The Feeling is Here

It's one of those days when your heads in a haze of blissful being. It turns to one of those nights when you turn out the lights and you say to yourself, I feel good.
Oh, nothing special has happened in my day to make me feel this way yet, I feel it. Warmer weather is here & when I look in my mirror, I like what I see just a little more.
Almost where I want to be.
My heart is feeling so light that when I lay down at night I feel content. Sleep still teases still is hard to achieve yet soon I'll move forward to leave that behind

I'm not a night owl.

I'm a lady hawk.
A she wolf.
A lioness.

They fly solo, too! Are content to live their days with only brief social interaction. Recently I read that people who are more intelligent tend to spend more time alone, working on intellectual or creative or scientific discovery.

Well

That would be me.

When my spirit has moved on, leaving my body behind, anyone who comes in to clear out my personal effects, will find my home neatly organized. Having disposed of possessions in a myriad of ways, it will be an easy task. Having only kept what brings me joy, ala the Konmari Method by Marie Kondo, it freed me from that which doesn't matter even further than when I moved to Texas.

Clutter can steal a persons energy, the weight of too much stuff is almost palpable.

As I rid myself further of items that stopped bringing joy, I feel free.

So, here is the magic part!

The less stuff I have, the less I am weighted down.

Perhaps I am going to be freed from my body, soon?
Perchance to dream in spirit.
Perchance to die in body.

I'm ready, unafraid of the death of my body.

My children have their own lives, they don't need me any longer.

Having a loving, close relationship with my youngest, my Victoria, gives me great joy. The other 3 barely communicate, so, they are not much of a part of my life, I am not a part of theirs. That's just how it is. Neither good nor evil, it's simply a fact. My death would not matter to them. Mothers Days go by, Christmases go by, rarely even a card.
Fathers teach their children how to treat their mother by the way he treats her. Ex huzz taught my children that I am not to be respected, that I am of very little value by the way he devalued & disrespected me.
It's cause & effect. No excuse from adult offspring, only reasons.

So, this is why I feel that leaving this earth would be fine. Would rather leave while I'm still young, vibrant, beautiful. Remembered as I am, today, unravaged by time or illness. My hair is longer & healthier than it has ever been, no lines on my face, my skin is glowing with health. I'm in better athletic condition than I was 25 years ago!
Remembered for the beautiful needlework, the tidy, organized home, for a positive outlook when there are more reasons to be sad than there are to be happy. Choosing to smile inside and out.
I have made mistakes in my life, yet, I have also been more kind than anything.
Starting with being kind to myself in letting others know that when they treat me badly, I can be a force to be reckoned with.
Mostly, I would choose to be kind.
Evil will prosper when good people do nothing. For this reason, I will most definitely fight back when others seek to do me harm.
Again, I would rather be kind.

Today, a feeling of wistful sweetness pervades my mind.

It would be a good day to die.