A Dream...

Watching The Time Travelers Wife.....

Yes, I'm feeling fine. It's a misty rainy day in north Texas. Chik fliks are out of the normal realm of entertainment for me.

The norm?

Usually sci-fi, history, comedy, action, documentary. Usually anything besides a chik flik. I s'pose this movie could be considered kind of a sci-fi love story? Alright, cut some slack for me. I do love this movie.

Since I served in the military starting at 18, that environment is one of only a handful that feels like home for me. It takes a certain breed of person to serve, to like it. I am that breed of person. It takes one to understand one. Usually, I have more in common with other military people. Other than military as well, however, the mind set of those who are serving or have served in the.....okay.

As a young, naive, impressionable woman, at 18, I fell hard for a USAF PJ. He was in my dreams, in my heart, in my thoughts for a long time. 25 years, yep, a long time. I wrote a book of which more than half was about him. Writing that book was very cathartic to resolve those feelings which were rooted deep in my heart, deep in my mind. Speaking with clergymen, counselors, friends about him, failed to wash him out of me. Spending 10 years writing a book manuscript helped tremendously. When he and I spoke, he took it all the wrong way from what I intended. My intent was purely to get to know him as a friend. Platonic friends, pleasant conversation. He took it in a way different way, a completely clandestine direction from the intention I had to just be a friend. 

Que sera, sera.

Men such as him are rare.

My Michael was a lot like him. A-10 Pilot.....go figure!

Thus, my fascination with this rare Alpha Male.

I went through a great deal of trauma shortly before leaving Colorado. Re-visiting it is unhealthy. Many of the memories have been dulled, yet the impressions remain. 

Am not sure if this "impression"  that re-occurs in my dreams was a real person or just the figure of an over active fantastical creative mind.

Watching The Time Travelers Wife seems to pull at my mind, that's the only way to explain the sensation. It's a sensation of a dream guy intermittently cruising in and out of my days. Never knowing when he will appear or when he will leave. It's odd, yet, with a strange familiarity to it. Somewhat similar to the plot of the movie.

Watching Claire (played by Rachel McAdams) as she struggles to live a normal life. So in love with this man who can never stay very long plus having him re-appear unexpectedly.

It makes me think that this must be similar to what it's like to love a Special Forces Soldier. He bounces in, he bounces out. Maybe with advance notice, maybe without? His family has to live a "normal" existence, whatever normal is. Having to carry on without him.Without him at Christmas, births of babies, Easter, Mothers Day, Fathers Day when he is especially missed.

Seems like a difficult way to live.

I only experienced this with Michael, briefly. It would have been a rather difficult way to live for very long.

Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Then, again, maybe I would! I'm quite tough.

For now, the impression of that life seethes through my dreams like a thick hot steam, sometimes like a hail storm!

Although it's a recurring dream, it's only a dream.

*smile*