Funny Shizz

~ A guy gets older, decides to grow a beard, thinking it will say "distinguished gent". What it really says?
I'm old, retired, on a fixed income needing a senior discount!

~ At what age is it okay to tell a dog they're adopted?

~ If God is always watching, we can at least be entertaining!

~ Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

~ When you have a headache, take 2 tablets & keep away from children, just like the directions say.

~ People don't suffer while insane, they enjoy every minute!!

~ Why did the snowman smile? The snowblower was approaching.

~ Avoiding going to the gym is not resistance training.

~ I don't like political jokes, too many get elected.

~ According to statistics 4,153,237 people marry every year. Hmmm, shouldn't that be an even number?

~ Being a child is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did and said except you.

~ By the time a guy realizes his father was right, he has a son telling him he's wrong about everything.

BADDUM- CHING!!