O Wealth, Where arte thou?

If I had unlimited lucre for just one day
It would be used to send many cares away

A visit to the closest military installation to me
To bestow some Ben Franklin on all those I see

The warriors defending freedom at duty's call
Deserve so much more for giving their all

Transferring a million to my sweet sons bankroll 
He's such a good man with a heart of gold

Next stops would be a few restaurants in my town
Hard workin' servers 1K tips all around 

Animal shelter would be next to receive 5K
To brighten fur babies lives on that day

Feeling like Santa if only for that one day
To help keep the wolf at the door far far away 

At the end of a full day of such giving
It would add wondrous joy to this life I'm living 

Being filled with love, peace, joy is enough 
All I need is love, joy, peace, way less stuff

Hugs are always good much better than cash
Warm sweet hugs in a New York flash

These are the deep desires of my heart
To spread happiness to many whose lives fell apart 

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

This would be such a wonderful day, to be the good news fairy.

Namaste

PEOPLE....today,right here & now

There's a change in people.

Maybe it's me who has changed, matured, grown. Maybe. I reserve the right to be wrong. People seem to be less loyal & faithful to spouses, less happy in life, less willing to be kind.

Here's an FYI.

I'm as loyal as others are to me. Very happy.

Being kind is my natural personality.

Dare to be your authentic self.

Namaste 

Got Prevarication?

Sadly prevarication practices are far too common,in today's USA. Using the USA as a reference since it's where I currently reside.

The USA, land I love.

So, as a single girl, alone in the world, the high incidence of male prevaricators is sad. Became sufficient to cause me, a girl who loves men & nearly everything about men, to decide in 2012 that weeding through the liars, players, cheating lying married males was no longer worth the possibility of finding someone genuinely decent. The odds of winning a mult-million lottery are higher.

Yes, the same can be said about girls yet, I have never dated a girl.

No, never.

Common lies guys have told,such as.

I told her I was married 

(A lie told by the perp to defend himself from self guilt. He's already married, it gives him a valid out from committing while reaping benefits,also a feeble attempt to assuage his conscience while devastating the girl emotionally)

I told her I didn't want a relationship 

(See above, add cowardice to the mix. This is usually said right after obtaining his objective. Use your discernment)

Vanishing Act

Vanishing then reappearance for 1 - 52 weeks 

As an honest person I have not pulled any of these emotionally hurtful acts on a guy.

Dishonesty seems to be so prevalent. Little or no conscience among these with narcissistic, sociopathic behavior.

Do you do this?

Well....

Stop, drop, roll!

No, that's fire safety. :)

Learn not to get burned. Maybe similar.

Just stop doing this!

Since 2012, no prevaricators for moi.

Avoiding manthrax.

Living in peace.

Happiness.

Single  :D

Some Things

Some things I just know
In my heart 
Are so

Some things in this tender soul
Which I guard 
To stay whole

Loving caring listening giving 
Is a sweet way
Of living 

Simple joys quiet and small 
Feed my spirit to keep giving 
My all

No complete angel am I
I fail over & over although 
I try

This stubborn heart loves though battered 
To be healed and reborn as though nothing
Else mattered

Disappointment shame an embarrassed fool
So enraged 
So uncool

Triumphs successes such glorious pain
Fall down many times only to
RISE AGAIN!

Another Improvement, Another Milestone!

Woo hooooo!

Okay, so, it may seem small, yet, to me, it's HUGE!

As someone who was in phenomenal physical condition starting out as a military cop. At 18 I could run faster than anyone in my training unit out of 25 girls. I could run 8 miles faster AND feel great afterward, very short recovery time required before my breathing & heartbeats returned to a normal rate for me. 

After marrying, separating from the USAF, then, giving birth to 4 sweet babies, I slowed down drastically! Had to slow down to take care of the hubbs career demands, housework, children, no time or energy for exercise. 

Slowly the pounds piled on. With every sweet baby, I felt my metabolism slow a bit more. Having "fat genetics" was yet another factor. It was an excuse, a free pass, I gave myself for weight gain.

Finally, I reached a point where I was fat as hell & wanted my healthy, slim body back! Against the odds stacked up to deter me, I decided it was time.

What were the hurdles to overcome?

- Learned behaviors in bad eating habits from childhood 

- Sabotage by the huzz

- Discouragement at how hard it was going to be

- Slow metabolism 

Still, I was going to do it!

In previous BLOG posts, I wrote of many experiences in my fitness journey. Some of it has been left out. Partly because it's too personal or too emotionally painful or would be very tedious reading.

I've spared you some tedium on that. :)

Having been on this journey for a long time, I have received some very hurtful body shaming. Even as I'm working so hard every day, making strides, the discounting of all the hard work & struggles, it hurt deeply. Mainly because it came from people who were supposed to love me, who should have been supportive.

It's an imperfect world, my friends.

The ex huzz constantly made disparaging remarks

A longtime friend who told me how selfish it was for me to 

take 1 - 2 hours for my daily workouts (no longer a friend).

My own daughter who saw me at my heaviest weight 

A guy who I dated briefly for good reasons 

It's easier to believe the bad things.

Recently I have been making greater progress with planking, using my juicer 2-3  days per week. Also snacking on walnuts, raw cauliflower, celery bites. 

From the strictness of childhood then the restriction of clothing when I was a practicing member of the LDS Church, I never felt I could wear sleeveless tops.

As my body changes, developing more muscle, becoming more lean, I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT A LOT!

Yesterday, I decided to just try on the new workout tops designed to cover the shape of a sports bra. WOW! It looked so good!

My shoulders have so much more definition.

I bought 2. A dark blue & a bright pink, cuz, you know, I'm still a girl, I like things to match. :P

Wearing the blue one to the gym, instead of all covered up by a Tshirt! 

A year ago or even 6 months ago, I would have felt uncomfortable being out in public wearing sleeveless clothing.

Now?

Although I'm a conservative girl, I love the way this looks & feels!

The good changes are here to stay.

I think I will believe the good things, now!

Off to the gym.

Y'all have a beautiful day!!

Feeling Sweet & Sexy!

There! I said it!

Today started out really excellent. Happy, exciting energy charged dreaming all 

night, woke up feeling so alive!


Of course, as is my habit, woke up, 100 leg raises, into gym duds, head to gym 

with serious intent! Love the feeling of my clothes brushing against bare skin, 

nerve endings tingling from the sensation. A couple months ago, I started 

holding plank for 3 minutes before starting cardio. 1 mile on elliptical, 3 minute 

plank. Back to 1 mile on elliptical then a 45 minute strength training class, 

then, either 1 more mile on elliptical or 20 minutes on the Stairmaster. 

The body is the boss!

Am very tuned in to what my body is telling me it needs, wants. 



For this reason, it feels good to be super sensitive to the sensations of muscle 

movement, of new muscle development! 2 - 3 days per week I go back to the 

gym for additional cardio. Have to burn off fat to reveal the abs!

The initial sweat with each workout then, the burn setting in as I begin to push 

hard, Harder, HARDER! After a very intense cardio session, it feels like I could 

fly! Yupp! It feels that good! 

I'm average in looks, no supermodel, here. Ha ha! Yet, my workouts make me 

feel so frkn ALIVE! So sexy. Isn't that what self confidence is made of? Yes,it is.


So, with the exhilaration of my workouts, it makes me feel like being a 

sweetheart to other people. Not a doormat, yet, kind to myself, kind to others.

It's October, which means a new year is coming up. Could 2016 be the year 

you decide to change your life for a more fit, happier, more healthy one? If you 

aren't active & into fitness already, now, would be a good time.

I started this 11 years ago.

It feels as if I'm growing younger. In body, in mind, in spirit.

There are still up days & down days. More up days because I make them so!

Fitness & Happiness!

Getcha some!

Changes!


Do you enjoy changes in your life? 

or

Do you fear them, dread them, have anxiety over changes?

As a child, I lived in a very small town in lower Michigan from the time I was a couple months of age until I was 18 years of age. 
Being constantly surrounded by everyone & everything that was familiar was comforting. Many of the same classmates I knew in Kindergarten were also the ones I knew in elementary school, then Junior HS, then High School and on to graduation. Most of the same classmates were there plus a few more. 
Having a mother and father who both came from large families, I was surrounded by family members all the time, even went to school with a few cousins plus a few of the same people I went to church with......when I DID go to church. 
Our church attendance was usually based upon whether someone had offended my mother the last time we went. It was also based on whether my father was drinking heavier or not. So many variables, what a wonderful life (sarcasm).

There were very few really drastic changes in my life up until the age of 18. Michigan is known for its fierce winters ~ very true! The seasons changed, the scenery changed, everything else pretty much stayed the same.

Looking into, then entering into the US Air Force, I didn't anticipate the rapid rate at which life would begin to constantly change. Living a mundane country life, it was something that took a lot of getting used to. Just during Basic Training aka Boot Camp, there were so many changes. Arriving at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, Texas the first change was huge! I had never been friends with or really known any black or Hispanic people, I also had never been yelled at by anyone besides close family members. 
I arrived at Lackland AFB in a light blue summer blouse and a mid-calf dark blue skirt & open toe heels.
wth was I thinking? Ha ha!
Probably wasn't thinking. I didn't do much of that up to that point. That was about to change in a really big way!

So, to fast forward, I learned military law, military dress code, military marching & maneuvers, how to salute as well as who to salute, when to do it. I learned that I could not be shy, had to speak up, yet, only when to do so.
Up to that point, I was quite shy, mainly keeping quiet to avoid a beating from my parents belts, coffee pot cord, tree switches or any other torture device they could grab.
I learned to get along, participate in team work with the other trainees. Other trainees from all different circumstances. All different ethnic backgrounds, socio economic backgrounds, religions & points of view.

It was definitely different!

Graduating from Basic Training brought more change. Moving from Basic Training open bay dorms to a barracks with 2 -3 women in the room, communal bathrooms & showers. Still, I was a bit reserved, a bit shy, other trainees perceived it as being snobbish. With my humble beginnings?
HAH! Far from being a snob.
Because I kept quiet most of the time, I was blamed for things I didn't do, I was too intimidated, too afraid to speak up, even, on my own behalf. Too afraid to defend myself.

That began to change (there's that word) when we entered the self defense classes during training. When entering the USAF I was a skinny, shy girl. Now, after rigorous months of running, marching every where, daily calisthenics, I was stronger, more confident, more bold when approached.

Training time was over, time to move on to my first duty station. Hickam AFB, Honolulu, Hawai'i!!
Big changes ahead!
Moving from dorm to dorm, different room mates, moving off of Hickam AFB when it was too dangerous for me to live there, more training. WOW! Rotating work schedules. Lots of change.

My time in Hawai'i was up, I moved to Edwards AFB. Only 2 dormitory changes. Slightly easier.

Then, came some of the biggest changes of all. Marriage, separating from the USAF, babies. WOW! Enough to make my head spin.

Having married a military guy, I was still in that military environment that felt so comfortable to me. We moved 22 times in 18 years. Sometimes to another town, sometimes to another part of the town or base, sometimes to another country ~ with 4 kiddos. 
Since I was the one who had to make sure the kiddos, the hubbs, the meals & furniture were taken care of - even if it's only 2 miles down the road - it's definitely a move!

Through it all, hubbs loved moving, he seemed to relish change as much as I feared it. This is a valuable lesson I learned from him, to feel the excitement from change, to fearlessly embrace it!

When things became too difficult to salvage a difficult marriage gone sour, I began to actually look forward to the change. The divorce went smoothly, although, he screwed me over on many counts, unbeknownst to me at the time.

Getting out on my own was scary at first. The nightmares, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, feeling such a gamut of emotions until I began to adjust, to normalize. I began to feel that freedom that I felt when I left my parents oppression at 18. Having experienced the same caliber of control & oppression in marriage, the new freedom was joyful, liberating, scintillating! 
The ex hubbs had taught me to embrace change....well...I was definitely embracing the bejewels out of this change!

My 4 kiddos didn't want much to do with me, which was a bit sad. They had learned from their father that his uber controlling of me, his deep insults he hurled at me, his lying to me in order to manipulate me and his kiddos, they had seen this as normal. It's NOT normal, it's unhealthy, unkind.

So, I was back to where I started before. Free of an oppressive hubbs, no responsibility toward children. He had made it clear that he would fight me for 100% custody. I didn't want to put my kiddos through a custody battle.
Many people faulted me for not fighting, I had been fighting for 10 years. I was done fighting.

So.....here was some big ol change! I moved from one town home to a second one. Then into a duplex in The Broadmoor Area. That was an awesome change!

Through many traumatic events, I found it neccessary to move to Texas. The morning I left, I thanked the place I had called "home" for 4 years for sheltering me. Called my 2 sweet yorkies who happily jumped up on the front seat of the 17 foot U-Haul truck. I dollied my car behind the big truck. Getting the map out, headed toward the interstate, started the drive @ 1000 hrs, arrived in Texas @ 2300 hrs!!
It was a bit scary. 
It's what I like to refer to as "deliciously scary"!

The first home, didn't feel right so I moved again, then to a third home until I moved into the home I presently live in.

It feels like home.

A new remodel, a fantastic Landlord. Feels good.

Learning to embrace change, I know there's more up ahead!

Know what I say???

BRING IT!

Hero

Let me be your hero.......

The song by Enrique Iglesias warms my heart every time I hear it. He's saying the words I have never heard first hand nor any derivative of them.

The words that would turn my heart of stone coldness into a warm sweet one.

Just as it was before it was abused then broken for the last time.

A virgin heart. Ha ha!

He says in a whisper, "Let me be your hero"

I melt at that point although I am usually holding plank position or on the StairMaster or on the eliptical, yup, I melt when hearing that.

Regulars at the gym where I workout marvel at how happy I look when I'm working out. They don't know of the playlist on my Mp3 player titled No BOHICA! or Maybe they have an idea of it!

Different shizz does it for different peeps!

Another reason is that I was in Las Vegas last year for Christmas with someone at The Chippendales show the first time I REALLY heard it.

Part of the show was a strip tease number where the guys paraded out in US Navy Summer White military uniforms ending up in nothing on except red white & blue boxers & smiles!

Had never seen the movie An Officer & A Gentleman, partly because I'm not much of a Richard Gere fan. However, after the show, my buddy mentioned that the movie did almost as much to spur people to enter the military as Top Gun! 

Arriving back home in Texas, I pulled up An Officer & A Gentleman on You Tube to watch for freebies then added the Enrique Iglesias tune, Hero to my No BOHICA playlist on my Mp3 player.

So, yeah, good times, fond memories of Las Vegas.

The song says everything I would want to hear, however, only if it were sincere. Guys try some sneaky words & maneuvers to try to get into my little pink lace panties. yet, it doesn't work.

If I have learned anything I have learned to ignore a guys words, to watch his actions. Have learned the 90 day rule. Watch his actions for 90 days to see who he really is.

Refrain from making out with him or sleeping with him.

A truly caring guy who is sincere, will stick around. Players will vanish before 90 days are up. 

Enrique croons ~ 

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back?
Would you cry if you saw me crying?
Would you save my soul tonight?

Not sure how dancing, running & crying would save his soul but, umm kay.

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this.
Now would you die for the one you love?
Oh, hold me in your arms tonight.

Sounds like a test! Ha ha! So, if she trembles, doesn't laugh, would volunteer to die for the one she loves, she wins the prize!
WOO HOO!
Winner - winner, chicken dinner!
She gets to hold him in her arms, there's a catch, she has to wait until night. Maybe because he's married or has a live in girlfriend. idk

I can be your hero, baby!
I can kiss away the pain!
I can stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away!

So.........this is what she receives for being his Ms.Right.
Yes, I would love this, wished for it for many years until I woke up, realized, it's only a dream. A beautiful fantasy, yet, only a dream.

He could be my hero, baby! 
There's a hell of a lot of pain to kiss away. He'd need some industrial strength lip balm.
Stand by me forever? Dang, dude, forever is a long long time.
Yep, I really would take his breath away just as he would take mine if these words were backed up with ACTIONS!

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie? Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care, you're here, tonight.


Yeah, I could swear to this as long as we were committed to each other, both treating each other well, the way it should be.
Would I lie? Nope. Not unless I absolutely had to. Lying is somethig I avoid unless I absolutely have to.
In too deep? I'm leaving this one alone. *wink*   *smile*

Loving another person is a form of losing your mind, giving in to the pain, the pleasure, the sweetness of surrendering with another human being to merge souls even if it lasts a lifetime or forever. Sounds a bit codependent, hmm?
Yeah, baby, I'm here, tonight.

Oh, I just want to hold you
I just want to hold you, oh yeah!


Yes, being held, holding each other is something I tremendously miss. It's why I can't sleep at night, it's why I have 2 body pillows. Front & back.
Holding someone & being held is so comforting.

For now?

I just want to hold good thoughts.

Life is good for me, right now, although solitary, it's safer to keep to myself. Predatory people will seize the opportunity to take advantage of another persons desire for love, for friendship, for comfort.

Males will lead a woman to believe he actually cares, only to take from her what he wants then vanish.
A form of cowardice.

One definition of cowardice is a male who awakens the love in a woman knowing he is neither free of other commitments nor does he plan to allow himself to love her in return.

Females will lead others to believe that she is their friend when in actuality, she is a basic succubus, taking, taking, taking, never giving back.

Just want to hold good thoughts in my heart & mind where it's safe.

In the words of the misunderstood Norma Jean ~

Hold a good thought for me!

Love & luck, y'all!

OUT

Him

It doesn't matter to me if he has money or if he has none 
It was never having money that made me fall for anyone 

The most valuable substance I could ever find
Has been found in a good guys heart also in his mind 

He's smart, compassionate while still just wild enough 
To keep life interesting with his sexy manly stuff

He's a man of his word which makes me feel safe & sound
One of a kind, my hero, the very best to be found

He's not perfect, no, not perfect at all, he's just right 
Imperfect enough to love me as I am, he's my personal knight 

Nice to be able to fantasize to get through a day like today it seems 
For he's only in my imagination, a girl can still have dreams 

Out of my life...

He's out of my life...

It's a little sad, even though I expected it, he had the courtesy to let me know he was leaving, wouldn't be back. Most people just pull a disappearing act without a word. *POOF* they're gone. 

Not him.

He's a good man, a caring, intelligent person. I'm describing his ways in which he is conscientious, keeps his word, cares for the feelings of others. Many times, I would sit in his office having conversations that were personal, sometimes deep, sometimes a bit silly, always enlightening, always good. It was a true friendship that many say is non-existent in today's world.

The friendship I speak of is the one between a girl and a guy. He was a gentleman, a good friend, a guy so full of mischief he had sparks in his eyes. I kept my boundaries, he kept his.

We were friends.

On many occasions, he did small favors for me, I gave him gift cards that came my way. Gift cards to restaurants that he liked. Keeping my daily calorie intake for healthy eating habits, lowering BMI, sticking to health promoting foods that are most often found in my kitchen! He always smiled great big when I dropped a gift card off to him at his office. 

Very few people are as nice as he is. In Graham, Texas, they are surface friendly, hold anyone who wasn't born here or married to someone who was, at arms length. 

Not him.

When he and I were discussing life events, he teared up when I told him of difficult parts, busted up laughing at my stupid jokes, shared details of his life with me. Very real, very humble, love it!

So, it may surprise you when I tell you that this really awesome guy was the manager of the gym where I work out. I spend 2 - 4 hours of my day, there, every day, so, it's  like a second home.

The day he told me he had put his 2 weeks notice in, I cried, he hugged me in one of his tight man hugs. I told him I would miss him, yet, I knew he had to move on.

It might seem that I had a bit of a crush on him. Yeah, you can  admit it! You were thinking that, weren't you?

I can honestly answer, no. I didn't have a crush on him. Simply put, there are very few truly caring people in the world. People who are sincere with no ulterior motives. They are few & far between.

Most people spout all kinds of BS, yet, their actions prove that they are flaky, rarely follow through on what they say. Blowing smoke just for fun. Lips flapping with no actions behind their declarations.

Maybe I like these sincere people because I'm a sincere person. When I make a promise or a declaration, I mean what I say.

He was that way, too. He followed up his sincere words with actions 99% of the time. Life gets in the way at times for everyone.

Walking into the gym doesn't feel the same, now. The new staff are professional, nice people, yet, the energy in the air is different.

I have his cell number, yet, I won't call him. He has my cell#, I would be delighted if he just gave me a friendly hello. That's highly unlikely and it's okay with me.

Although he is one of those exceptional people I will always remember ~

He's out of my life.

Something New!

A regular part of my day is to hit the gym hard for 2 hours. 

Usually?

Up early (define early! hah!) Sometimes early is 4 am sometimes 5, sometimes as late as 9 am, depending on what I had going the night before. 

Usually am in bed no later than 930 pm. No caffeine addiction, here, have never been a coffee drinker, so, it's usually 8 oz of plain cold water or, if I prepped it the night before, lemon water.

Many people who have a regular fitness habit may know the frustration of the "plateau". Sometimes, when trying to reach a certain fitness goal, the body gets used to the usual routine.
A plateau (all work, no progress) is the body saying, "Time to change it up." Upon which, I change it up! As long as my heart rate is above 120 bpm, as long as my T-shirt is getting soaked, it's good! 

2 hours goes by rapidly when I'm enjoying my time, listening to music I enjoy.

Recent change up (September 8, 2015):


3 minute plank on elbows

1 mile on eliptical

3 minute plank on hands

1 mile on eliptical

45 minute strength training class

1 mile or more on eliptical (if given the choice & time permits, I go 3 miles or more at the end) The feeling of getting stronger is the biggest reward of all.

Got fitness?

Getcha some!

Love and luck to you!