Validation

Dontcha just love it?

Finding out you were "on the right track"?

Finding that your thoughts on something were correct or confirmed?

As one who feels that genuine & sincere is the best way to be, I reserve the right to be wrong about anything. It's how I learn, it's a contributor to personal growth, for me. 
To have correct info!!

Recently, going to Utah & Idaho for my darling daughters' wedding, I received a lot of validation in a few different forms. Some validations were related to the wedding, some were otherwise related.

Having been an obese person, I'm ashamed to say, along my journey to losing weight & becoming healthier, I have been body shamed by those who said they love me.
OUCH!
I was in an abusive marriage, I ate to assuage the pain.
A plan which no one should follow.
It's what I did.

At the parties surrounding the wedding, I saw people who I have not seen in many years. 
Also 200 -300 lbs ago. 
Family friends, ex-neighbors, family members. 
The ex huzz showed his true colors by not showing up at his own daughters' wedding.
That, in itself, was very validating for people to see who he really is vs the facade he so skillfully presents.

There was a wonderful neighbor who had been close to my daughter. She didn't recognize me. She asked me where the "rest of me" had gone, remarking that I had to be 1/2 or even 1/3 of the size I was when she last saw me.
Very validating.

The daughter of a family friend who I had known since she was 3 years of age, also, didn't recognize me, at first. Then, her eyes grew wide! She told me she didn't know it was me. Just a beautiful slim blonde in a pretty blue dress! WOW!
Very validating.

I responded to her with, "I still bake bread, I still like my house to be clean & smell good." She was so sweet, with hugs & laughter all around.

The one daughter who was so toxic to me, I had to make the painful decision to eject her from my life, was also there. She had excluded me from important moments in her life, such as the 2 times she married then had a baby. Naturally, I had lost the desire to be a part of her life.
Natural consequences.
Her tactics are to be super sweet to me, then, when I least expect it, she would cut me off at the knees. Sharp criticisms, body shaming, purporting to speak for herself as well as her 3 siblings, which was so far off the mark & I knew it.

She came up to me, where I was sitting, she was standing, holding her son who, I would guess to be 18 months, I don't know. She looked to be expecting another one in 4 months or so. Again, I don't know, nor do I care.

She walked up, placed her hand on my back. O gawd, I wanted to slap her hand away so much. It was my youngest daughters wedding, I was going to use self control for her.
She spoke to me sweetly, yupp. Trying to reel me in until she felt like slapping me back, again.
THIS TIME ~ I wasn't going for the bait.
I was cordially polite. She retreated to the other side of the room from me. I felt nothing, continued to enjoy the party!

Another validation came to me later on that day. I found a news article about a male I had been seeing for awhile in 2012. The article described his opinion of how to get more money for his department, while increasing retain-ability as 3 people had resigned since he had began working there.

The guy is a real piece of work. An arrogant a-hole who tried to draw me into a relationship fraught with his control issues, his self important attitude. 
He told me he loved me, then proceeded to body-shame me.
He tried to keep me available to him by offering a place for me to live where he could "visit" me.
I dodged that bullet.

The article was online. A comment following the article stated that the problem with retain-ability was due to the guys' attitude & being difficult to work with.

Validation

Being able to make the 2,000 rt trip as the sole driver with company, sometimes without, was empowering in itself.
Truthfully?
I wasn't sure I could do it, yet, my love for my daughter is stronger than my fears. I wanted to be there so much! So, I made it, with the help of 2 friends who I'm deeply grateful to.

Validation is often unnecessary for me, yet, it's wonderful when it naturally happens!