Fallen off the wagon?
Lost your mojo?
Became unmotivated?
Been off your game?
Call it what you will, getting discouraged, unmotivated, depressed, anxious ~ it just plain sucks & blows! Stay clean, now, y'all!
That has been my experience for almost a year, now. The cause of this, for me, is very private, so, it will remain so.
Trying to stay on the subject.
The point is, I have been off my game. It's unlike me to skip workouts, have a messy house, be anxiety ridden for so long. At times, getting a little down may last for only a couple hours or just a day or 2 at most.
Only desiring to be an up-lifter to others, even when I'm sad, anxious or depressed, I try to be positive, to smile as much as possible.
When I can't?
I hang out at home mostly, leaving the house only when dragged out, invited out or if it's absolutely necessary.
Knowing that it only contributes to depression to stay in the house for long periods of time, eventually, I will make myself get out of the house.
Peeps ~ It's difficult.
The really tough time of the year for me has passed, now, here comes another. The "C" word, ugh!
In my former life, it was a happy time of the year for me. I was with family. I worked to make it all happen (ex huzz gave very little help with it). It was a lot of work, it was time consuming, it was exhausting!
I loved every minute of it!
By nature, I'm a pleaser, a giver. It's so delightful to go full throttle, making spirits bright!
There were usually not many presents for me under the tree (ex huzz was very selfish, when it was about giving to me, he was not a giver or a pleaser unless he was giving to himself & pleasing himself).
The holiday season, to me, was a great excuse to give a lot to others!
The house smelled like cinnamon, baking bread, apple & orange.
Compared to what it is now, that time was heavenly for 2 months!
Now? It's quite desolate.
Most years, not even a card.
Giving mainly consists of loading the wrapped gifts into boxes, going to the post office to mail them.
Boom.
That's basically it. MFC.
My youngest sweet baby is really good about letting me know that she received what I sent & most often, she opens the boxes while she's on the phone with me.
I love that!
The others?
I might get a text or a FB message. On rare occasions, I get a phone call. Often, I get nothing.
Not a thank you, KMA, nada.
I suppose that's what USPS tracking numbers are for. :(
My youngest baby has been in college, working her bunnies off to get her Engineering degree, yet, she's the most responsive! She's a very devoted & thoughtful one. She's also a bit mischievous.
I love that, too!
(She's clearly, my child! wink-wink!)
So, doing the best I can to stay positive is like carrying a 200 lb bag of rocks on my shoulders.
I'm single by choice.
I could have a man in my life if I wanted that. No one seemed like we would be right for each other. Temporary, maybe, less than would be necessary for a long term commitment.
Have had three marriage proposals since going through the "D", I don't mean Dallas! Ha ha!
If someone comes into my life, fine, if not, I'm still fine flying solo.
LADYHAWK!
Having worked on myself to become a better person in as many aspects as possible is better than involving another person in my broken lil self.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. (so cliche')
Having hit a big "speed bump" almost a year ago, it feels as if I'm coming out of the funk. Hope so.
From time to time (whatever that means) it feels like little twinges of serotonin in my brain, giving a boost to my moods.
It's not pakalolo!
I don't do drugs, illegal ones & very sparing of the legal ones.
I'm one of those who won't run to a doc for hardly anything & I won't let big pharma into my body tyvm.
I would rather be mostly natural. Having seen the effects on other people as they age badly from smoking cigarettes, using illegal substances ~ I just say "NO."
Yeah, I might be a little vain, I take very good care of myself.
Overall health.
Body.
Mind.
Spirit.
If other people need or want to be on meds instead of self healing, that's their gig.
As for me and my house we won't serve BIG PHARMA.
With this long blog entry, yes, I know it's long, I do feel some serotonin kicking in!
( I don't touch the brown stuff, lol, so it's not coffee kick in!)
Chemical dependency is not my thing, either.
My ice cold water in the morning feels like a jump start! If drinking water is chemical dependency, well, I'm a junkie! Love my water!
Maybe, peeps, here's hoping, I'm bouncing back.
In the words of the luscious MM ~
Hold a good thought for me!
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