He Wanted To Marry Me Too Quickly!

Be careful what you wish for, you might not get it - or you might!

At 6'1", around 180 lbs, blonde with expressive blue eyes, such a renaissance man! A good cook, a passionate musician, a real prankster with  a great sense of fun & adventure. His early life was fraught with tragedy, yet, he still maintained a radiant disposition!

He was definitely a CATCH if ever there was one!

He was also serving as a Missionary, when we met. This means, he was bound to forego dating, television, radio and swimming for 2 years.

In spite of that, he communicated to me that I was wife material to him. I took it as a joke. A mild statement. A barely perceptible flirtation. Flirting was a big fat NO-NO as an LDS Missionary.

I was active duty, United States Air Force, living in Hawai'i. I was also dating someone & it was becoming serious with him. I'm a faithful type of girl, so, even if he were free to date, I was not.

As the time drew near for him to leave Hawai'i, he obtained permission to get my mailing address so he could keep in touch. He left Hawai'i 1 month later.

His first letter arrived 1 week after he left to go back to Utah.

The relationship I was in, crumbled, leaving me devastatingly heart broken, so, I didn't write back.

Moving on to my next assignment, 4 months later, 10 of his letters caught up with me. Each one grew increasingly romantic, increasingly serious in nature! It was a bit frightening to me. 

I was only 20 years old !!!!!

Definitely not thinking about marriage at the time. I was focused on my USAF career, also, another hobby I picked up. I was excited about both!

I wrote back to him, gave him my new mailing address. I received 3 more letters within a week!

He was working full time plus attending college full time. It made me wonder where he found the time to write so many letters!

In his most recent letter, he wanted to fly me to Utah for a visit in person.

It was a bit tough to get military leave, yet, I got 5 days to visit him, the plane ticket arrived the next morning.

We were to have almost 5 days together. He arranged for me to stay with his 26 year old sister who had been a beauty queen, pageant winner since the age of six years!

Oh, boy! 

NOT

Also, the guy I had been dating when I met him had hurt me very badly, I was still hurt from him.

When I arrived, I was a bit dismayed at his appearance. He was very skinny, he was already slender when I had last seen him, he looked like he had lost 60 lbs, his hair was long, he had a mustache, beard. He looked gaunt, pale, exhausted.

He was less talkative than when he and I had last spoken, he also seemed very sullen, unhappy.

He was a far cry from the sunshiny golden boy I had met in Hawai'i!

Yeah, not the same.

He was still serious about me being wife material. The morning after I arrived, he came over to take me out for breakfast, then introduce me to other family members & his friends.

It was a lot to take in.

The next day, he took me to BYU, to a music room. He had written a song to me, he wanted to play it & sing it for me. This was a bit much. I was less serious about him than he was about me, yet, it was a very thoughtful, very sweet & romantic gesture.

GF ~ The song was overkill!

During the course of our time together, he began talking about marriage, how many children he wanted, what he wanted their names to be, then, asking me for my thoughts.

My thoughts?

I was only 20 years of age. I had my career, marriage was far from my mind.

Babies??????

I knew very little about sex. Even less about having babies other than it looked like a very painful process that didn't appeal to me at all !!!!

Trying to be a tactful as possible, I conveyed to him, my thoughts. 

He looked hurt, crestfallen, deflated, embarrassed.

He, then, told me that he was only joking, that I had gotten the wrong idea from him.

WOW

Needless to say, the rest of the visit was uncomfortable, awkward. He even had me take a cab to the airport when I left!

I cried, all the way on the flight back to California, then, in the car on the ride from LAX to Edwards AFB.

Why do I write about this today?

Recently, I saw his obituary online. He and I are the same age, so, it was rather daunting that he died from a stroke. He was a non-drinker, non smoker, an active athlete & musician up to the day he died from the complications of his stroke!

Even more daunting?

In his life sketch for his eulogy, there is a mention of me! it was somewhat unflattering.

I am mentioned as "the friend he met while serving as a missionary for the LDS church in Hawai'i."

The life sketch speaks of me as a disappointment he suffered at my hands and he did not date much nor did he marry until 10 years later.

Geez, it doesn't get any worse than dead.

Still, I feel very badly that he was so hurt and disappointed by me. It was only my intent to move more slowly, to have my career, to make a good life choice.

He was a wonderful husband, father, successful musician, even working with the band - Journey as well as working with Steve Perry!

It's good that he lived a fulfilling life. Makes me happy that such a wonderful person  as he was, found love, fulfillment & finally peace.