Twisty Turny

Hello out there!

Life, for me, is full of twists & turns. Is it the same for you? 
It can be fun, sometimes.

Then, there's the "other" times.

Never knowing what to expect can be exciting, sometimes a bit unsettling. Whatever it is, I try to be ready for anything. Ready to roll with the punch in the face that comes out of nowhere, deal with it.

A HUGE source of pain, for me, is my adult offspring.

If I had known at 20, what I know, now, I would have never married, never had children. The joy that I hear so many people speak of has not happened for me nearly as commensurate with the sacrifice, pain, sleepless nights, endless work.  The ex huzz brought even less joy for all the time and work that I put into the relationship. He became a death grip controller as time went on. One time he told a counselor we were seeing that the main problem in the marriage was that I wouldn't let him control me. That says it all right there.
He told me over and over that being married to me was like trying to ride a bucking bull. I always responded, "Well, then, if you can't take it, get out of the rodeo."

Recently, I received an email from the ex huzz pleading poverty. Saying that he didn't have much money.
Then, 3 days later, I found out why.
He flew one of my daughters to Hawaii from Japan.
He flew another daughter to Hawaii from Utah.
Then, he flew himself and his wife to Hawaii.

Well, yeah, that will eat up the bank account.

Some things never change, he's still such a liar, still trying to manipulate me. It's almost laughable that he has not learned anything in his entire life. Manipulating & trying to control other people doesn't work. As a free spirit, it will never work with me.

Still, it hurt me to find out that they are all together in Hawaii having fun without me. It hurt.

After a good nights sleep, I woke up refreshed, ready to hit the gym. A long sweaty workout is a cure for many mishaps in life. 2 - 3 hours daily does a lot of good for me.
Holding plank for 2 minutes every day is making some excellent changes in my abs. 

Good changes.

Fitness is my sanity, life saver, my elixir de joie de vivre! 

The feeling of strength, the sensation of my shirt brushing across my abs is a good one. The increasing tightness I feel in my muscles keeps me going.

Do what makes you happy!

L8ers, baby!

Weirdness

Have you ever had multiple random things happen in one day?
Well............

Today was a day like that for me. If I believed in conspiracy theories, if I thought I was significant enough for a person or organization to want to mess with me, I might think there was a conspiracy to hunt me down for some odd purpose.

The day started innocently enough. Up in the morning, morning routine. Brush teeth, shower, etc. Out the door, go to my car, head to the gym. When approaching my car, I saw a piece of paper the wind had blown up against the back right tire. Picked up the piece of paper to look at it. It was a love letter, hand written to "Baby".
Very beautifully written, sounded like it was from a guy to the girl he loved, simply signed, "Your man, still your man, I hope." 
Seemed like home boy was in a bit of trouble & trying to apologize.
So random.

Was a bit hungry, not much food in the house, had 2 items to return to Walmart, so, it was quick, easy enough. Grabbed 2 lettuce & chicken wraps from the deli. There was a woman in a motorized cart, struggling to reach for an item, I picked it up, handed it to her with a smile. She said thank you, struck up a conversation. After conversing for a few minutes, she introduced herself. 
Her first name was the same as my middle name, her middle name was the same as my first name. It was quite amusing to both of us!

Headed out the door after paying for my lettuce wraps, ate both, on the way to the gym. At the gym, there were 2 guys using the big exercise room. One was a PT, the other was a US Marine, in his PT uniform. I asked them if they were going to be using the room much longer. The conversation started.
The Marine was in town, on leave, from Japan. I told him that i had family who were in the same area as he is stationed in, also serving in the US Military. I gave him a couple names, he knows them. Showed me pics of himself with my family members on his phone!

WEIRD! LOL!

After my workout, a shower at the gym, I headed to the Library. Cell phone went off, it was a guy asking for my help. Said his father had, had the cell number I now have had for 6 years & needed to retrieve an email password. 
WHAT?
I have had this same number since 2009.
It just sounded too much like a scam. I told the guy, "Sorry", aborted the call, turned cell off. 

So random, too much randomness for one day.

The rest of the day might hold more surprises.

Good surprises!

Maybe.

L8ers, baby.

Action!!!

Love, Love, Love action movies !

Took myself to MI: Rogue Nation tonight. I was the perfect movie date ! Kept quiet, sipping water , except for a few gasps when startled or a light giggle when one of the bad guys were terminated. 

THRILLING!

Before the flik started, a couple who I'd spoken with at church asked me if I wanted to sit with them. Very politely, I declined. After the movie they asked me if I usually went to movies solo. I told them, "Sometimes"
It's the truth.
The lady said, "I don't think I could do that!"
Smiling, I told them both good night.

The truth?

If there's a good movie that I want to see, I'll go to it myself and enjoy it fully! Waiting, waiting, waiting for someone else to ask me or for a time when they can make it ? Skaareeww that!

Going & doing as I wish whenever I wish is part of why being single is so awesome!!!

Tonight was such a good night, enjoying my own companionship!

Here's wishing the same sense of joyful fulfillment to YOU!

Passion!

Yes!

Not the sexual kind. Have lived without that since 2012. The desire has been buried deep, maybe for the rest of my life, maybe not. idk.

I have so much to give. Most males would be too impatient to unlock my passion, thaw the cold storage that is my heart. My heart which I learned to keep safe from the cruelty which males have dealt out, which they would continue to do if I allow it.

Have to take care of myself as I am all there is.

Passion, to me is about the fervor with which I attack each workout. As the pain dissipates, the first sweat sets in. In my mind, the vision of the way I want my body to look spurs me to PUSH!

HARDER!

20 minutes in

HARDER!

KEEP  PUSHING!

30 minutes in

HALFWAY THERE!

Increase the difficulty

Entering fat burning mode

T-shirt is wet, cold, clinging to my back. There's a dark triangle forming at the base of neck on the front of my gray shirt.

Keep pushing!

70 minutes & 7 miles later, drenched in sweat, the first part of my daily cardio has given the wonderful burn I work for, love, need. It fuels a passion to keep going. Weights & strength training is next!

The rest........well, is just as exciting to me. Might make for tedious reading!

It's a very passionate pursuit.

Takes great effort!

Effort can be very sexy!

Another passion is of a more domestic nature.

Detailed, intricate sewing! It's something in which I can lose myself thereby finding myself while creating beauty.

Needlework patterns have become increasingly over priced. There are so many beautiful free patterns on the inter net for free download! Right now a very sweet, simple shamrock pattern has captured my attention. Maybe when I finish, I'll share a pic of it!

For now, love & luck to you.

L8ters, baby!

Missing

Every time news is posted of one of the elite military guys dying, it makes my heart speed up, makes it ache just a little for a while.

Okay, it makes my heart pound, gives me physical pain!

Until I see the name & a photo. Lets me know, it wasn't him. Still, it causes a relief, then, a compassionate empathy for the heroes loved ones who will suffer from his absence in their lives.

Although he is no longer a part of my day to day life, I chose to end the relationship. Connection remains even when time has passed.

He's a rocker & a roller, a mover & a shaker. He will keep moving, living large, moving forward, doing what he loves, was born to do.

Myself ?

The same.

Keep moving forward. Good life. Sometimes lonely. Mostly happy.

Think about him from time to time. 

He thinks about me, too. Pretty sure of this.

Life has a way of delivering surprises. Fortunately, it has dealt more positive surprises than the other kind for me or is it to me?
Either way, staying watchful is good. When something catches my attention, it activates curiosity within. Am compelled to investigate.

Moving forward with a happy, confident & empathetic attitude is best.

Yes, I still love him. Always have, always will!

How did you know?

Love & luck to you!

A Different Romance

Watching this movie for the 20th time in the best of circumstance ~ free online on my smart TV.

People misunderstand it......a lot!

On the surface it would appear deviant, unhealthy, abusive.

Maybe it is.
Or maybe it isn't.

Many people speculate that what they have heard is the absolute truth. Without checking things out for themselves, blindly believing, like sheeple. Sheepledom is so far from the way I think & do.
Adventurous, exploratory, inquisitive, a few aspects of how I live.

So, when EVERYONE was talking about 50 Shades of Grey, they piqued my curiosity. Not just about the books, about the ensuing movie, as well.

Living celibate, I neither indulge in nor practice what is shown in the movie or portrayed in the books.

Many people wrongly believe that the women who find the whole "Fifty Shades of Grey" interesting even intriguing might have an inclination toward BDSM. Maybe, for many, most likely not. 

Personally?

Have not had the experience nor the interest.

So............what is the draw?

The draw is not that Christian Grey is wealthy although that is quite enticing.

The draw is not that Anastasia Steele is a virgin when she meets him, although that may be desirable.

The draw for me, personally, is that he's a man of action. He is open, honest, confident enough to risk rejection.
This is missing in many guys.
He is confident, unafraid to be honest in what he wants, thus, making him vulnerable to rejection if it's something that Anastasia finds distasteful.
He's willing to be patient with her while she decides, yet is still a presence, lets her know he is a presence, has the confidence to express his desires, the confidence to be a presence. This is what causes a girl to find a guy irresistible. It triggers that primal attraction.

As a girl, myself, who is confident, very natural, even primal, the type of man, Christian Grey not only attracts most women, he attracts me.

Jamie Dornan is hot, has a great body, no doubt. Even before the movie, before Mr Dornan was cast in the role of Christian Grey, I enjoyed the books, immensely. The situarions, entertaining dialogue, the way he pursued Ana, took care of her, filled a void for me. Albeit, a self imposed void to protect myself from the predatory ways of the males in the world, a void, nonetheless.
Many married males troll the internet looking for sex in any form, looking for women who will engage with them. They have a variety of approaches.

"I want it (the affair) to be with someone I care about" (such bullshit, o yeah care about her, get her to care about you, then, when it gets too inconvenient for him, he goes back to his wife)

"I'm separated" (This implies legal separation, in most cases it's only geographic, sometimes a couple miles, sometimes a couple hundred or a couple thousand)

"My military career is demanding, I need a little relief" 
(umm, use your hand dude, NOT another woman)

There are single guys trolling the internet for sex, too. They may be shacking up with someone, so, not legally married, technically committed to a woman.

The excuses, the attempts to extract sex of any form (cyber, phone, in person) are still the same.

I keep myself flying solo for self protection.

So, Christian Grey, so open, so confident while being masculine as well as vulnerable at the same time! Very rare combinations in a man. I s'pose that's because he was created by a woman? Maybe.
Maybe, real men like Christian Grey do exist? I'd have mine minus the spankings, please.

Tonight, for the 20th time, am enjoying the movie!

L8ters, baby!

Got Entitlement?

It was obvious from the start that my lady boss came from a well off family. She was nice enough , on the surface,often unprofessional. Like she was trying really hard to be competent enough to run a business, yet, a little lost at times.

In the past I had started a business on my own, no help from daddy or hubby, and ran it successfully for a little over 5 years, the mistakes she was making were obvious to me. Poor leadership among them. Lady boss rarely communicated with me, when she DID communicate, it was one sided. Either through the other insurance agent or she talked, others listened. She has a bad habit of talking over others. Not listening to what they had to say, just waiting for the other person to pause so she could talk. I kept quiet. It would not have gone over well with her if I had told her what I saw. She has a very privileged life. Jetting off to other countries several times a year, sometimes with her kiddos, sometimes just she and her husband & business partner. To her, I was a disposable nobody.

Living in a big, beautiful home in an affluent neighborhood, yeah, she's privileged alright. So, with her incompetence at even keeping her computer & data systems up and running, it was more convenient to blame it on someone other than herself. Namely, me. Little Ms Entitled is, after all, the boss even if she does bone head things like spacing appointments, failing to keep her office systems running, spacing out about who was working when.

Yep, she can just go on home to her privileged life.

Many people called or came in to cancel their insurance with her. Didn't like the unprofessional mistakes she made. Spelling errors, poor grammar choice. No excuse, since she's a former school teacher. Many people also didn't like her high prices. They didn't like the way she spaced returning phone calls, forgot to send documents when she said she would.  Her slow business is why she constantly griped about paying me. Easier to blame someone with no power, the perfect scapegoat. 
Kinda sad. I would have been an excellent asset if she had been a better leader, more intelligent.
I can see her business slowing down already.

This free time is giving me time to do many things I missed doing. Longer, no pressure workouts, working on my fitness. Time to do more organizing, set up my scanner, sell off extraneous items.

Through the time I started translation & interpreting, it has been there, kept my 3 languages strong. Always been there for me like a loyal friend.

Life is good!

Namaste!