It can be a vicious, dirty word used as the term to describe the dissolution of many practices. Most often, it's used to describe the end of a marriage.
The main use it was created for was to term a tax payers relationship status when filing income taxes.
Many people use the terms married, single, separated in a romantic or relationship status to suit their purposes.
Purposes such as:
Separated ~ She's at home with the kiddos while he is supposedly working late or supposedly out of the house to get cereal or milk for tomorrows breakfast. Sometimes he or she is out seeing a woman or man who is not their spouse. Geographically separated, not legally, as it implies.
Married ~ Two people, shacking up without the legal benefit of actually having had the ceremony where they wore a suit or fancy dress with a big or small party that followed.
Single ~ Without a bf/gf or significant other in ones life.
Not Single ~ Having a monogamous bf/gf or significant other in ones life, either shacking up or living in separate residences with frequent sleepovers.
Cheating ~ When 2 people are dating or have had the bf/gf clarification of their relationship, then, one person gives romantic attention to someone other than the one they agreed to be monogamous with. Unless the 2 people are legally married, it's not really cheating. Both people are free to be involved with someone else until a marriage proposal is made & accepted. It seems unfair because it is. The simple solution ~ finish one thing before you start another. Simple.
Something that people fail to realize is that the relationship terms mentioned have nearly zero to do with romance. They are all income tax terms. Often, the terms are used for the census or statistical terms. Using the terms in any other way can create confusion as they are often used for that purpose.
Unless the 2 parties were legally married, then decide to terminate that marriage, a divorce will be petitioned then completed. If the 2 people who have been together for a long time without being legally married, then decide to go their separate ways, it's a breakup.
Simple.
As simple as when a person is wearing clothing they are clothed. When they are not covered from the waist up, they are said to be topless. Because they are without a covering from the waist up.
When a person is not wearing any clothing that covers them from the waist, up, or from the bellybutton to the soles of their feet, they are considered nude or naked.
If they are without any clothing at all & about to get into trouble, then, they are nekkid!
It only becomes cloudy when people confuse the terms with the intent to deceive others.
When I spoke with a 15 year old guy, last week, he told me that every girlfriend he had ever had, had cheated on him. I asked him what these girls had done that he considered cheating. I knew I wouldn't like the answer. For the sake of possibly helping him clarify, I asked, then paused, awaiting his answer.
He stated that the girls had engaged in sex in some form with a guy other than him. I asked him if he and the girl had been engaging in sexual intercourse prior to the girl supposedly "cheating".
He paused for a moment, his face flushed in a deep red, he was clearly embarrassed. To alleviate his discomfort, I told him that he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to.
His face flushed to nearly purple as he said,
"Yeah, 10 times or more.""
I asked him how long he & she had been exclusive. He stated that they had been "together" for two months.
It was rather shocking for me to hear this. Maybe I'm a bit conservative, I was still playing with Barbies at age 15. I was still going out trick or treating, still believed in Santa, the Easter bunny, that all people were basically good & would never intentionally harm another person.
Knowing that it was important to handle this situation with measured sensitivity, I listened to his pain. I offered a tissue to wipe his tears & nose. As he spoke I empathized with his pain as he continued to talk, to cry, to sob. He seemed to need the relief of talking about it.
After 5 minutes that seemed more like an hour, he paused, he became very quiet, continuing to sob softer, now.
His extolling of his pain then a pause, gave me time to carefully formulate a sensitive yet firm reply. My reply or replies had to be sensitive yet firm, grounded in reality also tempered with kindness & understanding.
Asking him if he had decided to continue with the girl or break up with her. Also, I asked him if he had ever, by his definition, cheated on someone. A different look in his expression, developed. He has very large light blue eyes, very expressive.
It takes a person with magnanimity of personal beneficial quality to admit that they have done something they knew was wrong. He admitted that he had cheated on his first girlfriend with the girlfriend who had just cheated on him.
It was a limited behavior pattern, still, it was a pattern.
He stated that he was just going to ghost her, that she would "get it" even if she didn't even know that he had found out that she had cheated.
I asked him if his first girlfriend had simply ghosted him until he "got it" also, what he thought of it when it was done to him. He got an "aha" look in his eyes. The rest of our conversation, I believe, will benefit him as much as it benefitted me.
He has such maturity for a person who is so flooded with hormones at the stage of life he is in. The tricky part is that controlling the hormones on the way to adulthood is of utmost importance.
When I found that I truly loved a guy for the first time, it was so magical. We were both in a sh*tstorm of events that were being orchestrated by our respective parents. When the conversation mentioned above, took place, I drew on that experience. There was no cheating involved that I knew of. I know that I truly loved him because I still do love him although it's been a long time. During brief reconnection with him, I felt the same as I did back then, as a teenager. When he & I were close to breaking up, he began smoking cigarettes which was a HUGE turn off for me. Along with a guy he began a friendship with, who was a really bad influence. In time, being a smoker became a deal breaker for me, it still is. Though I still felt the same way about him, he is still a smoker.
That was that.
It was important for me to not waste very much of his time or mine on interaction that had to end at some point. Unless I accepted the stench of cigarettes or he quit smoking for life. Neither one had much of a chance of happening.
I married in my early 20s, which I was completely committed to, never believed it would end in divorce. The factual sort that involves divisions of all sorts & a lot of lucre. Most of his family had hated me from the start mostly because I was Caucasian. All the years of his lying, flirting with other women, freeze outs that lasted a week or more, financial abuse then cheating on me. That killed whatever love or respect I had for him. Giving so much while receiving so little from him, then, when he gave to someone else, that was it for me.
I wanted the divorce. I paid all the expenses of it. I wanted OUT!
The divorce was excruciatingly painful for me. I was completely alone for the first time in my life. Crippling anxiety that was so intense, I was hallucinating. With such an uncertain future, the pain of loneliness, being shunned by people I thought were my friends. Even my own children blamed me for the divorce, I'm sure 3 of them still do. The pain of it is still there after more than a decade, I have learned to live with it.
Deeper, stronger pain is in seeing my children mostly treat me the way their father taught them to treat me. My youngest child and I worked diligently to have the closeness we share. Her father turned his back on her which is so sad. I know she loves him & misses him. He is missing out on so much.
It's his choice.
Still, I believe that divorcing him was one of the best decisions I ever made, the best decision I could have made at the time. I was either going to divorce him or suicide. Either way, the misery would end.
So many wonderful things have happened for me that would never have happened if I had stayed married. Listing them would seem narcissistic, so, I will only tell of one.
I moved to Texas!
