C. W. S. ???

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been if you had done things a bit differently? If you had married someone else or not married at all? If you had only one child or more, or none at all? 

If you're a career person or in academics or some totally different career or field of work, what would your life be like.

Different?

Vastly different?

Better?

Worse?

Harder?

Quieter?

Easier?

Enough questions.

My crystal ball was shattered during my move from Colorado to Texas. It seems that it was Colorados last smack Brenda move when I left the state. All the horrors it dealt me were not enough to break me so, it was one last try. 

Actually, I never had a crystal ball. 

If it was proved that they are as accurate in foretelling whatever, I might have invested in one. Having an interest in minerals, crystals, healing composites, I do have several 72mm spheres of different types.

Jade

Amethyst

Angelite

Rose Quartz

Citrine

Topaz

Onyx

Jasper

...more...

I just like them.

When a few secret squirrel buddies started sending jade to me, it really was so beautiful, it piqued my interest. Officially they were never in Thailand or China.

Unofficially, I have so many beautiful jade pieces, all are verified, certified. The reo deo.

It was then that I began looking into crystals for their properties. It's said that gold is expensive, jade is priceless. I started only wearing jade jewelry. I still wear my asterated pieces for sentimental reasons.

If I could find one of these, I would love it.

Having worn it since I was 20, I still love the ring. It reminds me of a time in my life when I truly felt seen. The star is so magical. The guy who gave it to me was fascinated by everything I did & said. Plus, I was never going to hm hm with him if we weren't married. Hadn't made up my mind if I really wanted to marry him or not, either. As it turned out, I dodged a bullet. Metaphorically as well as actually.

The jewelry from someone else I was in a marriage with for too long, was sold or pawned one by one as needed. None of it suited my taste anymore. I was a different person after the divorce that I financed. A happier person, enjoying freedom.

Along with it, I have a few other asteriated pieces, all are so nice.

I digress.

Today, someone I knew long ago, tracked me down via email. We were introduced by President Thomas Jefferson. (JK!) He hinted at wanting to speak in a video call or phone call. Since I happily exited the dating world in 2012, I'm not hopping back in. nope. nope.

I took his number, blocked mine, gave him a call. Just to be kind.

He sounded like he had done well for himself. He's an accomplished businessman living on the palm coast of Florida. Just as charming & well-mannered as I remembered him to be. He didn't seem lonely or needy, seemed happy in the empire & life he built. He had been married, then divorced, no current GF, no children. No pets unless you count the 20 horses he stables for people who own them. After 10 minutes he started asking "the questions".

Summing it up, I said:

Married once, divorced once, 4 kids - only one in my life. Happy in my career, have traveled the world, still plan to travel more. The only man in my life is my Doberman, the only man I want or need.

*heavy pause*

Then he asked if I had ever thought of him of wondered about him. At what life would have been like if he and I had married.

Uh oh

Answering truthfully would have been cruel, I try to be kind, always.

I told him that I hadn't given it much thought, that I'm very happy, love this dog I have, that he hadn't liked dogs or cats or even so much as a hamster or a goldfish. I'm an animal lover. End of story.

The conversation was pleasant. It did make me think about what my life would have been like if I had chosen differently. Not necessarily, him.

Though I mourned my first love, recently, my life would have been vastly different if I had married him. Most likely I would not have traveled as much, might have not had children. That would be ok.

There were 4 men who things could have progressed with. Looking back at their personalities at the time vs how they are now. All 4 may have been fun, exciting, confident, at first. In hindsight, they would have been very difficult to live with. 

All 4 are very controlling, their way or the highway, types.

So many people pooh-pooh away the spiritual aspects of life. 

It has always been at the core of my very being. 

As I have moved through time (getting older is optional) I have refined my spiritual gifts. If I had bound myself to a man who dislikes this, fears it or just didn't want me to develop that side of my human experience, he would have had a fight on his hands. It's possible that the conflict would have delayed or stunted my spiritual growth. 

****When I state spiritual growth, it is in no way connected to OUIJA boards, seances or the like.****

It's more about finely tuned intuition, being guided by a universal force. Receiving guidance, being prompted to act on personal intuition. Sometimes to help others, sometimes to protect myself or enhance my life. 

One very recent experience was when I was visiting family, in Utah. I was driving back to the lovely place where I was staying. I took a wrong turn. My Garmin said it was correct, my phone navigation said it was correct.

It was far from correct!

Ending up at a site where USAF Police were standing at a small gate with an even smaller gate shack, this was serious. One of the armed guards used a PA system to tell me to turn around. When he drew down on me, it became clear that it was important to turn around. Going back the way I had gone in was no help, either. I was tired, it was very late, my fuel was low. Finally, I parked just out of sight of the gate guards.

Letting my mind go quiet, sitting with it, relaxing. When I felt a peacefulness wash over me, asking for help to find my way, the answer came to me. Letting go of my own thoughts, being guided, lack of resistance, following the guidance. Within 5 minutes, I was on my way to where I had been staying. 

The guidance that was given to me was true.

When I have used this guidance to help others it has been correct every time, provided that they listened, then made an important decision based on it. Sometimes the person lets me know what happened when they followed it, that it was correct. 

Some people fear intuition or intuition from others about their life. A fear that became ingrained in human DNA as a byproduct of the many years when speaking of such things or believing them could mean death by hanging or burned while alive, at a stake or worse.

Many have told me that I could rake in a bit of cheddar from using my intuition as a sort of seer, giving readings of a predictive nature or even communicating with loved ones who have passed on.

For those who do this, that's their gig.

For myself, it would feel like selling my children, yeah, that wrong, for me. Thelema is important. 

It's my belief I have been endowed with this gift to help others. Another gift that I had at birth was to be able to speak different languages. Picking them up fairly quickly. Have had to put a modicum of effort into it, still, it comes to me faster & easier than it does to others. This is a skill that is comfortable, to me, to use in a career I love.

If I had remained on AD USAF, it would have been necessary to change career fields. Most likely I would have traveled a lot, met many different people. 

Stepping away from dating at all in 2012, most likely I would have at some point. Single & celibate is a much happier way to live, for me. It may just be that I would have discovered it sooner if I had remained single, never married.

As someone who loves alone time, higher education appealed to me along with higher levels of fitness. Neither of these would have been feasible while married to the insecure one I was married to. He felt threatened by any success I had. There's a name for it ~ Prince Charles syndrome. To give the world 4 quality people, I gave my time, love, care, worries & undivided attention, to them.

As life is, right now, it's rare to look back, to wonder. Why would I wonder when I can find out with a Google search? (JK!)

Seriously, my kiddos are all doing swell. The one I have in my life consistently, is a brilliant Mechanical Engineer. Graduated with no student loan debt! YOU GO GIRRLL!

She is doing well after the Artemis project. She and I speak by phone every Sunday. I LOVE that!

She's married to another brilliant engineer. He has a PhD in Mech. Engineering. They have 2 beautiful children, all is well.

The time for me to live my life for me has been established for a while & I love it. I'm a Polyglot 5, using my skills in something that feels more like fun than work. Treated well, paid well, respected. This is the first form of employment where this happened. Others were just jobs where I was treated with a bare minimum of courtesy, respect, the pay wasn't even that good.

This is a career!

There is a difference between a job vs a career. My career would never have happened or been sustained if I had stayed married.

In truth, the life I have is fulfilling, fascinating, sometimes stimulating, a good life that I have created for myself. It was challenging at times, still, a good life. A life that most likely would be less fulfilling if I had to depend on a man to achieve it.

I love men, just have learned to never depend on a man or really anyone else to go after that which gives me freedom & happiness.

Cheers.