Mothers Day 2018

When you first look into their eyes
And you see their eyes
Your mothers eyes
Their fathers eyes
Your eyes in their eyes

You want so much
To be perfect
The perfect parent
Perfection is a myth
You will make mistakes
All parents do

When they laugh you laugh
When they cry it's heart tearing
When they first walk upright
You hold your breath
You lose your breath

When they go away to school
You're lost
What will you do with your day
Without them
You're happy for them
Still, you cry, just a little

The first time they say
"NO"
Or, "I hate you"
It's cold 
It's hard
It hurts
You know they are asserting independence
So you try not to take it personal

When all of childhood is over
Where did the time go
It flew by so fast
Now they have flown
Away from you 
All they knew

Cramming all that's possible
Into the time you have
Teaching all that you can
All that they let you
All that they will need
To take the world on
You hope hope hope you did a good job
At preparing them

Now they are gone
Out in the world
Away from you

The fortunate parent will hear from their children
At least once a week? 
Once a month?
Once a year?
Only the fortunate parents
Most parents are not so fortunate
Most adult children forget
The sacrifice of parents 

The feeling of empty
Is the same
When their child is 5 years old
15 years old
25 years old
35 years old
55 years old
Cats in the cradle

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

I'm the mother of 4 children. #1 I see infrequently,sometimes I don't hear from her for 5 months at a time. #2 was so disrespectful it was too painful to keep her in my life. I love her, I miss her, I know it's healthy to only accept kindness & courtesy from her.When she's ready to treat me with respect, as her mother, I will welcome her.
#3 is off in their own world. 2 of the four excluded me from their wedding day. #2 did this.....twice. Can you say emotional anguish?

Out of four, #4 calls me every week, which I cherish. She honored me at her wedding, honors & respects me. I honor & respect her, it's a win-win relationship.

Mothers Day is particularly painful for me. I put in the sacrifice & time, the reward from it is starkly unbalanced with 3 of the 4. Their father taught them to disrespect me, he taught them that I had little or no value by the way he treated me. Children learn what they live.
The way a man treats his wife teaches his children how to treat her.

So, I buy my own flowers, take myself out for lunch, cry a little. This is the way it is.
It might not always be like this, yet it might. I have to be okay with it either way.
Welcome to my personal motherhood experience ~ 2018.