga, Pilates, walks around the lake. Total reform, total healing. Redundant, yes, I know.

I belong to a gym, I belong in a career I have started with room for advancement.

Feels as if I am growing younger. 

I may not stay in Texas for the rest of my life, moving to a warmer climate near the ocean is my wish.

For now, belonging in Texas is good.

I belong in TEXAS!

Modeling?

Left home at 18 to serve in the USAF. First duty station was Hickam AFB, Honolulu, Hawai'i.
It all started one day when I was in the Hickam AFB main exchange. There was a guy who was a professional mannequin who was hired to provide a little diversion, maybe sell a few products for AAFES. He was standing on a podium, several people were gathered, seeming to try to figure out if this figure was a real person or a mannequin. Walking to the side, I joined the onlookers. The figure turned to face me, the small crowd reacted. He winked at me, made a surprised expression, then, relaxed into a neutral, more mannequin like expression. Edging to stand in front of him, I looked up (he was on a 6" podium almost like a Ken Doll on a stand). He spoke, "Come closer". wow. Taking a step closer, cautiously, he pointed, said, "LOOK!" I turned my head. He bent over at the waist, kissed me on the side of my face as I smiled. 

That was the moment the Hickam AFB, Base Newspaper photographer, snapped the pic that went on the front page of the Hickam AFB, base newspaper.

The 15th SPS Squadron commander was very unhappy about this.

It wasn't really such a big deal to me. An innocent peck on the cheek by an entertainer. Making the front page was also quite cool!

Wish I had a copy of that photo!

The base photog wanted to take more photos of me. I was too afraid after the wrath of the commander essentially ripping a new one for me.....again!

Another occasion was my campaign for queen of the Youth Festival at Hickam AFB. I was Queen of the 15th SPS, crowned at the public ceremony on stage, given a dozen white roses. The Base Commander was a member of the church I attended. When he handed the roses to me, he asked if it was okay to give me a hug & a kiss on the cheek. Here we go again!

The photographer snapped the photo at the moment he kissed me on the cheek. lol. The photo, again was on the front page of the Hickam AFB newspaper. OMGoodness! 

My commander was infuriated!

It really didn't seem to me, to be the big deal he made it out to be.

Again, the base photog approached me asking if he could have a photo sitting with me.

The Squadron Commander had already bitched me out twice, seemed like I had nothin' to lose! I said yes to his request on the condition that he gave me copies of the photos, copies of the contact sheets. I wanted it in writing! :)

That's how I began free lance modeling.

There was also the time on the beach on the north shore of O'a'hu.

There was a photo crew with photographers, several assistants to the photographers an 9 girls in bikinis. One of the photographers came running up the beach to me, telling me to get over there with the rest of the girls. I told him I was not one of them, yet, thanked him for the compliment.

He asked me if I would be willing to join them if they paid me. They needed 10 girls, they had 9, one of them was a no-show.

It was fun, I got some very cool photos from it, plus some cash!

Throughout the years, I went on various photo shoots for pay. It's very different from what it seems.

Such as:

~ Constant pressure to pose nude or semi nude

~ Photographers get very horny, there's that pressure, too. :(

~ The things photographers say to get the desired expression could 

    be classified as verbal abuse.

~ Gaining or losing 5 lbs can get a model refused for a shoot

~ Many activities in the modeling world are illegal

~ The emotional harm from being so objectified is not worth it

The last time I did a photo shoot was 2011. Have been asked a couple times, by a professional, to let them photograph just my eyes or just my legs. I turned them down. Best to move forward.

The photos below are two that the Hickam AFB Base Photographer snapped in our one and only photo session. One color, one black & white. There were over 300 photos taken that day. It was fun, he became horny. Nothing happened between he and I. He understood, was courteous.

That was my experience.

Sticking to it, lol.

Peace 

Believe!

Do you ever need someone to believe in you?
To be the support for your deep hopes & your dream
That one who has proven to be loyal & true?
Who is all that they say they are not just trying to "seem.".

What is your fondest wish for the life that you crave?
What is it that your soul always hungers for?
Many people stay hungry from cradle to grave.
Ever frightened to simply walk through the door.

What if you take that plunge which feels so unsure?
It's a choice we're all making everyone, every day
It's a dilemma we must all conquer or endure
As we mosey along on our path on our way

There's no instruction manual to show us what to do
There's no caution or stop signals helping to avoid harm
There's only choices both prudent as well as new
There's only the desire to stay safe to stay warm

Sitting still to just wait for a by chance kind soul
Will leave you waiting for a very very long time
Must work to help yourself to become whole
To waste a life ever broken is truly a shame, a crime

Be your own champion, your own hero, your own friend
In your soul there will be such ever present peace
So that every day when you lay down at the end
Mind, body, spirit, you'll find yourself at ease

How do I know these words are absolutely true?
How do I know a life of deep joy, of deep pain?
Life has soothes me only to cut me again and again.
Thus am I sharing these true words, now, with you.

****************************************************


Love peace & happiness to you, peeps.

Thursdays!

Love me some Thursday!

Ever since my lady-boss asked me to represent her insurance agency at the Thursday business luncheons, have started to love Thursdays. A different group of people in a stable, calm, yet, surprisingly fun environment. In this new career path I've found, in a new & growing business, it makes me feel as if I am, also, brand spank-me new & (yes) GROWING! Mentally, emotionally, that is!

Physically, I'm shrinking, getting stronger, more flexible, more toned. 

Thank you ~ that's what my body says after every workout, in its' own language, no! not body language, that would be so cliche'! The full body burn speaks to me, heart & mind! 

My body speaks Burn-ese! Hah!

So, with all the mental stimulation of learning new skills, increased social interaction, a lady-boss who appreciates me, yeah, life is good & getting better.

Now, I have to get myself geared & focused to pass my C&C exam to be licensed as an insurance agent by Aug 22. Then, start studying, again, for my Life Insurance exam, NLT December 1st. UGH!

Have to do it, have to do it!

Scary

Deliciously scary!

Got 2 hours of cardio in this morning, nothing in the Thursday luncheon is very healthy, yet, have to go & have to eat at least a little. BMI check up is coming up August 1. Have to be good. :)

Have yourself a great Thursday, peeps.

Love & Luck, y'all!

Today

Yeah - Yeah. I'm a big baby about my birthday.

Eff-me!

Can't help it, so, I find ways to circumvent the sadness, the disappointment.

Infusing joy into the day is my modem opperandi.

Yesterday, I cleaned my home well, juiced my sustenance for the next day, laid out the clothes to wear. Stayed up way too late. Woke up late, skipped my workout ~ UGH!

Got to work by 10 am! ~ OOPS. :)

No one seemed to notice. Everything was business as usual. I looked fantastic, I was rocking my tuberose lei. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

No big creel.

Worked all day, chatted with the boss daughter, she's so adorable.

Business as usual, I had no expectation of anyone acknowledging my Birthday or why I was wearing such fragrant flowers around my neck. No big creel, not even little creel.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Opened the *ONE* item sent to me by my lifelong friend on my lunch break. She loves me, at least one person showed some acknowledgment, some love. 2 of my fave conditioners, a small bag of Hawai'ian sea glass, a nice card with sweet hand written messages, & $10.

I was thrilled. Easy to please, that's me.

My best friend from 10th grade called,after I got home from work at 1715.  Love her so much, she's a keeper! 

My daughter, who I have not spoken with since 2013 called from Tokyo, Japan. we talked for 3 hours! Wow.

Easy to please, it was a decent Birthday.

Thus begins a new year for moi.

Love, peace, happiness to you.

xoxoxo 

Bastille Day Baby

That's me. A Bastille Day baby. Yup. I was born July 14 in a galaxy far far away, my father was a Jedi, my mother was a Princess. Being royalty was rough on my wild free spirit.

That was total BS!

Actually, my daddy was a West Virginia coal miner, my mother was a fiery red haired high school drop out.

Being born on July 14, on Bastille Day, a French national holiday, has had its' perks. When I lived in Germany, sneaking into France for my Birthday was fun. Here was an American girl who spoke French, was born on their equivalent of July 4th. They freakin' loved me!!!!

Other than when I lived in Germany, my Birthday has been so-so. Comme ci-comme ca. :)

There have been some small, low key dinners, 3 -4 people, nothing really grand. I hear of peoples loved ones putting together big parties for milestone Birthdays. You know, 20th, 30th and so on. My mother was too selfish to ever acknowledge my Birthday, my ex huzz was an insecure selfish ass who didn't like anything that wasn't about him. Always while pretending to not like the spotlight. 
What a frkn joker.

For a guy friends Birthday, I ordered a fresh flower lei from Hawai'i. His Birthday was Saturday, July 11, so, I ordered one for myself at the same time.

People usually forget it's my Birthday. It's half way through summer when they are relieved that the school year has ended or they are on vacation. I remember theirs, I try to make them feel special with loving kindness. Taking them out for lunch or for dinner. Usually it's those who live close enough for me to do something in person. Long distance has not been my strong suite. Just a fun little quirk.

Something I have learned:

In my life there has been much pain
Too few flowers from way too much rain

Too much instability that bruises that burns
I have had to become one who self heals who learns

Must plant my own flowers must help them to grow
Must decide to be happy for myself wherever I go

Being solitary in my creative pursuits
They give me joy and wings and roots

Creative projects can make me feel whole
In the rhythm of my needle there is music for my soul

So, there you have it, my Birthday/ Bastille Day rant!  Tomorrow, I will wear my favorite blouse to work, a soft pink silky one which I bought while in Las Vegas. It's very clingy in a flattering way. It shows off my curves, brings out my blond hair and green eyes. The tuberose & orchid lei will look good with it. I will make my own happiness, buy flowers for myself love & enjoy life.

Happy Bastille Day, BABY!!!

The Lion

In the Serengeti there are many lions living as lions do. In prides of lionesses and the revered male lions.

One particular lion cub had been separated off from the pride with his mother. Predators saw a lioness, weak from giving birth, killed her, dragged her away. Curiously, a gazelle cow saw the lion cub, alone, helpless. She had recently birthed a calf that had died immediately after birth. The gazelle rescued the lion cub, brought him back to her herd, suckled him with her milk. He grew with the gazelles. Always knew he was different, yet, this was his family. When a predator preyed upon his herd he ran with the herd in terror as he had learned to do, then mourned those who were no longer with the herd. He ate the grass, drank at the water hole, slept with his family. 

The feelings of being different only grew stronger with time.

One night, the herd were sleeping when a pack of hyenas came to attack the herd for a night time meal. Usually, the herd would get up and RUN! Sheer terror propelled them.

Now, three of the hyenas were closing in on his mother. Acting purely on instinct, the lion, now, full grown, ran up to the hyenas and to every ones surprise, especially his own, let loose with a thundering roar! The hyenas scattered, never returned.

It was his first roar, after that, he was forever changed.

Many people live in circumstances where they are capable of so much more than what they live with around them.

After your first ROAR, you will never be the same again. After stepping out of an environment that holds you back, into one where you see your full potential, you will feel so empowered. Your roar will change you.

Go ahead!

ROAR!

Language!

Having lived in a few countries, I noticed that speaking 7 other languages in addition to a persons native language is fairly common in many other countries outside the USA. This knowledge led me to wonder if maybe I was supposed to be born in in a European country. Languages other than my native English or as the Germans call it, "Amerkanische", have always fascinated me.

The German  reasoning is that speaking "Englische" is with a British accent. "Amerikanishe" is the national language of the USA without a British accent. 
Makes sense to me. Makes sense to the Germans!

Languages have always drawn me in with a fascination that is like candy for my mind. Living in a small town in Michigan as a child, life was okay. Always, I knew that there must be more out there!
Taking the plunge to enlist in the United States Air Force, I was going to go out in search of that "something more."

I had the look of a fresh faced, girl next door from a small town. Very shy. Home life was dysfunctional with an alcoholic dad, an unstable mom. Bullied at school, I knew I had to break through to the freedom of a life I would create for myself that was better than where I came from.

Shyness, to many people, is kinda cute, kinda sweet. For the person living it, it's painful. I was painfully shy, scared of everyone & everything. Taking French language class in High School seemed like a good idea. Possibly the beginning of something good? Possibly.
Except...
The teacher was an aggressive French woman with an "in your face" attitude. She would get right up in my face, drilling me fiercely on conjugations, conversational exchange, which terrified me, left me sitting in French class in tears. Usually wrecked me for the rest of the day.
Teach finally kicked me out of French Class, telling me I was too stupid to be able to learn French.

So, needing a foreign language credit to graduate, I was "placed" in Spanish Language class. The teacher was a much nicer person, softer, more patient. It worked out well. I felt like a bit of a failure, kicked out of French Class, yet the wheels in my mind were turning. Something interesting began to happen.
Thoughts began to play in my mind in French. Ideas, self talk, began to be in French then as time went on,sometimes in Spanish. With my Grandmother saying many phrases in German throughout my childhood, I knew a few phrases in German, too. I had all these phrases, thoughts, ideas, running around my brain in 4 different languages.

Moving to Europe with the USAF, there was the chance to test it out! I lived in Kaiserslautern, Germany. Just 45 minutes from the French border. I also found that when I crossed the border into France, on a day trip, I would go into the French stores and I was speaking French! Back to Germany, I was speaking German again. Interacting with only English speaking family or other members of the American military, I was speaking English. With thoughts swirling around in my head in 4 different languages feeling normal to me.

Moving to the Republic of Panama with the USAF where the national language is Spanish, was so good for me. I was speaking good Spanish then, became completely fluent. More language, more language! Forget more cowbell, lol, I would adore more language!

To this day, I still think in 4 languages. It's a natural gift. That's the way my mind works.

Michael Jackson never had a dance lesson.

Elvis Presley never had a music lesson.

Michael Jordan wasn't taught how to play basketball.

With the exception of a chin implant and the tip of her nose shaped, Marilyn Monroe was natural.

Some gifts are simply natural. I have been given many many natural gifts, language is one of them.

What are your gifts? You have them, like everyone. Find them, enjoy them!

Namaste.

Just a bit SASSY! 

What do I mean by "sassy" plus why would I want to be a bit sassy?

Well, just a little sassy. Less is more. ha ha!
Sassy, to me, is to say things that have just enough shock value yet is still polite.

Today, after work, had to nozzle some gas into my car. Seems like half the town had the same idea! There wasn't a line, yet, I had to choose a pump a bit far from the cashier cage.
Had to walk past several big ol Texas trucks.....with big, cute, Texas guys standing next to them. One of them whistled & grinned, the others just looked.
One of them who had seen my USAF stickers on my back bumper, remarked, "You walk like a military girl!"
Before getting into my car, I shot back at him, ~ "Yeah? I do a lot of things like a military girl. Have yourself a blessed night, now!"
He blushed,I heard snickering from the on-listeners.
HAH!
Sassy!

My Rant

Like ships that pass in the night
People barely connect face to face
Somehow it doesn't feel quite right
Social media and texting has taken it's place

Tinder, face time, skype and more
Have taken the place of hugs & kissing
Bumping uglies can be such a bore
It's the human touch that's missing

Does anyone want to care?
Does anyone else think this way?
Anyone, anywhere?
Then, everything will be okay

Happy July!

Happy Happy Happy!

July is here! It's happy, for me, for many reasons. On July 1st, my 30 day juice fast ended! Yay! I still juiced 2 lbs strawberries, 5 lbs watermelon to take to work. It was mmm - mmm good! 

The other girl in the office and I ordered a pizza for lunch. She told me about this pizza. It's feta cheese, spinach & chicken. Mmmmm. The pizza place forgot to put the chicken on it. It was still really good! Thin crust, too, less filling.

Although we each took an hour lunch to pay bills, run errands, etc, we could still nibble on pizza while working. 

The office is closed Friday. It'll give me the time to start studying to take my test to become a licensed insurance agent. First, comp & collision, then, life insurance. Wheewww! Kinda scary. 

Deliciously scary. I can do this. 

On the other side of "things", I am one of the lucky ones who are plagued by depression. No specific reason. Sometimes events set it off such as being emotionally hurt, life disappointments, too much stress. I'm doing everything I can to keep depression away. Eating healthy, exercising, staying active, thinking positive. Still.....the depression is trying to get to me. 

Being a very sensitive person has a lot to do with it. Things that would just annoy others, can really hurt me. I try not to let it get to me, try to keep it from showing. It still does, I fear. Still shows.

So, I go back to the gym, lose myself in the rhythm of the elliptical. Lose my thoughts in the peace of yoga.

It's great to have 24 hour access to a gym!

On Friday, when the office is closed, I plan on hitting the gym for 2 - 4 hours. I'm in touch with my body, telling me what it wants, what it needs, just how much it can take. It knows & will tell me!

Again ~~~

Happy July, y'all!