Changes!


Do you enjoy changes in your life? 

or

Do you fear them, dread them, have anxiety over changes?

As a child, I lived in a very small town in lower Michigan from the time I was a couple months of age until I was 18 years of age. 
Being constantly surrounded by everyone & everything that was familiar was comforting. Many of the same classmates I knew in Kindergarten were also the ones I knew in elementary school, then Junior HS, then High School and on to graduation. Most of the same classmates were there plus a few more. 
Having a mother and father who both came from large families, I was surrounded by family members all the time, even went to school with a few cousins plus a few of the same people I went to church with......when I DID go to church. 
Our church attendance was usually based upon whether someone had offended my mother the last time we went. It was also based on whether my father was drinking heavier or not. So many variables, what a wonderful life (sarcasm).

There were very few really drastic changes in my life up until the age of 18. Michigan is known for its fierce winters ~ very true! The seasons changed, the scenery changed, everything else pretty much stayed the same.

Looking into, then entering into the US Air Force, I didn't anticipate the rapid rate at which life would begin to constantly change. Living a mundane country life, it was something that took a lot of getting used to. Just during Basic Training aka Boot Camp, there were so many changes. Arriving at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, Texas the first change was huge! I had never been friends with or really known any black or Hispanic people, I also had never been yelled at by anyone besides close family members. 
I arrived at Lackland AFB in a light blue summer blouse and a mid-calf dark blue skirt & open toe heels.
wth was I thinking? Ha ha!
Probably wasn't thinking. I didn't do much of that up to that point. That was about to change in a really big way!

So, to fast forward, I learned military law, military dress code, military marching & maneuvers, how to salute as well as who to salute, when to do it. I learned that I could not be shy, had to speak up, yet, only when to do so.
Up to that point, I was quite shy, mainly keeping quiet to avoid a beating from my parents belts, coffee pot cord, tree switches or any other torture device they could grab.
I learned to get along, participate in team work with the other trainees. Other trainees from all different circumstances. All different ethnic backgrounds, socio economic backgrounds, religions & points of view.

It was definitely different!

Graduating from Basic Training brought more change. Moving from Basic Training open bay dorms to a barracks with 2 -3 women in the room, communal bathrooms & showers. Still, I was a bit reserved, a bit shy, other trainees perceived it as being snobbish. With my humble beginnings?
HAH! Far from being a snob.
Because I kept quiet most of the time, I was blamed for things I didn't do, I was too intimidated, too afraid to speak up, even, on my own behalf. Too afraid to defend myself.

That began to change (there's that word) when we entered the self defense classes during training. When entering the USAF I was a skinny, shy girl. Now, after rigorous months of running, marching every where, daily calisthenics, I was stronger, more confident, more bold when approached.

Training time was over, time to move on to my first duty station. Hickam AFB, Honolulu, Hawai'i!!
Big changes ahead!
Moving from dorm to dorm, different room mates, moving off of Hickam AFB when it was too dangerous for me to live there, more training. WOW! Rotating work schedules. Lots of change.

My time in Hawai'i was up, I moved to Edwards AFB. Only 2 dormitory changes. Slightly easier.

Then, came some of the biggest changes of all. Marriage, separating from the USAF, babies. WOW! Enough to make my head spin.

Having married a military guy, I was still in that military environment that felt so comfortable to me. We moved 22 times in 18 years. Sometimes to another town, sometimes to another part of the town or base, sometimes to another country ~ with 4 kiddos. 
Since I was the one who had to make sure the kiddos, the hubbs, the meals & furniture were taken care of - even if it's only 2 miles down the road - it's definitely a move!

Through it all, hubbs loved moving, he seemed to relish change as much as I feared it. This is a valuable lesson I learned from him, to feel the excitement from change, to fearlessly embrace it!

When things became too difficult to salvage a difficult marriage gone sour, I began to actually look forward to the change. The divorce went smoothly, although, he screwed me over on many counts, unbeknownst to me at the time.

Getting out on my own was scary at first. The nightmares, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, feeling such a gamut of emotions until I began to adjust, to normalize. I began to feel that freedom that I felt when I left my parents oppression at 18. Having experienced the same caliber of control & oppression in marriage, the new freedom was joyful, liberating, scintillating! 
The ex hubbs had taught me to embrace change....well...I was definitely embracing the bejewels out of this change!

My 4 kiddos didn't want much to do with me, which was a bit sad. They had learned from their father that his uber controlling of me, his deep insults he hurled at me, his lying to me in order to manipulate me and his kiddos, they had seen this as normal. It's NOT normal, it's unhealthy, unkind.

So, I was back to where I started before. Free of an oppressive hubbs, no responsibility toward children. He had made it clear that he would fight me for 100% custody. I didn't want to put my kiddos through a custody battle.
Many people faulted me for not fighting, I had been fighting for 10 years. I was done fighting.

So.....here was some big ol change! I moved from one town home to a second one. Then into a duplex in The Broadmoor Area. That was an awesome change!

Through many traumatic events, I found it neccessary to move to Texas. The morning I left, I thanked the place I had called "home" for 4 years for sheltering me. Called my 2 sweet yorkies who happily jumped up on the front seat of the 17 foot U-Haul truck. I dollied my car behind the big truck. Getting the map out, headed toward the interstate, started the drive @ 1000 hrs, arrived in Texas @ 2300 hrs!!
It was a bit scary. 
It's what I like to refer to as "deliciously scary"!

The first home, didn't feel right so I moved again, then to a third home until I moved into the home I presently live in.

It feels like home.

A new remodel, a fantastic Landlord. Feels good.

Learning to embrace change, I know there's more up ahead!

Know what I say???

BRING IT!