There are varying levels in between knowing or not knowing.
50 shades, lol.
The person who is bedraggled, waiting for a handout at the freeway exit ramp was born naked, as we all are. There's a story within all of us.
Some people would say it's secret when, in fact, it's private. Though, sometimes it is secret.
Again, 50 shades in between.
When people act out of self protection, self preservation, they are often called out or thought of as selfish, mean, uncaring. Society has done this to people.
This is somewhat personal, to me.
For many years, I ignored the symptoms of PTSD caused by MST. It was stuffed down deep.
Like Cleopatra, Queen of denial. 😉
When a bit of instability touched me, I sucked it up, suffered in silence when the night terrors set in. Putting a brave face on, so that no one could sense my inner turmoil, I carried on.
There is no one else to blame except myself. I allowed it, again & again because I thought I was being kind. Being kind is a part of who I am. I love to help others.
Before I was made to face the price of helping others at the cost of my own emotional pain, I allowed myself to get into some very sticky situations.
Afterward, I braved through the night terrors, anxiety, panic attacks that are the wonderful world of PTSD/MST.
With the help of a fellow veteran & a good counselor, I learned to put my own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.
I learned that it's healthy to take a break or momentarily turn away from unstable situations for my own peace of mind.
Being self centered is often touted as a negative.
Yet, the very definition of the unhealthy existence of co-dependent is for one person to center themselves around 1 person or many.
People have their own independent situations, lives, ideas, baggage, thoughts. They will sometimes be less than kind, less than caring which sometimes causes the one who is in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with them, to sustain serious emotional damage.
Only, however, when as well as if they allow it.
There's the kicker!
OUCH!
Having learned to prevent being kicked, the kicks are fewer & far between, though, they still occur occasionally.
Holding myself accountable for what I allow as well as what I don't, is important. Taking full responsibility for my own actions as well as inaction is key to maintaining balance in my life.
This keeps most of the night terrors, anxiety, depression at bay.
Of course, the damage is done. I will always have to deal with PTSD/MST to varying degrees for the rest of my life.
Tricky?
Yes.
Manageable?
Yes.
Knowing my limits, keeping my boundaries is crucial.
Many people either don't understand or refuse to understand when I withdraw from a person, place or event that is threatening to my peace of mind. Putting my proverbial life jacket on before trying to help someone who is drowning.
Peeps! There are thousands of drowning people out there.
I used to be one of them before I did the painful work to learn to not burn.
To learn how to stay afloat to help others without being dragged under by someone I was trying to save.
This is a tricky lesson to learn.
The very sad aspect of this?
Every person must learn this on their own. People have to follow their path to learn to stop doing the stupid things that only bring them sadness, anger, misery. Once a person has learned to keep boundaries in place, if they have not learned it in childhood, life will become more peaceful.
Unfortunately, in 3 phases of my life, my boundaries were breached over and over. As a child 10%, as a military person 80%, as a wife & mother 10%. So much so, mainly in the second part, that I had no foggy clue until 2012.
It was a turning point, a game changer.
It may have come to me later in life, yet, it came to me, after many pain filled struggles, I'm so grateful to have learned.
Take gentle, compassionate care of your own struggles. The kindest thing you can do is to leave others to find their way. To try to show them the way is futile. The timing has to be right.
Thinking you are helping a creature to emerge from a chrysalis is actually detrimental, even lethal.
All of us humans have to fight our own battles, attain our own growth, attend to our own needs. To depend on others
when help is truly needed is healthy.
To expect people to come to our rescue over & over, only works for Batman & you know, the bat signal!
When a person lets themselves pass through the innocence of childhood, the pain of adolescence, the ignorance that comes after the teenage years (when they still think they know everything).
Then, leaving the foolishness, partying, lawlessness behind, allowing yourself to own adulthood with the somberness of responsibility while still remaining playful, this is key.
Peeps!
Be a butterfly (guys, you can be moths if you wish!)!
Also, tasting with your feed is less than wise!
What do I know?
More than I used to, I still have a lot to learn!
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