Keeping it positive whilst keeping it real. In a world where nearly everything can be faked, often is faked. Keeping it real is best. Sometimes the truth is ugly, often it really will set one free!
When a person is in a long marriage or a long relationship, the world that's still single changes around them. Ideas, trends, attitudes plus more. When said person finds themselves single once more, it can be a shock to the system.
Personally, I thought, if someone likes me, they won't care that my pictures are a few (15 - 20) years ago. It's still me, still a blonde with green eyes, kind heart, wicked funny sense of humor.
Still me.
I was not engaging in deception. I didn't know of the drastic change in attitudes or that it would matter.
Simply put, men had become more shallow whereby looks were the #1 criteria. For what the guys wanted, for a night or 2, looks were all that mattered to them. Nothing else. F that S.
It had changed so drastically. No one cared if I was intelligent. No one seemed to care that I have a kind heart. A positive attitude. The guys weren't looking for Miss Right.
They wanted Miss Right Now!
They wanted super skinny T & A.
It was so sad, frightening, depressing, frustrating, saddening.
I went through it, heartbreak after heartbreak again & again.
Finally, after an abyss of pain in 2012, I was cured.
I was so deeply emotionally hurt, I stopped dating at all. My desire for a mate was murdered by a callous individual who was selfish in nature, arrogant in attitude.
Cruel in practice.
In 2012, I acknowledged that I was doing it to myself. Once I internalized this realization, I made a conscious choice to stop.
I took my power back, was not going to keep tormenting myself.
✨ The silver lining? ✨
A new attitude toward life. As time went on, I was free from the disappointments, the sex pig attitudes, the fake a future manipulations, the lies. The frustration of a guy who would seem decent, caring, a gentleman, turn out to be a lying married cheater.
The frustration of someone who seemed like a knight in shining armor turn out to be a jerk wrapped in tin foil.
I freed myself from the desire to find someone genuine.
✨ The sweet spot? ✨
The absence of disappointment made life a bit sweeter. The time I would spend to get ready for a first date was now spent at the gym or working on an art project at home. More fulfilling, for sure.
In essence, I was more productive.
Traveling more often to visit a friend or a relative was fun. I didn't have to think about someone else missing me, being lonely or cheating on me while I was gone for 8 days.
I began to awaken from the brain fog of wanting someone to love who would love me in return. It was no longer a priority.
This may sound odd as I know that human beings are hard wired to couple up. Propelled by a powerful instinct to share their life with a romantic love shared with their person.
I know this.
I felt it at one time. The feeling had softly, quietly gone away. Like a stray animal that stops visiting when there is no more food for them. Gone.
The silver lining of having my heart broken dozens of times was that having a "person" in my life was low priority to no priority.
The sweet spot was the other women that I could help. If they wanted someone to love that would love them, yet, it was not happening, I could share with them how that desire left me.
No bitterness, only peace.
No sadness, only focusing on what works.
No fear of being alone, learning to enjoy my own company.
No deep loneliness, more like a sense of being whole.
When I hear the anguish from my single friends, I try to explain this to them. I know that it's hard to grasp.
Many people out there in the world never let themselves heal from one marriage or relationship before jumping into the next. Within 1 month - 4 years after one relationship ends, they are so scared to be alone, they jump into another one. It keeps food on the table for divorce attorneys.
There are many life situations much worse than being alone.
Never stopping to get to know who they are again, never stopping to figure out what they like, again.
Just, drop one, pick up someone different. *POOF*
The Sweet Spot?
Learning who you are, again, what you like, again, will let you bring a better you into the next coupling.
It may happen or maybe it won't.
Either way, you will still have you.
That's a VERY sweet spot to be in!
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