That's a l o n g title for one of my blogs. I like to keep it short & sweet, like me.
The title breaks my records for title length.
It's a big topic. Maybe that's why!
I chose to end my long marriage. I was so miserable in it, I would have eventually killed myself if I had stayed. It was for the better.
My one regret is how much it hurt my precious children.
My thought process was that it would be easy to find a good man, get married again. I'd remain single just long enough to become stable, recovered, yeah. It went very differently.
There are many good, decent men in the world. In spite of my own personal experience, I believe this. It simply didn't work for me.
This is the opposite of man-bashing. It's me-bashing.
The guys I encountered all had one aspect in common. Me.
Therefore, I will accept responsibility.
I dated several military guys (the place where I was living was just crawling with 'em!). I dated an English Architect. 2 guys that were members of S.W.A.T. teams. There were a few guys who were 10 - 25 years younger than me. I found that younger men and I got along the best. The older guys were too tired, too bitter, bad health.
It was a roller coaster ride, usually fun, often times, not. I was also severely beaten because of one of them.
When I stopped to count, I was emotionally hurt as well as heart broken by guys who told me some big lies, ghosted on me, 35 times in 7 years. Some of them simply went full a-hole on me when they didn't get what they wanted from me. I put the kibosh on that.
I wasn't sleeping around, that's never been my style.
By the time I moved to Texas in 2012, I had decided to steer clear of the manthrax! 😁
If you have ever heard dating advice, to ~
"Get out there! They won't come knocking on your door to meet you!"
B.S.
I was living on a dead end street in a very small town, the guys came knocking on my door. Salesmen who wanted me to have lunch or dinner with them. College guys who saw me putting gas in my car & asked where I lived. A couple guys from the Auto Zone store where I bought some car accessories.
Then, a guy who I had dated when I was 20 found me on the internet.
I was already set on being happily single for the rest of my life at this point. Too many hits from snakes had taken its toll.
He convinced me to relent. Give him a second chance.
My Big Fat Mistake. LOL!
You can probably guess how it ended. Yeah. I was emotionally hurt so badly, that was it for me.
I'm grateful to him.
He was the final straw. My heart turned to concrete.
He really did do a favor for me. His leading me on, then letting me drop flat, with such agonizing pain, it took away my desire to ever have a guy in my life, again.
The paradox is that I love romance. Flowers, soft flowing clothes, love songs, love poems. I create romance in my life, by myself, for myself. It's beautiful & sweet with zero risk of heart break.
Also, I love weddings!
Zero desire to be the bride, just give me the pretty clothes, the happy, smiling faces, the flowers & cake!
Hmm, I think that's called a birthday party!
I love those, too!
When I hear my single female friends lament about wanting a guy in their life, in their bed ~ ANYTHING! I am grateful to Mr.2012 for killing that desire in my heart.
In the aftermath, I went out with my neighbor a few times, he was such chopped liver!
He only had 1 eye and no hair. UGH!
Then, the alcoholic that my land lady fixed me up with. I don't know what he was like sober, he was sloshed all 3 times we went out.
Then there was the one who told such obvious lies. We went out for about 5 months. I didn't let him kiss me as long as he was lying so much.
I told these guys that I would not do anything with them that I wouldn't do with my son. That sums it up.
I felt nothing at all for these guys, just friends, at the very most.
My heart was locked with concrete walls around it.
Thank you, Mr.2012. The guys who took me out after you decimated my ability to trust, they hate you, I'm grateful to you.
So, I work out at the gym, take good care of myself because I enjoy it.
***There are very few guys who could ever cut through the wall around my heart. It would have to be a very strong connection.
I have met a few so, I'm sure there are some, yet, very few.***
Being single & celibate is really a happy & peaceful life for me.
Recently, possibly because of warm Spring weather, guys have been approaching me.
I have compassion for them, when they ask for my number or want to give me theirs, I tell them as politely as I can ~
"Thank you for asking, I'm not interested."
I KNOW it takes some confidence & courage to approach a girl who catches a guy's attention. I want to be kind, always.
There has been 8 just in the past week. I wonder if I smell like steak?
BBQ chicken? chocolate? pork chop? LOL!
When I hear the bla-bla-bla about guys being so clueless, lacking intuition, simple minded. I call B.S.
(I'm not talking Brown Sugar..maybe that's what my scent is?)
It's just a fact that I am average in looks, above average in smarts. Mostly, I'm a happy person, I smile most of the time. I have been told that it makes me seem more approachable.
Olivia the grouch is unattractive!
(See what I did, there?)
The only theory I can think of to explain it is the thrill of the hunt, the chase. Possibly, these guys can sense that I'm unavailable.
The "Wanting whom you know or perceive you can't have"
It's possible, I might be giving off that vibe. idk.
Guys can pick up what I'm laying down. LOL!
Life is good for me.
Happy.
Peaceful.
Flashes of occasional excitement.
If it's working, it's best to keep doing it.
Peace.
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