Working on a Dream

As time goes by, it feels as if I'm getting closer. Every day.

Every time I sell a needlework pattern, which is out of print, now, for a hefty profit, I think ~ Yup! It's happening!

De-cluttering means less to take with me when I move. It may be this summer or it may be next summer. As I reduce material possessions, the feeling of freedom from stuff is wonderful! It seems like it's all coming together, working in sync. Fewer possessions, a more fit & toned body, a more positive, playful & sweet feeling, finances are stabilizing. Well, YEAH! 10 years after liberation, it's about frkn time.

When I first moved out of the home shared with ex huzz & kiddos, into a 2 BR, 1.5 BA townhouse, I was so confident that it would all be so easy! Had lived on my own for almost 4 years before marriage. After the abuse & oppression, I really thought~ HAH! Cake Walk.

Some parts were a cake walk, some were more challenging.

Before moving to Texas, I went through a 13 week divorce recovery program 3 times at New Life Church. Still needed a little more healing after the fiasco of 2012, so, 2 times in Texas. It was painful, time consuming and well worth it!

From the time I started REALLY putting effort into my workouts, I felt the wonderful growth, the good changes.

I would walk fast on the treadmill at a 4.2 speed, 15 incline for an hour at a time. There was a row of approximately 18 treadmills, up against the wall to the right with around 12 ellipticals lined up across the aisle, facing the window.   I watched the people on ellipticals, gliding along, so easily. They intimidated the howl out of me, yes, the howl!

Anyone who has ever been through a decline in fitness, finding yourself gaining weight with no idea how to stop it, might identify with my journey. It's a long road of progression, gaining knowledge,trying new workouts, putting in 2 hour sweat & pain sessions! Learn to love the burn!

Feeling a need for more of a cardio challenge, I decided that on the first day of the following month, I would transition from tread & bike to tread & elliptical.

DAM!

It was so difficult, at first. I was still quite porky.

My way of approaching fitness, now, is that when something seems too difficult, too challenging, I go straight into it! It

has served me well.

The rhythm of the elliptical felt really fun at first. I adapted & it became less of a challenge. I had to increase the resistance to stay challenged.

Now, HERE is where it gets interesting.

Like most people, I have running dialogue in my head. Thoughts, ideas. Self talk. In 2007 I was a bit scared, a little worried. The divorce was on January 2, 2007, it was going to take some adjusting. I was free, I was happier, I was a bit of a hot mess!

When pedaling on the elliptical, my self talk would be very, very active. The first sweat would trickle down my back, just under my T-shirt. The self talk started receiving input, answers, if you will.

A sweet comforting message would enter my train of thoughts. It felt peaceful, sweet, very loving, almost holy. It would say:

"You are going to be okay. If you just hang in there, you will have everything you ever dreamed of. Everything you need, everything you ever wanted, you will have everything back and more. Keep going. Keep improving, it will happen."

I agreed with this message, in my head, I would agree. 

"Okay, I'll trust that everything will work out & will be okay."

In the deep fear, deep anxiety that was my life, I clung to this idea.

I get this message at nearly every cardio portion of my workout. Just had to bear the pain of the difficulties, times when I survived on popcorn and/or oatmeal. Had to live without running water for 2 months. I tried phoning my daughters, hoping for at least a bit of loving support, kind words. 
Nope.
The 2 older ones, were together, were more concerned about choosing a color of nail polish than they were about their mother. Nice.
There were many times when I laid on a bed, staring at the ceiling, losing myself in day dreams, it was better than reality.

Having persevered, life has still had its pain as well as joy, yet, continues to improve. The pain to joy ratio, even a year ago was : 

70% pain - 30 % joy

Through keeping a positive attitude,being willing to learn new ways of doing things, taking calculated risks, yet, most of all, believing the encouraging messages. The pain is dropping, with the joy doing a steady climb into sweet sweet bliss!

Present day?

60% pain - 40% joy and climbing! Joy climbing, baby! Yeah!!

Attitude can make a huge difference. It's working for me.

The Sans Barre workout is a unique combo of ballet & yoga. It was so intimidating when I first tried it. Found myself giving up just 10 minutes in. I kept working to make it through, then, through practice, a little swearing & a whoooolllle lot of pain & effort, I got the knack. Now, I have it aced. Time to change it up, soon!

A very cool thing happens when I change up workouts. Different muscles become stronger, different muscles develop. There are many portions of this workout which requires standing on one foot & holding my body parallel to the floor! It hurts, it's difficult.YES!

My inner thighs have slimmed & toned, lower abs are a bit tighter, my back is stronger, I can feel it!

So, according to the inspiring voice, the body is coming back!

The rest may soon follow!

You may ask what my dream is?

Very simple. I feel I have the fitness part taken care of, the finances will come to me, in time, I feel it.

So,here it is. 

My dream is to buy a sweet home, 3 BR, 2 BA, close enough to a warm beach, that I could go to the beach every day if I wanted to.
One doberman pinscher, maybe 2 & a horse of my own. 

That's my dream.

What is your dream?