Maybe it's because of my birthday, this month, maybe it's that, combined with several factors. Life has a rather soft, sensuous feel to it right now.
Maybe it's because I have very few worries, at the moment. Having worked very hard to get to this state of bliss, it's nice. It was a very long road with many unforseen hurdles along with their rewards. After ending a long marriage, even financing the divorce, life was very uncertain for many years. I went through several years of feeling angry, scared, anxious, deeply lonely.
In truth, I felt like a candle in the wind.
Also, it felt like I was traversing life in a dark tunnel with predators that looked more like friendlies. Impossible to distinguish at times.
It's unclear just when I emerged from that darkness of the tunnel to the light on the "other side". I only know I did. What a wonderful world!
So grateful for this!
There are some people in my life who wish me to stay the same for their comfort. With all the talk in today's world, of healthy boundaries, setting healthy boundaries, etc. Many people would rather that others not have boundaries. When I have asserted my boundaries, the reaction is one of resistance. Sometimes, the other person will tell me how to feel as well as tell me what my own feelings are, according to their unprofessional opinion.
Yep.
Um, no.
It's best to leave the conversation, send good thoughts.
A few days ago, I took the 1,000 mile drive to spend my son's birthday with him & his wife.
There is a purpose in quadruple for the trip.
A couple days after my son's birthday, I took a 30+ mile drive, from my son's home, to visit my youngest daughter & her wonderful husband. They have such a beautiful, wiggly, 3 months of age sweet little baby girl I NEEDED TO HOLD!
My daughter made a delicious dinner while her hubbs and I talked. Baby was hungry, I was able to hold her & feed her some "mewk" as opposed to "milk". My daughters clever way of distinguishing bovine milk from human "mewk." Isn't she so clever!
My own birthday is July 14.
That is yet to pass at this writing. Due to prior events in my life, birthdays used to be something I dreaded. Hint. It has nothing to do with age or becoming older. I see it as moving through time.
Getting old is optional.
Someone who cared enough to help me resolve the dread of birthdays, has made them easier for me. When I celebrate my birthday, this year, it will be the first one of this decade with family. The last one was 2013.
The 4th of the quad is being able to go to what could easily be the best needlework shop in the USA. Probably one of the top 5 in the world.
Yep, it's just that good!
Only 8 miles from where I've been staying. In past visits to this shop I have easily spent in excess of $300. Creating beautiful needlework is my passion, it creates so much happiness for me!
I set a limit for myself, this time. When I created a budget for this trip, I wrote the limit into the budget & stuck to it, well, very close.
This feeling in the air is about more than my birthday. It's so much bigger than me or this. If I was asked to pinpoint it, it might be a futile request or an even more futile effort.
It feels , in a very good way, like the tension in the air right before a heavy rainstorm.
A side of lightning, thunder, hold the twister, plz.
A cleansing of sorts, moving debris out of the way for some new growth, positive changes, taking life in a beautiful new direction.
There might even be some flowers involved. idk.
The world around us is definitely changing. Before setting out on the long drive for my visit, I made some changes that are healthy, aesthetically pleasing to me. By the time I had done even half of the decluttering, there were 4 bags to throw out, 3 boxes to donate. I had a dresser in my bedrom that was too large. I had emptied the dresser, put it out to the roadside for someone else to take & enjoy. Spreading a beautiful, hand made Hawai'ian quilt on my bed in sage with a soft white background, it was so satisfying. I placed one round cherrywood night table on either side & one 1920s Art Deco bedside lamps on each of the 2 tables. Very Feng Shui!
The crowning touch is a breathtaking beautiful, original painting of the moon over water, done by Chuck Murphy. He was one of the good guys I knew during the time when I served at Hickam AFB. When I first opened the package, I was stunned.
It was so stunning!
All I could do is stare at it in wonderment!
As pleasing as all these changes are, it will be sad to leave family. To avoid the letdown of going back to my home, far from family, unsure as to when the next time I will see them irl. I have arranged for some flowers to be delivered to me a few days after returning.
Flowers are definitely involved, maybe something else, too.
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