Life Making

As the somewhat cliche' colloquialism goes: 

"Some people believe in life after death without ever truly living" 

Living life to the fullest sounds like such a simple concept. How does a person go about living life to the fullest? One way to do it, to put yourself  on the proverbial path, is to ask yourself questions.

What do I like?

Do I like this item so much or would it add to clutter?

How does this feel to me?

Is this a person whom it feels good to have in my life?

This is something I used to like, do I still like it?

What can I do to make the world a better place?

When I left a long marriage I realized that I had lost my identity. The needs of others had taken priority over mine for so long, it felt normal for my needs to go unmet. At times when I expressed a need, it was ignored. Sometimes I was referred to as selfish or being self centered for asking for a birthday cake & ice cream.

When I gained my freedom it felt a bit strange at first. Whilst going shopping for such day to day necessities, I thought to buy those items that the ex huzz & children liked. When I bought then brought the items to my new home, there they would sit, untouched. When one of my kiddos had a birthday coming up I would see something that I thought would delight them. Often, I didn't even have their mailing address to send it to them as they were on a military deployment or away at college, I had no way to even contact them. 

There would be weeks, sometimes even months when I didn't hear from any of them. 

It's often said that in a divorce the children & others will polarize toward one person, leaving the other out in the cold. 

Can you guess which was my fate? It was REALLY cold.

I tried to keep the relationships going until I realized that I was the only one trying. Telling myself that this was how it was for now, it might be different later, was a comfort. 

Small comfort, better than nothing.

The ex huzz had taught my children that I was of little value, unworthy of respect, by the way he had treated me. When, I finally did have contact with my children, I spent years, putting the respect for me, in place. It's there, now, to varying degrees among them though I doubt they realize it.

At the point when I moved to a 3 BR, 2 BA duplex, I began realizing that I had to start living my life for me. I started by cleaning out my pantry, fridge & freezer. The unhealthy processed foods that I had bought that had gone untouched were far from their expiration dates.

Those were donated to the local food bank.

Also, I made a mental note to myself to only buy healthy foods.

When an acquaintance asked me to get out & go shopping with her, it was nice to get out of the house to go somewhere other than work. As she and I browsed, I found myself doing it again. A memory would flood my thoughts as naturally as breathing. I would see something that reminded me of one of my children, that their birthday or Christmas was near. 

I was doing it, again.

At first it felt so foreign, to think of myself or what I would like. Then, I started catching myself, realizing that they were living their lives for themselves or their dad, I had to live my life for myself.

Painful to realize, yes, a healthy realization. It was necessary to, now, focus on myself, on what would bring me happiness.

One day, my attention was drawn to a program that was designed to help people adjust to life after a long marriage or relationship ended. I had noticed that many people quickly jump from one marriage to another. Some people will get into another romantic relationship within days or weeks or sometimes just months after the previous one ends. Sometimes even before the previous one has ended. 

Many people have never learned how to be content with their own company or have forgotten how to be single. 

They fear it as if it were a death sentence. There are many ways to live that are much worse than being single & living alone.

This program helps a lot after the end of a long relationship. Also, if there was the death of a spouse.

www.divorcecare.org

It's a 13 week program, free of charge, to ease the adjustment. It was a scary thought to me. Speaking of such personal subjects among strangers. I decided to give it a try. 

Two surprising things happened:

1. I realized that I was on the right track to think of my own needs.

2. Although the divorce was more recent for me than the other people's, I was more "recovered" than the others in the program.

Possibly because the ex huzz had been doing so many damaging things over and over. He had been saying such hurtful things. He had been lying to me, using manipulation instead of having an adult conversation. He had killed my love for him slowly, over time. The deep love I had felt for him, he had killed it 5 years prior to my decision to leave.

Most of the people in the classes were struggling mostly because they still deeply loved their spouses. 

I didn't have that problem.

Slowly, I began ridding myself of household items that were not my taste in furniture, decor. The process of self discovery, all over again, was invigorating. Finding that my taste was more simple than it had been before was a nice discovery! I even went so far as to buy new silverware that was more to my liking. 

That felt good, with every bite!

From time to time I would come across something that belonged to one of my children. Even if it was a school paper or a bedraggled little doll or stuffed animal. It might have been precious to them, not something easily bought. It was theirs, not mine, it felt important to give it to them to do with it as they wished. I kept 4 boxes, labeled with each ones name. When I found something that had been one of my childrens' posessions, I placed it in their box. When the box was full, I took it to its' original owner or mailed it if that was what needed to be done. 

Even with all of these changes, it was so easy to regress back into my former habits, my former trains of thought. The classes I was taking helped a lot to move me further along on the road to recovery.

I went through the 13 week course 5 times for further healing. 

Three times in Colorado, thinking I was healed enough.

Then?

In 2012, my heart was broken, shattered really, when a man from the past came back to hurt me so badly, I made the decision to never allow it again. 

I allowed it. 

He knew exactly what he was doing, he knew he was lying to me, he knew he was using the "fake a future" method to hook me.   

I allowed it for the last time I would ever allow it. I went through the 13 week course 2 more times in 2012 to get over the heartbreak.  

This may sound horrible because it was.

The many nights I cried myself to sleep, the self persecution for being so gullible as to fall for his manipulations? These gave way to more self discovery, more determination to guard my heart so as to never be shattered like that ever again. It took me a little over 2 years to recover. This may sound over dramatic, such was the heartbreak I suffered along with a very valuable lesson learned.

One tenet that helped me more than anything was something so small that it seemed implausible. In the course I took, I had an "aha" moment. The realization that if I stopped dating at all, allow myself to adjust to living alone, being alone, it would make me far less vulnerable to the players, liars, cheaters. It also made me far less vulnerable to the romance scammers online as well as the ones in real life. Mm Hm. There were a few guys, in real life, who tried to get money from me. Tried to use me as their personal ATM.  However long it might take, it was worth it to take the time to adjust to being single & celibate, to have peace in my heart.

With the new empowerment of being content with my own company, my efforts gained new focus on beautifying my surroundings.

Donating, gifting or selling furniture or anything from my former life gave a deeper perspective. Anything that had too strong of a memory attached to it, had to go!

I had more freedom than I had ever known, before. It felt good! Really - really good!

The one aspect of my personality which I have wrestled with the most since gaining my freedom is still a tough one for me. When I find or experience something good, a strong desire to share my good fortune takes over. This is a gem for predatory people to find.

They will lap up everything they can until the the person becomes depleted or discovers they are dealing with a resource succubus or incubus in human form.

That's some heavily damaging juju!!!!

It was necessary to resist or at least rein in the desire to share with others.

This next lesson is the most recent one that I had to learn. 

My heart is a loving one, a very giving one. I used to make hand made or bought gifts to give to others. If I could give it in person, I did so. If the intended lived far away, I would take the time to very carefully, lovingly packaging it then mailing it, feeling the pleasure of giving to those whom I love.

While a few people did let me know they had received their gifts, called, texted or emailed their words of gratitude, most did not. If it were not for tracking numbers, I would have never known if the gifts were received or not.

One recipient was taking their family out of town for Christmas. I busted my butt to put a Christmas package together to mail to get their gifts to them in plenty of  time before they left. The box arrived 4 days before they were to leave. The tracking number showed it. I didn't hear from the recipient. Finally, at the end of January,I placed a call to them.

It was a pain filled stab to my heart when the recipient told me that it was too hard to put the box in their car so it was left in their home. They finally opened it several days after Christmas. I decided that it would be the last time I would waste my time or money on them.

A tough lesson to learn, as well as a valuable lesson to learn.

Personal growth.

Having a loving heart is to also have a heart that wishes to help others, to feel happiness from giving of my time to others.

The lesson learned is to let myself feel the same happiness from giving to myself.

It was a bit difficult at first. It felt like I was being too selfish, feeling tinges of guilt in fulfilling my own needs, wants, wishes, pleasures.

It was necessary to learn to let myself feel the same happiness, pleasure, satisfaction from giving to myself.

Often, I do feel tinges of guilt in giving to myself, still. 

I'm a work in progress.

As long as I am in this body, living & breathing, it's a wondrous life to live, change, grow, learn, improve.

Prior habits can be changed, improved upon.

Continuing in personal growth is a sweet way for me to live as I move through time, getting old is optional.

Precious

 

How precious those people and objects become

When we know they are soon to be missed

How we long to hold on a bit tighter than ever

Holding onto them with a tight fist

Those who are here today gone tomorrow 

With no warning of what was yet to be

A yearning heart a silent prayer

Whispers of love come back to me

Someone Very Special

Have you ever had such strong connection that it fills your heart to the point that you know it will forever change you?

Animals can do this for their hoo-mans.

I'm speaking of actual animals, although there have been a few Marines (USMC) that I loved who also loved me!

Animals seem to go together with children. They are both so vulnerable, at the mercy of adults who are supposed to protect them from dangers in the world. Animals along with children seem to love me. It's possible that they sense my love for them. 

Having known as well as loved so many animals of many different sorts, animals that were not dependent on me for food & shelter, as well as some who were.

Horses (my ultimate favorites)

Dogs (of course!)

Cats (of course, again)

Gorillas (The gorilla his dreams)

Elephants (extraordinary encounters)

Birds (mainly cockatiels)

Fish (I had a pet oscar as a child)

I may have missed a species or two so, sending some animal love to the ones not mentioned. If you are a child with fur, reading this, I probably love you, too! Also, I love the one who taught you to read!

One certain dog touched my heart & has remained there ever since. He was completely helpless, so small, just a puppy. He was a big boy for his age. The owners of his parents said he was almost 11 weeks.

There was no way he was more than 8 weeks!

I had to bottle feed him at first, the beginning of our bonding time. He picked me out to be his person. 

If you have ever had a family dog, you might notice that the dog spends more time with one particular person. The dog will become more distressed if their "person" is not around, will become a bit more excited when the person returns. I was Sammy's person. He and I went through a learning time when I obedience trained him, he was very smart, he learned very quick.

As part of his training, I taught him to sniff out chocolate. The day after Halloween, my kiddos would hide their candy before leaving the house for their daily activities. As cleverly as the candy would be hidden, Sammy could find it then he and I both knew where it was. Anyone who has ever had a Doberman or has been around one very much, knows that they can be elegant goof-balls! They can be master contortionists. Dang! Those big scary Dobies!

He grew to be 120 lbs, with his back becoming level with my hips. I'm only 5'3", yet, that's still quite large, even for a Doberman. A few

times people even speculated that he might even have some Great Dane heritage. 

He never barked in Danish, though he was great!

His name was Sammy, a one in a million dog who was loved by myself & my children. The ex huzz constantly threatened to BBQ Sammy, complained about him. Go figure. He's gone, the love for Sammy has remained with me as well as with my kiddos.

Often, I dream about Sammy. He lived to be 12 years of age, had a good life. My dreams of him always leave me with a happy heart, thinking about him through the next day. 

He was a one in a million dog.

**********************************************************************************

My Dobie had a first name

Ess a em em why

My dobie had nick-name

My bee a bee bee why

He filled my heart with love for him

His alarm bark was like thunder

Except when he heard the vacuum cleaner

He ran for anything to hide under

So smart was he at learning so quick

As a dogs life goes by so much faster

The memories of him will live on

Of the short time when he was my master

Hold your children with fur so close

Cherish them even when they raid your fridge

The time will arrive far too soon

When you say good bye at the rainbow bridge

Losing my "O"

 

It happened gradually, almost without notice. I knew things were getting old, would become less functional in time.

In my optimism, in time, even grass turns into milk and cream! It can then be turned into butter, ice cream,  cheese! Even cheese cake.

Yup - Yup.

However, I don't own a cow, I can still choose optimism.

Because I work from home, online, long hours, socially isolated, it's crucial to my income to have that "O" as often as it's needed. 

O's matter!

It's pretty much common knowledge that O's are essential. They are needed frequently, not having them at a frequency that's needed?

Life will seem a bit dull, will, at times make most information cease to makes as much sense.

Sometimes O's are a simple construct, they can be as simple or complex as they are needed to be.

O's can be a straight black and white or they can be as colorful, complex, mildly stimulating or as multi layered as one wishes.

When my O stopped functioning, I had to very carefully extract it, do a bit of "doctoring" to get it back into its' proper place. It gave me new appreciation for something so simple, so necessary.

If ne tries t d withut them, it might lk smething like this.

It might be time for a new laptop since the "O" on my keyboard became less functional.

Yes, I was referring to the "O" key on my laptop. 

What did you think I was referring to?  😏

All The Love

When I think of sunshine it may seem only logical that my thought traces would gear toward a warm sugar sand beach, an ice cold glass of lemon water.

When I think of sunshine it might conjure up images in my memory of the summer I rode a beautiful palomino nearly every day. To some degree, it does.

When you think of sunshine, what is the first idea or image that you can conjure up or recall?

Is it the warmth of the sun shining on your face?

Is it a secret delight in your own happy place?

Is it a memory of sweet recall from your childhood?

The ice cream you were promised if you would be good?

(Had to let my inner poet out to play)

When I think of sunshine, what I think of, is a pet cockatiel I had for several years. She was a beautiful yellow with bright orange darling little cheeks.

She loved me.

I know, like I know, like I know, she loved me. 

Her name was Sunshine.

She loved me, she trusted me. When she and I would sit on the sofa and watch a movie together, she would eat the popcorn along with me. When I yawned, she would put her entire head in my mouth, investigating, poking around a little, then go back to our popcorn.

Often, I took her on car rides, she would perch on my shoulder as I drove, then, into the store as I did my grocery shopping.

She was such a sweet bird. 

This is an actual photo that a friend took of us. It seemed a bit silly, at the time. 

I'm so happy to have the photo, now. Birds, as pets, mostly, live a shorter life than most dogs or cats. Angel pets with wings that pass on to be real angels. Gone too soon.

When I hit a rough patch in life, I remember the times in life that I received that much love. Whether it was from a pet or a human or even from a very happy experience.

In my life, for the past 2 years, I have been feeling so much happiness, so much contentment. It's nice to be in this blissful state of mind. So happy that I feel less need to recall those blissed out days.

It's as though all the pain from abuse as a child is neutralized. The anger, resentment, the bitterness of having to end a marriage that had become too abusive for me to be able to stay in it. The dark clouds are gone, the happiness is here, hopefully to stay. 

All of the love in my heart that was put there by friends, family & dear children with wings or fur, is so constant. In the place of having to dip into memories, it's there, with me, a permanent part of my hourly countenance. This is the best way to convey how it feels. Darling readers, forgive me, please, if I fall short in my description. I'm doing my very best.

Why?

You might ask, so, ask away.

The answer is that I hope that every person can arrive at the state of being that is described here.

I have enough to share.

Love is put in our hearts to share with others. Here is some of mine. Close your eyes, face the sun, feel the warmth. Feel the love.

Doing The Mending

As cliche' as this sounds, here I go!

Several years ago there was a falling out with someone I dearly loved, someone I STILL dearly love. We had a parting, almost zero knowledge of each other since then. 

We are family. Blood related family. Places reserved in our hearts.

I was unsure what to do, so, I waited. Waited for a text or call or something so that I could clearly see what to do.

Then?

BANG!

Just like that, it happened.

It came to me as a long text, then, a phone conversation. You know, when people actually converse with their voices. I was invited to visit, to meet 2 sweet children I had never seen before. To stay in a beautiful home in Colorado. Reconnecting, taking time, doing fun things, cooking, playing with her children. 

It was so surreal.

Dreams coming true, for me, maybe for her, too.

We both put aside hurts of the past, replacing it with hugs, kisses, sweet words, smiles, jokes, laughter, gift giving. Renewing the ties that bind, smoothing the heart-strings into beautiful melodies.

Any one can hold onto a grudge. Holding onto the slights, the things of the past that hurt you. Protecting your wounded dignity.

It takes someone who is holding onto their pain, real or perceived, to hold a grudge. It sounds easy, it looks easier than forgiveness.

In reality it can cause insomnia, heartburn, layers of emotional pain that is self imposed.

Extending a proverbial olive branch has it's risks, the fear of rejection that many experience is strong.That strong fear can create weakness. In the mind, the body, the spirit.

The alternative?

For the very best outcome, that which is often the hardest to do is also the best course of action.

It was a sweet release to let it go then take in the love that was freely offered to me. 

Mending that which is from the past to keep moving forward.

Sweet release.

If you have a chance to heal hurts of the past, just do it! 

Just like Nike.

When I Died

When I died the world kept turning

The grass kept growing just as green

Birds kept singing as they built their nests

Trees kept dancing in the breeze

When I died

When I died I felt my heartbeat slow

Breathing was harder as breath became softer

As an uncontrolled whisper from my nostrils

Icy cold, I neverminded though I hate to be cold

When I died the mail was still delivered to me

Mostly junk some cards though fewer than 5 years ago

The grocers still stocked shelves with goodies to sell

Newspapers were still published with a mix of lies and truth

When I died the cars still passed by my house where I lay

People hurrying to work or getting errands done before supper

Children caught colds as their little pink noses & rosy cheeks showed

People continued with bringing their own sweet babies into the world

When I died the sweet release of earth cares was a happy one

Tinges of sadness for the few that would mourn my passing

Lasting only seconds replaced by new understanding of it all

Then I was everywhere with everyone and everything at once

When I died I no longer felt concern over wars or hunger

Those cares were left behind to go on to a renewal of life

Different life with deeper understanding of content of souls

As beautiful as I had hoped it would be plus so much more

When I died

Turn your cell phones OFF, put it in a place out of your sight. 

Talk to each other.

Whatever it is that is so important to you that you feel a need to look it up immediatly, can wait. The person who is there, with you, right now, is more precious than frivolous trivia.

Sincerely,

Those who love you, those who care about you.

********************************************************

Just to clarify, I was told of a personal friend who died by suicide. In the handwritten suicide note, my friend expressed how hard life was for them. That it had become too hard to connect with other people who care more about getting their "highs" from phones & technology. Caring less all the time for the person who is right there, with them, in person. More love for their phones, less love for other people.

It made me think, caused me to write.

Wonderful, beautiful, strange passage of time.

Maybe it's because of my birthday, this month, maybe it's that, combined with several factors. Life has a rather soft, sensuous feel to it right now.

Maybe it's because I have very few worries, at the moment. Having worked very hard to get to this state of bliss, it's nice. It was a very long road with many unforseen hurdles along with their rewards. After ending a long marriage, even financing the divorce, life was very uncertain for many years. I went through several years of feeling angry, scared, anxious, deeply lonely. 

In truth, I felt like a candle in the wind.

Also, it felt like I was traversing life in a dark tunnel with predators that looked more like friendlies. Impossible to distinguish at times. 

It's unclear just when I emerged from that darkness of the tunnel to the light on the "other side". I only know I did. What a wonderful world!

So grateful for this!

There are some people in my life who wish me to stay the same for their comfort. With all the talk in today's world, of healthy boundaries, setting healthy boundaries, etc. Many people would rather that others not have boundaries. When I have asserted my boundaries, the reaction is one of resistance. Sometimes, the other person will tell me how to feel as well as tell me what my own feelings are, according to their unprofessional opinion. 

Yep.

Um, no.

It's best to leave the conversation, send good thoughts.

A few days ago, I took the 1,000 mile drive to spend my son's birthday with him & his wife. 

There is a purpose in quadruple for the trip. 

A couple days after my son's birthday, I took a 30+ mile drive, from my son's home, to visit my youngest daughter & her wonderful husband. They have such a beautiful, wiggly, 3 months of age sweet little baby girl I NEEDED TO HOLD!

My daughter made a delicious dinner while her hubbs and I talked. Baby was hungry, I was able to hold her & feed her some "mewk" as opposed to "milk". My daughters clever way of distinguishing bovine milk from human "mewk." Isn't she so clever!

My own birthday is July 14.

That is yet to pass at this writing. Due to prior events in my life, birthdays used to be something I dreaded. Hint. It has nothing to do with age or becoming older. I see it as moving through time. 

Getting old is optional.

Someone who cared enough to help me resolve the dread of birthdays, has made them easier for me. When I celebrate my birthday, this year, it will be the first one of this decade with family. The last one was 2013.

The 4th of the quad is being able to go to what could easily be the best needlework shop in the USA. Probably one of the top 5 in the world. 

Yep, it's just that good!

Only 8 miles from where I've been staying. In past visits to this shop I have easily spent in excess of $300. Creating beautiful needlework is my passion, it creates so much happiness for me!

I set a limit for myself, this time. When I created a budget for this trip, I wrote the limit into the budget & stuck to it, well, very close.

This feeling in the air is about more than my birthday. It's so much bigger than me or this. If I was asked to pinpoint it, it might be a futile request or an even more futile effort.

It feels , in a very good way, like the tension in the air right before a heavy rainstorm. 

A side of lightning, thunder, hold the twister, plz.

A cleansing of sorts, moving debris out of the way for some new growth, positive changes, taking life in a beautiful new direction.

There might even be some flowers involved. idk.

The world around us is definitely changing. Before setting out on the long drive for my visit, I made some changes that are healthy, aesthetically pleasing to me. By the time I had done even half of the decluttering, there were 4 bags to throw out, 3 boxes to donate. I had a dresser in my bedrom that was too large. I had emptied the dresser, put it out to the roadside for someone else to take & enjoy. Spreading a beautiful, hand made Hawai'ian quilt on my bed in sage with a soft white background, it was so satisfying. I placed one round cherrywood night table on either side & one 1920s Art Deco bedside lamps on each of the 2 tables. Very Feng Shui!

The crowning touch is a breathtaking beautiful, original painting of the moon over water, done by Chuck Murphy. He was one of the good guys I knew during the time when I served at Hickam AFB. When I first opened the package, I was stunned. 

It was so stunning!

All I could do is stare at it in wonderment!

As pleasing as all these changes are, it will be sad to leave family. To avoid the letdown of going back to my home, far from family, unsure as to when the next time I will see them irl. I have arranged for some flowers to be delivered to me a few days after returning.

Flowers are definitely involved, maybe something else, too.

Do you cry?

 

It's nearly ingrained in many cultures of the world. It's expressed in attitudes, in music.

Big Girls Don't Cry (Re-released by Fergie 2007)

It's My Party

Cry (Faith Hill)

Angels Cry (Mariah Carey with Neyo)

Cry Me a River (Justin Timberlake)

Just to name a few. They seem to put a negative spin on one of the healthiest things a person can do when dealing with grief or stress.

The last time I cried was a doosie! May 7. It had been a long time before that. I'm fine with crying, myself or when anyone else cries. Even when men cry, yep, it's perfectly fine for guys to cry. Life has been pretty good for me, so it had been a long time since I cried sad tears. Happy tears, yes, sad tears, no. 

Shedding tears, to me, is like paper or grass. It just IS. 

So, why is it that there is so much negative connotation around crying? I'm sorry that the stigma attached to male people shedding tears, exists, guys, it's healthy for you to cry, too. It makes you more of a guy, a healthy, human, feeling guy. 

I have lent a shoulder to cry on, to many guy friends. It's somehow, more saddening, more heartbreaking to me, when a guy cries. Still,

I'm glad to be there for a friend when true sympathy is needed.

When men cry, as they rarely ever do.

When a man cries over you, I can guarantee he loves you. Men only cry when they lose something or are afraid of losing something or someone they love, even more than they love themselves.

If you need to cry, choose the shoulder very carefully. Being that vulnerable is tough, even tougher for some guys.

When I laugh, I laugh with the world. 

When I cry, I make sure I'm alone.

Betrayal of the vulnerable is rampant.

Romance...What Romance?

Oh yeah, peeps. There is bromance, girl crushes, guy crushes, obsessions, stalkers, trolls. Did I miss any category?

With the rise in popularity of online chat rooms. AOL, Yahoo, Google Hangouts. Then the dating agencies morphed into dating sites. Dating sites quickly became over run with married people turning them into "trolling for sex" sites. Many singles trolled for sex, too. Any sex they could get. Cyber, phone, irl. Anything.

By now, it's common knowledge that many of the profiles were either bots, fakes put there by the site itself or the loathesome romance scammers. Many of the profiles are just good ol' packs of lies.

1. Married people claiming to be single or the infamous "separated".(Separated as in she's at home with the kids, he lied about going out for a 1 - 2 hour trip for milk, cereal or a quickie. Still, married)

2. Lies about habits that will nix interest in their profile. 

(i.e. smoking, drinking, age, height, weight, location, job, interests)

3. Intention as in what the person is actually looking for. 

4. Photo shopped, altered, or 25 year old photos. This was sometimes done by noobs, possibly thinking it wouldn't matter very much.

(I admit, I was naive enough to believe it wouldn't matter. It does!)

5. The "Fake a Future" jerks. These snakes would write in depth of all the fun things they could do with you. Party, travel, support each others dreams, spend holidays with each others families.

Then? As surely as they passed into someones life. *POOF* GONE!

6. The ones who would message & chat for weeks, even months, without so much as a phone conversation or meeting in person. Most likely it was because they were married or in a committed relationship or lying about something that would be obvious irl.

As if all of the above was all that there was to weed through on the sites where lonely people were hoping to find a sincere match.

Enter: Romance Scammers

Usually more skilled than other fakers. Many, work together in teams, so they can be cnstantly available to their victims. Most often, when a victim thinks they are in contact with one person, it's actually 3 people, can be as many as 10 - 12 if the victim seems willing to surrender copious amunts of cash & assets.

Many people fell for these evil practitioners of flowery lies.

Who would fall for this load of dookie? Contrary to what many people have written that they believe ~ all sorts of people.

Younger

Older

Single

Married

Educated

Uneducated

Unattractive people who are lonely

Attractive people who are lonely

There is no certain type of person who falls for this garbage.

The media pays the most attention to the successful scams involving a small, laser focused pawn in a scam. The stereotype is an older woman who is widowed or divorced, obese, unattractive, lonely. The stereotype is just that. There are more types of people who are scammed, this demographic is simply the one the media hypes up.

Occasionally, I was contacted by a scammer. It was kinda fun to toy with them, to encourage them. 

One time, I agreed to send $500. I would use a new & popular type of money that was only printed in my state. Once I had sent it, they could print it from their computer. A very valuable type of money that all gamers love!

Then, when it became so easy that it got stale, I called them out, had a good laugh. It was fun to hear the various reactions. When a player realizes they had just been played, that's when it's fun for the would be victim, less fun or lucretive for the scammer.

Scammers are happy to fleece anyone who will believe the lies they tell, feeling sympathy for the made up stories that scammers use. The sad stories are often from a script that has proved to be successful over & over.

The media has paid more attention to stereo typing the victims as somewhat elderly, overweight, unattractive, widowed or widowers, with a comfortable income.

The truth?

If you believe the stereo type, I have ocean front acreage in Arizona!

(I know I just repeated, I did it with purpose.)

People of all different varieties have been scammed out of millions of dollars every year, worldwide. There is as much diversity in locations as there are in the victims, themselves.

Some scammers are even ballsey enough put on an act worthy of an Academy Award, scamming the victim in real life. I have nearly become the victim of this variety of scammer. Real life.

I say nearly because, I caught them early on, called them out.

Oh, the sheister lied at such a level, it seemed as if they might have believed their own lies. 

I saw through it, called them out, buh bye.

This also went for married guys, swearing they were 100% single.

Letting them know at the start that if they were, in fact, married or in a committed relationship, I would bust them. If not, no worries.

Keep yourself true to your marriage vows or relationship, or end it.

I was drawn into one of these webs of lies, I was nearly killed by the other half along with her girlfriends. I had no idea. The cheater had been doing it for so long, with so much skill at deception. She had the wrong person. The one who should have gotten a beating was the cheating, lying, husband.

Is romance completely dead?

Far too often the idea of romance is confused with sexual acts. There is a huge difference. A child can be conceived by only one of these. If you google the word, "Romance", hundreds of photos depicting sexual acts, poses, memes will appear. 

Even google has it wrong.

If romance between men & women is dead? Dating sites, chat rooms online, even texting along with snap chat played a big part as an accessory to its demise. Sure, cheaters are going to cheat. Using technology has made it easier to do, easier to hide or for the sloppy ones, to reveal.

Again, is romance completely dead?

Possibly it's still very much alive. 

Myself, I create a romantic vibe in my beautiful needlework. In the evening, the glow of candle light along with soft music lends a softness at the close of a day. Writing melodious poetry that is about more of a feeling than it's about another person.

That's my favorite style of poetry. To write about how I'm feeling vs about a person. 

Although the words may allude to a person, it's 99.9 % referencing a fictitious idea flowing from my heart into words.

I can still live with a romantic vibe, a feeling of soft well wishing emanating from the soul of a poet, the heart of a child.