Here it comes....again

Peeps, it's that time of the year again. The day I have dreaded so often, every year.
There are reasons why I dread it, yet, probably something different than what you might think. It's very uncommon.

My mother started it by being loathe to celebrate my birthday. She would start 2 weeks prior. She would tell me that I wasn't worth baking a cake for. 
That was the general theme from her. 
The ex huzz further twisted the knife. He would tell me that adults don't need their birthdays celebrated. Yet, if his was not celebrated as he liked it, he would pout, freeze me out for sometimes as long as a week.
As the father treats his wife, he teaches his children how to treat their mother.

My children have made some really wonderful efforts, so, I must give credit where credit is due. One year, their father was gone, they put together the best family party for me that they could. One year, all 4 were going to converge in North Carolina. Flying in, driving in. We would be together on my birthday, sorta. When my youngest asked me what I wanted. My request was something that speaks to my heart.
She had been driving for a couple years at this point.

All I wanted was to spend the day at the beach with her. Simple. It was a bit of a drive to Wrightsville Beach. It was wonderful!

My youngest daughter, my super smart, kind hearted & uproariously funny daughter. She is an engineer, yep. Got her degree in Mechanical Engineering & landed a fantastic spot right out of college! She is one amazing person.
She gave a Birthday party for me, in 2011, that was so much work, such a smash success, all by herself. What a girl she is!

Last year, I was in a Birthday funk, did not know that a truly wonderful guy I was acquainted with, had passed on! When I found out about it, I took some of the blame upon myself. If I had not been so selfish, in my birthday funk, I might have seen the warning signs. 
Coulda
Woulda
Shoulda

Last year, I decided that I would make some serious effort to be less of a selfish big baby about my birthday.

When is it? 
Bastille Day! 
It's like July 4th in the US is, except, it's July 14 in France.
Did that make sense?

This time of year is the time when I am closest to suicidal. 
The time leading up to my birthday on July 14. 
The time when my mother, every year, would start telling me how worthless I was. It still affects me, as hard as I try to shake it.

The Birthday dread has nothing to do with being one year older.

I still, STILL feel like a 25 yr old. If he's still in good health at age 35 - 45, I'd still take him. JUST KIDDING! maybe

I still have a high energy level, no meds required, am in a great health. Am in an all around good place in my life. Financially secure. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, psychologically. Yep, yep, yepperz.

My bff Texas, Anita, has helped me a bit further along to healing this part of life for me. She really treated me like a queen on my Birthday & the days before & after, for the past few years.
There's that "giving credit where credit is due!" thaaang.
It has helped a lot!

There are a few things I'm going to try, this year, to get a bit further on in the healing process. 

It might work!

Stay tuned!