The Suicide Season

It's here.

The start of The Suicide Season. This year will be one of the most difficult ones for many people all over the USA as well as the world.

 If you are not a maker of the golden rule, you won't be able to gather with family & friends for the holiday celebrations. Not without scorn or backlash in real life or on social media.

What is "The Golden Rule?"

The ones with the gold are the ones who make the rules that everyone else is expected to obey or face backlash for. If they are not doing as the popular consensus is doing out of blind, sheeple obedience, woe, woe, woe be unto them.

The holidays used to be a happy time for me. I worked my butt off to make sure everyone had what they wanted & needed, to the utmost of my ability. I was doing it by myself, mostly, as the huzz would go to bed, leaving me to work all through the night, alone.

Every year, it was like this.

Now?

My grown children have their families. They don't need me any longer. They have all the money they need. They have all the family they need. They don't need me for anything, now. Either that or they are following like sheeple in blind obedience.

Either way?

The holidays double suck azz for me, this year. Public gatherings for Thanksgiving turkey are cancelled. Public celebrations that I have gone to in the past are on the verge of being cancelled. 

I'm in a small town that I hope to move from in a couple years. If you don't have family here or are not from here or don't have buttloads of cash, you can hang it up, you're nobody.

I tried to fit in for the first 3 years. The people were surface friendly, they held me at arms length. Having been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) for many years, I had hope that I would be accepted, when I moved to Texas, getting a fresh start.

Nope. I was not accepted, there. I was held at arms length. Finally, after 3 years of hoping to be accepted, it never happened. Members of the Ward would extend a vague invitation for lunch or dinner. Nine times out of ten, there was no firming of plans, there was no follow through. 

I would go home, after church, to cry into my pillow. Every Sunday. 

In addition to the LDS church, at different times, I attended 2 different Baptist churches, a Presbyterian Church. Different churches, same result. People would tell me how their church was "different", that it was more friendly than the others. That's a viewpoint from someone who is on the inside looking out.

Finally?

I gave up.

Having a similar experience with different religions, different churches, it became too painful, so, I stopped trying. There seemed to be a similar trend with dating when I found myself single after ending an abusive marriage.

One negative experience following another until I was sick of trying. The males out there in the world drove the point, into my brain, that males only want sex, nothing else. Males may say it's untrue, however, the actions of the males I met speak more loudly than the words of denial.

The common denominator was me, so, I took myself out of the equation. 

Withdrawing from the dating world while I still believe there are many good men in the world. Life became more peace filled.

Suicide is on the rise, right now, all over the USA, all over the world. It's so palpable. As an intuitive person, I feel it. The heaviness in the air is so strong.

Every year, when I have survived it. Every year that I don't commit suicide, is a frkn miracle to me. As it approaches, I feel it.

If you know someone who has this struggle, if you know of someone who struggles with feelings of hopelessness, reach out to them. COVID and social distancing be damned.

If someone is helped by my blog entry, by laying my feelings out, being vulnerable, when it helps someone, it would be something good.