How do you do it?

   

                                                                                                Tonight, I received a shocking bit of information. A guy told me that my lack of trust in males was obvious in my social media posts.
Hmm.
Although I won't discount an observation that was said out of love, friendship, concern it was a bit of a shock.

When a child is beaten as well as treated with cruelty by adults, they learn to be suspicious of adults. 

When a person only receives injustice from a corrupt justice system, it's understandable that they would mistrust authority figures.

It would be moot to continue.

The picture is crystal.

Nearly every male I have ever allowed to get close to me has either hurt me physically or emotionally or both. 

So, how does a girl who has experienced the level of betrayal, lies, pain, plus worse, from males, how can she trust males?

In the horror of the dating climate that is today's world where married males think it's okay to go outside of their marriage whether their wife consents or not, it's terribly painful.

With online dating sites as well as apps where guys troll for sex, record it then pass it around, even sometimes post it online, it's difficult to trust.

In the social climate where many males have no problem with a steady diet of casual sex, hook ups, using girls for their bodies, it's a dangerous minefield.

It's a very selfish, destructive way to treat fellow human beings.

For the first 5 years after my long marriage to an abusive male ended in a divorce that I wanted, even paid for (financially as well as other ways, I really believed that there would be at least ONE decent single guy who I would be able to find some connection, commonalities with.

After 5 years of the above mentioned predators trying to fool me with their methods of deception, bait & switch, charming lies, I had nearly had it.

In 2012, giving it one more chance,  I really thought I had found him. He asked, so, I told him that I felt he was worth the risk, one last time.

The one who seemed to be a knight in shining armor, turned out to be an idiot in cheap tinfoil.

The emotional pain left me crying and hurting badly, wishing to die for almost 2 years.

An intelligent person learns that if you stick your hand in fire, it only causes pain, causes harm.

Risking your heart, your vulnerability, then getting burned, over then over again. Risk. Repeat. Risk. Repeat.

A person learns that trusting those similar to the ones who only brought pain, disappointment plus much worse, repeatedly, trusting them is self inflicted damage.

I gave it 5 years before deciding it was no longer worth the risk. It was then that I turned to fitness, something that works while delivering greater health, fulfillment, success!
I can trust my workouts to make me feel good, make me feel happy, fulfilled, healthy, safe.

Having stopped dating much at all while I still feel that there are good men in the world who see girls as fellow human beings, yet, I'm still cautious around guys. Having learned that the way to keep myself safe, mind, body & spirit, is to keep my guard up, I guard my heart closely. Guarding my heart includes those overly needy, predatory girls who use others ~ male & female ~ for whatever they can get.

Guys ~ I'm aware that there are females that hurt guys without caring, however, I'm completely straight, so, I stay on one team. Can only speak from the heart of a girl who had such faith that there are more decent guys out there than there actually are.

There are truly wonderful single guys out there.

It was my misfortune to only meet players, liars, cheaters.

(Sorry! Copy & paste this link for some great advice!)
https://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/30/hookinguprealities/how-to-make-sure-you-dont-fall-for-a-player/

I stopped dating while I still love guys, while I still believe there are good ones in the world.

How does someone who has been hurt so many times that they lose the ability to trust, learn to trust again?
How do you do it?

The answer eludes me.

Series of Unfortunate Events

Coming out in my vulnerability
Seeing you in your nakedness
A face of past hurts
Covered up with sheer finesse
Still, I saw you
You saw me

In the shaky world of self hiding
We were so visible it hurt
Still you complimented me
I returned your flirt
We began our dance

The chemistry was white hot
It burned then it cooled
It seemed that we two 
Were only passion fooled
It ended as fast as it started

Story old as time

Reset

Repeat

Update

If you care to know or even if you don't, here it is!

Obviously, if you care to know you are still reading!

Whilst this may seem micro to many, it has been HUGE to me, for so long. A pesky habit I have had for, let's just say, many years. Remembering why it started, not telling!

However, I will tell you my progress in ridding myself of such an ugly, pervasive habit.

Have never been a ~

- Cigarette smoking or tobacco addiction

- Excessive alcohol consumption

- Excessive sugar consumption

- Excessive spending $$$$

One habit shy of being Mary Poppins perfect!
Just playing!

It's important for a person to take care of themselves. It's important to myself, to go a step or two further.

Mani, pedi, facial & skin care, etc.

Yupp.

I'm having success in curing myself of picking at the skin on my finger cuticles. Started taking Biosil & Natures Bounty Hair Skin & Nails Gummies, July 2017 to help with nail strength. It's working!
At night, I wrap the fingertips in med tape or bandaids with a small dab of coconut oil or olive oil. It's helping!

All that was needed was the desire to stop this ugly habit.

Part of why I started was from anxiety as my marriage was falling apart. That's how long I have been doing it. 

Oh, my fingers would look very pretty for 2 - 3 days after a manicure. Then........the picking would start again. 

Within 4 days after a manicure they would be dry & bleeding again!

This would repeat.

Many fortuitous events have taken place so that I decided that 2018 would be the year I stop this insidious habit.

So far, so good! I think that wrapping my fingertips before beddy bye time definitely helps.

If I keep improving with NO PICKING at all, I'm going to treat myself to a pro manicure on Friday.

Keeping my un-picked fingers crossed!

Wish me well, peeps, yeah, I really do need it.

Thinking, Feeling, Caring

Some can call this drama. 

In truth?

I call it reality.

Well, my reality, anywho!

Being one who is analytical, feels life deeply, cares with a whole pure heart. It's a bit tricky at times. Most often, it's worth it!

Then, there is the occasional time it sux.

Thinking very deeply. people often will say that I "overthink".

Being a feeling person? Feeling it deeply. Oh yeah. My feelers do a great job at effing me over from time to time. Less in present day.

Caring?

Yes. It's in my nature to care. Caring about, well, everything! Caring with a whole heart. Caring about people.

Caring about everything. Especially those who others feel that they feel less than motivated to care about

Caring for those who many have given up on.

Giving those who feel unlovable, lots of love!

Needing to have others care is a human aspect.

If you wish to know if you're human, if you are worthy of love?

Ask me, I will tell you true !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something Beautiful

Feeling my heart beat inside my chest
Whether awake or at rest 
Lets me know I'm truly alive

The scents I smell the sounds I hear

Tells me other living things are near

So much life around me

Sunshine warms my face my skin

Delights from the warmth warming within

Loving the happy sensation

The singsong of a small child's voice

So full of great promise and of choice

Gives a great deal of hope in the world

There will always be the presence of death of birth

As everything springs from a mother then returns to earth

It's natural it's beautiful

These are all the elements of this life we're living

All this taking with all of this giving

I think it's all something beautiful

The Ring Legacy ~ this may or may not be precisely what you think.

What are some of your childhood memories?

Most of us have many childhood memories, some are mostly the warm fuzzy type some are a mixture of warm fuzzy with a sprinkling of cold prickles. 

As a child I was quite sensitive. My feelings were much more tender than now, YAY FOR THAT! I had tender feelings toward butterflies, people, animals, even snakes & frogs. My older brother would go to the ponds, streams & ditches to catch big frogs, kill them, cut their legs off to eat them.

They really do taste like chicken!

My brother asked me to come with him to go "froggin" on a spring day in Michigan. He would hold the frog as he told me,

"They're just frogs, they don't feel it, stab the knife in fast & hard!"

So, I did it.

Over & over, that day.

I felt so horrible after that, I never went froggin' again!

That feeling hung on my heart for a long time. As much as I wanted to spend time with my big bubby, I was too tender to kill frogs. 

Too tender to hurt or to kill.

USAF training helped me a little with that one! 

My dear maternal grandfather was also a tender hearted man, loved him so very much! He taught the importance of keeping promises to me from the time I was born!

Unfortunately, my mother, his daughter, didn't absorb that lesson enough to put it into practice.

Mom made many promises, kept very few.

Her negative example taught even more of an important lesson to me to only make promises I could keep. 

Say what you will do, then do what you said you would do. Be where you say you will be WHEN you say you will be there or have a VERY TRUTHFUL reason & let the ones expecting you, know.

This is a lesson taught to me by my beloved grandfather.

Mom liked looking at the jewelry in the glass case at the department stores. When I was with her, from the time I was a very small child, she would point out the ruby & gold birthstone rings to me. She would tell me that when I had my 16th birthday, she would give me one of those rings. With the faith, with the innocence of a child, I believed her. I looked forward to it.

It was one of the many promises she made, never honored. 

There is no way to go back in time to heal that wound of many wounds. Even if I received or bought my own ruby ring in present day, it would matter less.

There is a happiness factor to this.

Devising a plan to not only delight my own children, while healing my own pain in a roundabout way was genius, if I do say so, myself !

When my own children were around 18 months of age, I took them, one by one, to the jewelry counter, to choose a birthstone ring. Holding onto it in my jewelry box, they were allowed to pick it up, to look at it, yet, not allowed to put it on their finger until their 16th birthday. I could make sure to honour the promise I made to my children & in another way, heal the child within myself.

Did it work?

Yes. It absolutely did!

Addiction

Addiction can mean so many things!

What does an addict look like?

An addicted person is often less obvious than ya might think.

From the strange video culture, the information's available that people can be addicted to so many different substances & behaviors!

The most common addiction which has snaked its insidious ways into every country in the world ~ addiction to a cell phone! Along with that is video game / alter ego program addiction.

These 2 major addictions are a pervasive social cancer.

Video games & over exposure to TV used to be more of a childhood malady.

In todays world where media has become so much more sophisticated, it's affecting people of adult age. The addiction to video games & alter ego programs is affecting families, relationships, diminishing social skills.

Even preventing people from further developing social skills.

~ Guys in their 20s, 30s, 40s and up are so addicted, they are failing as husbands to help their wives. Their addiction has a firm hold.

~ Mothers will either tend to their addiction or innocently start their children on TV, video games, to keep the child occupied.

Wrong move.

Keeping a child occupied while failing to teach them how to self limit themselves does more harm than anything. Without a balance of socializing, this is a set up for addiction that may last a lifetime!

~ VR, alter ego, role playing, are all fine until the addict phase is reached.

Like a delicious snack, just one bite is never enough.

This opine may be unpopular, possibly because it's truth.

This STNG episode is classic foreshadowing.

(Copy & paste if you're curious!)

https://youtu.be/ilIhdTG_UmQ

Moving on, getting real!

Having struggled with addiction, I can say that I understand.

It wasn't mainstream addiction such as cigarettes,

video & role play online, tobacco, alcohol, sex, prescription meds, porn.

Yes, they all have something in common.

These activities interfere with health, relationships & social skills.

My prior addiction(s), you may ask?

You may ask.

Foremost, I was addicted to food. A tough one, for sure.

Food is essential for life, it's everywhere, it's a social activity, it's offered as gifts, turned to for celebration.

It's everywhere, mostly in abundance in the USA!

I ate to fight depression, ate to fight boredom, to celebrate, then, for nutritional needs. With my predisposal to obesity in my genetics, this was a triple threat to my health.

It took time, as curing an ailment does.

Slowly, over time, I re-adjusted my attitude toward food. Fortunately, I also adjusted my attitude toward exercise at the same time. 

So, it began. My recovery from addiction to food. AKA my fitness journey toward losing the weight naturally.

Prior attitude toward food:

" I like it, it makes me feel good so I'm going to eat a lot of it!"

Current attitude?

"I eat because I have to eat, for nutrition. Everything I put in my mouth or the main gateway to my body will either feed future disease or fight future disease. It's a choice."

I tend to follow the 80/20 idea. Eat healthy 80% of the time.

Some of the prior attitude tries to slip in occasionally, mostly, it stays away. Having control over it feels so empowering!

A current "addiction" or maybe it's just an unhealthy habit is picking at my finger cuticles. EW!

I'm working on it!

Slowly, I'm stopping. 

Taking good care of myself, mind, body & spirit is very important to me.

Having attractive feet & attractive hands is part of taking care of myself.

Call it vanity if you wish.

I call it taking care of myself.

Having decided that I was going to stop this disgusting habit, I'm stopping. Little by little. I have to wrap my finger-tips in surgical tape when I go to bed or I will pick my cuticles in my sleep.

Maybe, soon, I can do without surgical tape!

Identifying your own personal unhealthy habits, substances, is the first step!

It's a new year!

GO!

How can you.......

It's one of the most healing, heart warming things a person can do while also it's something incredibly difficult for most.

If you wait around for someone who has hurt you, betrayed you, deceived you, lied to you, stolen from you, cheated on you, backstabbed you, damaged you......

HAH! You got it, I know!

If you wait for the admission of guilt then a sincere apology, you may be waiting for something that, in all likelihood, you will either be waiting a long time for or will never receive.

You may get either or.....or neither.

People rarely acknowledge then admit to their wrongs within themselves, much less to the injured party.

Hence:

Lawyers are necessary.

Law enforcement personnel are needed.

Florists sometimes profit from it.

Mediators can make a living from it.

Then there's stress eating ~ Ice Cream, Chocolate, Steak Houses

If you listen to iHeart Radio, You Tube Music, good ole AM/FM, you will hear it.

Every variety of pain that a human can possibly suffer from a myriad of life events caused by a variety of situations.

Country music has it's share yet the monopoly is nonexistent!  

When listening to any genre of music, it's as if the music is the life blood of pain flowing out of a wounded heart.

Maybe poetry is the same?

Maybe.  :)

Having been alive long enough I can say that heartbreak, wronging others, being wronged by others, are, unfortunately, part of my life experience.

A favorite phrase of mine is:

"I reserve the right to be wrong."

It's only human to err. 

Here comes the tricky part.

You see, when a person is empathic enough, has a feeling heart, enough to admit to themselves that they have hurt someone, when as well as if they desire to make things right, they become vulnerable.

The other person has the power.

The feeling of vulnerability, rolling over, exposing your belly, as it were. (sorry for the visual) 

It puts the one apologizing at the mercy of the wronged party which is very unpredictable. The other person can choose to accept the apology or reject it.

Either way, it's a less than comfortable position.

At the mercy of another person.

In all truthfulness, it escapes me as to why some people deal with this easier than others. In this tech driven world, it's easier to be unkind to another person with a conflicting viewpoint to your own. The other person may be within a 25 mile radius or on the other side of the planet or an unknown location. Unkind words can be said so anonymously, in haste, never taken back.

Personally? I have received exactly 2 apologies in my life thus far.

How many have I sincerely given?

Too many to count!

Dear readers, I believe firmly in the cleansing power of owning up to a wrong, taking my lumps, then offering a sincere apology.

Often, it's received graciously, a few times it was the other variety.

It was worth the chance I took.

It cleansed my soul.

When my apology was rejected, I simply gave that forgiveness to myself. Though I tried to repent then repair with the other person, if it didn't work, then, I know I tried to make it right.

Knowing I tried, did all I could do although it was rejected is better than carrying that heavy soul burden through life. Too heavy.

Giving that forgiveness to myself for the peace it gives to my heart.

Inside Chris Martins Head

I wish I could see inside your mind
It's so sweet the way you close your eyes 
When you sing
Tell me your thoughts
Your Dreams
I want to know everything

Can I make a loaf of bread

For you

Perhaps make a splendid salad

You only have to show your smile

Perhaps you would sing

For me, a personal ballad

Your songs delight me

Your antics too

Such a sweet goof

You seem so carefree

So free

Almost bulletproof

We are all only human

Made of flesh and bone

Sweet emotion too

As your face expressions tell

Always

Always Chris Martin

This humble blogger

Wishes you well

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I know this is a younger photo of Chris Martin, he has that adorable very slight gap in his front top teeth. Slight stubble. Tousled hair Same beautiful eyes, same intelligent spark in those eyes. Love it when a guy is intelligent!

He's so down to earth, so open. In spite of his $90 million net worth, he's a nice guy doing what he loves, entertaining millions!

In spite of being 6'1", he can launch himself airborne, effortlessly. At least, he makes it look so easy.

Chris? If you're out there reading this? You certainly entertain me!

Learning Lessons

People are all put on this beautiful earth at the same time for good reasons. To be there with each other, for each other! To make babies! To celebrate life.
Also...
We're here to learn from each other!
Those who hurt others, abuse others, that's on them.

I love to learn from others & have been fortunate to have known some varying unique individuals! People with skills!

Spiritual gifts

Fitness skills

Fashionista skills

Language skills

Organizing skills

Hunter skills

The list can go on and on! Indeed, I have known some very skilled, very talented, very generous people. People who were generous with their knowledge, their time.

This may be following at the tail end, yet, it's by far, the most important to me.

As a person of heart, of spirit, many of these skilled people have opened their hearts to me. That really means the most to me. 

From personal experience, it's with a hesitancy that trust happens.

Easier to give help, rarely finan, yet, it happens. I won't send money to scammers. If a person keeps their wits together, scammers are relatively obvious to detect.

While serving AD USAF I met a Native American Chaplain who taught me so much! When no one else had ever encouraged me to find then strengthen my spiritual gifts, he did this for me.

What followed, were some of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Regretfully, peeps, those are too precious, too personal to share on a public blog opened to the whole world.

Fitness skills! Having been so fortunate to have a few sessions with a few different personal trainers.

Guy PTs, Girl PTs!

I'm an amateur, so, every bit of fitness information I could soak up in our sessions was great! I've been affectionately dubbed a "Chatty Cathy" by a few PTs.  :)

Had to learn to curb it, remember their valuable lessons.

Push harder, talk less! 

Fashionista skills! 

This fashionista blessing has come from people of varying age ranges, most of them in their teens, 20s, low 30s. It's less of an age thing, it's simply the way it played out.

What matters most to me is the person themselves, less about an ageist attitude. People are people are people. Age is irrelevant.

Language skills!

Having been a part of & connected to the military life for most of my life, it has been my good fortune to meet so many people from all over the world! People of cultures different from mine. People who speak many languages including Amerikanische, as my acquaintances from Deutscheland call it.

Languages & cultures which are so different from my own fascinate me.

In fact, vocal inflections, vocal variances fascinate me. Often, when a persons voice captivates me, it's difficult to focus on what they're saying! 

One of the many quirks that I draw from simply being human.

Organizing skills!

When I first arrived in Texas, the 4th home I moved to then stayed in for 3 years, was new, beautiful, had very limited storage. I searched on the net for a professional organizer.

Boom!

Score!

The organizer was so cool! Completely upfront about what she would do, her fees, etc.

Cool.

This girl was worth 10x what her fee was. She talked as we worked, taught me so much. 

It was a very edifying experience.

Hunter skills?

It may or may not be what you think. :)

In my experience, there are more hunters than I have usually seen when I lived in other places. Guys in Texas rodeo a lot so it's common to see guys and girls walking around wearing functional not decorative spurs on their boots. 

It's also fairly common for guys and girls to walk around stores in town in hunting gear.

The guy who does the handyman work for my Landlords is a really nice guy. He's also a successful hunter!

He loves to hunt, he has family & friends who hunt. 

Deer, doves, boar ~ they are serious hunters!

When there's an abundance of quarry, people run out of freezer room for their meat.

Tonight?

I was the happy recipient of some excess venison steaks!

YUM!

Tonight, I have already had my total calorie intake.

Tomorrow night? Oh dear!

Venison steak!

Oh dear ~ deer!

Have to love a guy who's a successful hunter! 

Bloody Intuition!

Intuition. 

What is it, you ask?

It's a spidey sense of a sort that alerts when something feels a bit "off ". Someone or something may feel different than usual or different than it was an hour ago, a week ago or the last time a person or place was visited.

Animals have it to varying degrees.

People have it to varying degrees.

Hollyweird has distorted it, along with other things, so much, that many people don't understand what intuition is. Intuition operates similar to the muscles in the body. 

It's there, the more it's believed in, the more it's exercised, the stronger it becomes.

In all truthfulness, pinpointing why some people have it stronger than others escapes me.

All that can be explained from a personal POV is having it as strongly could be because it's listened to then followed.......well mostly.
There were times, unfortunately, that I ignored it or allowed others to tell me it was incorrect, there was a painful lesson learned.
Listen to your gut instinct!

Today, I went about my usual day. Rise from slumber, into gym clothes, check sales & emails online. Get whatever is needed from the grocers, get to the gym for a workout. 

Cruised to the local grocery store, selecting some tasty veggies, some salmon for my after workout meal, I saw that all checkout lanes were busy except one. Hoping there would be a speedy cashier I headed over there.

The cashier was a high school student, who had been working there for, oh, I don't know how long.

He was always friendly, joked around just the right amount while still being efficient.

Today?

There was a noticeable change.

In recollection, the change seems to have happened 2 weeks ago. I shrugged it off, knowing that the world revolves around everyone with their various life events.

Today?

Whereas before, he was smiling, joking. When I approached, there was no smile, no "Hey, how are you?"

Just flat.

Not even eye contact.

Hmm.

Intuition tells me that it's the same old same old. The gossip that goes around in a small town.

Majority of the people in this town don't know me.

They know what the gossip is.

They probably believe it.

I could feel, FEEL, that something must have reached the ears of this cashier.

It makes me feel a bit sad that the cesspool of gossipers in this small town, who claim to be oh so Christian. They have such boring lives that they must say negative, untrue things about people they don't know, to feel holy, to add a giggle to their existence.

It's my intuition kicking in.

People can say that nothing has changed, people can be wrong, I reserve the right to be wrong, to admit to a mistake, then, to apologize.

Following intuition is more accurate.

It's obvious that some negative gossip reached the guys ears by the way he didn't smile, didn't greet me as he did before. His eyes had a flat, dead look. No eye contact, either, when I looked at him. He looked behind him twice, making eye contact with a couple peers, the looks they shot back at him, said it all.

I doubt I'll be going to that store very much. When I do? I'll choose a different cashier even if I have to wait a bit longer to check out.

He will probably feel relieved, I will feel less discomfort.

Sometimes, it sux to have sharp intuition!!!!!

Many Small Tweaks, Big Changes!

Yupp.

Fitness talk.

       ❣

In my past days of obesity, my feet were constantly hurting. Same for my knees, back. Hyperventilating to climb stairs.

                                           UGH

The changes started to happen shortly after 6 months of regular daily exercise. Eating habits were still in need of cleaning up! I felt that having Pringles Sour Cream & Onion crisps once a day was okay as long as I only had 20 or so.

NOPE.

WRONG.

I was the one shooting my hard work to smithereens!

Having not set foot inside a gym...ever, until 2004, I had no clue what I was doing. Knowing what I wanted to accomplish while having no foggy idea how to get there!

How do you get to Paris, France from Dallas,Texas, even with a passport?

Until there are flight schedules, road maps, plans for tours through the city of lights, it's doubtful there would be much success.

I started to do research into healthier versions of the items I liked to eat plus things I should be eating more of.

DANG!

It was so daunting!

I had so much to learn, so far to go to get closer to a goal.

Most of the people in my original family struggle with obesity. Learned behaviors in eating badly, uncontrolled portions, drinking too much soda, alcohol, not near enough water. Big dishes of ice cream every night. Sedentary day after day. I have heard it said that learned behavior is one of the most difficult obstacles in life to conquer. 

I love my original family, love them very much, they are very dear to my heart. My lil brothers passing 7/16/2017 hurt a lot!

Being determined to conquer the learned habits of unhealthy eating, unhealthy lifestyle, it was an enormous challenge!

This could be a 10 part blog post, easily!

Cutting to the meat in the matter. (Mmmm MEAT!)

I learned to eat:

Lean natural protein with no additives such as creamy sauces, excess salt or fats. (tuna, salmon, chicken breast, turkey breast, occasionally beefsteak or venison steak when available)

80% fresh raw veggies. (spinach, kale, broccoli, cauliflower)

20% fresh raw fruit. Limiting sugar in all forms is important.

That's basically it.

Sugar & Dairy foods will add to belly fat. Ew!

Protein will keep muscles fed, keep skin, hair & nails strong & healthy. That's the whole aim, isn't it?

Things I can do now that I couldn't do when I was obese?

~ Bend all the way over with inner wrists flat on the floor.

~ Stand up from a sitting position easily, no bracing for help

~ Climb stairs & walk or run at a fast pace easily

~ Find clothes that fit me & compliment my figure easily!

~ Look forward to going bathing suit shopping!

~ The shoes in the girls section fit me since my feet are smaller!

~ Shop in the juniors where the REALLY CUTE clothes are!

Happy News!

As of today I have 40 sessions with an AWESOME PT who really knows her stuff!

Today was our 4th session. She and I worked together, before. She is really tough, very knowledgeable, very truthful in her assessments. 

Today, she told me that she noticed that I was smaller than when we had worked together before.

I think I weigh the same amount, I have simply slimmed as well as become more lean in the "right areas". Probably gained muscle which replaced the fat. A more attractive idea for sure!

Soon, PT will do measurements. I still have the measurements she did last February. It's a little intimidating.

Whatever gets measured, gets managed.

I will continue to work with her 2 days per week. If she suggested 3, I would go for it!

For now, I work toward 6 pk abs & a more stream lined bod.

Stay tuned.  😎

The Glass Cage

How can people be so cold
Discriminate for being too young
Discriminate for being too old
Not the first time this song has been sung

We humans have been put here together

At the same time for a good reason

To help others in lifes stormy weather

Soothing balm for every season

How can someone receive such needed care

When they are closed in a self made cocoon

Predators in sheeps clothing are everywhere

Praying that a real lamb will happen along soon

I live in that glass small towns cage

Walled in by the small thinking minds

All that I have to give to soothe their rage

A great friendship that one rarely finds

So I give love and caring to my own heart

Nurturing my own weeping spirit

Curving around then around playing my part

With my beautiful song while only I can hear it

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

New Beginnings

Yeah, so, it's a new year ~

A belated ~ Happy 2018 to everyone. Every guy, every girl, every dog, cat, horse, cow but not toads. Toads are, well, toads!

On Friday, January 12, I went to a fantastic hair stylist to change up my hair! Be patient, new photos are forthcoming. Taking photos are low on my list of favorite pass times. Taking photos of myself, or having photos taken, even lower on the Brenda list of likes.

Photo taking is very close to last while so many enjoy it, even, sometimes demand photos as proof. Too much curiosity, maybe?

How, in Gods name can you expect me to believe you had fish for lunch if you didn't photograph it first? Hmm? 

Well, I can bring it up for you if you wish!

Saying good bye to an old friend, my teal zip up hoodie. It was tough, it was time. It was a gift from a friend who has passed on.

R.I.P.

The person who finds it at the second hand shop will not know its history. That's ok. New history to be made. Au revoir mon amour. 

Also said carro addio to 3 pair of yoga bottoms, too worn to donate. Wore them, loved them for the past 5 years. Having bought 3 new yoga pants to work out in, the discards were not only too large for me, they are very very well loved.  :)

Split up the inside thighs, giving a peek, well loved. :)

They go the way of many that are well loved. The rubbish bin.

Next, to go were my gym shoes. This is going to be tough.

Do you get attached to items of clothing or footwear that were gifts from someone you were fond of? 

Even wearables that were worn whilst spending time with people I was incredibly fond of. Yes. All good things......

One item, sure to be a bit more difficult if there is such a thing, is my "habit". I do it in my sleep, sometimes or in times of stress, anxiety, sadness. Those feelings, miraculously are abating!

Depression, especially in cold weather may take longer.

So, here is my deep confession ~ I pick at my finger cuticles!
Started this horrible habit at least 15 years ago! UGH!

2018 is when I have pretty fingers. Picking cuticles is verboten!

'Nuff said!

I'm sleeping with surgical tape around my fingers for protection. :)

This, 2018, is also the year I super clean my eating habits. That might work if I eat wearing a clean cape? Nawww!

I may falter a wee bit, here is a vow to eat more clean than ever! I may hit the choccy mousse cake at OG, a time or two.

For the most part, so far, eating more clean is working.

Stay tuned on that beast. Ha ha!

For the most part, I do feel like I'm changing at a faster rate. I see my body changing from doing TRX for nearly a year, from the sessions with an AWESOME PT!

As the body changes, so does the mind, the spirit.

Digressing, the 5 hour solo drive to San Antonio & back did good things for me. Gave me a bit o honey aka self confidence!

The fully charged taser on the passenger seat next to me helped. Having a fire arm & a CAC is okay. With my taser, I can legally transport across state lines & it takes batteries which are less costly than ammo. Also, when a pistol is aimed at someone, it can more easily terminate them. Most people doubt someone will actually discharge their weapon.
A taser?
It will hurt like a llama kick, they will remember.
They will back off! No choice from the pain it delivers.

Yes, I went through the cert course, yes, I have used it ~ thrice!

I felt the change beginning, before I left for SA, I feel it more now, than when I left. Of course it was a 5 hour drive back. :P

Casting aside the depression that gets me with the cold weather, I DO feel really good changes happening within.

With a little help from  my "friends" my hair is growing faster!

Whereas I used to be all floral-ly & jasmine, discovering the masculine AXE body scents just DO IT for me!

Changes must come from within, maybe acted upon by outside influences at times, good changes, nonetheless! 

Namaste

Better

Better to be what?

Is it better to be kind?

Better to be physically beautiful?

Better to be financially wealthy with lucre?

YEs! To all three!

Argue with me, disagree with me.

The truthfulness speaks its truth!

A person who is wealthy as well as has excellent genetics or any combo of the above, has hit the jackpot!

Channel Pres.Trumps offspring!

Again, can you argue the point?

Female humans are sought after as well as prized for physical beauty as much as guys are prized for their accomplishments which bring prestige as well as power!

Guys with the POWER are happier, more confident, same with girls. It's the way most human beings are wired.

Therefore, guys work hard to accomplish as well as gather $$$$, girls do some very surprising shizz to attain as well as maintain idealized beauty.

Of course, many times, there are as many combos of this as there are people on the planet!

Personally?

Many girls suffer through divorce then become bitter.

I decided to become better!

Stronger, slimmer, happier.

Better!!!!

Rated PG.....maybe R? Only read if you're 17 & up. :)

So, I'm a Coldplay music lover, bigtime!

2018. I plan on going to a Coldplay concert, maybe 2!

If I have to go it solo, I will. It would be kewl to have a friend along.

I'm practicing self talk self control early on.

Must not lift shirt to show the girls to the band!

(I love my girls! aka My rack. Yeah. Have been told they're very nice. I want to!)

Would probably get thrown out & that would be a waste. The girls would probably be disappointed, too. ;)

I like all the guys in the band equally. Although, Guy Berryman has a special place in my adoration, him being from Scotland.

GAWD!

What is it about Scotsmen????

The riffs from Adventure of a Lifetime go through my head. With very limited opp, I doubt I could learn to play guitar THAT good. Guy Berryman & Jonny Buckland inspire me to try.

Maybe. LOL!

In my prep to go to see Coldplay, I have experimented with their geometric neon designs!

Yeah, they inspire me that much.

O hell.

I'm a very creative person, already!

Admiration of creativity is in  me, along with a few more surprises!

Shhh!

Curiosity is at the core of my character. Someday in the very distant future, I may be a Dyan Cannon, Donna Summer or better!

For now, as for me & my humble home..... we will listen to

Coldplay!

Stay tuned!

It's Nature

The whispers reach me through the trees
Angels chorus carried on the breeze

Natures perfume

Natures scent

So clean so pure

So innocent

Treasures of life

Treasures untold

Can be had by all

Are more precious than gold

L. B. N. II

Did you google it?

Did you guess?

The 

Look

Better

Naked

movement.

Yupp!

It's a real thing!

Here ya go, proof!

Umm, yeah, I'm on a quest. With the right clothing colors, patterns, color block placement plus maybe a bit of shapewear, it can be covered. 

The true test?

Get naked!

What do you see?

Mmm hmm.

It concerns me less that I have borne 4 children. Looking like I have had 4 sweet babies when naked? Yeah. It concerns me a bit.

I am the only one who sees me sans ropa, so, this is a personal challenge, for me, to prove to myself I can do it.

Have been on this quest since 2004.

Nearly every day, sweat sesh, cleaning up eating habits.

Rinse, lather, repeat. :)

One key that I have found is to keep changing it up. Whether that means pulling back a bit or going at it harder, even hiring a Personal Trainer when possible.

Hellz to the YEAH!

You may have caught a recent blog entry where I spoke of the awesome PT that is training me. She really knows her stuff!

Changing it up. :D

On the days we are not training together, TRX is great for a workout.

Although I had to slack off while recovering from illness, for awhile there, I was doing HIIT twice daily.

Regaining my health had to take priority.

Today? Yeah buddy!

I was back to it. 

High

Intensity

Interval

Training.

Go hard.

Go soft.

Go hard.

Go soft.

Repeat for 1 hour.

Kinda sounds like hell for a guy, hmm? Getcher mind outta the gutter! This is fitness talk!  ;)

HIIT gives a more pronounced burn (for me). It also gives a heavier sweat. Body is responding. It's working, for now. 

When my progress hits a plateau, that's my body telling me:

"Hay hay gurl! Time to change it up!"

Yes, body, I hear and obey.

Hopefully sooner rather than later I will look better naked