#Makes me cry every time

This blog entry is dedicated to a great friend who I dearly love. You know who you are.
I told you I would write it. I dedicate this blog entry to you as well 
as to all of the truly great fathers everywhere, past & present.


                                              ❤

Recently, a friend who I have known for a minute, has been in town. Mention of names or other details will be a no fly zone. Though, he is VERY FLY!  🥰

He and I engaged in a very unusual conversation. 

It concerned fathers & their ultimate importance in a childs life. It concerned specifically the importance of HIS father in his life.

The most essential, important, crucial act a father can do is to treat the mother of his children with love, respect. To show his children his faithfulness to his wife, teaching them of her value.

His father recently passed on, which was the reason he was in town for a week. I had never heard from him, such personal details of his feelings for his father, his mother, his reason as to why he has never married.

He has feared that, with his commitment to serving in the military that he couldn't be faithful as his father has been to his mother for the entire duration of their marriage.

Whatever his reasoning is or isn't, it's honorable to me.

He and I spoke at length. When his eyes were welling with tears, he put his shades on. He could disguise his tears with sunglasses indoors in bright light, the catch in his throat gave his emotions some life.
I saw the tears start to trickle down his handsome scruffy face.

This is a platonic friend. No sex, no romance involved. From my POV, anyway.

I reached out to him to hug him which he has never permitted when I reached to him, before with a, "Nah, we're good. I'm good."

I knew he was hurting.

He leaned against me, I felt his shoulders tremble, ever so slightly. Always with self control. Always in control of himself, his passions, his emotions. Strong, silent, self controlled.

We sat there for a moment. I whispered to him:
"It's okay, brother."
"let it go."

He started to pull away, I held a little tighter. He stayed.

Just then, a song started to play on the radio.

**************************************************************

Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross

OMFG! Great timing, there, DJ!

https://youtu.be/wmDxJrggie8

Nearly everyone knew Luther Vandross was Gay. 
Personally?
idgaf if he was gay, straight or from another solar system. He was a musical genius. 
Lots of baby making music. 
Lots of very poignant, emotional music, too. He was brilliant!

*********************************************************************

Spending time with my friend really drove the point home as to how important fathers are to all people. Babies, small children, teens, adults. All people who have had a truly dedicated father who loved, valued & respected himself then his children's' mother, have been better people because of it.

Dance With My Father has always made me cry.

EVERY DAM TIME

It's fortunate that I had visited the ladies tinkle room moments before. If I hadn't, more than my face might have become wet.
js

This time was the same. I sat, with my friend, his forehead on my shoulder as we both shed silent tears. Him, for the loss of his all important father, me, for the great father I never had.

I turned out okay, in spite of having had a crappy father who even excluded me from inheriting anything in his personal will.
I had exactly *ONE* conversation with him, in 18 years, that did not end with a brutal beating with his thick leather belt. This is so very wrong. It was demoralizing, damaging, done in anger.
I may have done greater things if I had a better father. Who knows?

My maternal grandfather was there for me. Yet, there was no complete substitute for having a strong, loving father. When my beloved grandfather passed on, I began thinking of a way to leave my parents home. With my grandfathers passing, there was no reason for me to stay in Michigan.

So much went through my mind, even my heart as I held my friend as he silently cried for the loss of his father. A tiny amount of sadness seethed through my spirit for never having had what so many people had or have. A great joy for the good, wise, caring, loving, faithful, men, who are the fathers of people who are built into those who go out into the world to do great things.
Hopefully, these men go on to be just as good, themselves, as fathers.

The words to this simple song makes me cry.

If you listen to it, it might move you, too.

New Year Wish

Today is all we have. 

All the tomorrows are uncertain at best. If you love someone, TELL THEM.

If you know that you hurt someone or they have hurt you, ask for forgiveness or forgive them when they apologize. 

Life is precious, goes by so fast most of the time. 

Hug your loved ones, do random acts of kindness when you can. The world needs that. 

I have seen so much death in the short time I have lived. When someone you love passes on, you may not get the closure if there are hurt feelings between you two. If you pass on first, they will lose their chance. 

If you are someone who I have hurt or you have hurt me, there's still time to reach out while we are both alive. I'm a very forgiving person. Not a perfect one, yet, one with a big heart & a lot of love.

 It's a new year, full of hope & promise. Be kind to yourself by forgiving yourself for things you have done or said that you regret. Then, be kind to others, their trials & struggles are often not known.

Find meaning in your life. 

Happiness is intermittent & fleeting. Finding meaning in your life betters you while ultimately making the world a better place.

With every loved one who has passed on, my parents, my younger brother, younger sister, uncles, aunts. 

Last, certainly the hardest was the man I love so much, I miss him with every breath I take. He died doing what he loved, far too young to die. He changed me forever in a million good ways. 

I keep moving forward. 

I wish prosperity & love to you who are reading this.

Coverture Laws and Such

This is a somewhat serious subject.

Coverture laws were mostly in place in the USA as early as the 1960s. 
Coverture laws were the laws by which a woman as well as any & all of her property, money, inherited or otherwise, became the sole property of any man she married. 
She lost all rights to anything she had worked for or inherited, when she married. 
A mother had no say so over her children & her husband could do anything he wanted to do with their children. 
Quite often fathers did whatever they wanted to do including selling the child or giving the child to someone else or sending their mother away to never see her children ever again. UGH!

It has only been since 1980 that it was illegal for a man to forcibly rape his wife.

Baby! We have progressed. We still have a ways to go. We have come so far. Far enough that, hopefully, we will continue to progress. Hopefully. 

Many males feel a bit threatened by this. I see it expressed online as well as offline. Males mostly ruled the the USA as well as the world up until 60 years ago. Many countries are still predominantly patriarchal.
In some countries, an animal has more worth than a female. In many countries females have so little worth that mothers will murder their infant girl immediately after being born based solely on the baby being female instead of male.

Some infant girls are given more of a chance by putting their child in what is sadly called a Baby Box. Some people have installed these boxes on the outside of their home for unwanted babies to be placed, to be raised or adopted by people who wish to adopt a baby.

Whilst reading comments on social media, I see the angst, the misogynistic words of what appears to be males. Online, anyone can present themselves as anyone or anything they wish to appear to be.

These comments are BRUTAL. The anger, the sadness, the vicious name calling by males who feel so disempowered by females in todays world. Many will pull the feminist card without having much of a reason to do so. Just like pulling the race card has lost its impact, pulling the feminist card is on the same trek to becoming meaningless.

Many males blame everything that has gone wrong in their life on females. If not all, they blame many things on females.

What people, male and female, are doing is to give their power away. When a person accepts responsibility for their problems, failures, misdeeds, even their words, they become a better person.

Doing so is tough, I know. 

Taking personal responsibility also gives a person more confidence, more of a general feeling of wellbeing. Also, as the person feels better about themselves, their life improves with the passage of time. Their relationships with family & friends improve.

Who wants that?

Most likely, everyone.

Oh, peeps! I have tried offering compassion to the angry males both in real life and online. Mostly, it's only met with more anger. Using me, online, as a verbal scape goat for everything every female has ever done to hurt them or anger them.

Although it's tempting, I stopped engaging very much. It's a waste of time. 

When a male pronounces the term "crazy" or "psycho" or "over-emotional" on a female he has had a romantic connection with, he is telling me more about himself than her.

He is saying: 
"I treated her badly, I lied to her, I was such a jerk,  she reacted, I'm a male who won't take responsibility for my wrongful actions."

It's best to avoid a male who reveals this about himself.

What about the emotionally, psychologically healthy males?

The males who will take responsibility for their actions.

I have met a few. Sadly, only a few, yet, they left a lasting impression on me. The impression they left, caused me to make the effort to remember as vividly as possible what it feels like to be in the presence of a truly mature, intelligent, confident man.  

My purpose in remembering this experience so clearly is to help me to be able to filter out the decent men from the ones who are less decent. The ones who would seek to use me or any female for whatever their purpose is. Their evil purposes will harm the ones they use so callously. 
Some females never recover from the harm caused by such flippant cruelty.
Yes, there are males who have had the same thing done by females in their lives. 
As much flak as I risk getting for writing this, males are most often the ones damaging females. 
Females who keep allowing this damage when they have a choice to allow or not allow, often become so bitter & angry with males that they lose the ability to recognize a good, decent man when they meet one.

I stopped dating at all to remain positive toward males. It makes zero sense to despise someone solely based upon gender. When I made this conscious decision, life became sweeter, more peace filled. Seeking after more meaning in life is much more rewarding, gives so much more fulfillment.
This may continue for the rest of my life or maybe things will change. Either way, being happy & fulfilled is important.

Slowly, the balance is happening, between genders. Males mostly don't like it, females sometimes go a bit into overkill, yet, I can see that overkill being tamed with time.

I love the USA, I'm thankful to have been born here to two citizens of the USA. Also, I'm grateful to the people who have worked so hard, some even lost their very lives so that I am free to do as I wish. 
Being someone's property would be horrid especially if I knew that life was so different for females in countries other than my own.

The Gift (s)

This blog entry could also be titled "Conversations in Walmart." I would simply, rather not. Walmart gets enough publicity.

On Sunday (January 5th) I was in Walmart, just browsing. I went there specifically for ink cartridges for my printer. 

So, I ended up buying 2 super size printer cartridges, 4 skeins of DMC 321 embroidery floss which is a true red. DMC 666 is aptly named Devil Red. EEK! It kinda gives me the creepers. 

When I was in the craft aisle, a sweet lady and I began a conversation. She was rather sad as she explained how she devoted her life to her husband & raising her children, then even raising a few of her grandchildren.

Her children & grandchildren live within 10 miles of her. Her husband had passed on 2 years ago. During the holidays, as she spoke with tears in her eyes, none of her children or grandchildren visited her, nor called her, nor was there any gift for her from the ones she had dedicated most of her life, to.

How sad is this?

I'm in a similar situation, so, I could relate.

My youngest daughter calls me every Sunday & I absolutely love that. She has a busy life. She makes the effort. That is the key to having a nice tight bond, effort. Effort from both people. It has to be both people making the effort or that dog won't hunt. 

My second youngest, only son & I message each other on a regular basis. I would love a phone call from him at least once a month, yet, I will honor his efforts because that is what you do when you love someone. I will continue to enjoy his messages, the photos he sends me. He and his wife sent the most beautiful candle to me for Christmas. It has a custom label with a photo of them. My son & his wife honored my preference for any candle that is floral or herbal scented. 

Anything that smells like anything besides food!

Candle maker companies are unknowingly tormenting people like me, with their yumminess candles.

I will choose to buy any herbal or floral candle. TYVM.

The candle my son & his wife sent me is scented very beautifully as Fresh Cut English Roses.

YES!

I love it.

Btw ~ I have 4 precious children who I love so much.

As I was in the crafts aisle in Walmart, there was so much I wanted to hand make, so much I wanted to buy, then, customize for my children. The woman I was having a conversation with, talked me down off of that ledge with kindness, with understanding.

Most of the time, when I have hand made or put a great deal of effort into gifts for my children, I get less gratitude than I would like. 

What would be the ideal?

Glad you asked!

Ideally, I would like some kind of communication to let me know they received my gifts that I mailed to them. There are so many ways to communicate, there is no valid excuse for this.

I would like a bit of feedback. What did they like? What did they not like? What would they want more of, or less. 

I will refrain from disclosing further details out of courtesy.

My heart wants so much to shower all 4 of my precious children with love, with gifts, with happiness in giving to them all that my heart wants to give.

Most people respond well to appreciation from others who they love. Being appreciated feels so good, so heart warming.

I will just say that I feel the lack of appreciation. 

Dang, it smarts!

As much as my mind was concocting so many precious gifts I could create and mail or give, in person. Future Christmas gifts, Birthday gifts, Easter gifts. Just Because gifts. As much as my heart was so full of love to overflowing with the desire to give. The sting of the lack of appreciation was palpable.

I just said, "Nah".

Doing this went against who I am, how I love to be generous with loved ones. It feels foreign to my personal nature, yet, the sting was gone after I just said, "Nah."

Whilst paying for my printer ink cartridges, I saw the lady who I had spoken with earlier, at the self checkout.

She smiled at me, said, "Good job!"

That was truly appreciation.