The Times, My Times

Green seems like a good color to use for this blog post. Green is the color of re-birth, renewal and hope. It seems appropriate.

There are times when I stay awake for 3 days straight, a few times, it has been 4 days.
Being half Native American, it's only natural to tune into the beliefs of the people. It is said by many that when a person cannot sleep it's because they are awake in someone else's dream.

DAMMIT! Stop dreaming about me! 😁

It may be true, it may be false, yet, still, it remains that getting to sleep is hard for me. Staying asleep is easy...……...like taking a journey.
The journey is sometimes tiring, arduous. Arriving is bliss. If it's blissful enough, you only wish to stay. Warmed in the sweetness of family, friends or simply being somewhere different that is respite.

Sometimes, when I'm desperate, a shot or 2 of Jameson helps, yet, it's a band aid on a bullet hole. Sometimes, I use an OTC sleep aid.
Then, there's the method I can only use in the winter.
Heating the bed with a heated mattress pad and an electric blanket.

Temptation calls when the bed is so soft, warm, inviting. Even the comfort of a warm bed fails to chase the ensuing nightmares, once sleep takes over. 
In dreams, I'm re-living horrors of the past, hearing this terrifying screaming that goes on and on. Waking up in a drenching sweat, I realize that it was my own, real life screams that I was hearing, that woke me.

So, it's take OTC meds, a couple shots of Vodka or Jameson or stay awake for 2 - 4 days, fearing the nightmares if I sleep. Never knowing when the nightmares will happen or if a "good dream" will happen. Those are few & far between, brothers!
What are they?
Too XXX Rated to tell, here. This blog is truthful, yet G-Rated.

Then, there are the somewhere in between, dreams. 
The sweet dreams of riding my favorite horse through the tall summer grass. 
The dreams of being on a longboard riding the banzai pipeline, the one time I was in the barrel at Mokapu beach, North Shore, O'a'hu!

Those are the dreams that are worth falling into blissful slumber for. Dreams that I wake from with a smile, infused with energy, ready to get everything accomplished during the day.
There must be some way to cause these good dreams to happen. Foods to eat, bedtime routines. If there are, I'm still searching for them, whatever they might be. I will try just about anything.
An essential oil?
Warm bath with lavender oil?
Scented bath bombs?
Chamomile tea?
Soft music to soothe?

I used to turn to chat lines when I couldn't sleep. 
I was just looking for someone to talk to. 
The people on those chat lines were a conglomeration of married cheaters, hard dicks, trannies. 
Definitely NOT what I was looking for, NOT what I needed.
So, I stopped.

With the help of a good counselor, I'm slowly solving this conundrum. Medication might be the answer for some people, it's an answer that will remain for others. 
Maybe it's the Native American blood in my veins, I prefer to live as naturally as I possibly can. Eating fresh raw veggies, lean natural protein, wild caught salmon 2 - 3 times weekly. Nothing processed.
Medical Doctors are trained to prescribe medication. Surgeons are trained to perform surgery.
Counselors are trained to heal the minds of the broken, the ones who suffer with PTSD/MST,  traumas of other sorts.

Healing a wounded mind & a broken heart is something I will do as naturally as possible. With the compassion of a caring professional counselor, I feel the healing influence. 

Every day, one day at a time, it's easier.