Listen to Your House

 If I were to walk into your house or wherever you call home, right now, what do you think it would say about you?

I'll go first.

Deep breath.

A bit of shame, a bit of anxiety.

Here goes nothin'.

It's been rare when I had difficulty keeping my living space clean, organized, peaceful. Maybe it's a product of the faux pandemic. It also could be due to having to face issues I have been personally hiding from for a long time. Only for a decade or more. Maybe two decades or more. It was too much pain to handle.

Yup. 

That long!

Another reason could be the social isolation that is so necessary for me to keep raking the cheddar in. When I accept an assignment, it can last a minimum of 5 hours or a maximum 14 hours or somewhere in between.

The in between is the sweet spot.

Sometimes the self-imposed social isolation is a defense mechanism I need, yes, NEED, to keep the predatory people away.

Maybe the predatory people have always been out there in the world in the same numbers, possibly I'm more aware of them, now. Another possibility is that the world is so connected, now, prey is easier to find for the predatory people, than it ever was, before.

Maybe it's a combo in infinite variety.

Such joy.

NOT!

Whatever the reasons, causes, happenstances are. It's a fact of modern-day life. If you like it or loathe it, it's here.

It became necessary for me to isolate myself to work, to avoid nonproductive entanglements, to continue to feel peaceful.

Before I begin an assignment, there's some prep work involved. Setting up whatever food I might need or drinking water along with some ambient sound to help me keep my focus. Also, turning OFF anything that might pose as a distraction is crucial. I sit on my balance ball, laser focused, the whole time. Getting up or pausing for more than a few seconds can cut the data stream, losing all of the work I did, making it nearly impossible to meet the deadline.

Failure to meet the deadline ~ Bad

Meeting the deadline ~ Good

Meeting the deadline 2 - 4 hours before it's due ~ Excellent!

Usually, I meet the deadline 2 hours before it's due, on average.

When I meet the deadline, especially if I have been working for 10 hours or more? All I want is a quick shower & sleep sweet sleep.

Washing dishes?

Nope!

Sweeping the floor?

Nope!

Scrubbing the bathroom tub, toilet, sink?

Nope!

Nope!

and

Nope!

I always make my bed, so, all I want to do after a shower is to slide under the crisp clean bedsheet & sleep around.

All around my bed. To the left, to the right, top, bottom, center.

Every blissful inch of my big ol' bed & 1400 thread count sheets!

When I taught myself to read Cyrillic, the main reason was to be able to access freebie needlework patterns on the internet.

Needlework, beautiful, intricate, detailed. It has been my burning passion for most of my life! The free needlework patterns that were created long ago or current are sometimes inaccessible due to many brick & mortar shops having closed.

Also, the designer may have retired, passed on or doesn't publish them on their web site & prohibits others from doing so, *sigh*

I'm deeply grateful to the designers who have their freebie designs so available on the internet. 

I was so sad to learn that a favorite designer, Marilyn Leavitt Imblum had passed on in 2012.

I don't know if someone is currently maintaining her web site or not. Her beautiful patterns are still up to be printed out, on her web site! Her work in her beautiful designs still lives on.

That was a detour to define my love affair with needlework.

Peeps ~

It runs very deep in my heart.

Back to teaching myself to read in Cyrillic.

It was a whole new world that opened up to me after I had learned to read Cyrillic! Needlework patterns gah-Lore! So many that if I stitched all of the ones I find, I'll be 2000 years of age & just getting my needle warmed up for the win!!

The professional advantage I gained was to be able to translate documents in 6 languages, before, it was only 5, only five! Lol!

I can read it, have to access the Cyrillic app to write it, still working on learning to speak it. I'm young, there's still time.

The workload became happily, pleasantly, heavier than ever. 

I LOVE what I do! 

It's a very fortunate event that I love it. Presently, I am busier, working more than I have ever worked in my professional life.

I've heard that doing housework can make a person ugly.

If it's true, I'm a straight up goddess of enchanting beauty. lol.

It's just my house that is kinda ugly.

A combo of facing painful issues, working mah butt off until there's nothing left, a lack of desire to clean & needing more sleep than I ever have. Yupp. UHS.

Ugly House Syndrome.

Before the house got too bad, I tried hiring someone to come in to help me with cleaning, organizing, getting off what was left of my butt. The house cleaner(s) never showed up. After a few no-shows, I slipped further up the UHS meter.

One person recommended someone to me who is really reputable, would show up, do great work. By that time, I would rather eat live toads than let anyone see my house. 

For 6 months I nearly begged a woman I thought I knew, to help me. I had cleaned her house & car so many times, it was very painful that she was so unwilling to reciprocate.  All she would have to do is sit on a comfy chair, near me. She wouldn't have to do anything. Just keep me company. 

She wouldn't do it.

It was then that I realized that the friendship had run its course. That it was gradually becoming one sided. I still love her as a  friend. It's important for everyone to love themselves first. 

I let her go.

I tried incentivizing myself with a prize I ordered on the internet, which I would only allow myself to open when the house was presentable. It sits on the table in my entry porch, still in the packaging that the seller had mailed it to me, in. 

Boo - me!

Sometimes I would get a burst of enthusiasm, ready to tackle the kitchen for the touchdown, hail Mary!!!

The kitchen actually sparkled, then, I fumbled. Stopped right there!

Hours went by, days, I'm ashamed to say, even weeks. Then the kitchen lost its sparkle, I became a ravishing goddess, again! :)

There is a certain combo of words that used to motivate me to clean, organize, get it together. The words were as motivating as they were terrorizing.

"I'm coming over"

YIKES!!!

The words that used to light a fire of motivation have lost it.

Now, it's more like, meh.

Like a good neighbor, stay over there!

Mostly, I feel just, meh. Sometimes I feel like, um - meh. Then, it's like, I think I need to be on meh's.

Someday, soon, something will happen. Maybe a bulldozer will take care of my house. Maybe Barry the good Fairy will show up. The non-fairy of 6 pk abs, heart of gold, handsome face with a killer smile. He will love me for my kind heart, intelligent mind, red hair, great sense of humor. Right behind him will be Santa, the Easter Bunny, Leprechauns, menehunes & Elvis!

For, now, I will work, shower, sleep, eat & of course enjoy the newfound sources of needlework patterns I have access to.

Dust, quiet down, cobwebs, go to sleep, I'm enjoying my work so I can enjoy my sleep.