Meant to be Loved

Do you often feel like your purpose is unfulfilled?

Do you often feel that something or someone is missing?

Come on in. It's a rather bland existence when the yearning for one to cherish as well as be cherished by is MIA.
It's a lament heard all over the world.

The only life situation that's worse is to be with someone who you thought was right for you then, the one who really is comes along.
Mmm Hmm.
Did. You. Just. Agree?
Did you turn away in disgust?

Either way. I say this, from my heart: When you have someone who you love who loves you as much as you love them, hold on tight. Never let go. Nurture, cherish, sustain that loved one.

There are thousands of people worldwide who yearn for what you have. There are thousands more who live without it, die without it.

Yes, I have loved, yes, I have lost. Lost him to his fears, lost him to death, lost him to someone or something he loved more.
It's all good, mon Cherie.
A long time ago I decided to be happy.
Decided to be happy come what may, in sickness and in health. :)

If you are searching, keep searching, keep the hope, keep the faith.

If your search is over, be grateful.

Succumbing to settling is a non-option.
Hold on, hold out for that which is a win-win.
(for you, for your beloved.)

Something New! ~ Update!

Water!
H2o
Liquid Life

Several days ago, I took a water consumption challenge. 

Knowing that drinking enough water is an important keystone for good health, it seemed important to see how much of it I drink, daily.

Whatever gets measured, also gets managed.

When I saw an online article about a girl who challenged herself to drink 102 oz of water per day for 1 week I thought, hmm.

I already had 2 different colored reusable water bottles.

Trip to Walmart!

I'm now the proud owner of 

1~ 24 oz water bottle in blue

1 ~ 24 oz water bottle in red

1 ~ 24 oz water bottle in slate grey

1 ~ 32 oz water bottle in teal green

Wanting to give myself every bit of "oomph" to succeed at this lil' endeavor of mine, I filled each bottle the night before after finishing the last one of the day.

Some surprising findings?

There were no perceptible, noteworthy changes. 

Here's why.

It was a slight though only slight discovery that I have been drinking slightly more than 102 oz of water daily for several years! That's only straight water consumption, water from food sources also gave me some H2o bennnies!

Yup. Haha! 

Guess who is super hydrated?

This girl!

High Energy Zone

Hey peeps!

Ready?

Set?

GO!

This is my mindset/bodyset most of the time.

Some people complain about feeling tired, no energy, out of motivation. Of course, I experience this occasionally, okay, rarely.

Hey!

I'm only human, with all the frailties that being human entails.

One aspect of being "me" I know for sure.

I have a higher energy level than most people I have ever known.

When my youngest daughter married her handsome Prince last June, I had experienced an "episode" of extreme pain.

The pain hit me overnight, in mid May 2017.

One day, I was fine, working out like the energizer bunny, doing what I do.

The next day ~

*POW-POWWWW*

It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move, all up & down the right side of my body. Without the help from my friend, Anita, I would not have made it through. She was REALLY there for me. She knew what to do to help. She had been dealing with bodily pain for a long time.

The thoughts I had were of fear that I wouldn't make it to my daughters wedding. That fear was almost as bad as physical pain.

I love this sweet daughter of mine, so much, with a fierceness that a lioness loves her cubs.........or a mama cougar! Ha ha! Shh!

It was already looking like her fathers petty immaturity was going to keep him from going to her wedding.

(Turns out, to great sadness, I was right. He didn't show, he missed out big-time!)

Grudge holding is nearly non-existent for me. It does great harm to hold a grudge. I have witnessed the harm which it does.

There is a difference between turning away from those relationships which are toxic to me or holding a grudge,

Having decided I would drive to my darling daughters wedding, this was a determination which I had, honor bound myself to.

There was a fixative of purpose in my desire to be there.

Although the pain was still very much present, I was going to go!

There were many obstacles to conquer.

~Fear of getting lost

~Fear of not being able to make it due to pain

~The older daughter who was to drive with me pulled a "no show"

~Time constraints

~Not knowing if my car was mechanically sound enough

The distance to conquer? ~ 1,083 miles one way. According to Google, 17 hours of driving, alone. D-D-D-Dang! Just typing it feels a bit overwhelming.

Having a charged taser with me assuaged fears, just a little.

As one who avoids taking meds, I had to take non-drowsy pain meds, if I was going to make it to my darling's wedding on time!

DUDE!

I was popping Aleeve like M&Ms all the way from Texas to Utah!

Relying on sheer determination as well as my fantastic natural energy level, I made it! The only stops were to refuel along the way as well as buy more pain relief meds (non-drowsy variety, 'course!)

It was so worth it to be there with family, with friends I have known for most of my life.

Having never been a coffee drinker as well as strictly limiting caffeinated drinks, there was none of that either! 

I do like an occasional soda-pop! However ...........

(yeah, there's a however!) the swelling of my tissues & puffy eyes within 10 hours is so uncomfortable, it makes sodas unappealing.

I see this high energy level has mostly been passed on to my children, my legacy to them, if you will!

There is a girl, in the town I live in, who has 3 sons that I just adore! She has found herself unexpectedly as a single mom.

UGH!

I remember those days of being alone with my 4 darlings, needing a break, so much. There was rarely any relief. I loved my babies with all of my heart & soul. Still, needing a break is par for the course of mothering.

Going back in time is impossible.

Helping someone else in a similar situation?

FTW!

Her sons are really great children, a reflection of her mothering.

For these reasons, I offered to watch her kiddos, giving her a break, on the condition that I didn't want to be paid.

When she told me that the children's grandmother (younger than me!) didn't have enough energy to keep up with the 3 boys, ages 2, 7 & 12...........I was a bit shocked.

I have energy to spare!

When I was a part of the dating world, I did something, which  I learned was a mistake.

I began a relationship with a guy 3 years older than me.

He finally told me that my energy level was too much for him.

He told me that he felt like he was around 70 while I seemed to be around 30.

That could be taken a variety of ways, I'll take it as a compliment!

😇

High energy, at this juncture should not be construed as a high sex drive, so, don't go there.

Just, keeping it clean!

On this fitness journey, there is a big bennie to having high energy. The PT I have been working with on Mondays & Fridays, wants to boost my fitness with *3* days per week!

Monday, Wednesday & Friday ~ FTW!

She paid me a huge compliment, saying that, with my energy level, I can take it!

YAY!

GO, MEEEEEEEEEEE!

This may be the key to getting my 6 pk back, getting to my fitness goals, leaping tall buildings with a single...........

WHOA there, filly! I've lived in TX awhile! Can ya' see it?

Stay tuned!

Being "Nice"

I want to be nice.

My heart is a tender heart, a sweet one which desires to be kind, to be good to do the right thing, make a very kind choice.

The world chews nice people into a fine mush then spits them out.

I have been the nice person, then the fine mush.

As much as I desire to be kind, to be sweet, to be so congenial that I can eat rainbows and poop out glittery butterflies.

In a perfect world, this may be possible. Um, maybe. Yup.

Alas, this is an imperfect world.

A world where cell phones put us in touch with people far away.

Unfortunately, the users of cell phones ignore those with them, in person, while the "others" feel the frustration of being so obviously ignored for the sake of invisibles at the moment.

Do you think I'm referring to you? Really, I'm not. Check yourself!

(just in case)

If I could be who I am, naturally. I would be kind, caring, helping those who are suffering.

Although I'm not active in the LDS church, a hymn that I still know the words by heart repeats in a loop in my thoughts ~

Because I have been given much

I, too must give

Because of thy great bounty Lord

Each day I live

I shall divide my gifts from thee

With every brother that  I see

Who has the need of help from me

Enough of that, am sure the vision is clear. It does, however, go through personal thoughts when suffering is in front of me. Fem acquaintances say I resemble guys in that aspect. Oh, I listen, I also wish to help to ease the suffering. To fix it.

The lesson learned from this is that it's important to be "nice" to myself, first. As it is stated in numerous psychological articles as well as the airlines. Place your oxygen on yourself first so that it's possible to remain  conscious to help others.

Still, wishing to be kind requires effort, thought planning. 

Equally?

It entails holding back ......... a lot.

There are many who have spidey sense as to who is an easy mark to be taken advantage of as well as those that are too much work to get whatever their agenda is to extract their means to an end.

Having been the patsy of many before FINALLY learning a mostly painful lesson.

Would love to buy the world a coke to keep it company.

So depleting.

Instead?

Continuing to help others, mostly anonymously, continuing to volunteer (as long as I wake up early enough) is a part of basic character.

Part of my own learning progress was caused by reading a book that changed my life.

The Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel

This book set about changing my personal mindset.

When you have an opportunity to be cruel or to be kind.

Please, be kind.

A door mat is the anti-thesis to being kind.

Be kind to yourself, inside your private thoughts, first. Then, be kind to others.

They may be going through something less than visible to the world.

Be kind.

More love, less regrets.

Love of His Life

I was not his lover
I was not his wife
His mother said I was
The true love of his life

We knew each other only 4 years

Only as platonic friends

Longer than that I had only tears

For that was where it ends

Two months was all we had in the flesh

Such a short time to know him so well

I know he will be there after my death

Meeting me in spirit all cares to dispell

Some people would say move on

Get rid of his old T Shirt

Once that T shirt is gone

All that's left is the hurt

He was a once in a lifetime guy

One of a kind for sure

A terrible shame he had to die

His love for life was so pure

He made me feel loved, beautiful, secure

All this plus more every day

It was part of his masculine allure

All this with his charming way

Now by choice I'm flying solo

Living a full throttle happy life

He would want me to move forward
He was a great love I was almost his wife 

Loving The Rainbow

It's often only possible to appreciate the rainbow
After living with months of the rain
For how will you come to know
Without feeling the pain

Living a life almost devoid of the loving care
A person needs when as a small child
Searching for it every where
A simple touch so mild

Just as the dear violets and the rose grows
With a face turned to the sun
The beating heart knows
Love felt by everyone

Something New!

Fitness talk ahead!

Changing it up keeps me feeling good. Moving happily into the future. Trying anything new (within reason, of course) or anything which catches my attention keeps me from becoming set in my ways! 

Keeps life fresh, ever new. 

Well.......mostly!

It's most likely obvious that depression plus symptoms of PTSD/MST plague me.

These situations are something far from defining me. Annoyances.

In my fitness quest, changing it up in a steady stream of keeping life fresh, I look for new things to do plus new ways to do them. Sometimes they look for me!🙂

There's so much good fitness, health, lifestyle info out there. This is a great time to be a gym bunny!

When cruising the net, I saw an article written by someone who decided to drink six 17 oz bottles of water every day for a week. That's 102 oz daily.

This would-be guinea girl recorded the changes she saw. 

https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Benefits-Drinking-Water-44187188

Hmm.

Well, I'll be!

I'll be doing this for this week.

I know, peeps, the recommended is 91 oz. I rarely follow the crowd, equally rare, I don't do as I'm told to do.

It's part of my charm!

It's relatively simple, my water bottles hold 24 oz, so 4 of those sweet babies plus another 6 oz.

Yup!

It's only 1513, mission accomplished!

Will I be able to do this?

Maybe!

Stay tuned! 

Made. Of. Steel?

There was a time in my life when I felt that I was immune to being emotionally hurt.

(Please hold on queuing the violins)

In my incorrect thinking, it seemed that I had been around the tree a few times, had learned a bit, possibly become wiser. Hence, feeling immune to having my heart broken.
Oh! I was so wrong, at least, about that!
I reserve my right to own up when I'm wrong.

Though a bit more wisdom had graced my countenance, I'm still a girl with a soft heart.

Translation:

It's still possible to be made to feel sad when someone is abruptly cruel, no warning, no hint. Just ~

BAM!

Personally, I give warnings before I strike. Letting someone know when they are approaching my last nerve. 

Also, from dealing with the males out there in the dating world, I learned to fight back, give as good as I get.

If a guy hurts me? Knowing what he's doing while selfishly disregarding my feelings?

I will hurt him commensurately, right back.

Nothing illegal. I'm a law abiding citizen.

In long gone days, if a guy were to lead a woman on or play with her feelings? If he was so cruel as to toy with her heart, her male relatives would seek him out, teach him to think twice before playing with a woman's heart, ever again. 

Tonight, I received a dose of that male cruelty, rudeness.

*BAM*

Came at me, out of nowhere. So difficult to understand. Being thusly cruel to another person whether male or female would ride heavy on my conscience.

People who are physically beautiful or fabulously wealthy or even a tough Special Ops soldier are looked upon as invincible.

These people are still human, can still be hurt by the words or the actions of others.

Beauty, age, wealth, tactical knowledge are inconsequential in matters of the heart. They still bleed when their flesh is rent, they still feel the emotional pain from heartache.

When encountering tender feelings of another, if you are unable to help them, at least, please, I beseech you, don't hurt them.

Choose to be kind.

Everyone can be hurt.Everyone can feel. 

You?
Me?
We are, all of us, only human.

AF

My oh my, how language is changing in todays world! Changing so rapidly, it's kinda fun to keep up with it or catch up with it as it evolves
and evolves
over and over.

Having served in the military, the United States Air Force, to be specific! It will sometimes come up in conversations with new people I meet in my day to day life.

Hey, I'm a friendly person, yet, not TOO friendly.

I remain open, yet, with healthy boundaries.

Since I have a Colorado phone number on my cell while I live in Texas, from time to time I get wrong number calls from people in Colorado.

If it were myself as the wrong number caller?

I would be slightly embarrassed.

For this reason, you know, the golden rule?

(Ya. The one with the most gold can make the rules) 😎

The golden rule which says that it's important to treat others as I would like to be treated.

So, I answer the phone, dude in Colorado has a wrong number.

Me: Hello

Dude: Hey Jenn, what's up?

Smart azz Me: idk, let me ask her!

Dude: Funny! ....wait, is this Jenn?

Smart azz Me: It can be.

Dude: O ya? How would that be.

Smart azz Me: Hmm. Is Jenn your mom? Your sis? Your wife? Your daughter? or....wait, your cat! That's it! MEOW.

(NO! I wasn't drunk it was 1300)

Dude: Naw. Jenn is just a really good friend.

Me: Mmm Hmm

Dude: So, where do you live in Colorado?

Me: Seriously, I moved to Texas a few years ago.

Dude: Whaaaa?

Me: Used to live there, kept the number. 2 much work to change it.

Dude: Military?

Me: Was AF

Dude: Real gung ho maggot, hmm?

Me: Whaaa?

Dude: Military AF.

Me: AF?

Dude: You know, Military as f*ck.

Me: Are you military?

Dude: Not AF. I'm in the Army at Carson. You?

Me: AF as in Air Force.

*CLICK*

I thought it was funny, the way the changing of language misconstrues communication. I don't know his name, he doesn't know mine.

The conversation was funny AF! 

Equinox & Elysium

Two powerful words!

Words are only words, you say?

You may say, if you wish, being a go with the flow girl  is my thaang.  :)

Being a go with the flow girl is healthy vs being controlling.

Oh, I will, for def, speak up when something really matters to me, yet, for the most part, am easy to please. Far from easy, just happy in my life, happy in the skin  I'm living in. 😁

The power of words is astounding!

The simple words, "I Do" or "I Will" are life altering.

The wagging tongues of gossip in a small town can do damage.

Saying, "I love you" vs saying "I don't love you" can often make or break a relationship of any sort or even break or build a person.

Equinox

Peeps! The word has some POWER!

Having had some powerful associations with this word, for *moi* this word has packed some power wield in life!

As of recent, the word Elysium has been catching me up in its' power!

Okay, so, I admit, it started with the movie of the same fame name!

Elysium is a Drama/ Science Fiction movie that came out in 2013.

Lucky 13 year! 🍀

Elysium is also, in Greek mythology, the name of paradise.

Those 2 references pretty much captured my attention, then!

As a lover of beautiful needlework, I googled the word, Elysium. It was semi surprising to get a boat load of Christmas crap! LOL!

Yeah. LOL! Christmas is less than a fave for moi!

Even so, the word, Elysium still holds its' magic. ✨

There is a bio company just on the horizon with the nomer ~

Elysium!

This company, OMGoodness, is making breakthroughs in health preservation. They definitely caught my attention! I'm witnessing, by trial of their product, Basis, history in the making!

Today is Day #1!

So excited to see what will happen!

Per chance, while out in South Lake Texas, I saw a bottle of liquid happiness that caught my eye!

It was by sheer chance that I liked the label, it was the word on the bottle which caught my attention!

Yup.

🌟 Elysium 🌟

Ice wine or Eiswein is absolutely delish!

Elysium Cady Muscat was in the Ice Wine section. It caught my attention!

The price was very reasonable, me thought!

The bottle was unremarkable, the label was different, pretty!

Just on a whim.....I bought 1 bottle. I wish I had bought 10!

It was a few days after bringing it home. Snowy, cold & icy outside, had slight "cabin fever". Being a bit doubtful while trusting my instincts, I carefully opened the bottle. Using a smaller glass than usual, I poured about 1" in the glass. I put my nose to the glass and could swear I caught a whiff of violets!

Doing the wine-snob swirl, then, a light sip.

Mon dieu! It started as tart then sweet then a soft finish of something floral.

YUM!

I was hooked!

If the angels were singing, I heard them!

Once more! Elysium scores.

Staying UP with it!

When everyone else was losing their shizz over the Superbowl ~ yawn.

I was watching Elon Musks human kind alterings ~ Falcon Heavy launch!

It was making history, it was furthering the history of the human history while a bunch of over-paid guys were playing with their oddly shaped balls & too many peeps were over excited over it.

Getting more excited over more significant events is my thaang.

Do you care?

You should!

Colonizing Mars is the future of humanity. Mars once had an ocean as big as the continent of the USA! Did you know that?

You're welcome!

If you wish to be stuck in the past, it's your bizz.

What will you do with it???

Check out mkaku.org

GO!