Who am I?
C'est moi. Part deux.
For a time, my ex, myself and our children lived in Nebraska. UGH! That sums up how I felt about living in Nebraska. From there we lived overseas with the USAF for 7.5 years. We had the opportunity to move to Vandenberg AFB, Santa Barbara, CA from Howard AFB, the Panama Canal Zone. I was excited about this. Many of the friends I had made were going to Vandenberg AFB as well. It would be nice to go somewhere already knowing some other families instead of going to a place I had never been not knowing anyone.
It didn't happen. My ex opted for orders to Shriever AFB, Falcon, Colorado.
UGH! Not THAT AGAIN!
He would not listen to me when I pleaded with him NOT to force us to move there. He promised me a horse and that we would buy a horse property if I would just shut up, keep putting out, go with it.
He knew how badly I had always wanted a horse. Needless to say, he vetoed every horse property we looked at then slowly withdrew my dream of having a horse. It was the beginning of the end for me.
Being forced to live in a place I didn't want to live, Then the bait & switch, it made me an unhappy person.
I began to eat to quash my misery to try to stay in the marriage. Yes, I became quite porky, yet, I was staying in my marriage. I believed with all my heart & soul in marriage, babies, making it work. After awhile, I was the only one trying.
He became so verbally abusive, he could reduce me to sobs with his hateful words. Telling me I was "all used up" after having his 4 babies.
I started working out at the local gym which he did not like. He told me that he suspected me of cheating on him since I was trying to improve my appearance. He brought buckets of KFC, sometimes double cheese pizzas to tempt me to indulge. The attempts at sabotage were so obvious. His verbal abuse escalated. It was clear to me that the marriage was over. We went together to the courthouse to file divorce paperwork. I paid the $285. He said that he would not pay for it, thinking that I didn't have any money of my own.
Now, it was just a matter of time. He refused to move out of the home we had bought, saying he would live in the basement. I moved out into a town home. Having him watching my every move was unhealthy.
The divorce was final, January 2, 2007.
A new year, a new start for both of us into our separate lives. It was a relief.
Now, I had to find a way to move out of Colorado. I hated nearly everything about Colorado.
As a newly single woman, the dating climate was horrific. Dating had changed completely since I had last been single. Colorado Springs has a very high concentration of military personnel. As much as I feel safe in the familiarity of a military environment, the dating climate was not safe. So many guys, both civilian as well as military acted single, lying about their marital status. Some would use the term "separated" as in she was at home with their children while he was out playing around with other women.
After having my heart broken so badly, over and over, I decided I'd had enough. The decision to stop dating at all gave me peace, happiness, yes, a bit of longing, a lot of loneliness. It seemed to be for the best.
The touch of a man is something I crave, the pain in the aftermath was no longer worth it.
Fitness was something I loved when I was serving in the USAF. Discovering that I still love the rush from pushing my body to the edge was a wonderful surprise!
Shut up and push it! ha ha!
Push it, I did. From huffing & gasping on a treadmill I graduated to walking the treadmill for one hour a day at 4.2 mph at a 15 incline. Then 1 hour on the elliptical at a level 15 resistance, going 6 miles in 1 hour. Then, I began doing the same thing on the elliptical with my hands clasped behind my head to pull my abs up, to work them harder toward firming them up.
I started doing Yoga, Pilate's, loved it! My body was responding. I truly was turning back into who I really am. A happy, bubbly, sweet, inquisitive, physically fit, strong woman.
In 2012, I had an opportunity to move to Texas. I took it! Becoming less materialistic with time, I sold, gave to friends, donated half of all I owned. It lightened my load when I moved. The situation I moved to in Texas in May 2012, fell apart by June 1, 2012.
I moved into a decrepit trailer house which was all I could afford. It was filled with scorpions, tarantulas, mice plus an occasional rattlesnake.
I began substitute teaching in a nearby town, 14 miles away. The trailer land lord knew another landlord in the town where I was substitute teaching, she put a good word in for me. I moved a week later.
That house was almost as bad as the trailer I lived in. When I went to Florida for Christmas, December 16th, 2012 - January 3, 2013, the pipes had burst when I returned so the water was turned off. I also had pneumonia.
Looking around the town, there wasn't much to choose from. Finally, at the end of January I saw a house that had been completely gutted,then remodeled. I called the number on the sign. I saw the house at 4 pm on Friday. It was beautiful, the landlord seemed to be a conscientious, honest, fair guy. By 5 pm, I had the key, he had my money, on Sunday I moved.
It was only 2 streets over, yet, what a difference! The local singles group from the Baptist church offered to help me move. I could have done it by myself, I was ready to do it. They did it in one day, I am still so amazed at how much love, caring, kindness, this group displays.
Many people talk, talk talk, without putting action behind their words. These people definitely not only talk the talk, they walk the walk. I'm not of any certain religion, yet, I meet with this singles group every Sunday that I can.
Sub teaching was wonderfully rewarding. It didn't pay enough. I tried out a few different jobs which didn't work out. In the interim I worked from home, very boring as well as isolating. I'm a social person. Social interaction is something I love.
On September 30, 2014 I began training as an Optician at a local vision center. It was something brand new, had never done this before, nor considered it. As training went on, I had to go into the vision center, itself to begin OJT (On Job Training).
It was scary, challenging, humbling, yet, as the information I was using in my every day job, began to make sense, I began to love it!
Fitness remains my first love. Nothing is allowed to interfere with my constant climb in becoming more lean, stronger, just as fit as I was at 18.
Turning back into who I really am, who I was born to be ~
ONLY BETTER!
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