Insidious Subtleties

If you have ever had the infamous difficulty of a long term marriage or a long term relationship, ending, you may have experienced the painful adjustment period afterward.
Yeah, you know what it is.

If you're one of the infamous people who dated on the side. Enjoying deceiving your committed SO. The adjustment to being single, again, after getting over the shock of the wronged one actually ending the sick relationship..................well. Yeah. lol. Easier to adjust when you were never truly committed.

For the rest of us, who were all in, who were truly committed,  it's a rough road, my friends!
Equally, those who have experienced frequent spousal absence, have a taste of the difficulty of separation from a SO.

When there is a legal commitment, a legal obligation, if you will, which binds two people, making it somewhat more difficult to end the relationship. People are somewhat "stuck" with each other. There is more obligation to put up with the bitter along with the sweet. The little idiosyncrasies which makes up what it is to be human. Some of these can be little niggling irritating quirks or sometimes as annoying as watching a car accident in slow-mo with little influence to stop it.

These subtle behaviors which most people do as well as inflict upon their SO, the SO has a comfort bubble in which their behavior, while unacceptable, is most often accepted. By the same token, the SO often gives as good as they get.

When I left the semi-safe bubble in which I lived, I began to realize that society had changed so much. People had, while I was busy living in a warm semi-safe bubble as a wife, mother & had family around me, people had changed so much.
More to the point, SINGLE people had changed even more. People were, now, less tolerant of even the smallest sleight. People had evolved into a way of becoming so easily offended by small actions whether real or perceived as real.

There arose a need to conform, to learn to be much more subtle or face ostracizing by peers. This was a learning process.
Often, it seems as though the learning process is ongoing.

Learning to be subtle was one of many personal lessons. Learning to be more kind.
Learning to be more accepting even if only outward.
Learning to be more standoffish to avoid predatory people.
Learning to assert stronger boundaries.
Learning to actually be more assertive.
Finally ~
Learning to guard my heart to avoid future bumps & bruises.

All of this, with subtle actions, subtle words. It feels somewhat like I have to be someone else to simply survive, socially, emotionally, spiritually.

Subtlety is key.