What you see, might not be what you see

Life can be a funny sequence of events. Appearances can, often be deceptive. There's makeup, spanx, wigs, wine, chocolate, promises which one never intends to keep.
It's rather tricky to discern the lipstick on a pig from the genuine.

To quote my grandfather who was a seasoned Detroit Policeman for 25 years ~
"Don't believe anything you hear & only half of what you see."

Grandpa was wise. I'm sure that he was simply quoting wise words he had heard from others. Nonetheless, he was quite intelligent as well as, I believe, also had "street smarts."

I believed every word my grandfather told me.

Compassion is still alive, still exists, yet, is in shorter supply in todays world than it used to be. People tend to leap, now, ask questions later. Often, there are no questions asked as guilt is erroneously assumed. 
People throw their personal acquaintances away as if they were discarding a soda can or an empty egg carton. Before an acquaintance can blossom into a friendship, it's discarded because of a sad, mutual misunderstanding. Sometimes it's inconvenient.

It can be different.

Each person has the opportunity to make it different. View others with the eyes of understanding, compassion, forgiveness.
This touchy feely idea is in no way advocating being a door mat.
What it is saying is that each person can make a difference. 
Gotta loooooooove redundancy.  ♥

Please read the words below. Thank you. With my whole heart.

How can you be happy?

People often ask me why I am happy.
These are people who know me, they know what I have been through. Heartbreak, loss, death, physical challenges, the usual.
Or, is it?
The answer is complex as well as simple.

If you wish to be happy, then be. 

Let your attention be drawn to that which is happy, positive, uplifting, inspiring, supportive.
All that a person gives attention to, will become a part of them whether a bummer or joy inducing.
There are many references to it, such as, 
"As a man thinketh, so is he."
The Law of Attraction
When you smile the world smiles with you

One concept which requires a bit of effort is to phrase in my mind, speech which is positive from that which is commonly negatively phrased when it is spoken.
It takes far less effort than it used to.
Speaking in the positive can make a very pronounced difference in a persons attitude, mood, even their view of the world!

Case in point, the pony story.
Yup, ha ha!

A man had 2 sons. He wished to give a gift to both, the gift of positive thinking to possibly improve their view of the world.

Both sons were presented with identical horse stalls filled with hay, oats and a load of horse manure. 
One son remarked with disgust, "Why would you give a horse stall filled with hay, oats and manure as a gift??"
The other was tearing through the hay, oats and manure with a fervor, laughing as he did so.
When the father asked the boy what he was doing, he replied:
"I'm looking for the pony!"
Positive attitude!

Tricky to accomplish, easy to attempt, or is it vice versa?

You decide.

Hold a good thought for me. ❤

Direction, Please.

Which way am I supposed to go?
Right?
Left?
North?
South?
East?
Left?
Mauka?
Makai?
Ewa?
Diamond Head?

It's such a mystery.

Should I work at one job for all of my life
Should I become a mother and a housewife
Should I start with college then figure it out
New to adulting unsure of what it's about
It's so scary to get out there on my own 
Knowing it's wise to form my own home
Dating is so very confusing so very complex
For one who knows little of those of male sex
That which I was taught is odd to those out there
They only wish to use me they're so unkind so unfair

*******************************************************

Mooning

When the earth is caught between moon and sun
The visit of a beautiful full moon has begun
Though it lasts only for the span of one night
It's romantic it's mysterious it's a beautiful sight
Lovers will plan a sweet meeting at this time
Which mystifies many with reason or rhyme
It's the tidal pull it's the tug on a romantic heart
That brings lovers together who have been apart
The illuminated night will delay many a heartfelt pain
Until the next night when the world dims all over again
Viewing the moon as a heavenly time keeper of our nights
Loveliest of that which is lovely while the sun brings delights
Starshine is so mystic perhaps the most understood of all
They give the greatest delight whenever they die then fall
Oh! Make a wish! Make a wish when you see one dart
Make a wish to yourself, write it on your heart

The Times, My Times

Green seems like a good color to use for this blog post. Green is the color of re-birth, renewal and hope. It seems appropriate.

There are times when I stay awake for 3 days straight, a few times, it has been 4 days.
Being half Native American, it's only natural to tune into the beliefs of the people. It is said by many that when a person cannot sleep it's because they are awake in someone else's dream.

DAMMIT! Stop dreaming about me! 😁

It may be true, it may be false, yet, still, it remains that getting to sleep is hard for me. Staying asleep is easy...……...like taking a journey.
The journey is sometimes tiring, arduous. Arriving is bliss. If it's blissful enough, you only wish to stay. Warmed in the sweetness of family, friends or simply being somewhere different that is respite.

Sometimes, when I'm desperate, a shot or 2 of Jameson helps, yet, it's a band aid on a bullet hole. Sometimes, I use an OTC sleep aid.
Then, there's the method I can only use in the winter.
Heating the bed with a heated mattress pad and an electric blanket.

Temptation calls when the bed is so soft, warm, inviting. Even the comfort of a warm bed fails to chase the ensuing nightmares, once sleep takes over. 
In dreams, I'm re-living horrors of the past, hearing this terrifying screaming that goes on and on. Waking up in a drenching sweat, I realize that it was my own, real life screams that I was hearing, that woke me.

So, it's take OTC meds, a couple shots of Vodka or Jameson or stay awake for 2 - 4 days, fearing the nightmares if I sleep. Never knowing when the nightmares will happen or if a "good dream" will happen. Those are few & far between, brothers!
What are they?
Too XXX Rated to tell, here. This blog is truthful, yet G-Rated.

Then, there are the somewhere in between, dreams. 
The sweet dreams of riding my favorite horse through the tall summer grass. 
The dreams of being on a longboard riding the banzai pipeline, the one time I was in the barrel at Mokapu beach, North Shore, O'a'hu!

Those are the dreams that are worth falling into blissful slumber for. Dreams that I wake from with a smile, infused with energy, ready to get everything accomplished during the day.
There must be some way to cause these good dreams to happen. Foods to eat, bedtime routines. If there are, I'm still searching for them, whatever they might be. I will try just about anything.
An essential oil?
Warm bath with lavender oil?
Scented bath bombs?
Chamomile tea?
Soft music to soothe?

I used to turn to chat lines when I couldn't sleep. 
I was just looking for someone to talk to. 
The people on those chat lines were a conglomeration of married cheaters, hard dicks, trannies. 
Definitely NOT what I was looking for, NOT what I needed.
So, I stopped.

With the help of a good counselor, I'm slowly solving this conundrum. Medication might be the answer for some people, it's an answer that will remain for others. 
Maybe it's the Native American blood in my veins, I prefer to live as naturally as I possibly can. Eating fresh raw veggies, lean natural protein, wild caught salmon 2 - 3 times weekly. Nothing processed.
Medical Doctors are trained to prescribe medication. Surgeons are trained to perform surgery.
Counselors are trained to heal the minds of the broken, the ones who suffer with PTSD/MST,  traumas of other sorts.

Healing a wounded mind & a broken heart is something I will do as naturally as possible. With the compassion of a caring professional counselor, I feel the healing influence. 

Every day, one day at a time, it's easier.

Body Shaming?

I am who I am as no less though no more
Than a jumble of numbers or a credit score
My body is only a part of my total being
More guts and heart than what you are seeing
In the very core of this vessel cased in skin
There's a holy place my babies formed in
The stretchmarks across my belly and thighs
Are the stripes of a tigress this I realize
Melasma formed on my face as my babies grew
In safety and security so that they never knew
Never knew the pain and all the sleepless nights
Their mother bore to give them their human rights
Human rights to be born in the safety of such a place
Where some only care to have their baby's life erased
It has been a few years since each baby's birth came
Now the place where they formed is subject to body shame
Disregard the excitement at expecting each child
Milk flowed from both breasts as hunger was satisfied 
The body shamers will only condemn spent belly and breasts
That were once the sweetest haven for baby heads to rest
Body shamers who are supposed to appreciate her sacrifice
While the mean words were said to hurt her and to criticize
Make no mistake oh ye who think you are such perfection
It's the ugliness of a prideful one with a dark soul infection
She earned her stripes and womanly belly that you so despise
She has earned her queenly status to which she will humbly rise
For the tigress she is, in her imperfect body with a strong spirit
If you dare body shame her she roars and you will surely hear it
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


Hello, to you, reading this. Yes, I wrote this. Yes, I have endured the pain of body shaming. 
A daughter, 2 boyfriends as well as a few miscellaneous haters who were supposed to love me. In their imperfection, they took it upon themselves to body shame me.
Did it hurt?
Hell, YES!
Did I take it to heart?
I admit, momentarily, I did.
Then, I considered the sources. None of these body shamers had ever grown a child inside their body with all the extreme changes as the baby grew. They had never experienced the hormonal changes, the metabolic slowdown nor the joy of creating life. Thankfully, the joy, the agony, the pain, the relief was all mine.

These are not stretch marks, they are the tigress stripes I earned!

Rigoletto

The original tale of Rigoletto is an Italian opera composed in 1851 by Giuseppe Verdi.

The more current story of Rigoletto varies greatly from the original concept. The modern tale features heart tugging music, touching on  the lives of a town full of people working hard to scratch out a living.

There is no curse or evil spell
That's worse than one we give ourselves
There is no sorcerer  so cruel
As the proud and angry fool


Here is where the would be spoiler stops.

Having loved this presentation as well as shared with others who similarly were touched by the music, the plights of every day people, I was very happy to find it on You Tube!

If you enjoy an uplifting tale with such beautiful music with stories within stories that unfold in layers, I hope you enjoy.

https://youtu.be/GFAMz9-Lc9Y?si=GTUFOVsZj53h7Yp4

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