Keep reading, you might! :)
People watching has been a casual activity for me for awhile.
Seeing people interact as well as how people react to a bunch of different situations can be hella entertaining! Then, there's the other type of people watching.
A bit less entertaining.
It's fun to go to a shopping mall or any very public location & seeing how people move, speak, react, shop, etc. Seeing people from a distance is more like ~
"People Watching Lite".
Seeing people in a more personal setting is ~
"People Watching Regular."
When 2 people meet, date, grow fond of each other, it's all about discovery, feeling giddy.
After the relationship deepens into commitment & marriage, the real work begins to merge 2 lives as one.
In present day, there are many things I realize about my own past marriage. (Am divorced, now, thankfully!)
Having lived it & able to recognize it, NOW, there are aspects I realize.
Have you ever seen a relationship where the spending of one person was out of control much to the anger of the other person?
There's more than a little materialism going on.
There's an imbalance.
One to three things could be going on.
1. One person is exercising too much control over the other.
(Even trying to exercise control is abusive. aka the dreaded person with control issues)
2. One person is wrongfully with-holding from the other.
(Could be sex or money, or affection or emotional support or some other form of with-holding .)
3. One person is flat out abusive toward the other.
When one person is mistreating the other in any of these ways, it creates an imbalance in the relationship. The other person tries to make up for the void or soothe the pain by acting out.
In the single digits person, this is easily recognized. In people over the age of 12 years, it becomes more tricky to ID.
In an autonomous adult (a person 18 years of age & ^ who is completely self supporting with no help from ma-ma & da-da), it is even more tricky.
The autonomous person has learned how to disguise being abused & abusing or simply, how to escape consequences.
A person who is being abused or abusing only THINKS they have fooled Jon or Jen Q. Public. It's obvious to everyone.
Have you ever aired up a long skinny balloon, then squeezed one end only to see the air enlarge the other end? This is how obvious an imbalanced relationship is.
The air is present.
When acted upon, it's forced by the principle of physics to go SOMEWHERE!
In abusive relationships, the abuse announces itself in ~
Over spending
Over eating
Reckless behavior
Frequent illness
An untidy home
An untidy car
Sleeping a lot
Illicit or excessive use of drugs and/or alcohol
One or a multitude of these can announce itself in an ongoing way or episodically.
Cause & effect.
In my case?
Ex huzz would heavily criticize me after I had worked to prep a family meal or had finished hand sewing clothing for our children. He would find SOMETHING inadequate with everything I did. Dam! That hurt.
Time to hit the gallon bucket of chocolate ice cream!
Hyper control, hyper-criticism, emotional abuse.
More ice cream!
Fighting back only created more criticism, bigger fights.
Then?
I hit the check book.
Oh, yeah.
There are many very valid reasons why he's an ex huzz.
In present day? I have gym time!
(no need for ice cream binges, anymore!)
When things get tough, this tough girl hits the gym!
Having lived through it, I can now, ID, when there is an imbalanced or abusive situation in a relationship.
Most often, I can observe, yet, it's out of my hands to act on it.
If there is something illegal going on I can go for that baddy!!! Unfortunately, it's more often what is going on is unhealthy, causing discomfort and/or pain.
Not illegal, yet, it should be, with the damage it causes.
As for me & my house, we will be like Switzerland.
L8erz!
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