If you are a parent of a child or children & you love them as dearly as life itself, that's mostly good. You probably endeavor to teach, love, discipline, educate, spend as much time with them as you can. The time seems to drag at times, at other times it goes by so quickly.
It drags when you get 2 hours of sleep at a time, if that, when they are first born. When they are ill or the teen years when you can't sleep until they are safely home. Those are the times when time goes so slow. Those times, as harrowing as they can be also having their elements of humor, happiness, small though they are.
So many mothers I knew, nearly rejoiced when each of their children went off to their first day of school.
Not me.
I cried every day for two weeks, after each one left for kindergarten. I home schooled for a short time. It's more difficult than it seems.
The time to teach my children has passed. They don't need me anymore, that is as it should be. I raised them to be independent, self-sufficient, self-confident. The time for me to learn from them is now. Has been for many years.
Though their words & actions can be painful, cutting at times, I have learned from them more times than I have been hurt. For the sake of brevity, I have listed just four from my four children. Often, I do things in fours. Sometimes on purpose, even.
From my eldest:
~ If you're feeling sad or lonely, make yourself get dressed, get out of the house. Even if you just go for a walk, as long as you go.
~ Sex and The City is soft porn.
~ That shirt doesn't make you look small waisted, it makes you look big boob-ed.
~ You're my hot Mama!
From my second born:
~ Stop thinking about the past. Live for now. The past is gone, if you focus on it you'll miss what's happening now.
~ You got implants? Aren't they big enough? (After I spoke with her about getting dental implants not breast implants). I answered with one word, "Dental!"
~ Hey, Mama, join our group hug, we like a little milk with our chocolate!
~ A person I made a short, impromptu visit to, while she parked her car, was impressed by how attractive my second daughter is. I had been speaking with him when my beautiful daughter walked in the front door, surprising him. He remarked,
"WOW! She looks like a Hawai'ian Princess!
She replied,
"Yeah, well my mama is the queen so, ya better watch your step."
From my third child & only son:
~ Of course I love you mom, you're my mom.
(It warmed my heart, caused me to nearly cry in happiness.)
~ You are the first person we are telling that we are having a baby & it's a boy!
~ You should turn everything in your car off before turning it off with the key. It saves wear & tear on the cars systems.
(His natural mechanical skills are phenomenal just like my fathers were.)
~ I like food. Any food, I will eat anything.
(I love it that he isn't & never has been picky about food. He's also a very good cook, which I love!)
~ When inquiring about my fitness goals I told her I wanted to get back to my original size, her reply was so hilarious.
"Mama, don't you think 7 lbs is a bit too small?"
~ When expressing my love for my daughter & her husband over a sumptuous meal of homemade bread & clam chowder. I told them that I would do anything for them, even donate a kidney or bone marrow if it matched, if they needed it. My love knows no limit.
My daughters hilarious response:
"We're good for now, mama, not ready to harvest you........yet."
"We're good for now, mama, not ready to harvest you........yet."
~ My daughter & her husband told me before anyone when they found they were expecting their first baby. I regret to this day that I slipped up & told her sister. Knowing about my abandonment issues, left over from my childhood, she told me:
"Mama, I don't like it that you told my sister, I won't reject you, I still love you. You're kinda stuck with me. With us."
~ "My daughter loves flowers just like her Mimi."
While some of these are more like isms than pearls of wisdom, they speak volumes about my childrens characters, intelligences, self-confidence & wicked cool senses of humor. There was an abundance of laughter with all four when they were children, that has remained, become more refined with time.
Many parents miss the boat in realizing when their time of influence has passed. Still trying to hold onto their place as being of great importance in their adult childrens lives. Of being thee most important one of two people in their lives.
Some parents of adult children try so hard to keep the grip on their adult children that it pushes them away. It causes pain, resentment, grudges, estrangement a myriad of other pain filled shizz.
It's a very tricky life lesson to learn.
Whereas many people will refrain from trying to hang onto a relationship that's sometimes fraught with such tenseness & often difficult. Many parents learn the lesson too late or not at all. Thankfully, I learned that lesson a long time ago.
It's very heart wrenching to let go. Far from completely, just enough so that both parent & adult child are comfortable with it.
Children have grown to adulthood then estranged themselves from their parents since the dawn of time. All walks of life, both genders, even when the child had a mostly happy childhood. Some adult children feel relief when their parent(s) pass on. Which is probably how my darlings might handle it. I feel like I annoy them.
Some are wracked with regret; some have a mixture of both plus many other sentiments. Estranging themselves from someone who birthed them, loved them, sacrificed for them, taught them, has to have reasons as to why.
Most often, there's little to no conversation about it, so, it continues.
Although I worked my okole off, did the best I knew, I was not a perfect mother.
Cliche' alert.
No mother is a perfect mother.
When my children spoke to me about something I did in their childhood that they didn't like, I acknowledged their pain, apologized to them.
Whether I remember differently or disagree matters very little.
Let alone the fact that my children weren't perfect little angels, either, their pain is real pain. Their resentment is personal to them. All I can do is to acknowledge their pain, sincerely apologize to them. The rest is in their hands.
It's a very healthy, very freeing action to apologize then let go while still loving them with all of my heart. In time they might miss me enough to reconnect or they might not. The proverbial ball is in their court. There is often so much strength in putting a matter in someone else's hands, especially when all I want to do is hold on.
My youngest daughter calls me every Sunday. I'm grateful to her, respect her time, her points of view.
Better to cherish who & what I do have instead of feeling sad about who & what I miss with all of my heart.
I deeply love all four of my children. They are all successful, educated, wonderful people with beautiful souls.
They are also very physically attractive while refraining from conceit, well, mostly. It's a tightrope walk to refrain from anything that gives a person so much positive attention.
I'm average in looks, above average in smarts, integrity, creativity. I'm a polyglot. Fluent in five languages, taught myself to read a 6th.
Who needs so much physical beauty? It only gets a person so far if they are unkind or unintelligent or any of the 7 deadly sins.
Thankfully, all four of my precious kiddos inherited the best of me & the best of their dad.
The rest is history!
