It's THAT time again

It's almost that time........again.

Yep.

A time of year that brings almost as much trepidation as Christmas.
It's just *one* day out of 365, yet, often overlooked. Mm Hm.

My Birthday.

I have Birthday Depression. Unmotivated. Sadness. Sleep a lot.

It would be less of an issue if it hadn't been such a negative issue starting in early childhood. For whatever issues she had, my mother would drive the point home that I didn't deserve a birthday cake, so, don't expect one!

One year, my Aunt Ruth, who was always appalled at my mothers attitude toward me, MADE my mother celebrate my birthday. She gave me a whole roll of pennies which thrilled me. It was just one day.......and my mother gave me hell for the next 2 weeks out of resentment toward being made to acknowledge my birthday.

I don't know what her damage was or why she resented me so much. I ended our relationship when she hired an attorney to force me to let her have unsupervised week long visits with my children.
Mess with me, I'll fight back.
Mess with my babies? You're ejected from my life. End of issue.

My mothers problems, whatever they were, have had a lifelong effect on me. Especially at this time of year. Birthdays ~ ugh.

If the male I married, had been more kind, more understanding about my Birthday, the pain might have been healed.
He was selfish, uncaring, didn't care enough about anyone else's feelings besides his own, to celebrate my Birthday. 

I would take myself out for a birthday lunch, have my hair done, buy flowers for myself. I would go to a needlework shop, get some needlework accoutrements I wanted. From there,  maybe get a new outfit, then, take myself out for dinner, then, come home to his anger. Fun.

My youngest daughter has been the sweetest, most understanding of my feelings about my Birthday. My Victoria. She lives up to her name. 💙
She put her heart & soul into a Birthday party for me a few years back. She cleaned my home, invited people over, made nada-coladas, my favorite foods, even a few party games.
It was impressive for a 19 year old with mad skillz!

That was the only Birthday party I have ever had.

My friend, Anita, made my Birthday so sweet last year! We were still getting to know each other. I have a "thing" about my Birthday being celebrated on "the day". She sure knocked herself out! On "the day" it was a flat nothing. Anita had to work.

Peeps!

I really WANT to get over it. I really do.

I don't know if I ever will. My birthday is on the equivalent of Independence Day in the USA, the 4th of July celebration, in France. It's Bastille Day in France. I'm a Bastille Day baby!
WOOT!
This means that my parents had an awesome October in the year before I was born. 😄
When I lived in Germany, I went across the border into France on my Birthday, to take part in the celebration. That was cool!
Fireworks on "the day."

As the day approaches, I'm a bit of an emotional mess. It's less than pleasant. Every year, I hope it will be different.
Maybe, this year, it will be.
I can hope.