Never too late to quit.
It seems quite harmless. The effects take a long time to show, yet, for some, a half of their lives or most of their lives to recover, to catch up developmentally.
There are some, too many, who, sadly, never find healing or a healer.
The healer can be a counselor, a lover, a spouse or a series of truly caring friends.
Quite often, the damaged child grows into adulthood only to find a spouse who does further damage to them as they, themselves repeat the cycle of abuse upon their own children with no support from their abusive spouse. Notice, this is gender neutral.
Many people believe that if they don't physically or sexually or verbally abuse their children, their children are not abused.
Overt abuse is not the only way to warp a tender, young childs developing mind.
Many activities of parents that they believe are not harmful or are un-noticed by their children such as:
Substance abuse ( alcohol, weed, illegal substances, even cigarettes)
Cheating on your spouse (they KNOW what you're doing, they don't verbalize)
Neglect (nurturing, teaching, guiding, showing affection are so under-rated)
Constant hostility between parents (It doesn't have to be yelling matches)
Being emotionally unavailable
Bouncing periodically from the home unless work related
Giving material things too feeely
If single or divorced, cycling romantic partners one after the other in & out of your childrens home, lives, etc.
This is by no means a complete list. Am not a counselor, just one who sees way too much of this in todays' world. It's very unsettling, damaging to tender children 1 yr - 18 yrs.
How do I know these things are damaging? Lived with abuse until age 18 in my parents home. It was a violent, hostile, sometimes dangerous environment tobe in as a child.
Right before my 3rd child was born, summoning the courage to accept help was a good decision. Being a woman who married a spouse who only did further damage, life was a precarious balance. The love a mother feels for her children, if she truly loves them, can inspire her to move mountains. During the full year of counseling, moving mountains would have been easier.
Slowly unraveling, separating the events of childhood into what was so very damaging from the few happy moments.
Halfway through the year of counseling, a light began to dawn in my mind, in my heart. Many epiphanies began to emerge, beginning the journey to becoming whole at the age of 29. Soft, little baby steps. Going forward into healing the abuse of parents who should not have had children unless they healed themselves first. I was healing. Better late than not at all. Especially important was that the healing was happening while my children were still in single digits. The 2 older ones were still mould able, the 2 younger, unborn. There was hope.
That year of counseling felt like 18 years of mental, emotional, psychological development almost all squeezed in to a year. It hurt like hell! It was necessary, so worth the pain.
In the emotional trauma of 2012, I learned a lot about myself. One, especially helpful, characteristic, that was pointed out to me by that hiccup.
I was attracted to narcissists. Even worse, they were attracted to me. I WAS that bleeding screaming bunny that drew them in with the smell of (blood) vulnerability.
Have learned how to recognise the narcissistic guys. Sometimes I still start to fall for it, then identifying it earlier, I leave them alone with a gift and/or a blessing,then, walk away. Used to look back, now, simply move on, looking forward.
Healing the hurt of the past, living happy,healthy, wiser is the best!
Keep living in the moment plus listening, eating, plus being open to anything healthy that is new! This keeps pulling me along, forward, always forward while living in the present!
Live in the moment, treat yourself well....oh...cherish your children, they grow into adulthood before your eyes. Savor the moments, teach them, love them enough to be a healthy you, as much as you possibly can.
You are worth it.
They are worth it!
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