Dead at 58

My mother at age 19

Is 58 a young age?

Is 58 an older age?

50 is the new 30!!

Tonight, in a very poignant conversation, it was pointed out that my mother died at age 58.
To me, that is way too young to die. 
Given her unhealthy living habits, it's understandable that she would die so young. 
As a child, in my parents home, from the minute she woke up until she went to sleep at night, even in bed, she always had a cigarette in her hand. I always knew when she was awake in the morning. The scent of  a freshly lit cigarette wafted on the air from her room.

She smoked cigarettes constantly, lived with a great deal of stress. Some of her stress was self inflicted, some of it was a result of making decisions that were less conducive to happiness.
Some of her stress was simply circumstantial outcomes from taking less time than she should have to weigh her options, take it slow, decide with more care.

Mother was born on January 1st! She was born at home, as many babies were at the time. According to my Grandfather (her father), he said this,
"She was born with a full head of bright red curly hair. She was the wildest thing I ever saw!"
And, she continued to be a bit wild throughout her life. My grandfather would shake his head in dismay at the things my mother would do and say. He was an intelligent man with a spirit for discovery. He was also very kind yet firm with a deep commitment to my Grandmother and a fierce yet tender love for his 5 daughters of which my mother was the youngest born.

Mother came from a stable, strict yet loving home, so, it's hard for me to understand how she turned out the way that she did.

I will say that I will stop short of telling her life story.

To die at the age of 58, she had done some very hard living.

As hard as I tried to have a relationship with mother, when she had an attorney call me, as she was going to try to sue me for unsupervised visitation with my 4 kiddos, that was it. She could say or do as she wished, regarding me, within reason.
When it concerned my children?

Nope

That was where I drew the line. Threaten my sweet babies, that would constitute total termination of contact.
She lived in Michigan, I was living in Nebraska. She wanted me to take my kiddos to Michigan, leave them with her for a week at a time.
OH, HELL NO!

From 1992 until she died in 1996 or 1997 (It's unclear to me), I was living in Europe, then, Central America with no contact with her.

It's very sad when things such as this occur.

I was so sure there would be more time. A time for reconnecting later. A time to reconcile. 

The time never happened. She died so young.

I have no regrets, I was the lioness, protecting her babies.

If you love someone, tell them. If you care, express it.

None of us knows what tomorrow brings.

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