WARNING
Yupp. Ha Ha!
During the time she and I spent together, I noticed a few things about her. The one that stands out in my mind, sadly, is that she is still too much like her father for my peace of mind, my well being.
I divorced her father after a long marriage. I stayed too long, hoping he would grow, mature, evolve, to this day, he never has. He simply found another woman to feed into his narcissistic ways that he is just fine, it's everyone else who is all screwed up.
Sometimes I kick myself for being so blind, so stupid for having chosen so poorly, a male to be the father of my children.
Coulda Shoulda Woulda. ARGH!
Then, pat myself on the back for having the strength, the wisdom, the will to get out before the sickness of the marriage destroyed me completely.
Maybe, I went to Colorado, went to her to possibly circumvent her desire to come to Texas. Maybe. Something inside me knew instinctively that she would disapprove of my life, here, in Texas. Partly because I am a very different person, now. I was never the person her father forced, manipulated into being. Most likely, will be this person I am, now, for the rest of my life.
Something that her father did that killed my love for him was his constant criticism of everything I was, everything I said, everything I did.
He was, I know in hindsight, NOW, narcissistic, deeply insecure, mean, judgmental, cold hearted. When I would become so happy about anything, he would pick my happiness apart. He would begin by telling me that whatever that was making me giggle was nothing spectacular, that I was stupid to be so easily pleased.
Especially if the object of my happiness did not involve him. Everything had to involve him in some way or, according to him, it was useless, had no value.
Counselors have told me that I am a highly intelligent person, far above average. Counselors had also told me, when I was married to Mr. X, after having a few sessions with him, that he felt very threatened by a girl too smart for him.
He slung bullshit at me constantly, I called him out most of the time. It always caused an argument where he would give me the silent treatment for days, sometimes weeks at a time.
Of course, it all depended upon how quickly his right hand got tired for him to stop being angry with me.
Yeah
You know what I mean!
So, when my daughter was visiting me, I noticed a version of this same behavior.
Telling me that I didn't know what I was talking about on 9 different occasions over the course of 4 days.
Then, when she didn't like it that I proved to her that I really DO know what I was talking about, retreating into the room she was staying in, giving me the silent treatment.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's kinda sad.
Learned behavior is a difficult way of being to overcome.
Fathers teach their children how to treat their mother by the way he treats her.
If he disrespects her by cheating on her, lying to her, causing her distress, his sons will learn to be disloyal, lying, cheating males.
His daughters will accept a lying, cheating man as normal.
However, if he treats his wife with respect, being faithful to her, doing all that he can to be a good husband, it will cause his children to be happier, better adjusted adults.
It has taken me a lifetime of therapy, study, self examination to become a better, happier, more well adjusted adult. Just think, what I could have done with my life if I'd had better parenting, a more healthy husband, more nurturing mentors.
Have to start from where one is, keep building.
Have a beautiful, wonderful day!
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