When you know, you know

People often speak of how they knew from the first time they met someone that they were the one. The one they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, build a life, make babies. It's unsure how someone can know this. It's simply, when it feels right, it's just there. 

Please understand, I'm still missing Steve Szasz, still feel the ache for him. Still a bit sad, teary eyed when I think of him, of what might have been. Also, I know I must keep living until my time comes.

So, I live fully. Loving this wonderful dog. Still missing Steve. Though I will be writing of him less, it's there as it always has been.

Will always be. I love him with my whole heart, that will remain. My intuition that he is still alive, constrained in some way haunts me.

As sure as sighted human beings know the sky is blue, with an absence of continuing to check on to see if the sky really is blue, they know.

From formal schooling plus current as well as past people in my life who are science oriented, I KNOW what makes it appear to be blue.

Without wading through string theory or listening to Neil DeGrasse Tyson, I know the sky only appears to be blue.

Along with the gobbledy gook swimming around in my grey matter, I know why the ocean also appears to be blue.

To most people, it's blue. Explanations matter less than the beauty of how it appears. It just does.

That's how it is with my new puppy. I love him so much, already.

On Sunday - 4/ 7/ 2024 - I took him out on our daily walk. Dobermans are known as one of the most intelligent dog breeds. This can be a good thing. It can also be a daunting aspect to keep up with.

Often when I ask something of him such as "sit" or "rope" (his rope toy he loves to fetch) or "park" (the dog park), I wait a bit as I can see him processing it before he reacts.

Sometimes, I do cheat a bit. I know full well that "rope" is put away where he can't see it or get to it. I tell him "Rope?". 

Then, he processes, goes about looking for it. 

It keeps him busy for a bit, entertained, out of trouble.

PJ & I were having a very nice walk in beautiful weather. Yes, the sky was blue. The ocean is too far away to tell so I will simply believe it's also blue.

PJ was wiggling his head in an awkward way. It was so freakish, I hoped he didn't have epilepsy or worse. Then, when he broke free of his collar, I realized what this too-smart-for-his-own-good little MFer was doing. He had found a way to work the fastener on his collar loose, then, fall off.

At first my heart began to pound, pound very hard.

Then, smart planner that I am, I remembered that I had tucked a small, crackly container of kibble into my sports bra before leaving on our walk. Athleisure clothing really ought to have pockets!

PJ was at a full run, he looked back to see what I was doing, as if it was a game & he wanted me to chase him. 

Nope.

Reaching in my sports bra, I pulled the crackly container with the kibble in it (AKA my secret weapon) out. Pets that love their food might let a robber break into a house to steal whatever. They might put their commands on mute. They might get into something they know they aren't supposed to have, ignoring the "NO", charging ahead. 

Open a bag of chips or just wiggle your lips like you're eating something. They can hear it even if they are asleep or at the very opposite area of the house, they will usually run toward the sound. I counted on this, used it to my advantage. 

Just as I believed would happen. He came running back to me.

Until I had PJs collar secured, I was so frightened. Afraid of him being injured or not being able to get him back. He came running back then sat in front of me as I held onto him, buckling his collar.

That was when I felt the full force of how much I love him propelled by the fear that I might lose him or that he would be injured. 

When my previous Doberman, Sammy, was with me, I loved him so much, cried off & on for months after he was gone. Seriously, it felt like there would never be another like him, actually, there hasn't been.

Before going to get PJ, I truly wondered if I would ever love another dog like I loved my Sammy.

The question has been answered.

Loving PJ as much as I do, life would now be less fun without him. 

He's a different dog. Loaded with personality, just as loved.

Another aspect of PJs personality that I have found to be very unique, is his sleeping habits. He always starts out laying on his back, legs in the air. Then, he slowly lowers over to his side. In his crate, he will still be asleep while scooting over until his spine is flush with the side. He likes to have his spine up against a surface when he sleeps. I started noticing his hair getting thin along his spine. So, I put a soft yet durable fabric piece along the wall he likes to sleep against. The hair on his back filled in. Now, sometimes in the morning when I get PJ from his crate, he will already be awake, facing the soft cloth, sucking on it. Like a puppy suckling mommy.

So sweet. 

He's 9 months of age, 80 lbs, he's still a puppy. Still a baby.

Because my work schedule is self-determined, there was a bit of concern that it might be hard for PJ. 

Nope.

He is so resilient. Even with my schedule changing from day to day, he rolls with it. At first I tried to feed him, potty him, at the same time every day. Then, I realized, he didn't seem to care. As long as he was fed, pottyed, played with, exercised, loved on. He didn't care. All of his needs were met.

With all the love I have for this dog, I decided to give him a home made Christmas gift. Not a cross-stitched stocking or silly Christmas outfit, though it did cross my mind. Though we live in Texas, we are in North Texas. It DOES get cold in the winters. We do get ice storms, snowstorms, below freezing temperatures.

I bought a kiddie pool at a yard sale. Next, I filled it halfway with potting soil. Luckily, there was still grass seed available when this idea occurred to me. I'm going to plant the grass seed at the end of October so it will fully germinate around mid-December.

Are you still following?

I'm making an indoor bathroom for PJ!

From my research, the grass I chose is high in fluoride, smelling like a freshly mowed lawn even when it hasn't been mowed. It's in the back of the house so he will have "privacy". I will pick up after him as I do when we go to the dog park. With ample seeds, I can re-seed it as needed. 

Throughout the winter when it's bitter cold outside, neither one of us has to deal with freezing our wieners off, at least, he won't!

Yeah, I love this dog. From the day I brought him home, I will never go anywhere alone. I will always have company when I pee.

My life is happier, brighter, more exciting with him.