The Way

Have you lost your way?

Have you gotten into a deep abyss of anything?

Can you see a way out?

Do you know a way out?

When & if a way out is offered will you recognize it?

When recognizing it would you take it?

It's a very difficult aspect of life. Most people don't recognize at the time when they are sliding down into a situation which will have an unhappy outcome. Unfortunately, these situations wear the alluring, tempting, tantalizing, seductive disguise of ~

A dang good time!

The very embodiment of the road to hell paved with the pebbles in the shoe. At first, the sensation is a bit different yet tolerable. It even provides a bit of entertaining sensation for those with high tolerance. Eventually, the pebble has dug it's way into the skin, causing a realization that the pebble should have been discarded immediately. It seemed small, harmless. Life was going on, the pebble was an innocuous presence.
Until, it began to burn like fire as it dug its way in.

Have you had this experience?

The analogy can be applied to many situations.

Weight slowly adding to the body. With every over indulgence the body's excess weight climbs, it becomes so excessive, without the person realizing until one day it's so out of control it seems to be an insurmountable task to lose it. Exercise which once was easy, becomes painful. It seems so overwhelming, many people give up.

I have been there, my friends, don't give up!

A relationship begins with a very smart, attractive person. It grows and grows, lasting 6 months and then, something changes. The person who claims to love you begins making unkind remarks then apologizing later. A month or so later, they make the remarks without apologizing later. A few months later, they change it up, making snide, unkind remarks, then laughing about it, telling you, you can't take a joke. It's not very funny when it hurts.
Yet, remembering that the person was so much fun, so sweet, so loving at first. It seems like if you wait long enough, if you fix yourself, the original person will return. Except, the original person was not who they were, ever. Yet, you wait and wait. The weeks go by, months, sometimes even years. It only becomes worse, until one day you look in the mirror at a sad, haggard, unhappy, prematurely aged person you have become. Talking to the person has no effect, counseling, nothing. According to them, YOU are the one with all the problems, they are happy, doing just fine, so, you must fix yourself to please them.
The only thing that can be done to save yourself is to leave.
To extricate yourself for your own sanity.

I have been there, too, leaving was the best thing I ever did!

Money is an essential part of todays world. The golden rule applies. The one who has the most gold can make the rules that please them, that benefit them. A concrete fact of life in 2016.
This is why I am currently making such drastic changes in my life. The people in this small town I'm in will not accept or care about me or do much to help me get ahead. So, I'm making changes to cut my living expenses in half. It's for greater freedom, greater happiness. My church family is there for me, for which I am deeply grateful!!!!
Life is meant to be enjoyed!
I intend to enjoy!

You might ask; So, what is the way?

The way for you is what works for you.

It may be different for me, different for you. Different for everyone else. The frustration in life is to endeavor to find what works for you. The joy in life is those "AHAAA!" moments when you find that, which will help you through your own personal dilemma. That which will resonate with your spirit.

For me?

I lived from the age of 4 years to 18 in the same small town. The same house. Most of the same people from K - 12. As a result, I feared change of any sort. For a small town skinny & shy girl from a dysfunctional family, having a desire for adventure is a monkey on the backside! Always niggling.

Entering the military, where change is constant, helped me find my way to overcoming the fear of constant unknown changes. Constantly being thrust into the unknown.
It gave me adventures, for sure!
It also gave me an appetite for change. An appetite for adventure, new places, faces, anything new is exciting to me!!!

Training in the USAF was really a shaping of my personality. It gave me the self discipline to be self motivated, proactive, filled me with a fearless attitude toward adventure.
In present day, I create my own adventures. The opportunity used to show up, it used to find ME.
Now, I must get out there to find it!

Sometimes I find my adventures online, not going to reveal my sources of adventures TYVM.  ;)

Sometimes I find my adventures at the gym. Changing up my workout to form new muscles. Yes, exploring the great indoors!

Making these big changes to reduce my cost of living, I'm hoping to find some adventures in Mexico, maybe Italy! I'm seeing the doors open up to me and it's thrilling!

The way is there for you, you simply need to find it. Whatever your heart desires is out there wanting you to find it. It may be an attractive mate, it may be a vacation to a location you have dreamed of visiting. It may be in building a stronger, healthier body. It may be simply taking a course to expand your mind.

THE WAY is out there, my friends, it's waiting for you to find it. Start looking. Look inside your heart & mind. Look for it online. Look for it in the beauty of nature. Pay attention, when it calls you. There's a song in your heart, you will hear it if you're listening. It's begging to be heard by you, only you!

Get out there & find it!

GO!

Family love!

Family is so important. It's definitely important to me. Although family relationships have been more of a source of pain for me than anything, family is still very important to me!

What is family about to you?

Family can be in the blood, in the heart or even a simple online connection. Having experienced all three, they can be deep,
Real life is preferable to me.

The look in a persons eyes, their scent, their smile, better irl!

Family is not necessarily blood & shared genetics. If it were, people could not become families unless they married a brother or sister. Adoption would only be on paper, no parental love.

During this past week there were many hurdles. My birthday was July 14 and I'm moving at the same time. Being part of the Oak Street Baptist Singles group, I feel that these people are family.

My church family!

These people are such good people. We are all single as in never married, or divorced or a couple people even lost their spouse to death. None of us are blood related, yet, they feel like family to me!

The leader of the group (a really great guy) and another person who I'm fond of (female type) took me out for dinner for my birthday.
It was then that I told them I was moving.
These people helped me move 3 years ago. Now, they are helping me, again. I really need these people, so much. I try to do as much as I can to give back. My heart wants to do SO MUCH MORE!!!
This says a lot.

I'm a very independent person, I hate to ask for help.

When I ask for help, I have to really need help.

This move is going to benefit me greatly, it was necessary.

In the 100 degree Texas heat, helping someone move dressers, beds, dining table, box after box after box of odds & ends. It's very strenuous, exhausting, yet, my church family is there for me.

I really, really hope that they know how grateful I am, how much I appreciate them, how much I love them

Being mostly cut off from family is hard, considering how many siblings I have. How many aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins even 3rd cousins. It's a bit sad, yet, I have learned to accept it.

You can't make them love you if they don't. You can't make a heart feel, something it won't.
Yes, I am happy in spite of this, acceptance, happiness, peace.

Family by blood is common.

Family by heart is rare.

Being one who feels & cares deeply, they are important to me.

I love both with my whole heart.

Peace.

Are you NATIVE?

Even a little? Native American, American Indian?

Have you done your genealogy to find out? Is it important to you to know where you came from? What your  racial combination is? Are you even a little curious?

The results may surprise you.

They were semi surprising to me.

Have always known my father was 99% Native American. Have always known my maternal grandmother was European, 1/2 German, 1/2 Austrian. Her father was from the German family, Nagel, as in the equivalent of an American Dillards, his family founded and owned, Nagel Betten. But her mother..........
OMGoodness, she was an Austrian Duchess who gave up her title to marry the German man she loved. Have been told of her absolutely formidable demeanor. A real firecracker! From the photos I have of her, umm, yeahh, I believe it! I can see the fiery arrogance in her face in the 2 photos I have of her.

My maternal grandfather had an English father, a Scottish/Irish mother. My great grandmother died when my grandfather was just a few days old. She delivered my grandfathers twin stillborn at 7 months gestation and held on long enough for my grandfather to be born. His eyes would often tear up when he would say with regret how he wished he would have known his mother. Grandpa Kendall loved women! All women. He fiercely adored his 5 daughters!
Oh, get me started on my grandfather!
He was the most accomplished man I have ever known. He was very physically strong, tall, well built man with a tender heart, a great sense of humor, an intelligent mind who loved my maternal grandmother in spite of her rough German temper.
He was very calm, always wore a hat. Had very European ways. He wanted to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary with my grandmother so much, it took 4 major heart attacks before he died. I loved my grandfather with all of my heart, I miss him every day!

He had his hats custom made. I have one of his wonderful hats. Would you like to see it? Maybe I'll show you. *smile*

My paternal grandparents were very stark contrast to my maternal grandparents. I spent more time with maternal grandparents.
They were both Native American and my mother did not have a very good relationship with them. Am not even sure just why.

My mother was a fiery red haired woman with soulful brown eyes.

My father was only about 5'4" with black hair and light grey eyes.

What a combo!

Somehow, I inherited strawberry blonde hair and light green eyes that turn blue when I'm happy, brown when I'm sick and yellow in the sunlight. Most of the time, light green. My hair still tends to show the red color no matter what I do. I don't like the red! Though many guys seem to like it, I like the blonde, not the red.

Have you ever used a Groupon?

I love it!

As much as I know about my heritage, I'm still very curious. A burning curiosity seems to be a cornerstone of my personality.

When Groupon was offering a genealogical test to determine racial composition at a reasonable fee, around $20. which is usually closer to $100. I grabbed it!

The test involved the company sending a sterile swab to swab skin & saliva from inside the mouth cheeks. Why not??????

The kit arrived 2 weeks after ordering and then, I had to wait until it was processed. Could be up to 9 weeks. OH! The suspense.

Finally, the results arrived!

In a family that has 2 - whatever number of children, the children may look completely different or have some similarities. They may have the very same biological parents, yet, inherit similar or totally different genes. Ahhh, yes, the gamble in the gene pool!

I look somewhat similar to my siblings, yet, have always felt that I was very different, an outsider in a family of six children. Maybe, I received very different genes than they did. Unless they, also had a gene analysis, it will always remain a mystery.

Since my youngest sister died in the year 2000, it's not possible to know about all of my siblings. I am so disconnected from them, it will most likely always remain a mystery. I'm very different from them. No better, no worse, just different, have always felt it.

Ready?

According to the analysis I am ~

52 % Native American
25 % Irish
20 % Scottish
3 % German

If the analysis is true, then, the percentages seem correct to me. Maybe it's all the time I spent with my maternal grandparents plus the near 100% Native American from my father that made me who I am. Learned behavior plays a part, life experiences, factor in.

Isn't it interesting to find out who you, yes, I'm speaking to YOU to find out who you are? To discover why you think the way you think and do many of the things you do?
Genetics and psychology combined with spirituality are all very very interesting.
It's a path to self discovery.

Although learned behavior is a difficult aspect to overcome, it can be done.

I have done it.

Although a person has learned family behaviors such as drug addictions, alcoholism, violent behavior, nicotine addiction, caffeine addiction, even obesity. Those can be overcome, too!

I have done it.

Although I like wine, I know not to go there to excess.

Nicotine is a complete turn off for me, so is knuckle cracking!

No illegal drugs for me.

Although I had become obese, I have totally changed my lifestyle, my life habits. Becoming more lean, more fit with every sweaty, heart pounding workout.
Even since 2012, I have had to buy new clothing, umm, even new undergarments! Ya know you're becoming smaller when your panties don't even fit, any more! My girls didn't shrink. No new bras for me! Hooray! Love that!

Fitness is my drug! Not to excess, yet, for enjoyment.

What I do wonder, is if my inherited genes played a role in my abstinence from nicotine, caffeine, illegal substances as well as curbing alcohol consumption?

When I was expecting my third child, I noticed things about the way I interacted with my 2 children and I didn't like what I saw.
From the MST experience in the time I served in the USAF, I was easily startled, experienced deep depression and anxiety. I also had deep seated trust issues.

Wanting to be the very best mother I could, I went through a full year of deep psychological analysis and counseling.
Best thing I have ever done! I will be forever grateful to the woman who took care of my 2 daughters when I went to counseling. The counseling made me a better mother, a better person. The person I was married to was making me miserable. All that has changed.
YAYY!

So, what part does genetics play in all this?

I have been told many many times how alarmingly intelligent I am although I only have a HS diploma and USAF training in the way of formal education.

Intelligent? Maybe. *smile*
Deeply curious? DEFINITELY!
Adventurous? Absolutely!
Happy & playful? 500%
Energetic & optimistic? 500%
Confident. O Yeahh!

My challenge to you is to ask yourself questions every day!

Ask yourself, why do I like the foods I like?
Why is my favorite color, my favorite color?
Why do I prefer to be near the ocean or mountains or desert?
Why do I do the things I do?
Why...Why...Why...

Ask yourself with the curiosity of a child.

See what you find!

Be delighted!

Peace out!

What do you think?

The internet can be an interesting place. People can be whoever they wish to be. It's great cover.
It's also a haven for married guys, trolling around for sex or whatever they're trolling for. A haven for married girls, too! A haven for trolls of all sorts.

If your feelers get singed easily, it's best to stay away from You Tube, social media, etc. Under the cloak of anonymity, there is often, a dagger. People can be quite snarky, quite unkind as it's quite difficult to physically locate the person and, often, it's a waste of time. Finding them would require questionable legality.

In short?

A waste of time.

Personally?

I am the same, in real life - irl - online, on the phone. Being careful about my verbiage online, unless I would say it irl, saying it under anonymity, being the same is how I live.

On occasion, when trolls came out, I gave as good as I got.

Over time, having learned to not waste my time, I reply to a negative comment, once. If/when the negativity continues, I simply block the troll. Feeding the troll only gives them thrills. No need.

What about being a kinder, wiser person, online?

What about being a more kind, more wise person irl?

Novel concept, there, Skippy.

As time moves forward, as it always does, evolving ever forward into a better person is a better way to be. As I receive negative judgments from people who don't know me, that's all it is. The negative self image people have of themselves, causing them to pass condemnation on others who they feel they are superior to.

Learning to leave these trollers to themselves is better. Blocking has its purpose, making use of it is an effective tool.

The person I was yesterday, I am no longer. Allowing myself growth, change, becoming a more understanding, a more compassionate person as I progress on my path is the key!

I ask again, what do you think?

What you think is yours, yours alone.

Here is a variation on that theme:

Opinions are like belly-buttons. Everyone has one. The only person it makes a dent in is the one who has it. Yupp.

It's my Birthday, today, I'm feeling fantastic. Gifts & phone calls have been coming in all since yesterday, there's a dinner with friends, tonight.

Personally?
I look better, feel better, am happier than I was 15 years ago. With my healthy living practices and daily workouts? With the joyful progression & changes in my life which happen constantly?
I feel as if I'm growing younger!

Hope you all reading this can feel the joy in yourself today.

Life is good!

Peace!

Isn't it Romantic?

Isn't it so soul touching wonderful?

Romance can involve 2 people or it can simply be one person with a romantic way of living. A guy or a girl. I'm a girl so this will be framed in a female perspective.

If flowers have not been sent to me, I will buy some flowers for myself. Just because. Just to put some love in my day for me.
Could be roses, could be tulips, could be red, white & blue!

Someone once told me that I don't just walk, that I glide, that I flow like water with the bounce of jello. Mmkay.
I'll accept it as a compliment, she was a sweet friend. When I have watched my daughters walk, they walk the same way I do, so, I could see what was meant. Graceful. Genetics are so cool!

Tending to think in a romantic way as I do, things of a romantic nature make me wistfully happy. When seeing a social media post of a romantic nature, it makes me feel happy for the 2 people.  The happiness reflected in their attitudes toward each other is contagious, it draws an "aww" from me!
 
The clothes that I like tend to be silky, flowy, soft on my skin. Soft colors or soft color combinations or a combo of red & black sometimes.
Love some sparkle, it feels like wearing magic! Romantic!

Pssst!
Don't tell.
Don't laugh
I think in rhyme.
Writing poetry comes easily to me. You might say I have a somewhat unfair advantage in my ability to compose poetry.
I can write poetry about anything, any time of the day.

Love and joy with sunshine and roses
The lilt in the words a lover composes

A wonderful talent, n'est ce pas?

Romance can be found in music, movies, nature, water.

Romance can be created in the mind & movements of a persons body. Dance, walking, hand movements, a smile, a wink a song!

Romance can be found in artwork, photography, the sound of a beloveds voice.
Oh! Don't get me started!
I'm a lover of the sound of a guys voice! Linguistics are fascinating to me. I can be infatuated with a guy on the sound of his voice, alone. His voice, vibrating on the sensitive tissue of my tympanic membrane. OMGoodness!

So, you see, I'm a very romantic girl with a positive outlook on where, when & how romance can be found.

Find the loving romance in your life, absorb it, enjoy it.

Romance yourself, in private, of course.

Peace, love & romance, peeps.

So Close

Reach out and pull me close
So close I can smell your skin
So close your eyes are pools
That I can lose myself in
So close that it's indistinct
Where I end and you begin
So close that your hair
Brushes my nose like mermaid fin
Pull me closer still closer
Than anyone ever has done
To lose ourselves for now
For now is here it has begun
It's in our hearts entwining thoughts
Like it's our never never
You and I is how it is
How we will be forever

Spec Ops, Spec Forces, Special me, Special You!!!

Aw. Just sooooo special.

What does this even mean?

With my military associations, I can give a hint. Just the tip. :D

Wouldn't want to get anyone's Ranger panties in a big black wad. :)

This is not going to be what you expect because, it's pretty much my special mode of operations to keep you guessing. A regular PITA. *hint* not the delicious Greek food sort.
The type of PITA that's fun, unpredictable yet dependable. Sweet yet sometimes sour so it lends variety. A box of bubbles with a pin!

Having known a few Secret Squirrels, I can tell you, they are a different breed of guy. Just like snowflakes, they may all be beautiful flakes, yet, all of them are completely different. My first encounter with this type of guy was when I was 15. A very good family friend who was also an Army Reserve Colonel, and his wife had me as their favorite babysitter. They often took me with them on outings and family vacations.

First Encounter

The Col had his 2 weeks of annual training in the UP of Michigan, his wife was going to drive up there at the beginning of the second week. A week that would change my world view.

After the long drive, we arrived at the training site, set up the tent, the cook station, etc. We were all good to go.

Now, there was a gathering of all the guys and all of their wives and chilluns.

Oh boy, o boyo!

There was roll call, then the list of activities. I was a very naïve one, at 15. I still played with Barbie dolls, still have them, too.
Occasionally someone would call out:

"When is the wet T-Shirt contest?"

I had no froggy clue what this was. I asked a few people who only shushed me, smiled, as if they were thinking:

"She couldn't possibly be that naïve!"

Ummm. Au contraire. Yes, I really WAS that naïve.

The jokers who wanted to know when the wet T Shirt contest would be, were silenced with the schedule, it would be tonight!

Hmm.

Since no one would explain to me exactly what this was, I deemed that "tonight" would be when I would be spiritualized to the miracle of the wet T shirt contest! Praise, Glory & Hallelujah!

After the assembly broke up I was sitting on a bench outside, enjoying the sunshine when a guy of around 27 came walking up then sat down beside me. He asked if I was there with "the group".
Although his meaning was unclear, I sensed an urgency about him.

Oh, I was minimally aware of how innocent I seemed to many other people. With my large green eyes, strawberry blonde hair, yeah, people seemed to take me for an innocent. By the standards at the time, I suppose I was. Seemed that way to him, anyway.

I told him that I was indeed there with "the group". It was unclear to me which exact group he was referring to, yet, it was fun to play off of his curiosity about me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. My inexperience, his curiosity as to what to say next, knowing next to nothing about each other.

He spoke up.

Him: Are you from Michigan?
Me: Yes, are you?
Him: Nope. I'm from Colorado
Me: You're a ways from home. Are you in the Army?
Him: Who wants to know?
Me: Mm hmm Mm

He laughed.

"I'm in the Army, Special Forces, up here for training, you?"

Wth was I supposed to say to that?????????? I'm 15? End of talk.

"I'm up here with the group."

He laughed.

He asked me if I was single. I choked back a laugh, just answered his question.

Me: "Yes, I'm single"
Him: "Can I get your number to call you sometime?"
Me: "313 394 0319"

He wrote it down.

I really looked at him, then. Light reddish brown hair, very large brown eyes, Caucasian, muscles in his arms like I had never seen.

He was very quiet, seemed a bit guarded. Very good manners.

I asked him what he did in the Army. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly, except, even at age 15, I was very perceptive.

Him:"You don't know?"
Me: "I know how to tie a knot on a horses saddle strap, I think I know as of  today,  what a wet T shirt contest is, but, no, I don't know what you do."
Him: "Maybe, some day, I'll tell you."

Standing up, he smiled a wide smile, beautiful teeth, handsome face. He walked away.

Later that day, I asked my Army Colonel friend what Special Forces in the Army, is?

His face went pale.

He said: WHY?
Me: I met someone who said he is Special Forces
Him: You don't need to know, stay away from them!
Me: Okay

He was a Colonel in the Army, he would know, riiiight?

My Special Forces buddy did call my parents home phone with the number I gave him. I wasn't home when he called, I followed my friends' advice, stayed away from him.

After enlisting in the USAF, my first base was Hickam AFB, Honolulu, Hawai'i. The Pararescue guys or PJs as they are more commonly known fascinated me! One, in particular, was very fascinating to me. As hard as I tried to talk to him, to get to know him as a person, I finally had to accept the fact that he simply was not interested in me at all. Not as a friend, or otherwise.

Aside from a brief encounter, with him,  it was quite heart breaking for me to have to accept that he just was not attracted to me.
It was a very sad realization, yet, I had to accept it.

Becoming re-assigned to Edwards AFB, Edwards, California, I had only been there a short time, when, one night my PJ crush called my duty phone.
I was so shocked, delighted, happy, to hear his voice.
I asked him to come to Edwards AFB to visit me. It never happened. I dreamed about him for the next 22  years. 

I had occasional brushes with Secret Squirrels, yet, I was a married woman who was faithful to the one I was married to. I couldn't stop the dreams of my PJ crush, yet, I did try to prevent them.

After the divorce, everything revolved around Michael until his death. Such a brief time, yet, it felt like it was longer.

After moving out of my town home into a duplex, I was only 3 miles away from Ft Carson, home to the 10th SFG. Mmm Hmm.

I spoke with some of the Special Forces guys, briefly, here and there. Never got to know any of them very well, personally.
They still fascinated me.

I'm still young, there's still time.

Maybe, just maybe, there will be a SpecOps or Special Forces guy in my future.

For now?

Life is good!

Peace.

The Traveler Part 3

(please read parts 1 & 2 first)

The painful lesson, the sting of embarrassment, the resentment toward the "ratter" all took its toll. I took a break from any sort of socializing at all.
I went to the Hickam AFB beach, or sat at home & read, then got involved in making a self designed hanging macramé table at the Hickam AFB Arts & Crafts Center.
It was an experimental class project to allow students who were inexperienced in macramé to design and make their own project,
a 4 - 8 month commitment.
PERFECT!
Just what I needed to get over my romantic debacle.

In the military barracks, not all, yet, many people were fresh out of High School with a 15 year old maturity level. The gossip was rampant.
People speculated that I was meeting Mr. Wonderful at the Arts & Crafts center. When I told them, excitedly about my macramé project, they didn't believe me. It didn't matter to me.

The beautiful hanging macramé table still hangs in my home. The Mandarin dress is as beautiful today as was when I first tried it on. I have worn it several times with many compliments on it.

Fast Forward

I acquired as well as discarded many beloved articles of clothing, the Mandarin dress always remained. I married, brought 4 sweet babies into the world, it no longer fit me, yet, the Mandarin dress always remained.

When my eldest daughter was asked to prom at the last minute, she looked in my closet, at clothes I had held onto and pulled the Mandarin dress out. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it. The memories flooded back. I teared up when my darling daughter asked if she could just try it on.
Seeing that dress on her, the tears flowed. It looked as beautiful as it did the first time I saw it. The ocean blue was still just as vibrant.

The dress fit her body the same way it had fit mine.

All the emotions I thought had been left behind rose to the surface.

She saw the look on my face, very sweetly, softly asked, ~

"Oh, mom, can I borrow this?"

My 4 babies have always been my weakest spot. I would die for them if that was what one of them needed me to do. It was so impossible or at least difficult to deny any of them, any reasonable request, plus a few unreasonable ones, occasionally.  :)

Letting my darling daughter wear that dress was killing me.

She looked so beautiful in it, so happy, other people complimented her over and over on it.
Her sister who is 2.8 years younger and nearly the same size, also noticed

The war of the dress began! :D

DD came home from prom, wore the dress the next day, more compliments were heaped on her from people who had not spoken to her or taken notice of her before.

There was a talent show coming up, darling daughter #2 wanted to wear the mandarin dress. DD #1 was not giving it up.
After some "discussion" DD #2 was allowed to wear the dress. My heart was pounding as DD #2 came out, wearing the mandarin dress.
She looked just as stunning, just as beautiful in it as I had. I cried. She looked in the mirror and was so captivated by how the dress hugged her curves in the right places, was less "huggy" in others.

It seemed to give her a bit of confidence for her performance. She has such a lovely singing voice, her performance was flawless!!!!!

Back home, DD #1 wanted the dress back! DD#2 wanted to wear it the next day, too! DD #2 wore the dress the next day then, it magically disappeared. DD #2 had hidden it.

A couple weeks later, DD #1 & 2 were in a heated discussion when I arrived home from grocery shopping. DD #1 wanted to wear the Mandarin dress, DD #2 had no foggy idea where the dress was.
Yeahhhhhh, riiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhtttttt! Isn't sibling rivalry grand???

She finally agreed to produce the dress as long as DD #1 gave it back after wearing it. DD #1 insisted that it was hers yet finally agreed to give it back after wearing it.

After wearing the Mandarin dress, it disappeared.......again!

DD #1 confided to me that turnabout was fair play.

OMGoodness! The war over the dress was on!

DD # 1 & DD # 2 went back and forth like this. Then, just to step up the ante, DD # 3 was growing up to be similar in size to her 2 beautiful sisters. The first time she put it on, my heart pounded just as it had with her 2 sisters. She was so lovely, it fit her beautifully, yet, a little bit long on her. . DD# 3 is only 5' even while the rest of us range from 5'1" - 5' 3".  DDs are all similar in coloring, so, the ocean blue looked beautiful on all 3. Their body shapes are very different, yet, the dress was very flattering on them. *Magic*

Did I mention the dress was *magic*??????

I have 3 daughters, 1 son, my son is a very masculine guy, so, yeah, the Mandarin dress was not going to be coveted by him!

My daughters have been going back and forth with the Mandarin dress for many years, borrowing it, then getting borrowed back. They have worn the dress to many important occasions with DD #1
wearing it the most.

DD#1 visited over the July 4th holiday, I asked her to bring the Mandarin dress with her. I'm an excellent seamstress, I found some very similar fabric, was hoping to duplicate it so I can at least have a similar dress. DD #1 brought the dress. It was a very busy time, I was able to see the dress, yet, was distracted with visiting.

When DD #1 and her family left, I went to the back bedroom to possibly start on duplicating the dress. It was gone. Awwwwww.

I phoned DD #1 then tried to mention the dress as casually as possible. She told me that her husband was very fond of the dress on her, too. He had taken it back when they left.
Another contender!

What can I say?

The dress has magic!

DD #1 promised to mail the dress to me. I'm excited, now! Having "shrunk" from natural weight loss after totally changing everything in my life, it might fit when I try it on!

It's exciting to think about.

**************************************************

The magic of the fabric against my bare skin
Makes me forget which era of my life I'm in

I can see his handsome face lit up by his smile
Can still sense his presence can still see his style

The higher quality of the fabric the mem'ries divine
The magic of the Mandarin dress cannot be defined

The time we spent together I still remember when
Closing my eyes in joy I'm back there once again

****************************************************
The Mandarin dress, the Traveler through time & place.

The Traveler Part 2

Please read part 1, it fills in all the details.

Repetition is boring, tedious, do you agree? If you don't, well.....

After Mr. Blue Eyes handed me my dream dress in a bag,  we walked around, window shopping. He tried to steer me into a few shops, I wasn't chancing it. He would have done almost anything for me at this point. It's so rude to take such unfair advantage.

We walked around, window shopping, talking, he tried to kiss me a few times, how long could I keep holding him off! I still held to my base values, self respect, ideas of going slow to get to know a guy.

He was a bit feisty, full of surprises. We would be walking along and I would be looking in a shops window display. He would dart inside the shop and stand inside, striking a G.Q. pose where I could see him. Oh, yeah, he was sooooooo charming. Rut-roh, raggy!

The night was closing in, the shops were closing. Cinderella had her dress, her Prince Charming and, I have to add, some gorgeous shoes and kept them both on.

My 5" stilettos' were better than any dam glass slipper!

We drove back to Hickam AFB, good music on the radio. We were comfortable enough to drive without speaking, listening to the radio, looking over at each other and smiling. It was enough.

We arrived back at Hickam AFB, in the shoppette parking lot. He got out of the car to open my door. This was the first time he did this. I wondered if he was afraid to be seen with me because of military protocol. I stepped out, my dress fell to the side, he looked down at my legs and did something I still remember. He pulled my dress back over my legs, took my hand and helped me out of his car. I appreciated this respect back then, I appreciate it, now.

I must have looked a little startled, he smiled and said ~
"I will only kiss you when you tell me it's okay."
he pulled me into his arms in a tight hug, my heart was pounding.
He asked me if I would like to go to the beach the next day, maybe catch some lunch on the North Shore?
YESSSSSS! My heart pounded even more.

Me : "Yes, I would like that."
Him : "So, pick you up, here at 10 am?"
Me : "Yes, see you tomorrow."

I turned to walk away, he reached in, grabbed the bag with my magic dress inside it, handed it to me and pulled me close to him for another tight hug. Oh, my!
He released me, kissed my forehead, got in his car, drove away.
Feeling a very foreign loneliness after such an epic night was new to me, I had only felt this twice before.

I had a hot pink bikini that I had bought at the base thrift shop. It was only 10 cents, yet, it made me feel like a million dollars! We were going to get some lunch after the beach, so I put a casual dress in my beach bag to cover up when we went for lunch.

The beach was post card breathtakingly beautiful! We played tag and splashed each other in the waves. I was laying on the blanket, taking everything in. The ocean, the salt in the air, sunshine, children running & playing. At one point he just got up and ran into the waves, disappearing into just splashes of water as he swam out further. This was his way. He was a smart alpha male who needed varying intermittent space. He needed it, he took it, while still being a gentleman. No explanation nor apology needed.

The sun felt so good and my belly was so white, I had worn the hot pink bikini for the first time. Had only ever worn 1 piece bathing suits up to that point. It was a bold step for me to take. It gave me just a taste of the freedom that I had longed for all of my life.

Must have fallen into a very light sleep, laying on my stomach. I woke, finding him pressing on my upper shoulder with the pad of his pointer finger. He was checking to see if I was getting a sun burn. He grabbed a bottle from his beach bag to put some light sun block on me. I loved his touch. So caring, protective, masculine. I shivered. He smiled, blushing, it was adorable, the way he blushed.
Thinking back, OH! The thoughts he must have been having. Maybe I would have been the one blushing had I been less naïve.

We went to a small lunch stand across from the beach, no cover up needed, yet, I still made use of it. He bought my first local style plate lunch. Kal-bi, rice, mac salad & kim chee! Onolicious!

It was now 3 pm, time to start driving back to Hickam AFB. I was a little sad, it was only the third time we had gone out, together, yet, I liked the feeling of being with him more than getting nibbled by the lonely bug.

We arrived back at the shoppette parking lot, there were a lot of people standing around, so, he made the fatal mistake of driving to the back of Barracks 1843, to drop me off. A few people were standing outside their rooms, at the railing, on the third floor. They were looking right at us. He felt it was safe, so, he got out, came around, opened my door, took my hand and helped me out of his car. I wanted to kiss him for many reasons. He pulled me to him in a tight hug, he must have read my mind as he looked into my eyes. I nodded "yes", that it was okay to kiss me.

He leaned in, and gave me a very sweet kiss, on my lips. WOW!

The Peanuts Gallery whooped and cheered. All except one of the guys. He had asked me out and I had told him "no".

I think he was the one that narc'ed on us.

He asked me if I would like to go out for dinner, on  Monday, I was working, so, I told him I was free on Thursday, the 24 hour break switching from 3 swingshifts to 3 midnight shifts. He asked to pick me up at 1800 hrs behind the barracks. It was a date!

As I walked up to my barracks door, the "narc" guy asked me.

"Hey, isn't that a blue sticker on your boyfriends car? He doesn't look like he could be a dependent son."

I just smiled, went in to my room.

On Monday morning, there was a knock on my door. A very authoritative knock. I thought it would be "him", Mr. Wonderful.

It was the 1st Sgt. The 1st Sgt handles problems with people in the squadron that are of a bit more serious nature. He told me to put a uniform on & accompany him. I had been ratted out. We were going to his office in SPHQ. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt!

The 1st Sgt asked me what the "nature" of my relationship was with my "officer friend". I sat there, mute, scared, torn.
He said, "Airman, answer me g_d  d_m_it!"

He then said,
"This is a first offense, you're still new to the Air Force, I will let this slide with a verbal warning. Fraternization between officers and enlisted is strictly off limits, understand? You can't see him again. No communication whatsoever.
He, also,  received a warning!"

1st Sgt called a patrol car to take me back to my barracks room. I had to go to work at 1300, I couldn't take time to cry. I sure did feel like it. Through the next 10 hours, I was sobbing on the inside, smiling on the outside. When I was back in my barracks room, after work, barely getting inside the door, closing it, locking it. I put my back against the wall, slid down to sit on my glutes, pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed. I ripped the SP beret from my head and threw it all the way into the closet/sink area.
I woke up there, the next morning, still in uniform, on my side, in a fetal position with a red nose, puffy eyes. Life had to go on.

On Tuesday, there was a knock at my door, my heart skipped a beat. It was a floral delivery for me. 6 beautiful fragrant tea roses. The card said,
"Look the meaning up.......all good things."
The meaning of tea roses is "I will always remember."

This is the how the magical ocean blue, mandarin dress came to me. Mr. Wonderful's  essence has stayed with it, for me, even now.

Even my 3 daughters felt the magic without knowing the legend.

My youngest refers to it as "The Holy Grail" of dresses!

In truth, it almost is. This is why I titled my blog entries ~
"The Traveler."

Tune in to my next blog entry if you want to laugh, cry & be entertained!

I stand
I deliver
I'm out!
*smile*

The Traveler Part 1

It all started many years back. I will tell it from my best recollection of the events as they unfolded.

Being new to both the military and to the beautiful state of Hawai'i on the island of O'a'hu, I didn't quite understand the importance of rules. The importance as well as the consequences of keeping rules, also of the punishment for breaking rules.

"You must learn the rules so you can properly break them."
~ Dalai Lama.

I performed my military duties mostly as a gate guard during that time. Checking military IDs of drivers of incoming vehicles, monitoring my radio, also, outbound vehicle traffic. Translation =
Boring duties for the lowest ranking people in the USAF cop shop.

After 3 weeks of doing gate guard duty, a POV drove up to my gate. As an E-1 in the USAF, officers, to me, anyway, were to be feared. The driver of the POV was an attractive blonde, blue eyed guy of around the age of 26. He was around 7 years older than me at the time, he was also an officer in the USAF. When I saw his blue decal and his rank on his ID card, I snapped to attention & gave him a salute as an enlisted person was required to do.

He laughed, "You don't have to do that!"
Me: "Well sir, yes, I do."
He laughed again, " I should be saluting a girl as pretty as you."
Me: "Have a nice evening, sir."

I thought nothing of it.

A week later, I was in the BX = Base Exchange.

In civilian clothes.  :)

Mr. You don't have to do that, walked up to me, smiling. He asked me if I would like to go out for lunch or dinner some time. I was shocked!
Fraternization or socially mingling between officers & enlisted people is frowned upon in the military. It had been drilled into myself and everyone in the 3703rd BMTS over and over.

An officer is telling me, it's okay to break a basic military rule?

He asked me if I would like to sit down somewhere & talk. I was really stunned, really scared. I nodded, yes, he took my hand and we went outside, to sit down right out in public view!!! DANGER!

This guy was brazen, from my point of view. I liked it!!!

I asked him if he was afraid to be seen talking to me. He blushed and said, "Nope, in fact I'm happy to be seen talking with a beautiful girl as long as we're not in uniform."

This was different.

He then said, "I'm not afraid to take you out for lunch, either! Are you hungry?"

I was a bit hungry.

He said,
"You can follow me in your car if you feel better that way."

Me: "Um, I don't have a car."
Him: "It didn't arrive, yet, hmm?"
Me: "I'm only 19, I've never had a car."
Him: "Well, let's go! I'm hungry."

We drove off the base to downtown Honolulu to the Ward Warehouse. There were many places to choose from. I didn't know much about anything at that point. He chose The Old Spaghetti Factory. It was such a fun place, with good food!

We talked, he blushed easily, he was a gentleman the whole time. he asked me if I would like to go out for dinner on the following Friday night. It felt so risky, yet, exciting in a good way, too.
We worked out a place where he could pick me up that was somewhere people of enlisted and officer ranking went, so we would be less obvious when getting into & out of his car.

We returned to the base after lunch. The shoppette was across the street from my barracks, so he parked in the parking lot and told me he would pick me up there, on Friday, at 1800 hrs. He leaned in for a kiss, I made a peace sign with my middle & pointer finger, blocked his kiss, and smiled & said, "Peace, sir!" He laughed.

He picked me up on Friday, I got to the location at 1745. He was already there! He had a fragrant Hawai'ian lei for me. He put it around my neck and kissed my cheek. Awwww.
We drove to the Waikiki area, parking was hard to find. He stopped in front of the restaurant, let me out of the car while he went to find a parking spot. Just 5 minutes later he came walking up, smiling.
He had such a nice, warm, friendly smile.
He took my hand, led me into the restaurant, it was a steak house with a local Hawai'ian twist. Everything was perfection! Yummy food, light conversation, it was a nice evening.
We had eaten, conversed. It was time to leave. He asked me if I would like to walk around a little, said that he wasn't ready for the night to end. I was fine with that.
He paid the tab, left a generous tip, then, we left.

He was around 6' maybe 6'2 or 6'3. Large, light blue eyes, dark blonde, a slim, muscular build. I remember how good he smelled!

He led me to an area of the Waikiki district known as
"Kings Alley"
This area was nothing but expensive shops filled with tropical clothes, jewelry, little cafes, high dollar over priced, touristy items.
We were walking along, when the clothing in one of the window displays caught his eye. He was holding my hand, leading me inside. The lady at the cash register smiled. Seems like she had seen this scenario many times. Ching- Ching, easy commission!

He looked in the racks, asked me what size I was. The sales lady, put her palms on my hips, turned me around, put her palms on the sides of my ribs from behind.
She looked at him, "I know her size."

She thumbed through the rack, pulling out 4, light silky mandarin style dresses. She said, "You like try on?"
He smiled, "Go ahead! Just for fun!"
The sales lady led me to the dressing room, hung the dresses. None of them looked right, to me. Even my date wasn't too jazzed.

Having always been one who knows what I like, I walked over to the rack, a gorgeous ocean blue one caught my attention. My date perked up in approval, I went in, tried it on.......magic!!!

There was that blush in his face, it spread to his ears, then a smile!

It was a long dress, mandarin collar, cap sleeves. There were "frog" clasping buttons that closed at the neck.
A zipper in back.
Clinging in all the right places, loose in all the right ones.
Perfect fit!
For the price, it had better be a perfect fit! It was the equivalent of 2 weeks pay for me!
Sadly, I changed back into my own clothes. It felt like I was Cinderella changing from ball gown back to dismal rags. I came out and handed the dress to the sales lady, she was more sad than I!

I felt the need to find a ladies room, nature calls! I excused myself. All the food & water, the excitement of being with this hot guy, the jolt of seeing myself in such a gorgeous dress, then not being able to have it. *sigh* It had taken it's toll!

Exiting the Ladies Room, the sales lady told me that my date would meet me outside. I was a bit afraid. Had he left me in downtown Honolulu by myself? I had no idea how to get back home.
I walked out into the Honolulu night, he walked up to me, smiling.

"It looked too perfect on you to leave it here."

He handed the bag to me, with the dress, carefully wrapped in tissue paper. I was amazed!

What happened next?

Stay tuned.

*smile*

It's the Freakin' Weekend!!!

My house is going to be full all weekend until Tuesday. 5 extra people. Hmm.
Let's see how that feels, what it be like!

It's going to be a change of pace, as my dear friend pointed out during one of our recent phone conversations.
It's going to be FUNN!
Ya see, I have remained single by choice for many years. Living alone, just lil me
Yes, by choice.
What does that mean? Well, I'll tell ya.
My own interpretation is that I'm unwilling to settle. Unwilling to put up with the *BS that some seem to think it's okay to dish out. Not talking *Brown Sugar, here.
Keep in mind, I'm straight as can be, no lesbetarian tendency at all.

It seems to me that guys, since I only have romantic interactions with guys, have control issues to different extents, some have it less, some have it more. Guys who have control issues become extremely frustrated with me.
I'm my own person.
I'm a free spirit.
Like the wind, the rain, lightning! thunder! I cannot be controlled.
Save a man his frustration, better to leave guys alone!
I can stay wild, stay untamed.
Save a cowboy, ride a horse.

Get down witcha bad thelf!

So, I have remained single, working on my fitness, working on developing myself further. Advancing in my Yoga technique.

Getting a bangin' bod.

Working toward transcendental meditation.
Oh, I hit occasional speed bumps.
I keep rolling.
Not sure how much longer I'll be rolling, I'm rolling right now.

Something I have been thinking about is to pitch whatever I really don't want or need. Selling off whatever I can. Putting the rest in a storage facility, taking off in my car & traveling for awhile.
Being free!
No need to pay rent or a utility bill or phone or water....just..free!! Free wifi is all over the place at many 24 hour locales. I have an awesome laptop, a valid, current Military ID., so, access to a gym to continue my workouts. No worries, there.
I'd be free until I felt like staying somewhere for awhile.

Doesn't that sound good?

I will keep the same cell number that I've had since June 2009 ~ WOW! I have had that number a long time!
Only gone through 2 phones. Not bad, hmm?

Maybe, after the cash has accumulated, I'd buy another car. I love my car. Yes, I do! It's the first car I have ever shopped for, took a test drive, negotiated, paid cash, insured, registered. Even screwed the plates on it myself.
Blue Book was $6K. I paid $1.9K.
Cash!
Getting a different car would be the most emotionally difficult step.

Having lived in Texas for 3 years, now, I'm feeling restless. I have a high energy level. With this restlessness, I sometimes go 2 - 3 days without sleep. No stims or caffeine involved. Natural high.
Have always had a very high energy level, I really thought that as time went on, my energy level would drop at least a little lower.
Nope.
I didn't go to sleep Friday night, here it is, Saturday morning. I stayed busy all night. I worked on finishing a gift for a friend. Talked to my sister in Michigan, talked to my son in Colorado.
Organized, cleaned, rearranged, baked bread. Now, time to get everything packaged to get to the post office. On Saturdays, the PO is only opened from 10 am - 12 noon. That's all ya get!

Got a lot done, the house is ready for my guests, things are more organized, cleaner. After mailing everything, have to get to the gym to help a couple people train. Fitness is my passion!
After my struggle to lose weight, gain muscle, get into the best shape, while recovering in this quiet town, love to help others.

Company will be here Sunday evening, it's going to be different for me, I rarely allow people inside my home for very long.
It's my private space. My sanctuary from the world.
It'll be busy, hectic, an interesting change of pace. I don't know what to expect. Therein lies the fun & adventure!  :)
Have become very good at flexibility, rolling with it! I'm as ready as I'll ever be!

Getting excited, now! The work is over, the fun part will start!

It's the Freakin' Weekend!