Mistress of my Universe

It's late into the night as I ponder the hims and the hers
Being the mistress divine of my own little universe

Listening to forbidden music of which I know so well
Watching the "O" face of Prince as he rose then fell

Knowing I am different than is the average Jane Doe
As off into the full moon night where I delight to go

It's late as well as getting later into this good life I'm living
Fulfilling the mission I was endowed with to keep on giving

I'm a helper, a teacher, a lover as well as a mentor in some way
Though people misunderstand my intent and the words I say

I am more than I appear in the flesh than what I am perceived
Many will deem me as another like the one who them deceived

Now I ponder my life direction and which way I am to go
With prayers and nay sayers which the former will only know

Release, Connect, Suh-weet!

Release yourself from self loathing self doubt
Release yourself from wondering what life's about

Release yourself from all the ideas of all of those
Who doubt you with their ideas in such selfish throes

Release yourself from all that you thought you would be
Let yourself wander life's path to be wantonly so free

Connect with who you truly are in your own beautiful soul
Let it make you who you are being happy and finally whole

Connect with yourself in nature in any natural setting
There is the place to heal then heal is what you do I'm betting

Connect with God or whomever you see as your power divine

Your God may be very different than that which I call mine

Sub par treatment of a substitute teacher

                                                     

When I was working in the school system, it was challenging as well as enjoyable. The students were mostly respectful, smart, funny! The other teachers were nice. I never went to PEP rally's when I was in JrH or HS. It was all new to me, when I went to the PEP rally's in the schools.

The challenging part was that the male students in the High School as well as sometimes the Junior High were bold, at times. I am not, was not, that type of girl. I can understand how some female teachers get inappropriately involved with a male student. The attention is nice. It's flattering mixed with a bit of innocence. It's totally wrong in so many ways. Nothing I would ever do.

I had to stay alert, nip it when I could see it happening. I, also, had to keep my phone where the students couldn't get it. They sometimes got ahold of my phone, texted to themselves, to have my number or took selfies with my phone, sent it to themselves. 

If it had not been so against the rules, it would have been more cute & funny.

I wanted to continue as a substitute teacher.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. There was no conversation, there was no asking me what happened.

One day, I stopped getting jobs.

This is why the schools are hurting so badly for substitute teachers in this town. There was a very brief orientation, that was it.There's no training, they just send ya out there. Then, if some gossip reaches the person in charge of hiring & firing, about the sub, that's it! Unprofessional ghosting.

It IS HS & JrH, so, apparently the mentality extends to the people who are supposed to be running the schools. It's akin to playground bullying, "I don't like you, I have the strength to force you out, so, I'm going to force you out." The exact opposite of the mature, adult way. Sit down, have a conversation. Can't have that, can we?

The area I live in has many small towns. There is only a finite number of people who will work as a sub teacher. When the schools treat so many people badly, they run out of people. Then, they cry out that they need substitute teachers.

What the powers that be, REALLY need is a course in manners & professional courtesy. 

As the school year begins again, the cry for substitute teachers resumes. Small town, small minds. 

Someday, it may change.

One may hope!

Yup. It's that time of year......again.  :)

Intention

The power of intention. Oh, it's powerful, alright! In media coverage about the Law of Attraction the phrase is tossed about. It's actually very serious for as casually as it's mentioned.
Deepak Chopra has fascinating audio books about it.

There ya go. Everything begins with intention. He said so! 

This is about a different sort of intention. An intention to help others when it's possible. Many people won't accept help, they ponder the motives of the one offering help, then, say "no, thanks". Sometimes this is misjudged, sometimes it's correct. It's often difficult to discern.

This is understandable in a world full of predatory & flaky people.

My mission in life, that which I was put on Earth to do, is to help others as much as I can. This help is to be done as long as my own resources are intact. As long as the person genuinely needs or can benefit from some help & isn't just a mooch. There are many of those out there. Moochers.

When I was working as a substitute teacher, there were a few students whom I liked a bit more than others. One of them, actually kept in touch after I stopped working in the schools.

Yes, he was a male student. A JrH student. He is a very genuine person. Very smart, great sense of humor. Once I had left the schools, we kept in touch. A few times he messaged me, I went to his home, picked him up. 
We sat in a restaurant, a public place in public view, just talking, it was strictly platonic. He read my intentions, correctly. I was so grateful for that. He was a very interesting person, I enjoyed hearing what he had to say. 

When he started driving, he texted me, we met at a public place to sit & talk.

Some people may think it's odd. idgaf. 

You see, I believe I can learn from everyone, age is irrelevant. 

I find that I have more in common most often with people who are much younger than me. As people move through time, they often become cynical, jaded, hopeless, bitter.
Dang, I love that!
There was a guy with a similar personality to the one mentioned here, earlier, who was working in a nearby store. He was funny, sweet, smart, had a great sense of humor.

I wanted to get to know him. I won't push. 
He seemed to read my intentions wrong. 

It's kinda sad that he misinterpreted what I said to him. I know I can help him to get on a good path. A sort of life mentor. He was 16 when I met him. He is now, 18.
It's been 2 years.
I saw him a couple days ago. In that 2 years he had matured a lot. He had grown a bit taller, developed some muscle. He stopped me in the store, we talked for almost an hour. He had graduated from HS ~ hey! My intentions are purely above board! 
I want to help him.
He has impeccable manners. He's very polite, very courteous. I decided to take a chance and I fear he may have mis-read my intentions.
I gave him my cell number.

I know that it's unusual. Then again, I'm different from most girls.

Also, it takes a great deal of gumption for an 18 year old guy to phone an 18 year old girl. It might be too much for him to contact me.

Either way, I put it in his hands, it's his choice. I won't push.

In the meantime, my landlord's, who are also my next-door neighbors, have a 10 year old girl who is just adorable. I tried to teach her to speak French, she wasn't ready. So, when I go over to pay my rent to my landlady, I speak with her a bit. She's a very cute, smart, bubbly child.

I'm so grateful that no one questions my intentions toward her.

fire in the fox

Do you see what I did, there?

First, the fire.

The fire is more about creative passion. It can be about sexual energy, then, what to do with the other 23 hours, 45 minutes. :)

The FOX! OMG, the fox. The fox, rox! The fox knows things. Important things, frivolous things. Sad things, silly things. All kinds of useless as well as useful information.
Most of what the fox knows is left unsaid. A wise person knows when to tampa la boca!
I have to work more at staying silent than I do at being wise. A natural curiosity of everything is part of me. It has gotten me in trouble at times.
Mostly?
It has taken me on some awe inspiring adventures.

One of my personal favorites is to ask for what I want. To take the chance. Asking, as in, nothing ventured, nothing gained. The answer can be yes or the answer can be no. Simple.
Because I tend to receive yes more often than the other, I still ask if it's important to me.

It puts the fire in my life.

Some awe inspiringness ~

A Coyote Ugly T-shirt. Yes, I beat out some 20 somethings in a dancing on the bar competition. The prize was a free drink, I asked for a free T Shirt instead. I had a plan, executed the plan, won the contest, got the T Shirt, pissed off the losers!

Offered $1,900 for a car that had a blue book value of $6,000. The asking price was $4,000. I had the cash, laid 19 Ben Frankies.
It was a done deal. Yass! Love my car.

My fembud and I were at a P.F. Changs, one night. We were a bit cash poor. We had just enough for dinner, not enough for the $14. hefty slice of chocolate cake she was feening for.
There were 2 male pilots, very male, doing some heavy flirting with us. I told my fembud, "How much do you want that cake?"
She told me it didn't matter. 
Oh, but, it did!
I told her to flirt back with the guys.They motioned for us to join them.
Nope.
The sperm chases the egg.
She motioned for the 2 guys to join us!
As they swaggered over, to join us, fembud was laughing her head off! One of the guys asked us if we would like to join them in their hotel after dinner. 
Sure, why not, sounds like a plan.
Then, I told them that my friend wanted the chocolate cake. The hotter one said, 
"Hell, we'll just pay for your dinner, drinks and cake!"
Cutting to the chase, they paid for everything. We were to follow them in fembuds car, conveniently made a right turn when they went left.
See what I did?
Read it again.
We headed for home laughing all the way.
We did, however, leave a very generous tip for the server.

So, having learned to ask for what I want & sometimes what a friend wants, I do so.

Don't be a dumb ass, be a fire fox!

Can you stand alone?

If every member of your family as well as most of your friends just disappeared one day, could you handle life by yourself?

Where'd they go? idk

Abducted by aliens?
Taken to the center of our hollow earth? (just supposing)
Imprisoned at CMOC for DNA preservation?

Just make something up. They are gone. How do you think you would fare? No one to celebrate holidays with. No one to watch a movie with. No one to give you a shoulder to cry on. No one to help you if you become ill.

Just you.
All by yourself.

Having lived through this, it's safe to say that it's one tough adjustment! When I divorced, nearly everyone deserted me. There were only 2 people who stuck by me. They know who they are. 

People who I thought were friends turned out to be fair weather friends. People at church turned their backs to me. Family members conveniently, weren't available or weren't answering their phones or returning texts or calls. It was very disheartening.

I sat in my townhouse, after lighting a fire in the fireplace. The warmth of the flames, the crackling sound were somehow comforting to me. I was completely alone for the very first time in my life.

I had panic attacks, extreme anxiety, even a few hallucinations. No, I wasn't drinking anything or smoking anything, not yet. :P

I was so unfocused, I couldn't even indulge in my passion for needlework at that time. Being single again was nothing like what I had thought it would be and like nothing I had ever experienced.

I had wanted this. Freedom from being controlled, oppressed, berated with "after 4 babies, you're all used up" "you never know what the hell you're talking about, you're delusional."

Oh, but I wasn't all used up. My life had gotten a reset button, feeling the freedom experienced when I left my parents home at 18, moved to Hawai'i with the USAF. 

Also, I pretty much knew what the hell I was talking about, the delusional one was the one pronouncing it upon me. 

One evening, I was standing on my balcony, looking out at the view of the mountains of Colorado. There was a knock at my door. It was the neighbor just across from me.

She had always been single, no children, she was just who I needed. She and I started doing things together. Mani-Pedi, going out to lunches, dinners, movies. We both had memberships at the same health club, so, we worked out together. Because she had always been single, I learned so much from her.

Learning how to be single again is more difficult than it seems. It is, however, necessary, to take some time after a divorce or a relationship ends, to become centered again. How much time? 
It depends on the individual or the length of the "interaction" as it were. 
I'm not a professional, however, it seems that the best of new romantic relationships take place if a person takes 5 - 7 years after a divorce or an ending, to become centered. Finding yourself takes time, effort.

I was working at SAIC, meeting other single people. It was starting to be fun! I went out with one of the guys I worked with, as friends. No huggy-kissy stuff going on. He was a very cool guy.

When the contract at SAIC ended, I was unsure what to do. Life had become a bit easier. I thought, I think I can do this! So, I did.

My activity buddy was a lot of fun! We went dancing at Southside Johnny's, went to iHop after closing. One evening, we were out on the town at Jack Quinn's, an Irish pub. I left the table to go to the ladies room, when I came back, there was a delectable looking glass of something on the table. I had never been much of a drinker. She slid the drink toward me, 

"Somebody needs a little drinkie so she can relaxie"

I had 3 "drinkies" that night. She was driving so, I was safe. Drunk driving is something I won't do. But, she would!

Ah,well.

I looked for volunteer opportunities & holy shla-moly, I found them!

The VA facility needed volunteers, the humane society shelters, the elementary schools. Then, sometimes, I would muck out the stalls at the USAFA stables so I could ride the horses.

After telling you all of this, it's how I learned to stand alone. Living alone was very strange, at first. 

Others have pronounced me as a free spirit, fiercely independent.

Well, durr.
Necessity.

I became that way out of necessity. The only other choice was to depend upon others who were not very stable. F that S.

The safe little bubble I had lived in as a wife & mother had held me, carried me, while the world changed in thousands of ways without my noticing. It was a more harsh, colder world of predatory people, selfish people who were uncaring as long as they got what they wanted.

99% of the time, they didn't get what they wanted from me, that was when the nastiness came out. Hurling insults, issuing threats.

Ouchies!

Had to learn whom to avoid, that was a tough lesson.

Stalkers are the toughest to avoid. I had 3 before leaving Colorado.

I went through cycles. I would get myself to a stable emotionally balanced state of mind, let a guy get to know me, he would crap all over my life. I'd go back to working on myself. Until...

This cycle repeated itself, I'm embarrassed to say, more than once or even twice before I learned my lesson!

Happily, I did learn!

When I have watched other women keep going through the same cycle, never letting themselves adjust, learn to enjoy their own company, I feel such great compassion for their struggles. 

It's a very tough lesson to learn.

It's a lesson that each person must learn for themselves.

Learning to stand alone is one of the best life skills to have.

Intuition

I can see the way he looks at me
The way he is probably feeling
His eyes surmise it very well
Unaware how much he's revealing

Feeling his eyes upon me
I'm sure he thinks he's sly
Going on about my day
Away from the admiring guy

Intuition is very strong for me
So clear I can easily hear it
It's origin is unknown
Possibly my Indian spirit

My memory is very sharp
With exception to a brief spell
Right before moving to Texas
After a very dark spell

I failed to listen to my intuition
Failed to heed that catch in my breath
On that fateful night long ago
When I was nearly beaten to death

I listen and obey the prompts now
More than I heeded them before
Doing and saying as I'm directed
The HS speaks to me much more

LMS

If you were alive as well as walking & talking in 1989 - 1990, you might have seen this phenomenon!

Little children as well as some teenagers, even a few adults, walking around singing the famous chorus. 
Synonymous with the song.
Not quite words, exactly, not quite singing. Vocalizing?

Most of it was hideous, a very small number were actually cute.

Mm Hm.

There is a whole slew of little girls named "Ariel", even a few boys, dogs, cats, cars, because of this charming movie.
Some people refer to this fascination as 
LMS - The Little Mermaid Syndrome

When the character of Ariel's personality, is picked apart, some psychological studies have even dubbed a lack of impulse control as "The Little Mermaid Syndrome."
Frightening!

If you think about it not happening irl, as, I'm sorry to say, it does!

The syndrome is described as this:
Usually a girl (can also be a guy), lays eyes on someone, becomes immediately fascinated with them. They leave their job or school, their family & friends, everything, behind, to be with the object of their desire. The smitten one is overly trusting, willing to change their hair, their clothing style, anything they think the other person would like, just to be with them. Totally reshaping themselves for the other person's approval.

You may have heard the stories or even were the star of the show!

It rarely turns out as hoped for as the one changing themselves for someone else, as planned. Sometimes, it leads to an unhappy, even dangerous situation. It rarely turns out well, sometimes it does.
Priscilla Presley is a prime example. She fell for Elvis, HARD.

He wanted her to dye her hair black, wear heavy black eye makeup, mini skirts, sky high heels, so, she did. She was only a teenager when she met him. 
She was 14!
He was 24, already a star, serving in the US Army.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201304/impulsivity-and-the-little-mermaid-syndrome

My link converter is on vacay. You may have to copy & paste.

It's important to teach children as early as they can understand, to have self confidence. To feel secure enough to be able to resist this sort of scenario.

Specifically, little girls NEED their daddy's. This is where they learn how they should be treated by guys.

Good, healthy relationships with daddy's are oh so crucial for both girls as well as boys. Mommy's too! 

If you must be a mermaid, be a strong, secure one!

When you hurt

Modern times are great! 
Personal preference?
Anything new. New technology? Yes, please!

Absence of metathesiophobia, here!

When people who graduated from school after I did, ask me if I text, if I know how to text. I keep a straight face & answer "yes".
On the inside, raucous laughter! Before texting was common, I taught people who were a few decades younger than me, HOW to text. So, yeah, I text.
When there is new music, groovy, baby!
The tech explosion has put the world accessible at a keystroke.

Order a pizza, a car, a piece of fine jewelry. Concert tickets! It's easy to spend yourself silly, tearing it up on Amazon & eBay!
The human condition, has altered very little. 
Even atychiphobia remains after thousands of years.

Along with many actions, conditions, are selfishness, deceit, curiosity, love of money, vanity, ego, the list can keep going.
Peeps ~ I'm a list maker!

Keep in mind, sil vous plait, I'm a girl, thus, can only speak from the perspective of a girl. Having only dwelt in the mind, body, spirit in the feminine form, it's my reference point.

Have you ever had your heart broken? (Sit, stay!)

I have.

Having had my heart broken too many times, I found it best to keep my heart unto myself. Maybe forever, maybe NOT forever. :)

This, I know, for certain. When a guy acts in ways which are hurtful to a girls heart, it changes her. The guy's actions shape how she will view the next guy who she interacts with, it also affects the next ones that follow.

Guys, getting butthurt is irrelevant, I can only share from a girls viewpoint. Calm your nuts.

When you hurt a girl, you change her attitude toward every guy she will come into contact with for a long time.

When you treat her kindly, even if the romantic liaison ends, this, also shapes her perceptions of the males around her.

When she is treated unkindly? OOOF!

It depends upon how many times she has been treated unkindly in those romantic interactions with guys.

Some girls believe it was their own inadequacies that killed it.
(Novices)

Some, see through the B.S. to believe it was half them, half him.
(Getting warmer!)

Still, others, who are devastated one too many times, are not sad or devastated, they are enraged, raging until the rage is gone.
In this scenario, if the guy simply sits down with the girl, face to face, has a conversation with her, which most guys are too unkind or cowardly to do, the girl's rage will dissipate ~ most often!

When a chickensh*t guy simply walks away, leaving her with no closure, a heart full of pain, quite often, she will do what she has to do to set her world right, to get that closure for herself.
In this case?
It ain't pretty!

A guy simply sitting down, face to face, a conversation, a good bye hug or handshake with out the "we can still be friends" lie, he is being mature. He is being kind. He's manning up.
A true gentleman.

GUYS! I know this is a difficult thing. It can be feels overload. It's such a simple act, yet, only a truly decent person, a real man, will do this. It's rare.

Sorry, guys, sending a female friend or guy friend as proxy will only exacerbate the situation. She will most likely get pissed off!
Rut roh raggy!
A woman scorned. JS.

If a person is going to get out there in the dating world, especially a male person, I would offer to you to keep these words in mind.

If you can be anything, be kind & show compassion.

Peace out!

Hello Spain!

Spain is catching my attention lately.

Examples?

Do you want some?

😁

Whilst leisurely scrolling through YouTube vids, I found such beautiful travel videos of the coastline of Spain!
WOW!
The beaches look so pristine.

Urbex!
The video was from an earlier time, however, just as cool. I love Urbex!
Urbex - Urban Exploration - Urbex
It's become very popular to go inside abandoned buildings, schools, hospitals, castles, residences, video it, post it online!
My fave Urbex is Exploring With Josh. He is so fun! Interesting to watch, to listen to. The guy is having such a good time doing what he does. Going where he goes. Seeing what he sees.
It's obvious!
Having watched his vids a lot, I thought I was all caught up with every vid he has ever posted.
Nope.
I found one that he did in Spain!
It was an earlier one, still, just as fascinating to watch!

Recently, a dear friend of mine told me she is going to Spain to go hiking. She is taking her son with her. Lucky son!
My friend has an adventurous spirit, it's the Finn/Swede spirit!
Last year, she and her son rode bicycles from Colorado Springs, Colorado down to Texas. 
They visited me for a time. Everyone who knows me, knows I keep a guest room ready 24/7. I just need at least 4 hours notice. More notice if possible.
I love having guests. Cooking for them, making my guest room as welcoming as possible.
It was fun to hear about their ride down, I love people like that!
She's training for their Spain hike, I say, YOU GO GURL!

                   Frigiliana, I would love to visit. Maybe I will!

Today, whilst logging on to see how much my blog baby is growing, I noticed that I have a few readers in Spain!

Oh my. Thank you! Thank you very much!

A warm welcome to my readers in Spain! 💛

Sunday Cheater

Fitness people or lovers thereof often refer to a cheat day as a time to relax their eating habits, eating something which isn't exactly healthy.
A cheat day can lead to a bit of clothing shrinkage. See what I did?

A full on cheat day too often invites these insidious little creatures to invade clothes closets, dresser drawers. They arrive with black magic that sews clothing tighter, bursts a seam or two here & there.

They are known as "calories", usually travel in groups of 500 or more. Dastardly buzzards!

Here & now, I propose having a cheat MEAL instead of a cheat day. Here and now, I promise to eat healthily. Only what I need, here and now. I promise to have one cheat meal. Here and now.
(Sorry, Luther, not sorry)

If I'm out with friends, I will relax a little on clean eating. That's the purpose! Going out with friends and enjoying.

Yesterday, it was the last day of June. July is here, so, starting fresh.
But yesterday...….my cheat meal seems so far away. :)

Cooking is a passion for me, food prep, properly plated. In present day, leaning toward healthier food is a must for me.

Asparagus is plentiful right now, thus, I have been having it frequently. 

Yesterday, this happened!

Asparagus lightly sautéed in avocado oil with freshly minced garlic. Gnocchi also sautéed in avocado oil with a delicate basil pesto. A fresh basil leaf for garnish. Yes, I ate the leaf, too!

The Numi turmeric tea that I bought at Central Market (H.E.B.) went very well with all the deliciousness of my home made cheat meal! btw ~ I heard that!

Turmeric Tea? Ugh! Gross. Ew. Yuck.

If you try it, you might change your mind. Turmeric is less than a favorite for moi. This is why I decided to give it another shot. I found my new favorite tea!

Then, this happened.

It was a wonderful afternoon on into evening.

Remember fitness peeps: Have a cheat meal in place of a cheat day

Drink your turmeric tea, work out hard, you got this!