Recent Selfies

It's one of the hottest, longest lasting trends. 
Still strong.
Still developing!

Yeah, you people who are so selfie, you know!

Selfies work!
Schnapping your own mug gives a person the power to control how they appear to not only the camera! It gives control over how the photo subject appears to the world!  
Most people have an idea as to how they look, in their own perception. 
Sometimes it's spot on, sometimes skewed.
It's easy to get an off kilter self perception.
There's lighting, angles, good hair day or bad hair day. Factor in weight gain/ weight loss, aging, okay, so, you get it. Ha ha!

Selfies give us complete control over how we appear to the world to make our physical appearance match the image we want to present at the time or to the world.
Face it, peeps, looking suh-weet on social media is a desire.

For someone such as - moi - who is less than jazzed to have their photo snapped & posted all over social media plus beyond?
It's an annoyance at minimum, an angering event at worst. 

It would be a mistake to purport to speak to why other people feel this way, it's best to only speak for myself.

My reasons?

~ Have had several stalkers
~ Wishing to be unique vs following the herd
~ I look better now than I did at age 30 
(past photos are embarrassing, most likely I will keep improving, looking better in future than I did 10 years ago, 5 years ago, even 1 year ago! I don't like reminders of the past)

Those are just my top 3.

There may be future selfies posted exclusively to my blog. Nothing special, yet, the world IS very selfie cray-cray!

Stay tuned!

The Pinterest Gestaspo

It appears, in my personal experience that Pinterest is a rigid, my way or the highway organization.

Correct me if I'm wrong, peeps, isn't it a common observe that the whole point of Pinterest is to find photos, news articles, recipes, etc and collect them or "pin" them to your boards?

Hmm.

That's what it seemed to be, to me.

Then, I started receiving nasty-grams in my email about "copyright complaints."

WHAT?

Everything is copyrighted ~ well, dam, skippy.

Peoples names, photos, website domain, recipes. Yet, when people put their "stuff" out there in public domain whether it's freebie craft patterns, recipes, decor ideas, seems like it's fair game, as long as it's not being used  to make $$.

'Parrently not ~ at least ~ NOT to the Pinterest Nazis 
aka
The Pinterest Team.

I WAS a fan of Pinterest. I was a regular "Pinner."

WAS

Then, I started receiving nasty grams from 
"The Pinterest Team"

Finally, on September 20th, I received a final particularly nasty email from "The Pinterest Team, stating that they were receiving copyright complaints. Also stating that if I didn't reply within 14 days, my account would be deleted.
All 150+ boards.
'Parently, The Pinterest Team can't count. 
I replied to them that very day.
By 6 pm, on September 20th, they had deleted my account.

All good things....

Watch out!

You might have your account deleted next!!!

Greatness

How do you define greatness?
How is goodness defined?

In terms of a man, both of these could describe him.

Although, he was so humble, so unassuming. John was seemingly, unaware of the huge impact he made upon people. As the publicly proclaimed "American Prince", the only surviving son of one of the US's most beloved presidents, he was born famous.

Fame.

Ahhh, fame.

It's less glamour, more annoyance. It haunted him, it highlighted his failures as well as his accomplishments. Fame aka the paparazzi Nazis,  nearly ruined his marriage to Carolyn Bessete-Kennnedy, who was unprepped for the onslaught of media attention.

As the son of President JFK, he was almost pre-destined for success in politics, that is, until he got in Hillary Clinton's way.

It seems to be a theme in the Clinton family. Interfere with a Clinton, you end up dead.

Pick your poison.

Suicide
Plane Crash
Auto Crash
Mysterious overdose
Embassy Invasion

John F Kennedy JR was, indeed, destined for greatness, as it is, he was ripped from us all too soon. 
Every interview, every accounting or retelling of him by friend & foe alike speaks well of him. 
He was a devoted son, an attorney, a magazine founder & publisher.
He was also a roller blader, a pilot.
A faithful, loving, devoted husband.

Rest in peace, American Prince.

Oh, Johnny-boy, we barely knew ye.

A Time in My Life

I'm happy we met. You came into my life like a breath of fresh air, then, just as swiftly, you left.
I feel the empty spot, still, although it's been so long. Your place is one that no one else can fill. You're just that unique.
Now, I have to soldier on, without you.
Knowing that you're out there, rocking, rolling, risking your life, taking lovers to your bed, eating your favorite foods, carrying on as you always have. You can forget about me, I will always remember you.
The sweet spot you left me with will always be with me.
There was pain, it's true, yet, you were worth it.

You came into my life, changed me, taught me so much, then, you left without a proper good bye.

A reason.
A season.
A lifetime.

Sometimes, it's all three.

A Poem For You

You asked me to write a poem
One just for you
Asked me to publish it
In a  soft shade of blue

You asked me to pull it up
Straight from my heart
A secret I've never told
In this personal form of art

Just for you ~

Being unaccustomed
To sublety
Unskilled at telling lies
As is the way of
Special Forces guys

Special Forces guys
Are a different breed
The way they think
What they need

In hindsight
I see very well
It's a different world
A different toned bell 

Their pace in their world
Is tough on anyone
Especially a girl
Who loves him
With all of her heart
It's enough to tear her
Apart
Yet loving him is
What she feels inside
Keeps her happy
Keeps her
Satisfied

The Art of Being Real, The Art of Being Compassionate

It is easier to be critical, easier to find fault, easier to be unkind, often than it is to be kind, to give the benefit of the doubt, to be an authentic, more compassionate person.
Long sentence, big idealism.

People who are very critical of others, I find, are critical of others in an attempt to make themselves feel more secure. 
Thinking they are covering their own flaws, their own insecurity.
In reality?
The insecure person is broadcasting ~ I feel bad about myself!

The times in my life when I have experienced someone who showed compassion to me, gave me the beneficial side of a doubt, it changed me. It affected me in beautiful ways. 

These experiences helped shape me, further convinced me to strive to be the most authentic version of myself I can be.

The art of being an authentic person sounds like a more simple concept of raison d'etre than it actually is. 

Experiences which drove the point into me, to be authentic?

Just 2 examples for the sake of brevity.

~ At my father's funeral, I felt so very alone even in a crowded room. I was sitting with my brothers and 1 remaining sister, yet, still, felt very alone. My cousin, John, came into the room, made a bee-line toward me, put his arms around me in a tight hug, whispering into my ear, 
"It's good to see you, I'm so sorry, so sorry, so sorry."
That simple gesture of caring meant a great deal to me. His very authentic gesture made me feel so connected from that moment on for the rest of my stay in Michigan.

~ When describing the description of a frontline war conflict by a soldier whose acquaintance I made, it sounded a bit far fetched, to me. I re-told the war story told to me, to another soldier who had seen more than his fair share of wartime experiences which I knew to be valid. When asking him about the validity of the first persons tale, his response amazed me!
He gave benefit of the doubt with his reply.
" I would rather believe than discredit a fellow soldier."
That simple reply touched me, shaped me, gave me more desire to err on the side of compassionate benefit of the doubt.

 In this world of deceit, selfishness, lying, cheating, pain.

The milk of human kindness, the balm of compassion gives hope, gives healing to a human spirit.

Watching interviews with John F Kennedy JR, seeing his greatness in being so intelligently authentic, gives me pause.
Also, gives inspiration as to how to be as well as having the self respect enough to just ~

Be real.

More expensive to eat healthy? Completely false!

As one who is waaayyy into eating healthy, living healthy, etc, I hear this a lot.

Generally from people who live on processed garbage that they pass off as "food'. It's the equivalent of putting fuel in your car's gas tank that's half kool-aid, half actual gasoline.

Everything a person eats & drinks is either feeding future disease.......or fighting it.
Which will you choose?

Into every mouth, some junk food will pass. The optimum is to eat healthy as much as possible. Advertisers, marketing professionals, they are so skilled at convincing people to eat the processed garbage passed off as food.

There is hope, peeps!
  
It is, in reality, more beneficial, less expensive, ultimately to eat real food. Get back to basics. Eat fresh, raw vegetables, fruit, lean natural protein.
The benefits of eating real food that is fresh, that is minimally processed are astounding!
You will be lean, have glowing skin, you will be able to leap over 25 story buildings with a single bound!
Maybe not, *smile*.
Yet, you WILL be so healthy that you won't be the victim of big pharma, dependent upon multiple pharmaceuticals just for your day to day existence.

Some good examples of eating real food:

Keep 4 - 6 boiled eggs in your fridge for snacking
Yogurt
Fresh veggies
Fresh fruit
Cashews, Walnuts, Peanuts, Almonds
Scramble 3 - 5 eggs, 2 T. of salsa, eat with a sliced avocado
1-2 5 oz cans drained tuna with diced veggies and or fresh fruit

Real food.

Many people who live on less than $1,000. per month are doing this.
Why?
Because they are determined to eat healthy, to be healthy.
Even something as simple as popcorn. Buying microwave popcorn, you are paying $40. per pound of popcorn along with the price of packaging AND the chemicalized popcorn.
The regular "old school" plain popcorn can be microwaved, if you wish to microwave it, in a covered glass bowl, then real, natural butter can be melted & dripped onto the popcorn.
just 2 ingredients. Popcorn & butter. Ready in 3 minutes!

Please, if you disbelieve, try this for yourself.

JERF!

Just Eat Real Food.

JERF!

:)

Smitten with Intermittent

In today's world, the gears to living seem to have switched, accelerated, changed dramatically. 
Whereas 20 years ago, the key to success was to work harder than anyone else, be bold, speak your mind.

That yields less success in today's world, my friends.

Speak your mind?

You may find yourself ostracized, out of a job, labeled a drama-chik or drama-dude. In some cases, you might even be slapped with legal action!

Yep, IMHO, it seems that subtlety & intermittent practices lead to the most happiness & success in 2017.

This practice trickles into every industry, including, my fave!

Fitness, baby!

In the fitness journey which has been my quest for a minute, intermittent has given me some success!

HIIT ~ High Intensity Interval Training (google  it)
Intermittent Fasting

The subtle approach comes into play when it comes to taking about fitness & fitness practices. In a world where eating processed junk is more of the norm, eating real food aka eating healthy is a mystery to most people.

The obesity & pharmadependence (I made a new word!) culture is such that, I have learned that I have to be sensitive as to who my audience is when talking of fitness.

Many people, just plain don't want to hear it.

Some people are searching for answers, yet, are sensitive to fitness talk due to their consciousness of their obesity & unhealthy life practices.

Ergo ~ It was important to learn to only share with those who appear to really want to hear the truth. Equally important is to be sensitive to the feelers of those who ask.
I have my own sensitivities, I do my utmost to be sensitive to those topics, watching facial expressions, body language.

Intermittent fasting is something I started doing at the very start of my budding practice to get back into fighting shape!

A greater part of my gym motivation is that I don't allow myself to eat until I've worked out. This may not work for everyone, it's working for me!
Plus, it's more of a "help" if you will, to do Yoga or Pilates, heck, even TRX on an empty stomach.

I usually pick 1 day of each week to fast, so, this adds even more of a boost to my IF personal program. 

Fitness, baby!

The proof is in the clothing I had to give up, which became too large for me. Donating clothing I love, yet, can no longer wear, to hurricane relief just felt good!

Feeling my abs pull in & become a bit more firm with every workout. 
The manager of the gym I work out in told me that TRX would do great things for my body was right!

Thanks, coach!

For the past 10 months or so, I have also added HIIT to my workouts. It can be done on a treadmill, an elliptical machine, bike or stair climber.
It can even be done outside a gym, HIIT outside of the gym provides less structure, yet, a gym is less crucial to HIIT.

Starting out on the treadmill, I crank the incline to 15, then the speed up to 4.7 mph, hold this for 3 - 4 minutes, then I jump my feet to the sided of the tread belt for 30 seconds. Hop back on & keep varying the speed & incline, jumping off & on at 30 - 60 second intervals, for 30 - 60 minutes.
Some people say that 15 minutes is sufficient, I like the burn.

That's just one example. One way to do it.

The beauty of this, is that my body is responding.

Must be doing something that works, n'est-ce pas?

Blacklisted

Every day is a new day!

Change is frightening to some. 

Change is exciting in my pov!

Feeling this exhilaration from changing, evolving, growing. Feeling it every day I'm 6ft above ground!

The person I was yesterday is different from who I am today! Gravitating toward anything that's new, to check it out. Sifting that which suits me from the rest which is set free!

When a buddy took me aside to tell me some dirt he had heard about me from a Special Forces soldier he is acquainted with,
~ I was mystified!

The Special Forces community is a small, close knit group. Yes, he is one of those secret squirrels. :) 
These people take up for their own right or wrong.

When my buddy specifically told me who the one talking trash about me is, as well as what the slanderer is saying, again ~ 
I was mystified!

I don't know him or much about him.

Then, I felt compassion for the one trash talking me who seems to think he knows me.
Wondering to myself ~

What has happened to cause him such bitterness?
His pain must be excruciating, it comes through in his words about me ~ someone who doesn't know me any more than I know him.
Words he spoke about me, most likely supposing I would never know what he said about me or who said it.

When my buddy told me I was "black listed" in the Special Forces Community, I was shocked.

Then, I felt compassion for this guy who spoke so harshly about me from a place of bitterness, of his pain.

Arriving at home, I paused to say a prayer for him that he will be comforted.

As you read this ~ you know who you are ~ may you be consoled, may you be at peace. Though you didn't ask for it, you have my forgiveness.
If you need to come to me for your own peace of mind, I would welcome you as a friend.

Life is too short to harbor grudges, ill feelings. Telling the definition of holding a grudge, is a bit to cliche, along with the sad, embittering effects.

Be at peace, I know I am.

Aimez- vous la romantique?

I love romance. Love the softer, sweeter side of life. 

Peeps!

I'm talking romance, further from the sexual, it's romance!

A person can live, be, enjoy romance even while living as a single person. It's about feeling joyful in the beauty of life. Hence, my romantic poetry.

Enjoy. :)

I would trade being truly loved
By one good faithful man
Loving only him forever
Or as long as we can
For being desired by many

Devotion that is from his heart
Something so precious so rare
His heart with his soul laid bare
So vulnerable yet well placed

One courageous warrior
With a mind so complex
Knowing a good woman is more than good sex
A wise one indeed

Two hearts searching at once
Knowing that their beloved lives
With the sweet comfort this gives
Keeps the heart hope burning
Amidst all this yearning
Traveling through time to find each other


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥❤❤♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

The Power

Everyone who knows me, REALLY knows me, knows that the spirit of southern hospitality is strong with me. 

I love deeply
Doing for others is a pleasure for me
Cooking for others is a joy for me

In the ilk of these statements, people who truly know me, know that I keep a guest room in my home always ready, 24/7 baby!
Love having company, love having visitors.
Visitors with SOME notice, that is! Wouldn't want to be found nekkid, running through the house, by anyone. *wicked smile*

Last week, I had a friend whom I've known for most of my life, come to visit me. She's a very clean person, which motivated me to pay extra attention to the finer details of cleaning my home.

She's also Swedish/Finn which says a lot. They are known for their clean homes, clean living practices.
I met her when I lived in Germany.

From the moment she came to the front door, it was as if we had just seen each other a day ago. It's actually been 3 years.

She knew me at my heaviest weight, knew me as a wife & mother, now, she and I are single girls together! 
I like this much better.
She's as health conscious, body conscious, fitness conscious as I am. She lives in Colorado Springs & is constantly hiking, biking, skiing in the winter, playing tennis in the summer.
When I look at her? 
I see Heidi Klum. Tall, willowy, with long blonde & silver hair!
Yes, I know Hiedi is German. So what!

My friend, even after living in the USA for so long, still has her adorable Swedish accent. I can hear it. I love  it!

Having lived in Texas for 5 years, I miss the feeling of being with friends who know just about all there is to know about me, yet, they still love me!
I miss being around family members who I have a history with.

Family & friends who have witnessed my transformation from an unhappy, obese, abused wife to who I am, now, marvel at it.
Personally?
I guess I don't see what they see.
Working so hard to improve my fitness level, maintain & even improve health and, yes, on a vain note, attractiveness, I keep seeing ways to improve.

When my dear friend was visiting me, we would be talking, laughing or walking and she would  just  stop.
Whatever she was doing, she  just  stopped  what she was doing.

She looked at me and said, 
"Do you know how beautiful you are?"
or
"You're so pretty, it's why the guys fall all over you!"
or
"See? That's why guys like you so much!"

I go into denial.
Then, she reminds me of the time we traveled to Ohio, New York and Niagara Falls, together, and with no prodding at all, there was one guy who found out where our hotel room was and he brought gifts to me to try to persuade me to go out to dinner or lunch with him.
I couldn't leave my dear friend,so, I had to turn him down.
The next day, when we went to the hotel pool, a different guy was watching me playing and laughing in the water, he was watching me so intently, he tripped and fell!
My friend saw this and went into fits of laughter! 
The next guy quizzed my friend as to whether I was single or not. She really set me up! I had to turn the guy down.

When she complimented me, I denied, denied, denied. She reminded me of these events.

Day to day, I think very little as to whether I'm beautiful or not, yet, when my friend was so generous with her praise, it was very powerful! Taking excellent care of myself, body, mind & spirit, I feel as if I'm 25! My energy level is high. Often, I'm told by people who don't know my age, that I look 20 years younger than I actually am. I'm very healthy from my workouts, water drinking habit, love for fresh veggies & protein!
Her sweet words, delivered with such sincerity, lifted my spirits, made me feel as if I actually am as pretty as she says.

The words other people speak carry so much power. The words we all speak, carry more power than we realize.
Her presence in my home was a wonderful time of connection. Now, she has gone back to Colorado.
She is missed.
Her absence is definitely felt.

The Veterans Administration Fails

On a personal level, I can, now, with proof to back it up, say that The Veterans Administration has failed.

The Veterans Administration has failed ME.

For the past 5 + years I have fought with them for what I was told, was a sure thing. 
SLAM! dunk.
When my active duty status with the United States Air Force ended, I worked very diligently to put the horror of the sexual harassment, sexual assaults, along with the resulting anxiety, insomnia, depression etc. behind me.
In order to have a happy family, produce well reared children, I actively worked to stuff the PTSD caused by MST down deep.

Although the man I married, had seen the harassment first hand, had witnessed the many times I screamed & flailed in my sleep. Many times, ultimately waking in a cold sweat, crying, screaming, shaking. This gradually subsided.
The depression was the one remaining side effect from PTSD/MST.
He didn't understand or make the connection any more than I did. I had to consciously work to put it behind me, then keep my finger in the proverbial dyke to hold back the darkness.

FFWD to around 2012. I was persuaded by a VA Service Officer, who saw the manifestations of PTSD, that I should file a claim with the VA. I was shocked.
Having believed that I had covered it, stuffed it deep, moved past the events that had disturbed me so much, guess what?
It was still there!
The VA SO has a trained perception, he saw it.

He counseled me very patiently.

He brought me into having the courage to finally come forward, to tell the VA what had happened to me.

I knew what I had to do. The fear, the dread, the ensuing insomnia, nightmares, anxiety & depression, that dredging it all up from the bottom  of my subconscious would bring was so palpable.
The VA SO told me to write it out, as much detail as I could recall, names, places, what was said, what was done....... and who said it/did it.
Recalling all of the horrible events was easy. I have always had a very sharp memory, photographic recall.

The ensuing insomnia, nightmares, anxiety that was brought back in full force was the difficulty in it. Inability to hold a job, inability to trust, fierce railing at those who wronged me.
In the process of writing about the sexual assaults, the sexual harassment, the trauma of being denied medical care after the assaults. Being told that the events never happened.
All of the demons came back to roost.

After 2 years of giving the VA what they asked for, it went like this:

VA request
Gave it
Wait a month or so
VA request more
Gave it
Wait a month more
VA request for MORE
Gave it
Wait
VA request
Gave Wait
VA request
Gave
Wait
And so on...

This is how the VA treated my dredging up of trauma, harassment, anxiety, all for their request.

What did I receive in return?

Nightmares
Anxiety
Depression
Suicidal thinking
Unemployment
Hunger (no food available)
Social isolation
Financial difficulty

Then, an appointment with a VA Examiner. 

The VA Examiner had been an Elementary School Psychologist for a decade before working for the VA! During the 3 hour exam:

He asked questions, then talked over me so I couldn't answer
Put his hand up in my face when I continued to answer, to stop me from answering.
Called me "little girl" repeatedly.
Took out textbooks to prove to me, as he explained,  that the events I had described, never even happened.

In essence, he railroaded me. Then, he joined the males who harassed me, raped me, denied medical care, he denied my claim that I had sacrificed my peace of mind for, to build for two solid years.

My claim, as well as the poor treatment I have received from the Veterans Administration, is just one of thousands.

Yes, I have a positive PTSD caused by MST diagnosis from a trained Psychologist. That was nearly 2 years ago. 

The poor treatment I received is ongoing as my claim remains ignored as of today, ironically, 9/11/2017

The depression, anxiety, nightmares & insomnia, the poor relationships with family, unemployment, financial hardship, unfortunately continue.

If you're not growing, you're.......

Here it is, peeps, in B&W!

It's a law of the Universe, yes, that one. You know, the one with all the planets, moons, stars, cosmic matter? Made up of atoms, molecules, quarks, protons, bozons. Yeah. RoR!

Anything that isn't growing is....

Can you guess?

Let's give a forinstance (a nonsense word, I know!)

When a plant, more familiar, a house plant, stops growing, there is a reason.

When an animal stops growing, yupp, ha ha! There's a reason.

When a star out there in the universe stops growing, same thing.

People, genus homo sapien, human beings, are all part of this cosmic, interconnected law.

When a person allows themselves to become stagnant, in a rut, spinning their wheels, they begin to feel it. Sometimes they catch themselves to save themselves. Sometimes something happens which saves them.
A new love enters their life.
A religious experience.
A new form of education.
Discovering a new kind of ice cream! ~ 
Haagen Dazes Mayan Chocolate! Hallelujah!

Those who don't receive this, start to die, slowly, surely. 

If you're not growing, you're dying.

Peeps!

Get out there and grow!

Allure

Keep in mind, I'm a white girl from Michigan. Well, half Native American. From my strawberry blonde hair, light green eyes, fair skin, it's less than apparent that I'm 1/2 NA.

From a very early age, around 5 years of age, I had a fascination with what was out there in the world that was exotic, that was very different from the small town I lived in. When my grandfather would receive his new issue of National Geographic magazine, he and I looked at it together. It only whetted my appetite for an exotic experience.

I knew I wanted to get out of the small town I lived in to explore the rest of the world! 

The ocean, the rain-forests, the beaches, they called to me.

When I was told that I could go to Hawai'i as my first military assignment, after BMTS and Tech School, I knew it was where I wanted to go. I was as good as on my way!

The first time I was able to watch real Hawai'ian Hula, I was mesmerized. Listening to the live ukulele melody, the falsetto singing in the Hawai'ian language, watching the graceful movement of the wahine who danced with a sensuous sway, a beautiful smile on her face!

It touched my heart in a place I had never felt before. 

It was peacefulness, love, kindness, spirituality ~ all in one.

In later years, with my daughters, I learned to dance Hula. Far from perfect, less graceful than I would like, yet, I feel it deeply in my heart.
When my hips begin to sway in kaholo, I feel hula in my heart. When hearing the slack key guitar or the gentle strumming and light "pick-pick" of the ukulele, the feeling takes over. 

Peace, happiness, love, sweetness in my very being.

No ka oi!

Insidious Subtleties

If you have ever had the infamous difficulty of a long term marriage or a long term relationship, ending, you may have experienced the painful adjustment period afterward.
Yeah, you know what it is.

If you're one of the infamous people who dated on the side. Enjoying deceiving your committed SO. The adjustment to being single, again, after getting over the shock of the wronged one actually ending the sick relationship..................well. Yeah. lol. Easier to adjust when you were never truly committed.

For the rest of us, who were all in, who were truly committed,  it's a rough road, my friends!
Equally, those who have experienced frequent spousal absence, have a taste of the difficulty of separation from a SO.

When there is a legal commitment, a legal obligation, if you will, which binds two people, making it somewhat more difficult to end the relationship. People are somewhat "stuck" with each other. There is more obligation to put up with the bitter along with the sweet. The little idiosyncrasies which makes up what it is to be human. Some of these can be little niggling irritating quirks or sometimes as annoying as watching a car accident in slow-mo with little influence to stop it.

These subtle behaviors which most people do as well as inflict upon their SO, the SO has a comfort bubble in which their behavior, while unacceptable, is most often accepted. By the same token, the SO often gives as good as they get.

When I left the semi-safe bubble in which I lived, I began to realize that society had changed so much. People had, while I was busy living in a warm semi-safe bubble as a wife, mother & had family around me, people had changed so much.
More to the point, SINGLE people had changed even more. People were, now, less tolerant of even the smallest sleight. People had evolved into a way of becoming so easily offended by small actions whether real or perceived as real.

There arose a need to conform, to learn to be much more subtle or face ostracizing by peers. This was a learning process.
Often, it seems as though the learning process is ongoing.

Learning to be subtle was one of many personal lessons. Learning to be more kind.
Learning to be more accepting even if only outward.
Learning to be more standoffish to avoid predatory people.
Learning to assert stronger boundaries.
Learning to actually be more assertive.
Finally ~
Learning to guard my heart to avoid future bumps & bruises.

All of this, with subtle actions, subtle words. It feels somewhat like I have to be someone else to simply survive, socially, emotionally, spiritually.

Subtlety is key.