Melt

Good morning!

How are you?

That's not a greeting. 
Yep, it's more because I really want to know. 

Caring about everyone & everything is a part of who I am. Loving deeply, caring deeply, it's risky, am a risk taker, anyway. Calculated risk taker. It gets me in trouble at times. Getting arrested for it hasn't happened, yet, life is meant to be lived, so, I take calculated risks. I get hurt sometimes, heal, then, go for it when opportunity presents itself yet, again.  sofakanwat. :)

As a woman in her late teens, early 20s, the feelings of invincibility were strong. Maybe it's because I was wearing a loaded .38, toting an M-16 with a clip in it 8 -15 hours per day most of the time. Maybe.
That's about enough! Yup.
Maybe it's because I was so strong, toned, fit. I felt the strength, the power of my shirt brushing against firm, toned abs. The ground beneath my feet felt different. When, walking, sitting or doing just about anything, I felt whatever I was wearing or sitting on brushing against my, pardon moi, hard ass! lol lol lol. I'm blushing.

So, I remember how that felt. In 2004, I believed I could feel that way again because I remembered it. Possible muscle memory?
More and more, that feeling is coming back.
When anything brushes against my abs, I feel it, my skin tingles.
When walking, the muscles in my glutes remind me that I have been doing my squats, that the hours on the StairMaster are giving results. The tingles felt on my skin & muscles let me know I'm getting Stronger, more firm, the same tingles I felt in my 20s.
My skin is so alive with reaction to sensation!!!
I feel like I'm growing younger.
When my dear friend arrived at the airport to pick me up, she barely recognized me. She told me she needed to start doing what I'm doing. It seemed like a joke to me, I laughed, then saw the expression on her face, realized she was serious.
So, I asked her what she, exactly, meant. She looked at me with quizzical expression. Then said:

"You really don't know, do you?"

Had to laugh! Shook my head, no.

"You look like you're 30!"

I'm not 30. Oh, I FEEL like I am 25, although, I know my actual, chronological age.

Preferring to stay humble, self deprecating is better than some of the haughty bitches who lord their looks over others just because they can. A humble attitude, a caring attitude, a beautiful heart of gold is much better than being mean to others. I don't eat butterflies & fart rainbows. Eating bugs is just icky. Rainbows are cool. Stinky rainbows, no bueno.

The many years refraining from smoking, alcohol, eating fresh fruit & vegetables, being kind to others so as to keep a clear conscience have served me well. Unfortunately, I ate badly, exercise was a neglected practice. Too much diet coke. Not near enough sleep plus too many excuses for the bad lifestyle choices. Taking way more abuse from a selfish asshole spouse plus just about anyone kept me unhealthy, unhappy. Letting myself get pushed, manipulated, turned into someone that served everyone except the person I really was inside took it's toll.

It took time to be turned into someone who was not me.

It has taken time to turn back into who I really am.

You may ask, "Why the hell is she STILL talking about this?!?" 
It's because it is still a part of who I am. If you don't like it, bite me!

With that said, the feeling in my heart, mind, spirit is a positive, sweet feeling of melting. That's the best way to describe the feeling of my life experience, lately.
Am inside my head a lot more, recently.

This morning, during Yoga, the "melting" feeling was very strong.
Some people call it being in "the zone". People who are into fitness will understand this. It can also happen during a creative solo pursuit. Sketching, drawing, painting, sewing, sculpting, etc.

The melting started as soon as I had finished the second movement of my Yoga practice. There are 100 movements during all of my Yoga practices. No one HAS the time for it. One must MAKE the time.
Two months ago, I began getting into plank position, then using the stop watch app on my phone, I held plank for 2 minutes. When I was leaving for Cold-orado, I was inspired to hold plank every morning, for every day I was there. I was there for 7 days!! sO yEaH!!!! I see the results, now. it's amazing what planking can do for the abs. Fitness talk! I warned you! Yup.

Inside my head,
Water cannot wet me
Wind cannot dry me
Fire cannot burn me
Pain cannot cut me
My spirit is eternal
Eternity within me
Curves back around 
Within itself
To create
Again
And again

namaste